Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!

Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!
credit: getty images/maxim/kara_sutra reviews

If you follow the sex positive community on twitter, you probably saw a thread of angry tweets recently pop up in your feed with the hashtag #tweetyourlube, created by in support of Rachel Kramer BusselsSalon article, where she refuted some terrible sex advice UFC Bantamweight Champion, Ronda Rousey, had to give a male reader.

In the Maxim​ Magazine piece, Ronda Rousey​ was asked, “What should a guy ALWAYS do in bed? What should a guy NEVER do in bed?”, to which she answered…

What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than you’re being lazy…and you’re not taking your time.

While I can appreciate what she’s trying to suggest – that great sex comes when you’re present in the moment, not rushing, and enjoying your partner – her answer was ignorant, disappointing, and very unacceptable.

It’s this kind of uninformed advice that further purports the misguided beliefs that a.) if a person can’t get wet it’s because their partner is doing something wrong and failing them, b.) their partner is responsible for their sexual arousal, and/or c.) lube generally isn’t necessary.

I’m sorry Ronda, but no. Just no. This is just not okay.

Arousal and Desire: Knowing The Difference

According to Ms. Rousey’s answer, all it takes for a person to get wet is time, more time, and a bunch of foreplay.

Unfortunately this isn’t exactly how things work.

What she failed to understand is that there is a difference between the processes of arousal and desire.  Arousal (the cause of lubrication, we’ll get to that below), is an involuntary physiological bodily response to a type of stimulus.  Whereas the desire to have sex is often based a psychological need or want for sexual intimacy. While the two are often deemed as being one in the same, they are two separate experiences.

Furthermore, although arousal and desire often work together, they can also operate independently, for instance; your partner may want to have sex but their body may not respond the way they need/want (i.e. lack of wetness), or in the opposite case, they may not want to have sex but their body could be responding (as is the case with some rape victims who experience orgasm during the attack).

Sure, a lack of foreplay could play a big role in lowered sexual arousal (and subsequent wetness) but there are a variety of other factors that could have an impact as well. Simply suggesting that it comes down to foreplay, time, and more time, is highly ignorant.

But I digress.

You Are Responsible For Your Orgasm, Not Your Partner

come as you are bookSince 2007 I’ve received countless emails from my cis male readers/viewers asking for help when it came to stimulating their cis female partner. In almost every situation the reader felt like he was doing something wrong because his partner couldn’t get wet, wasn’t fully aroused, or couldn’t orgasm no matter how hard he tried.

Unlike Ms. Rouseys advice that he spend more time on stimulation, my first suggestion was often to open the lines of communication; find out what type of touch she preferred, where she liked to be touched, the amount of pressure she needed, and where she was most sensitive to sexual stimulation. Without this information, no amount of help I had to offer would be of any use.

Yes, a person should take their time, but if you’re not doing what your partner likes or needs, it’s pointless. And spending more time doing it certainly isn’t going to help.

Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 1.21.54 PMIn all honesty, this is the kind of thing that makes me ridiculously angry. Unfortunately societal standards have often dictated that it takes a strong, steadfast, virile man to get a female off. That her orgasm is his responsibility. That she is dependent on him and his skills to ‘get her ready’. That if she doesn’t orgasm it’s his fault because he finished too quickly, or didn’t take his time, or wasn’t focused, or wasn’t a good lover, or didn’t know what he was doing, or didn’t anticipate her needs, or couldn’t read her body language, or was ‘lazy‘, or…

I could go on, but the point I’m trying to make is that if you can’t orgasm or become aroused with your partner it’s your responsibility to learn about your body and communicate what you need.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that speaking about sex, or during sex for that matter, is an easy or comfortable thing to do. With all the shame surrounding the subject, our bodies, and sexuality in general, I know how hard and complicated it can be. But if you don’t take ownership of your pleasure and share your needs, you can’t fault your partner when they do try to please you but miss the mark.

A Bit About Vaginal Lubrication, Or Lack Thereof

Before I go on, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to give a quick run down on vaginal lubrication. That way we’ll all be completely clear on how what Ms. Rousey is suggesting isn’t exactly the best advice…

Vaginal Lubrication: The Coles Notes

During sexual arousal the ‘female’ body experiences a variety of physical changes, the vulva and clitoris swell, the nipples become erect, muscular tension pulls the uterus upwards causing the vaginal canal to extend (both in length and width – called ‘tenting‘), and the vaginal walls fill with blood in a process called vasocongestion (also how erections occur). This vasocongestion causes increased pressure which, in turn, causes the fluid within the blood serum to be pushed through the tissues of the vaginal wall… thus, the vagina becomes lubricated.

Vaginal fluid has other functions besides making it easier for a penis, finger, or sex toy to enter; it decreases pressure and reduces the amount of friction that occurs (potentially saving the vaginal walls from tearing), limits any pain that may be associated with intercourse (allowing for a more comfortable experience), while also changing the chemical nature of the vagina, causing it to become more alkaline and less acidic (making it more hospitable to sperm).

The amount of lubrication created varies from person to person, may be different one day from the next, and changes based on any number of factors.

On that note, the addition of a good lube, whether because a person needs or wants to, certainly isn’t anything to feel bad or embarrassed about. When everything is said and done, it’s a fantastic way of helping things along, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Causes of Vaginal Dryness

Contrary to what Ms. Rousey implied, vaginal dryness is not always caused by a partners lack of time spent engaging in foreplay. Instead, there are many other reasons lack of lubrication could be occurring, including but not limited to;

  • menopause/perimenopause (lowered estrogen levels are often experienced during this time which affect lubrication)
  • health issues (diabetes, hypertension, polycystic ovarian syndrome, heart and kidney disorders, among others)
  • skin irritations/allergic reactions (soaps, dyes, laundry detergents and dryer sheets, body washes, perfumes, etc. can have an irritating and drying effect on the skin/genitals which could affect natural lubrication)
  • Summers Eve Douchepregnancy, having recently given birth, breastfeeding (shifts in estrogen/progesterone levels, possible lack of genital sensitivity requiring, tenderness due to childbirth, lowered estrogen during to lactation/breastfeeding can all have a negative impact on vaginal lubrication)
  • douching (disturbs the normal chemical balance of the vagina, often leading to irritation and vaginal dryness)
  • alcohol abuse/alcohol use (alcohol has a dehydrating affect on the body which could lead to vaginal dryness, it also acts as a depressant on the nervous system affecting sexual arousal and orgasm)
  • smoking cigarettes (cigarettes can affect circulation and destroy estrogen which can affect arousal and vaginal lubrication)
As you can clearly see, there are many reasons a person may not become lubricated enough for comfortable intercourse. To imply that it simply comes down to a lack of foreplay, without acknowledging other causes, is an uninformed thing to suggest. To then take it one level further and also state that a person should “never need lube in their life” is just ignorant, rude, and insensitive. Ronda, you can do better.

Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!

prod-naturalsLook, I get it, when a person reaches the point of popularity that Ronda Rousey has, the general public starts thinking that because they are experts on one thing (in her case, fighting), they must be experts on a variety of topics… and when they’re then made into sex symbols by the media, that usually comes with the added bonus that they’re assumed to be highly educated on all things sex. Before long they’re touting sex advice on widely read publications, and praised for it, even when the advice they’re offering could be detrimental to someones health, sense of self, or relationship.

Everything considered, I can’t help but sympathize with the readers who will take her words at face value, apply the suggestions she made, find they’ve had no difference (because she didn’t properly educate them), and feel bad about themselves, their partners, and the sex they’re having. Especially when all it might have taken is a bottle of good lube to help things along.

Like I said in the start of this post, I appreciate what she was trying to do with her answer, but I think she needs to take a step back, get some insight on how the body works and until she’s learned better, leave sex ed to those who know what they’re actually talking about.

Investing a bottle of good lube probably wouldn’t hurt her either. #dontknockittilyouvetriedit

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Halloween Sex Toy Sales

There’s a few times a year I feel sharing sales is to your benefit, and Halloween is usually one of them. Although the discounts often aren’t as steep as the ones found on Black Friday/Cyber Monday, there’s still some pretty great deals I don’t want you to miss out on. Consider this a token of my undying love for all of you. That and my way of helping you get your hands on some of the best kick ass toys currently available!

I apologize in advance for any of the cheesy Halloween lines you’re about to read. I couldn’t help it.

So, without further ado, here’s all the sales, deals, or discounts I know about for the coming Halloween weekend…

Halloween BorderHalloween Border

Tantus

If there is one thing @Tantus does well (other than making the very best toys!), it’s surprising their customers with spooktacular surprise Flash Sales!

Starting Friday Oct 30th, every night at midnight another sale will go live… but there’s a catch: you won’t know what the sales are until they go live – so keep checking, and if you see something you want just grab it! Trust me on this, Tantus stuff always sells out fast! If you want to get your hands on some of the industries very best pleasure products at a fraction of the price, I HIGHLY suggest taking advantage of this!

PLUS – use code ‘BUTTCANDY’ and you’ll save 20% on butt plugs through Saturday.
PLUS, PLUS – From Plugs, RingsVibrators, and Dildos to Feeldoes, Strap-Ons, and Sensation Toys, buy any 2 two toys and you’ll get 20% off lube or cleaner.
PLUS, PLUS, PLUS – all of the comfortable, easy to use, and fangtastic Tantus Silks are $15 off right now! That’s a savings of up to 40%! (just the single toys, not the kits)

Seriously. With all those deals, this weekend will be an amazing opportunity to save a lot of money.

*click the images to go to the sale pages

Halloween-Sale-Carousel_20f27044-90d8-44e6-8cd0-f4403f267d38 Halloween-Sale-Friday_d9c07709-ed3f-47ee-8540-a7b9a002a051 Halloween-Sale-Saturday_65a79afc-c725-4c34-b9fc-152ba71dbdac Halloween-Sale-Sunday_a090a410-f069-4603-9fc9-c3ab9d640e8f
Lube-Sale-Extended
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Tantus Silk Sale

 

Fleshlight

I’m not sure about the success Fleshlight is having with their Freaks on a year round basis, but Halloween is the perfect time to put them on sale for all the ghosts and ghouls! (I really don’t know where I was going with that).

For a limited time you can save 25% on the entire collection of  Fleshlight Freaks; be amazed by the awesome textures of their mind-blowing Zombie, frightening Frankenstein, “out of this world” Alien, daring Dracula, and the bionic Cyborg.

*click the images to go to the sale pages

Fleshlight Freaks Sale

SheVibe

My fave online retailer, SheVibe, has some great sales going this weekend;

(No coupon codes needed, free U.S. shipping with orders $79+)

mystim salebs is nice sale
rhino by traz penis extendercat_blowout

 

 

PinkCherry

Another one of my favorite sites, PinkCherry, is offering 30% off with code ‘BOO’ for their Halloween Sex Toy Sale, plus free shipping with orders $49 or more!

Some deals worth checking out:

  • On the Canadian version of the site EVERYTHING by Njoy is heavily reduced! Rarely will you find the Pure Wand for under $100 (they’ve got it for $90 with discount – regular $129, that’s a $39 savings).  The Njoy Eleven usually retails for no less than $299, with discount you can snag one for $210 (regular $299, a savings of $90) . That’s a steal!

Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 3.52.50 AM

I’ll be adding more sales as I learn about them, so make sure to check back throughout the weekend!

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Promescent Review

promescentNo matter how many times I cover premature ejaculation (or other erection issues), the main response I recieve from my viewers/readers is the same. Whether it’s asking about pills, creams and/or topical ointments, intimate accessories, or natural ways of obtaining results, every letter eventually leads to the question,

“…is there anything I can use or take to help me last longer and please my partner?…”

Often followed by,

“…you know, one that really works.”

It’s this continual inquiry that’s led me to sample more dick products than I care to admit. And while I may not have a penis of my own, I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s willingly obliged to being a guinea pig for me time and time again. So when the folks at Promescent reached out and asked if I’d review their ejaculation delay spray, I couldn’t really say no. Hopefully this review will help those of you struggling with PE to find a product that might work for you.

If you don’t care about the product details, jump to our personal experience here.

What is Promescent and how does it work?

Promescent is a spray designed to delay ejaculation and orgasm by reducing sensitivity of the penis. Basically put, it numbs your dick so you can stay hard and have sex for a longer period of time.

According to the website, unlike other products that can’t be fully absorbed and therefore only affect the outer layers of skin (limiting the effectiveness and possibly transferring to the partner), Promescent uses a patented Lidocaine based formula that penetrates below the skins surface where the nerves reside. By blocking the signal of pain within the body (or any sensation, as the case may be), it offers a potential temporary solution for those suffering with premature ejaculation, without also diminishing the enjoyment of sex.

If you’re curious about the technical aspects of how it works, feel free to watch the embedded video from the Promescent website (above left).

The Good

  • promescent reivew: bottlesIt’s easy to apply and reliably sprays the same dosage amount each time (limits the chance of using too much and can be easily adjusted to suit your needs).
  • Takes effect within 10 minutes, no need to sit around waiting; you can actively engage in foreplay with your partner while waiting for the effects to kick in.
  • Because it’s absorbed by the skin it doesn’t transfer to your partner and/or reduce their pleasure, this also means you don’t need to worry about accidentally numbing their throat or mouth during oral sex. Just make sure to wash any residual spray off with a damp cloth beforehand.
  • Does not require a prescription, can be used by anyone in need of a little assistance, and is only needed when you have sex (unlike continually taking medications).
  • If you’ve ever had a hard-on that uncomfortably lasted for hours, which was my partners experience when we stupidly experimented with Viagara, you don’t need to worry as the effects should wear off between 45 mins to an hour after first application (doesn’t mean you’ll last that long, just the effects of the spray). Granted, Viagra is designed to cause and maintain an erection, but I thought it was worth noting for those that might refrain from using the spray for that reason.
  • It’s non-toxic and is the first and only spray that’s been passed by the FDA as safe for use.
  • Can be easily washed off with water and shouldn’t stain clothing or sheets.
  • For those that are engaging in safe sex practices, it’s safe for use with condoms.
  • Most importantly, it does work. Sometimes a little too well, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Promescent Review: Personal Experience

Although there was a short period years ago where my partner had issues achieving and maintaining an erection, premature ejaculation was never an issue. Generally, for us sex lasts around 15 minutes, except in the event of being under the influence of alcohol (where it lasts longer), or really horny (intentionally, it’s over pretty quick).  Everything considered, I’d think we’re not the specific target market Promescent is hoping to reach, however it doesn’t mean we didn’t notice a difference.

Note: Before testing the product we checked online and found instances where users had gone overboard and unwittingly left themselves totally numb and unable to maintain or achieve an erection. As such, we decided it best to err on the side of caution and casually experiment with increased doses over a three week period.

Test 1:

promescent review: bottle, packaging, directionsThe first time he only used 2 sprays (instead of the suggested 3-5) directly on the underside of his penis where the head meets the shaft. Not long after rubbing it in he started to feel a slight tingling sensation, then a bit of warmth, followed by “gentle” numbness. Wanting to abide by the instructions perfectly we waited the suggested 10 minutes (the time it takes to be fully effective) before going at it. When the alarm on his phone went off signalling time was up, we headed to the bedroom to make out. Before long he had a raging hard-on and we were soaked in sweat… as expected the sex lasted longer than normal, with him finally finishing around the half hour mark.

His experience: My partner said he didn’t notice the numbness until he touched the area, and that the numbness itself was very localized.  There was no burning, tingling, or uncomfortable feeling, and the numbing allowed him to go longer without completely dulling the stimulation he received. We’re not sure if it’s something that comes with numbing one area (head) and not another (shaft), but he said the shaft was more sensitive than usual.

My experience: Because sex for us is usually unplanned and totally spontaneous, the only real difference came from knowing I was going to get laid but had to wait for it. Let’s just say I’m not the most patient person when it comes to getting dick. The sex itself was great, I didn’t feel any transference of the spray, and it appeared he had a great time too. Granted I did feel a little tender after, but thanks to some good lube I wasn’t raw or sore.

Test 2:

The second time he was a little braver and used 5 sprays. He also rubbed it into the entire length of the shaft (under the head of the penis and down the base), rather than just the underside of the head.  As with the previous experience a tingling sensation and warmth started after 2 minutes, followed by numbness. Because we were using condoms we weren’t too worried about it transferring to me so we went at it before the 10 minutes was up. Again, the sex lasted longer than normal (around 25 minutes), however we  had to stop a few times because the numbness made the condom feel weird for him (like it had slipped off or ripped). Thankfully, it hadn’t.

promescent review bottle close upHis experience: Initially he was totally aroused, but he said the lack of sensation while wearing a condom was a little alarming. Had he put the condom on after it had set, he would have known what to expect and wouldn’t have felt the need to repeatedly stop (to check the condom). He also said that ejaculating felt weird, like he could feel it, but it was ‘diluted’. Other than that, he said he liked that he could still feel me and wasn’t totally numb.

My experience: Like the first time I didn’t notice any real difference (regarding sensation) from when we normally have sex. The starting and stopping (to check the condom) was a little annoying, but something that comes with using condoms anyways. Admittedly, it was nice to go longer than usual.

Test 3:

With his curiosity peaked, my partner used 7 sprays for our third test. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best idea. Like our second time he applied it under the head of the penis and down the shaft. Almost instantly the sensation was warmer and more tingly than before, then the localized numbness kicked in. After 15 minutes of foreplay his penis went from a full hard on to semi-erect. I asked if everything was okay, to which he replied that it felt weird, like he was disconnected from his dick and couldn’t get it to do what he wanted. He said he was still into it mentally, but his body just didn’t want to co-operate. We gave it another 10 minutes before he washed off as best he could and called it a day. Unfortunately when it comes to products like Promescent, more does not often = better. From our experience it proved to be just the opposite.

His experience: Contrary to our previous experiences he said he was caught off guard with how much it numbed, and while there was no actual discomfort (pain etc), it was a foreign sensation that left him a little worried (read: paranoid). He said it took a good hour before his dick felt ‘normal’, which was a relief. He agreed that he probably shouldn’t have used as much, but said his curiosity got the best of him and he couldn’t resist seeing what would happen.

My experience: He’s a pretty confident guy, so watching him struggle to achieve and maintain an erection was tough. We’ve been down this road before (so I knew how to handle it and didn’t take it personally), but it didn’t necessarily make things easier either.  Knowing he was disappointed, both in the product and himself, made it harder for me to stay in the mood.

IMG_5552Test 4:

This time he balls-to-the-wall and used 10 sprays (rubbing it all over his dick). Knowing what our previous experience was like, I still don’t understand why he did it. Almost instantly his dick was tingling, followed by a slight ‘hot’ sensation (not burning), then complete numbness. At this point he wasn’t into it, but he wanted to see if we could somehow cajole an erection (so he’d know what it felt like).

No matter how hard we tried his dick remained soft. Stroking did nothing. Same for oral. No amount of titillation got so much as a muscle flex out of it. Granted he wasn’t turned on by this point, and instead treated the situation like some ill advised science experiment/challenge.

Whether the lack of erection was due to his disinterest, the product, or a combination of both, is anyone’s guess. After 15 minutes he started to get paranoid again so we gave up, he washed off, and we watched missed episodes of Parks and Rec on Netflix while waiting for him to regain feeling in his dick (took about an hour and a half for the numbness to totally dissipate).

His experience: In full acknowledgement of the ridiculous amount he used, he said he was surprised it didn’t ‘hurt’ and that there was no ‘burning’ sensation (which he expected). He said he was shocked that he couldn’t get a reaction from his dick, at all, and that the lack of responsiveness really worried him.  He also noted that peeing felt weird, and that the last 45 minutes of his dick being numb was really annoying.  After this experience he promised that if we ever used it again he’d stick with only 2 sprays.

Promescent review: back of bottle

My experience:  As someone that doesn’t have a dick, and therefore had no idea what he was going through, this was rather traumatizing for me. Sure, I’ve seen guys struggle with achieving erections before, but to get absolutely nothing was completely unexpected and very unnerving. Thankfully there was no lasting side effects, and his dick worked perfectly fine when we had sex the next day.

Test 5:

After our last run with the spray we were admittedly a little nervous to try it again. I told him it was up to him, that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to, but being the considerate person he is, he wanted to make sure I didn’t give a thumbs up to something that wasn’t reliable. So, off he went bottle in hand and applied it exactly as he had the during our initial test: 2 sprays directly on the underside of the head, avoiding the shaft, allowing 10 minutes to fully absorb. Even though we both were nervous the sex was great and lasted longer than usual, clocking in at around 20-25 minutes.

His experience: With the exception of being wary, his experience was similar to the first time; his sensitivity was reduced but he could still feel me enough to have a great orgasm. He also said that ejaculating felt like it usually does (instead of being weird or disconnected), and there wasn’t any discomfort.

My experience: For the most part results were the same for me, however because I felt the need to continually check in and see if he was okay, the sex wasn’t quite as intense or fulfilling (for me). Admittedly, that was my own issue and didn’t have anything to do with the product itself; the spray definitely worked, I was just over considerate. Had he not gone so far with tests 3 and 4, I think I would have had a kick-ass time.

 The Bad

  • For me, the biggest drawback is the $79.95 retail price. Having said that, most users will likely find they only need 1 or 2 sprays, in which case the cost isn’t bad (you get around 60 sprays per bottle). But if effectiveness requires needing 3 or 4 sprays (each time), overall it could end up being rather costly.
  • promescent review: full packagingThe delaying effect is temporary, and therefore isn’t a permanent solution.
  • As with many products, there is a faint smell to the spray. It’s not overwhelming, but it is there. It reminded us of the minty but medicinal Original Listerine (the yellow one). Thankfully the scent doesn’t remain for very long, and it’s not something you’ll smell unless your up close (consider this before asking your partner for a blow job).
  • If too much is used it may cause loss of erection and numbness, as well as irritation. On that note, it’s always better to use the amount specified on the directions – using more doesn’t always mean you’re going to get better results (as we proved with our tests above).
  • Because Lidocaine has not been proven to be safe for use during pregnancy, it’s not recommended for couples who are or may become pregnant.

Aside from all that, because Promescent works by numbing the area, it’s advised that you pay close attention to what you’re doing at all times. Any time you can’t feel yourself, or your partner, there is a risk of unintentionally hurting yourself or them.  While I’d advise products like this for external use, I would NOT suggest them for use internally, whether it’s vaginal, oral, or anal. If you want to use something for those purposes you’re better off getting a product that either relaxes the area or enhances sensation.  Lastly, if you’ve decided to use a condom as your form of protection, it’s a good idea to stop every so often and make sure the condom is still intact/on… if you’re numb you may not be able to tell if it’s ripped or has come off.

IMG_5561Final Thoughts

For some people the causes of premature ejaculation are more physical than chemical/mental, in which case delay products like Promescent can help tremendously. During our tests we found the spray extended the lasting time during intercourse by around 10 minutes on average (allowing for a half hour session at its most effective).  Suffice it to say we were both impressed with the results.  With that in mind, as far as temporary solutions to premature ejaculation go, this one gets a big thumbs up.

Having said that, I assume pairing it with other methods would likely offer even better results. Just keep in mind, since every body is different, some products will work and some won’t. The key is to not judge them all by the same measuring stick and instead experiment with the various options available until you get the desired results. Or in our case, experiment until you learn your lessons the hard way and end up with a dick that won’t do anything you want. From now on, we’ll be sticking with 2 sprays.

If you’d like more information I’d suggest hitting up the Promescent website, Googling other online reviews, and/or contacting them if you have questions. For those looking to try the product, you can purchase it here (I’d suggest snagging the trial size, it’s currently 50% off = $14.90 including shipping) or via the Promescent account on Amazon.

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  Promescent banner

*Disclaimer: I received 1 standard sized bottle at no cost to me in exchange for this review. I also received financial compensation from the sponsor for my time and effort.  Although this post is sponsored, all opinions are my own based on my personal experiences.

 

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Real Neat Blog

Back in May DangerousLilly nominated me in her “Real Neat blog post“, but with various home renos, preparing for the release of Jamie’s second book ‘Husk’, personal issues that left me feeling emotionally battered and broken, and a family members health situation that required helping with the family business full-time, I just didn’t have time to devote to this little site I call ‘home’.

Hoping to produce the bare minimum, I tried to keep up with reviews… but at the end of the day I just couldn’t get my head clear enough to focus on writing anything concise, let alone find the time, energy, or will to masturbate. Basically, I burnt myself out and was in need of a break. It wasn’t intentional, just one of those things that happens when you forget that #selfcare is important.

Now that things have calmed a little I’ll be getting back into reviewing, creating more  Sex Ed 102 videos, adding more content to the site (especially new ‘sex guides‘ and opinion pieces), searching out the bizarre and amazing for #WTFWednesday/#FunFindFriday, and doing posts like this.

So without further ado, here are my answers…

1. What was the reason you decided to start blogging? Has that reason changed over time?

rainbowdildosUnlike many within the community, I never set out to start a blog; back in 2007 my focus was on creating  Sex Ed 102 videos and at the time YouTube didn’t allow anything longer than 10 minutes. Being someone that liked to offer as munch info as possible, blogging allowed a way to say everything I couldn’t in the time allotted. It also provided a central location to house all of my content in one place, I thought it would make life easier for those that wrote asking for links to past videos (nobody likes spending hours scrolling or searching).

Having a blog also meant I could expand my content with in depth Q&A’s, covering topics too taboo for YouTube (at the time), and how-to guides.  There was also the possibility I could make money off advertising, a practice YouTube didn’t allow back in the day. As a struggling 26 year old that really wanted to keep doing something she loved, who also didn’t want to be censored, and hoped to make a living at it, having a blog to compliment my videos was the perfect option.

Over the years my blog has changed in huge ways from its original form, but I think the core reasons I created it haven’t shifted that much. Regarding my videos, that’s a whole other story. Originally I just wanted to pump out new content and focus on subjects I thought might get views, but as I began to work with respected manufacturers, University programs, production companies, and big brands within the industry, I felt like I had to create content that was highly “professional” and stopped doing things off the cuff. By the 6th year of making videos I was burnt out, felt like I had lost myself, and wasn’t having fun with it anymore… that’s something I’m hoping to change with future content.

101vaginabook2. If your site had a goal, what would it be? How do you feel you’re doing with that goal, right now? How do you feel you’ve done with that goal over all?

My main goal has always been to help viewers/readers better their sex lives, build confidence via sex positive education, and make some money doing something I love.

Currently my feelings on this goal are torn; on the one hand I’m doing quite a bit behind the scenes to update content and make the site far more user friendly, on the other hand there’s a lot on my plate limiting the time I have to create new content. Ideally, I’d like to have 2-3 posts per week, however right now that’s just not possible. This lack makes me feel like I’m failing, but I also know life ebbs and flows… soon enough I’ll be back on schedule, the site will be everything I envision, and my readers/viewers will be getting the content they deserve.

Whether it’s answering questions that often go ignored, clearing up common myths and misinformation, reviewing sex toys, and/or providing a safe space for people to learn and explore their sexuality without judgement or guilt, I think I’ve done a fairly good job overall.

3. How has blogging influenced your life?

That should be an easy question to answer, but it isn’t.

bin of sex toy failsWhen I sit down and think about it, blogging has been such a big part of my life that it’s hard to dissect where one thing begins and they other ends, and what impact one has had over the other…

From learning code to discovering my love of photography, participating in a wonderful sex-positive community to understanding the inner workings of the media, discovering who I am and what makes me tick to owning bins and bins of sex toys, learning how to use my voice for positive change to traveling to conventions I never thought I’d attend (even if the trip did turn into a shit show, I still got to travel!), becoming comfortable in my own skin and learning to love my body to helping others in a way I didn’t think was possible.

I really don’t know what my life would look like or who I be if I hadn’t been blogging for the last 7 years.

4. What is your favorite part of blogging?

Educating, offering insight, changing/challenging perspectives, creating something that’s mine, and helping people have a better sex life makes me feel like I’m doing something good for the world; that I’m making a real difference. Earning a living off of it is just icing on the cake.

More than any of that, the friends I’ve made and the brands/companies I’ve been able to work with… I’m still flattered, amazed, and so very thankful.

5. What website on the entire web, besides your own, do you spend the most time on?

That’s probably a mix between Vice, Instructables, TED, reddit, and twitter.

trex6.  Gotta ask one toy question. Name your absolute favorite sex toy. (More than one is fine.)

Seriously? Ugh. I’ll give my top five go-to toys ’cause I truthfully can’t pick just one. Not in any order: Hitachi Magic Wand (amazing clitoral stimulation), We-Vibe Tango (it’s small, discreet, and rechargeable, powerful, and travels well), Tantus Curve (I love that curve!), Njoy Pure Wand (legit g-spot stimulation, also one of the only toys that consistently leads to squirting), and the L’amourose Rosa (vibrating g-spot action. Yes, please).

7. What is the most important thing about you that you want everyone to know?

I have a really hard time calling myself a “blogger”.  There’s no real reason for it, I just see blogging as something that’s so expansive that the word and perceptions of what a ‘blogger’ is seem limiting or minimized in some way. Blogging is work. Legitimate work. Yet far too many people think it’s simply sitting at a computer, typing some shit out, and hitting ‘publish’. In reality there’s so much more involved, be it coding pages so they look right, designing elements of the site so they’re appealing, writing posts that are interesting and flow well, linking to external sites, targeting content for SEO, editing until the writing looks like it was easy, and otherwise. Blogging isn’t easy, but it’s hella rewarding.

Also, if you’ve ever wanted to know me: this.

Tag You’re It!

Apparently I’m supposed to tag other people, but it’s been so long since this whole “real neat blog” thing started that I don’t know who’s done it and who hasn’t. So, for those reading this… if you have a blog and haven’t played along yet, here’s your turn. Feel free to change the questions as necessary, just make sure to let me know that you’ve participated either in the comments below or on social media. I’d love to read your answers.

I’m also going to go an unorthodox route and tag 2 companies I love; Tantus and SheVibe. Rather than having the questions be about ‘blogging’, I’d like them to answer in terms of making and/or selling sex toys.

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Labor Day Sex Toy Sales

Looking back over years worth of blog posts, it seems I’ve made a habit of keeping my readers in the loop when my favourite retailers have big sales.  In an attempt to stick with the tradition, I thought I’d share all of the “Labor Day Sex Toy Sales” I know about. Consider this a token of my undying love for all of you. That and my way of saying sorry for not creating more content over the last 6 months, life’s been crazy, but we’ll talk about that in my next post.

So, without further ado, here’s all the sales, deals, or discounts I know about for the coming long weekend…

Labor Day Sex Toy Sales : Stars

Tantus

For the entire month of September Tantus is giving 15% off the entire dildo collection! Just use code WILDWEST at checkout to apply the savings…

If that wasn’t enough –  through Monday September 7 2015, choose a free gift when you purchase any two Tantus-made Toys. From Plugs, RingsVibrators, and Dildos to Feeldoes, Strap-Ons, and Sensation Toys, Tantus has all the body-safe pleasure tools you’ll need after a long day.  (Offer excludes Grab Bags & Closeouts. Sale ends 9/7/2015.)

*click the images to go to the sale pages

Tantus Sale SeptemberTantus Labor Day Sale

Fleshlight

Summer’s over it’s time to head back to school. Sure, you need books, pens, and all that other shit, but don’t forget to splurge on something just for you… assignments suck, masturbating shouldn’t!

For a limited time Fleshlight is giving 20% off the ‘Ultimate Dorm Kit‘, but these savings end 9/7/15 so snag one while you can! (Includes: GO Torque, Fleshlube water 4oz bottle, Fleshwash, Showermount, and Flight Adaptor. No coupon needed)

*click the image to go to the sale page

SheVibe

My fave online retailer, SheVibe, has some great sales going this weekend; save 15% on select Lelo toys, save 15% on Aneros prostate stimulators, and don’t forget to check out their ‘Frugal Fanny’ sale section where you can get 75% off select costumes and lingerie (just about everything is under $20!), up to 75% off select lube, cosmetics, gift sets and more, and up to 75% off select sex toys (size lovers can get $53 off the Tantus Raptor XL). (No coupon codes needed, free U.S. shipping with orders $79+)

*click the image to go to the sale page

Aneros Sale SheVibe SheVibe Lelo Sale
Frugal Fanny SheVibe

PinkCherry

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 4.50.26 PMAnother one of my favorite sites, PinkCherry, is offering 25% off with code LONG25, plus free shipping with orders $49 or more!

Some deals worth checking out:

  • On the Canadian version of the site EVERYTHING by Njoy is heavily reduced! Rarely will you find the Pure Wand for under $85 (they’ve got it for $73.50 with discount).  The Njoy Eleven usually retails for no less than $250, with discount you can snag one for $186.75. That’s a steal!

I’ll be adding more sales as I learn about them, so make sure to check back throughout the weekend!

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