Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Do We Need Condoms For First Time Sex?

Question:

I’m dating this guy and we’ve been talking about having sex. It’s going to be my first time but he told me that he doesn’t like to use a condom. He just pulls out before he cums, which makes me nervous. He also said that I shouldn’t need a condom since it’s my first time. I don’t know what to do :/ any suggestions?

Answer:

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this from my readers and viewers. Even with all of the slight variations, my answer will likely always be the same: DO NOT have sex with him unless he uses a condom. It’s your body and you have every right to put your foot down and tell him no glove no love!

You said this is your first time… I think it might help if I share a story with you;

One of my best friends decided to have sex with a guy she had a crush on for years. She had always promised herself that she would either wait until she was in a relationship with someone she loved for a year, or until the “right” guy came along. Well, the guy that she had a crush on finally started to pay her attention, they dated for a month or so and she decided that she didn’t want to wait, that she would lose her virginity to him since he was “special” to her and she “didn’t want to lose him”. He told her (when they were about to have sex) that he didn’t like condoms and never used them. That he would rather pull out since it was “pretty much the same thing”. She didn’t want to tell him no, nor did she want to “chicken out” at the last second.  So she went along with it, he did pull out as he said he would and they carried on like normal.

A week after they had sex she noticed some discharge that wasn’t there before as well a foul odour. Not only that but a pain or raw feeling in/around her vagina. She went to the doctor and it turned out that her crush of 6 years had given her, the very first time she had sex, and STI. I’m sure you can only imagine her shock, horror, embarrassment and frustration with the situation. Needless to say they broke up a week later.

The moral of the story is this: it doesn’t matter who they are or how long you know them, how good of a person they are, or what they tell you, ANYONE can get an STD/STI. I’m not saying this to scare you, just to make sure you’re aware of the potential consequences of your actions and choices.

Tell him to wear a condom not just for you, but for his own safety. If he refuses then obviously he wasn’t worth your time or your virginity.

I’m sure reading that was one thing, but to actually stand up for your point of view can be a lot harder and I do understand that.

My suggestion is this; when the topic of sex comes up take the opportunity to let him know that your not comfortable with the chances of getting pregnant or an STD/STI.

If he says he doesn’t have any STD/STI’s, ask him when he was tested last and that there is no way of knowing for sure without being tested. He may get mad or insulted, but in reality if that’s the way he is going to choose to react, rather then understand your wanting your first time to be a good and safe one, he doesn’t deserve to share that experience with you.

He may also tell you that pulling out is safe and that you wont get pregnant, the chances are very low. All I have to say to that is that it takes ONE sperm to reach an egg, and I also suggest you ask him if hes ready to be a father should that happen?

Don’t be afraid to stand up for your own experiences in life and trust that you are the only one will be looking out for your own best interest. This is your body, and your life. Take care of it.

Also, on a side note never underestimate the load of bullshit a person will say when turned on and wanting to get laid. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable take that to heart and trust that you feel that way for a reaon.

If this is your first time, why would you want to chance it being your worst time?

hope that helped

Kara_Sutra

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