Archive | For The Beginner RSS feed for this section

Sex Ed 102: Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

For The Beginner, For The Guys, For The Ladies, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

To watch the video you must log into YouTube

Sex Ed 102: Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

Despite its importance, the clitoris has long been misunderstood or ignored. In recent years, however, there has been a growing movement to raise awareness about its structure and function, emphasizing the importance of clitoral stimulation in sexual pleasure.

Knowing how to properly stimulate the clitoris – whether through gentle touch, oral sex, or the use of sex toys – can empower individuals to take control of their sexual health and enjoy more fulfilling intimate experiences.

Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris helps in exploring various ways to experience sexual satisfaction, either through solo play or with a partner. As such, I also suggest reading my beginners guide to the clitoris, in order to help learn as much as possible before engaging in any stimulation techniques.

Facts About The Clitoris

The clitoris serves no other purpose than providing sexual pleasure. In fact it is the only organ in the human body that exists solely for pleasure.

There are around eight thousand nerve endings within the clitoris, which is part of what makes it so sensitive.

Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is much larger then people assume. Like a miniature penis, the clitoris consists of a rounded tip (the glans, think of the head of the penis), attached to a longer part (the shaft). The shaft has two “arms” that stretch backwards into the woman’s body, under the skin on either side above the vaginal opening. This picture shows the similarities between the clitoris and penis quite well.

Nerves controlling clitoral muscle contractions travel alongside the walls of the vagina, the bladder and urethra, passing along the sensations produced from orgasm or stimulation. Which is why when a female experiences an orgasm during sex, the guy having sex with her will feel a throbbing or pulsing sensation inside her vagina.

During the one of the stages of the sexual response cycle her clitoris might become more sensitive then when you first started to play with it and may retract under the hood to shield it from direct stimulation. Check this diagram of a clitoris going through the stages or arousal.

When a person becomes sexually aroused, the clitoris fills with blood and increases in size just like a penis. After orgasm, the clitoris will return to its normal size. If the person doesn’t have an orgasm, the blood may remain there for a few hours and cause discomfort. This is pretty much the equivalent of “blue balls”.

Learning What You Like

Though every person’s sensitivity and preferences can vary, for many, direct clitoral stimulation is key to achieving orgasm. Some may prefer light, gentle touches, while others enjoy more intense or rhythmic stimulation. Exploring your body so you know what you like and don’t is crucial when it comes to communicating with a partner, and helps to ensure a fulfilling sexual experience for everyone.

It’s also important to note that clitoral stimulation doesn’t have to be limited to direct touch. Many people enjoy using body safe lubricants, which can enhance sensitivity and comfort, experimenting with various household items that are safe for masturbation, or different kinds of sex toys designed specifically to stimulate the clitoris.

External stimulation through oral sex, or even indirect stimulation through positions that apply pressure to the clitoral region, can also lead to heightened sexual arousal and orgasm. Finding what works best requires a combination of exploration, patience, and openness to discovering new sensations.

Different techniques can elicit different types of pleasure, and how you go about stimulating yourself is completely up to you.

Getting Started

Before you get started, make sure to always prioritize consent, comfort, and communication when engaging in sexual activities. Each person’s preferences are unique, so be open to exploration and discovery to find what works best for you.

Set the Mood: Create a comfortable and private environment where you feel relaxed and safe. Dim the lights, play soft music, or use aromatherapy to enhance the atmosphere. This can help you focus on the experience and reduce any distractions.

Begin with Foreplay: Start by engaging in foreplay to increase arousal, whether individually or with a partner. For individual foreplay, explore your body by caressing your own skin, focusing on erogenous zones such as the breasts, inner thighs, or the vulva. Using your hands or a vibrator can enhance sensations and help you understand your preferences. When engaging in partnered foreplay, consider kissing, touching, or orally stimulating each other to create intimacy. Taking your time during this phase helps build anticipation and increases sensitivity, allowing both you and your partner to become fully aroused before moving on to clitoral stimulation.

Lubricate: Use a water or silicone-based lubricant to enhance comfort and reduce friction. Applying lubricant to the clitoris and surrounding areas can heighten sensations and make stimulation more pleasurable.

Locate the Clitoris: Identify the clitoral glans, which is located at the top of the vulva, just above the urethral opening. It’s a small, sensitive pea sized nub that may be partially covered by the clitoral hood. Familiarize yourself with the surrounding anatomy, including the labia and the vestibular bulbs.

Start Gently: Begin by gently touching the clitoral glans with your fingertips or the palm of your hand. Use light pressure to explore different areas around the clitoris and gradually increase the intensity as you gauge your comfort level. Pay attention to your body’s responses.

Experiment with Techniques: Try various techniques to discover what feels best for you. You can use:

Circular Motions: Move your fingers in small circles around the clitoral glans.
Up and Down Strokes: Gently slide your fingers vertically over the glans.
Side-to-Side Movements: Move your fingers horizontally across the clitoris.
Pressure Variation: Alternate between light and firmer pressure to find the most pleasurable sensations.

Incorporate Different Types of Stimulation: You may also try using a vibrator designed for clitoral stimulation, which can provide a different sensation. Experiment with different speeds and patterns to see what you enjoy. You can also combine manual stimulation with a vibrator for enhanced pleasure.

Focus on the Whole Area: Remember that the entire vulva is sensitive. Explore touching the surrounding labia, the vaginal opening, and the vestibular bulbs to create a more holistic experience. Varying your focus can lead to deeper arousal.

Communicate with Your Partner: If you are exploring clitoral stimulation with a partner, communicate your desires and preferences openly. Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. This can enhance intimacy and ensure a pleasurable experience for both of you.

Allow for Exploration: Take your time and allow yourself to explore your body without pressure to reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation can vary in intensity, and enjoying the journey is just as important as any destination. Focus on the sensations and embrace your pleasure.

Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your body’s responses throughout the experience. If something feels uncomfortable, adjust your technique or pressure. If you feel close to orgasm, you can continue the same stimulation or vary it to prolong the sensation.

Aftercare: Once you finish, take a moment to relax and enjoy the afterglow. This can include cuddling, talking, or simply reflecting on the experience. Aftercare is an essential part of intimacy, helping you connect with yourself and/or your partner.

Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

Now that you’ve got a bit of information about the clitoris and getting started, here are a few different clitoral stimulation techniques you might try:

- Use your hand, fingers, or a sex toy to slide up and down or back and forth across your clitoris and clitoral hood. Using lubrication or spit will help with avoiding friction that may cause you to be tender or sore after.

- A gentle tapping on your clit can help to slowly build to orgasm. Speed it up or slow it down as necessary to suit your comfort level.

- Being that the crura, or two “legs” of the clitoris, can be stimulated inside the vaginal canal, penetrating your vagina with your fingers or a sex toy can be extra enjoyable. Combining this with other external stimulating techniques can create an even more intense experience (pictured above left).

- No hands or nudity required, straddle a pillow, corner of a couch/chair, or other object and grind onto it until you reach orgasm (pictured lower right).

- For partnered play, during penetrative sex, suggest having your partner focus less on thrusting and more on rubbing or grinding their body on your clitoris while inserted.

- Next time you’re in the bath or shower, try using the sensation of running water to stimulate your clitoris. It isn’t the most comfortable experience when in the bath, but can still be quite enjoyable (pictured left). A removable shower head with multiple settings gives you the opportunity to play with different types of stimulation.

- Use your fingers to softly pinch your clitoral hood. Because of the amount of nerve endings in the clitoris, I suggest starting gently and playing around until you see what feels good and what doesn’t. This technique isn’t for everyone, so if you find it isn’t enjoyable that’s totally okay.

- Use your fingers or a sex toy to trace circles around your clit, touching your labia in the process. Begin slowly and increase speed as desired.

- Because of the unique shape of the clitoris, you may become aroused and even orgasm by massaging other erogenous zones on their own or along with the clitoris. Try touching your labia, vaginal opening, inner thigh, perineum, or anus.

Final Thoughts

Clitoral stimulation is an essential aspect of sexual pleasure for many individuals. Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris and experimenting with various techniques can help enhance sexual experiences, whether solo or with a partner. The key is to take your time, explore different forms of touch, and discover what feels most pleasurable. Clitoral stimulation can be approached in a variety of ways, from gentle caresses and circular motions to the use of vibrators and other toys. By paying attention to your body’s responses and using lubrication, you can ensure a more comfortable and satisfying experience.

Ultimately, clitoral stimulation is about connecting with your body and embracing what brings you pleasure. Open communication with a partner, as well as personal exploration, allows for deeper intimacy and a better understanding of sexual desires. The clitoris plays a central role in sexual arousal and orgasm, and learning to stimulate it effectively can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual encounters. Remember, the journey of discovering pleasure is personal, so take the time to experiment, relax, and enjoy the experience at your own pace.

If you’d like to purchase products designed specifically for clitoral stimulation be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, or Babeland. Make sure to shop around so you can get the best prices available.

Continue Reading · Comments { 0 }

Q&A: Problems with Penetration

For The Beginner, For The Guys, For The Ladies, How To's, Q & A, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Question:

Terribly sorry to bother you, I know you get a lot of emails and messages, but I really love your videos and they have helped me a lot, so I thought you might be able to help me with my situation and I couldn’t find the answer to my question in any of your videos.

To be blunt, my boyfriend has a rather large penis (7.5in, 2 in.wide), and I’m a very small female (120lbs), and we have been having problems in the bedroom. We are probably the most intimate couple I know, completely in love, and after a long wait we decided that we wanted to have sex. We’re both virgins. However, whenever we try, he cannot penetrate. I know that it is not a matter of our comfort level, both of us want it very much, and I get wet, but he can never penetrate more than an inch without me experiencing extreme pain. So I guess you could say we’re having problems with penetration. Inserting tampons larger than regular size is even uncomfortable for me. We have tried multiple times with various condoms, and I am aware of the fact that the first time will hurt, but I was wondering if you have any suggestions, like positions we could try, or products we could buy to make it less uncomfortable for me, or any other advice you might have.

Would it be easier if we “practiced,” as in, he tries to penetrate a little more every time? Or would that just make the pain worse? Should I use a toy, or would that just be silly?

Thanks for your help,

Worried First Timer

Answer

Dear Worried First Timer,

Thanks for watching and supporting what I do!!

What your are experiencing is very common and something I hear all the time. That being said, please be aware of the fact that it is normal, to be expected and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

As for suggestions, I think you should start small and then work up to an actual penis. There are many things that you can use that are smaller then him that will help your body to stretch (it won’t actually ‘stretch out’, so don’t worry about that), get accustomed to having something inside, as well as hopefully provide you with the stimulation you need to have an orgasm.

Foreplay

First I would suggest making foreplay a very regular and integral part of your experience. I say this because the more aroused you are the more your vaginal canal will expand to allow the insertion of a penis. Just to be clear, when the vaginal canal at its largest (fully expanded) it’s “usually” between 6″ – 7″ inches deep, whereas it’s normally only 3″ – 4″ inches deep. Crazy, I know. Unfortunately, more foreplay doesn’t equal a deeper expansion.

Foreplay doesn’t have to be anything specific, just whatever it is that turns you on in the moment. For some people it’s cuddling, others like talking dirty, some like watching porn, others prefer something more external like light caresses, massages, or spankings. Feel what’s right for you in the moment, it’s all about turning yourself on.

Also by making foreplay a regular part of your experience you allow your body to go through the natural response cycle of arousal, allowing you to lubricate and ready yourself for intercourse.

Start Small and Go Slow

Next, I would suggest either using a finger or a small silicone dildo to get yourself used to the feeling of having something inside. This can be done by him or by you. I’d personally suggest a dilator set, they often have everything you need, starting with smaller sized dildos and graduating to much larger. Or if you’re looking for something more specific I’d say go with a Small Silk, Little Flirt, or a Tantus Meteorite (my review) the last one is meant for anal use, but can just as easily be used vaginally. They’re all relatively small, made of body safe materials, have a base so you can get them out easily, and will last you a lifetime.

As for using them, I don’t suggest you just try and cram them in or go for an instant thrusting motion as it’ll likely be painful. Instead, lube both yourself and the toy up, then when you’re ready slowly insert the toy until it starts to hurt and when it does… just stop. Don’t remove it or shift it, just leave it exactly where it is. I know this may seem a little silly, but as time passes your body will relax and you’ll find the pain will subside. When you’re ready insert a bit more until it hurts, again, just stop. Keep going like this until the toy is completely inside you. For some people this takes one session, for others a few days of practice, some are able to do it on the first go. There is no barometer for what’s right or wrong. Just take your time and go slow. Eventually it will far less painful and something you can learn to enjoy.

Once you’re comfortable with the toys, try having him use his finger to penetrate you. I realize that it still might hurt, but using lots of lubricant and relaxing can make a world of difference. Again, I don’t suggest that he use his fingers in an “in and out” motion as the friction can sometimes hurt, but instead place that he slowly insert one in you for as long as your comfortable. Follow the same steps outlined above until you’re comfortable and ready to explore something larger like two fingers. From there you could attempt a larger sized dildo or have him try and penetrate you. Again, it may still be painful but usually if you’ve taken the necessary time to allow your body to get used to the feeling, it can make a world of difference.

Relax

The final suggestion I have is to take some time relaxing before you have sex. The more relaxed you allow your body to become the more you will enjoy the experience because you are not tense, and therefor not “tightening” up.

Please remember that it isn’t something that is going to happen over night and instead is going to take some time for you to get used to. That being said, once you are comfortable and ready it can make the experience a much more pleasurable one then a painful one.

I do understand how frustrating this can be and hope that some of my suggestions helped.

Kara_Sutra

Continue Reading · Comments { 0 }

Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Help! I Can’t Orgasm

For The Beginner, For The Ladies, Q & A, Sex Ed 102

Question:

Hi Kara Sutra,

I just wanted to ask if maybe you could tell me what’s wrong with me; every time I have sex with my boyfriend I can’t climax. I can have them on my own… just not with him. Help! I can’t orgasm, and I’m really starting to wonder what’s wrong with me?

Answer:

What you’re facing is unfortunately very common. So let me first just put it out there that there’s nothing wrong with you and it’s not any ones fault. Most women have had at least one (if not a handful) of occasions where they aren’t able to climax with their partner, men too. It’s normal, natural, and nothing to be embarrassed by. It’s just part of being sexually active.

Before I offer any suggestions, I’m going to throw out a few scenarios as I find it can be helpful to think outside the box when addressing issues like this.

Solo Sex vs Coupled Sex

You said you can come on your own, but not with him, maybe it’s a case of nerves, maybe you don’t feel totally relaxed, maybe you’re scared you’re going to look stupid, either way what you’re going through is pretty common. Let me explain…

When a person climaxes during intercourse it requires being in a position where they’re comfortable, feel safe, and trust the environment, and/or person they’re with, not to mention being comfortable in their own skin and/or the way their body will behave.

Although this isn’t always the case, sometimes our bodies do things we can’t control when we orgasm – convulse, make faces, twitch, say embarrassing stuff, flail, shudder, squirt, scream, shake, tense up, go limp (to name a few) – and no matter how hard we try, we just can’t stop that from happening. Allowing someone to see us ‘out of control’, for lack of a better term, requires vulnerability and courage. Two things that can be very hard to muster up when we already feel exposed.

When we masturbate, things are usually quite different; most people ensure they’re in a place where no interruptions can happen, that they’re secure, and the worries they have are limited; they aren’t scared someone else will get soaked if the squirt, that they’ll be laughed at for the look on their face/something they do or say in the heat of the moment, or that they’ll be judged for they way their naked body looks. Basically, there’s limited to no risk of embarrassment when masturbating, allowing us to let go completely, which definitely helps with achieving an orgasm.

Throw another person into the mix all sorts of embarrassing situations present themselves. Often times we’re not even conscious of this and enter into sexual relations unaware, only to end up disappointed. This isn’t to say that we’re not comfortable with our partner(s) or that we don’t love him/her. It has more to do with the conscious/unconscious state of being and the willingness to share a very intimate and personal experience.

One thing I’ve come to learn from most women is that once they have had a self induced orgasm in front of their partner where nothing “bad” happened, they are better able to achieve an orgasms with them next time around.

With that in mind, I suggest you take a night where you both masturbate for each other. I’m serious. Relax and allow yourself to have an orgasm in front of him. Try not to be embarrassed or afraid to let go. Don’t rush, take as long as you need. Do it for you and you alone. Use whatever toy you feel works best and that you love to personally play with. If it helps, just pretend that he isn’t even there. Sit him in a corner by himself in the shadows and do all of the things you would normally do for yourself. Whether it’s lighting candles, playing music, fantasizing about a male/female you are attracted to or putting on your pajamas. What ever you do when you are by yourself, do that.

I know it’s probably a scary, overwhelming, intimidating, and bizarre idea to throw out there, but if you trust your partner, self, and want to get past any issues you might be having it’s worth trying. What’s the worst that can happen? …you’ll have an orgasm, might do something embarrassing, he’ll make you feel better about it, and the next time you’ll both know what to expect. No biggie. Trust me, if he loves you and wants to see you happy, he’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable in your own skin.

Other Suggestions

For as hard or uncomfortable as it might be, talk to your partner about your insecurities and the things that make you feel vulnerable in the moment. If they understand where you’re coming from they may be willing to help you explore and feel confident in your skin.

Try using toys during sex. It is VERY common that most women can’t achieve an orgasm without the clitoral stimulation that a penis can not provide. By introducing toys during sex you create the much needed stimulation of the clitoris.

You also might want to look for a more powerful vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand as it may be “harder” for you to reach the level of arousal you need from clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. Keep in mind that not everyone is built the same, so what might take one woman 1 minute of stimulation to reach an orgasm might take another 10 minutes, a half an hour, or even longer.

When it comes to sex there are certain “levels” within the a persons Sexual Response Cycle that need to be reached in order to achieve an orgasm. You may want to watch my video on the subject in order to learn more about your body and the way it’s reacting, so that you can understand what’s happening and hopefully figure out what you specifically need to do.

Finally, stop trying. One of the main problems that people face when achieving an orgasm is that they forget to relax and enjoy it. They stress themselves out about and end up not being able to allow it to happen naturally. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun not stressful.

It may take more then one go at it, but with time if you are able to relax enough to let go and surrender to that primal part of yourself, you should be able to reach an orgasm. Enjoy it!

hope that helped

Kara_Sutra

Sit back, relax, let me come to you. Sign up for mailing list and get content only when I post it. Don’t worry I promise not to spam you!