Today’s video is going to cover the Male Sexual Response Cycle and all of the phases the ‘male’ body goes through from arousal to after the orgasm. For those of you that haven’t seen it, I created a previous post on the Female Sexual Response Cycle to help educate about what happens for a female and the way the body reacts when she goes through the phases. If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you check it out.
I’m hoping that through watching this video all of you will not only become better educated in regard to your own body, but also will have a better sexual experience because of it.
The Phases:
1.) Arousal / Excitement~ This phase begins when your body first begins to respond to sexual stimulation.
Physical reactions like the following can be expected
an increase in heart rate,
flushing of the face and/or neck,
nipples becoming hard,
partial raising of the testicles
erection of the penis
2.)Plateau ~ This is the stage where your body is highly aroused and on the verge of orgasm.
Physical reactions like the following can be expected
everything that happens during the first stage continues and increases
testicles will enlarge and be fully raised
a few drops of pre-cum will be secreted by the Cowpers glands. (This precum is meant to lubricate the urethra, as well as clean out any bacteria that may have been left behind)
3.)Orgasm / Climax
This phase tends to be slightly different between men and women, with the men experiencing it in two parts; the first tends to be a moment of inevitability characterized by sensations that mark the point of no return with contractions occurring in the testicles, prostate and seminal vesicles. The in second part is the ejaculation of sperm due to contractions in the urethra and penis. Typically the actual orgasm lasts less than one minute for most males.
4.) Resolution ~ the body slowly returns to normal
Unlike the female, who can be responsive to stimulation even after orgasm and even have multiple orgasms, the male typically goes through a period of unresponsiveness or a refractory period where he is no longer able to be aroused and needs some time before he can get another erection and orgasm. Tho this is true for most males, its not true for every one.
I do highly suggest that you take the time to learn about your body, either during masturbation or intercourse and see if you can identify the phases as you are going through them, which will in turn help you to become a better lover.
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Contrary to what most movies depict, first times are rarely what we expect.
There aren’t rose petals or candles casting a glow. There’s no moment of tender, all encompassing bliss or the crooning voice of our favorite music artist in the background. Rather than a bed, many first timers find themselves in the back of a car, couch, or even in a park, as the thought of holding out for a time when the parents are out is just too bothersome, or too long of a wait.
On top of that (and based on the messages I’ve received) the majority of writers found their “first time” to be clumsy, anxiety ridden, overwhelming, scary, ill planned, uncomfortable and confusing (or any mix of the above), even when it was a good one.
It’s because of this that I thought I’d write a series of posts on the subject of first times, all with the hope that I’d be able to transform what was once a scary and overwhelming experience, to one that’s a bit better planned, a little more fun, definitely more comfortable and a lot more enjoyable.
Unlike a lot of my other written articles that are completed in one go, my first time sex tips have been split into 3 separate entries:
When it comes to having sex the first time there are a few things I highly suggest you take into consideration before deciding to act on the impulse;
What’s Your Motivation?
1.) The first thing you might want to think about is the personal motivation you have behind your choice in actions. While I’m not here to judge, I am here to remind you that intercourse, intimacy, and any form of sexual relations can and do often have emotional, mental, physical and spiritual after effects. For some the after effects will be wonderful, comfortable, confidence boosting and/or blissful, for others it may be a period of guilt, regret, disappointment or anger (all of which are “normal”).
That said, if the reasoning behind losing your “virginity” is one that’s due to peer pressure, societal factors or doing it “for the sake of it”, I suggest you take a moment to rethink your motivation and make sure it’s something you can live with after. Like I said, I’m not here to judge, I just don’t want you doing something you’ll live to regret or beat yourself up for.
Choices, Choices…
2.) The second thing I highly suggest you think about is the method(s) of protection you’ll be using;
*For hetero sex, what type of Contraception/STD protection will you be using?
*For same sex relations what type of STD protection will you be using?
On that note, while I understand where people are coming from with the belief that the female should have to deal with the pill (or other methods) and the male should be the one responsible for getting the condoms, I’m not someone who shares that belief.
In my opinion, each one of us owes it to ourselves to take responsibility for our bodies and our own personal well being. If you want to stay STD free and you want to avoid the chances of an unplanned pregnancy, come prepared.
For the ladies that means getting your hands on condoms, should that be your choice of protection (or even just your back up). For males that means discussing all of the options open to the female (if it’s hetero sex) and if you’re in a relationship, making sure she’s taking them on time or applying them as directed.
I’m sure most of you would think this is common sense but all too often I hear about “scares” that happened all because someone relied on someone else, only to realize after, that they were the person who should have taken responsibility of things for themselves. Don’t leave your safety in someone’s hands, 7 times out of 10 they’ll fail you.
Contraception: Practice Makes Perfect
3.) Since the #1 complaint I hear regarding condoms is that they ‘spoil the mood‘ I think it’s very important to practice putting them on properly (and taking them off properly) as it’ll help to make the moment move a lot smoother and quicker.
When it comes to practicing I think the best advice is to go with the flow; if you masturbate use that time to practice putting on a condom, masturbate with it on (which will get you used to the sensation) and then take it off following the directions on the box (using toys to experiment with while you wear a condom is also a good idea).
While it might be a bit of a pain in the ass, and maybe a mood kill, when it comes to the actual moment all the planning and prepping will go a long way in saving you from embarrassment or potentially doing it wrong.
4.) For those that choose to use a diaphragm, female condom or any other barrier method of protection I also suggest you take the necessary time, before being sexually active, to learn and practice putting the product in place, as well as safely removing it.
If you choose to use a hormonal method of protection, I suggest you speak with your doctor about how long it takes to become fully effective since the time on them varies. The last thing you need is to start taking a product and become sexually active because you think you’re protected, only to realize you weren’t.
Speak Up
5.) I realize that for a lot of people the topic of sex and sexuality are still touchy subjects, even with that in mind I think it’s important to have someone to talk to after. Whether it’s a friend you trust, a teacher, parent, doctor, guardian, mentor, coach or other relative, having a person who’s willing to listen and help can make a world of difference – especially if something goes wrong or you’re dealing with negative emotions like guilt.
Get Tested
6.) Finally, if you’ve had unprotected sexual interactions with another person, whether it be oral, anal or otherwise I suggest you get tested for STI’s/STD’s just to be on the safe side. While the majority of them require the transmission of bodily fluids to be transferred, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t others that need skin to skin contact to cause an
infection.
I realize that for most of you the thought of going to get STD tested can raise a mountain of fears and anxiety, making the suggestion easier said then done. That said, if there is one thing I want to make very clear it’s that the process it self is very easy; all you need to do is to visit a local STD testing lab, hassle free clinic, or talk to your doctor. If you’re in a real hurry sometimes you can even call ahead for setting up an appointment the same day.
In most cases testing sites are conveniently located throughout the country and are staffed by caring and highly trained individuals. While you’re there they will perform the tests as well as answer any questions you may have about your risk, possible diagnoses, or the testing process. Then, within three days (sometimes shorter, sometimes longer) you’ll be able to get the results of your STD test. These results are most often delivered by a counselor who can assist you in dealing with emotional and practical considerations if a test comes back positive.
For those of you that just can’t bring yourself to visit a clinic or talk to a doctor there are other options available like online sites that send out STD Testing Kits allowing you to do the test in the comfort of your own home. Once you receive the test kit, follow the simple instructions then mail it back to the lab and you can receive your results online within 1-3 business days. After that you have the option of calling and setting up an appointment to speak with someone should you need to, or you can go to your own doctor and speak with him or her instead.
Final Thoughts
Sex can be a wonderful experience that allows us to bond, explore, ignite and surrender to a person in ways nothing else can. It can also be the cause of heartache, regret, disappointment and life altering choices that leave us questioning why we did it in the first place.
For those of you that are just happening to come to this stage of exploration, whether it be by yourself or with a partner, I hope this series of blogs can help you shape and create your moments to be closer to the former, rather then that latter.
If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to go through Sex Ed 102 videos or the Sex Ed 102 website first, as more often then not your answer will be found there. Still feeling lost? No worries, head over to my contact page and send in your question. If it’s one I get often enough – or one that I think would really benefit others – I just might include it in my Sex Ed 102 Q & A (don’t worry, I never identify who sent the question in).
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Over the course of the last 2 years I have spent much time debating whether or not to make this video. The reason for the debate was that ones “virginity” and the term itself, are hard to define in today’s society. As such, I thought that I would instead make a video that opened the doors of communication to help you define for yourself what being a Virgin, and Virginity are.
1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.
Random House Dictionary
1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
Online Etymology Dictionary
c.1200, “unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church,” from O.Fr. virgine, from L. virginem (nom. virgo) “maiden, unwedded girl or woman,” also an adj., “fresh, unused,” probably related to virga “young shoot.” For sense evolution, cf. Gk. talis “a marriageable girl,” cognate with L. talea “rod, stick, bar.” Meaning “young woman in a state of inviolate chastity” is recorded from c.1310. Also applied since c.1330 to a chaste man. Meaning “naive or inexperienced person” is attested from 1953. The adj. is recorded from 1560 in the lit. sense; fig. sense of “pure, untainted” is attested from c.1300.
Wikipedia
Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.
Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.
The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts.[1][2][3][4] Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration,[1][3][4] while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity.[3][5][6] Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.[2]
Feel free to comment on what you believe the terms mean, and how they apply to you or society. Please also feel free to throw in any information that I did not mention in regard to the term or words presented and how they may have changed over time.
After posting the “Faking it” and “Help! I can’t orgasm” videos I was bombarded with questions from my ‘female’ viewers in regard to orgasms; what they are, how to have them, the things that happen with your body before/during/after an orgasm, and what’s “normal”.
Rather then sending out hundreds of separate messages, I thought I would finally make a video on the female sexual response cycle as a resource for knowledge, and hopefully help my viewers have bigger and better O’s, not to mention, teach the them about their bodies.
Since I only had 10 minutes to talk in the video, I thought I would fill in the rest of the information below.
Female Sexual Response Cycle
Stage 1: Arousal / Excitement
During this phase you may notice any, some or all of the following
nipples going hard
becoming lubricated
separation and raising of the labia majora
increase in heart rate
flushing of the face and neck or body
heavier breathing
tensing of muscles
swelling of clitoris and vaginal lips
increase in breast size
rise in blood pressure
raising of the uterus
lengthening of the vaginal canal
clitoris becomes highly sensitive
Stage 2: Plateau
During this phase previous changes increase as well as,
raising of the uterus to a “false” body cavity to protect it from being hit by a thrusting penis
opening of the cervix
complete vaginal expansion
increase of size in vaginal lips
vagina balloons to create a “seminal pool”
orgasmic platform develops
Stage 3: Orgasm
During this phase the body discharges all of the sexual tension experienced in previous stages
contractions begin in the vaginal walls, PC muscles, uterus, and rectum
most contractions are at intervals of 0.8 seconds and may vary in number between 3 and 15
facial contortions may happen
increased respiratory rate
increase in blood pressure
possible squirting of vaginal fluids
orgasmic platform pulsates
Stage 4: Resolution
During this phase the body returns to its previous state of being before any arousal was felt
uterus descends from its “false” position
cervix dips into the seminal pool to access the semen
vagina returns to its normal size
clitoris descends to its normal position
inner and outer lips return to normal size
I hope this helped you to learn about your body and what happens during the phases that lead to an orgasm, as well as helped you to have better orgasms.
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I got into a relationship almost a year ago (I’m now 18) and I just realized that I have a really big naughty side to me and am starting to show it. I don’t know why but just texting can sometimes get me excited and arouse me. He likes it and so do I, but people are making me feel like I’m a slut because of the way I am starting to act towards him which is making me feel bad about myself.
Is what I’m feeling normal? Am I really just a “slut”? I like talking dirty, am I normal?
Please help, I’m so confused!
Just Another Confused Teen
Answer
Dear JACT ,
Simply put – you’re normal! What you’re going through is very common and to be expected at your age. There is nothing wrong with you and it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
What you’re experiencing is a natural part of puberty and something most teens experience between the ages of *10-17 for girls and *12-18 for boys (I use those numbers because they are what is commonly defined as a “teen”). This change in sexual awareness and arousal is due to changes in hormones that shift the body from childhood to being capable of reproduction.
This is a time that should be embraced as an opportunity for you to learn about your body, what you’re feeling sexually, and why, rather than worrying what other people think. That said, in regard to those who are calling you a “slut” or making you “feel like one”, I suggest you ignore them and learn to be gentler, kinder, and more accepting of yourself and your new found breach into womanhood.
In an effort to avoid further name calling I suggest that you keep your private life separate from those who feel the need to pass judgment. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing or saying to him. That’s between you and he. If it is something that you would like to share, only do so with those that you feel comfortable with, trust, and know wont have any negative feedback.
Also keep in mind that if they haven’t yet, those who have been making you “feel like a slut” will soon discover that they too are experiencing sexual feelings towards others and like you, may not know whats going on or how to deal with it.
Hope that helped,
Kara_Sutra
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I’m a sex-positive advocate, reviewer, vlogger, branding, media and publicity creation consultant. In 2007 I created a series on YouTube called Sex Ed 102 to educate on sex positivity, pleasure products, sex tips, tricks, & techniques, contraception options, and STI info. To date Sex Ed 102 has gained over 17 million views on YouTube alone! Keep reading...
The Phases:
