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Beginners Guide: Everything You Need To Know About 69’ing

Not sure what 69ing is? Not to worry. This beginners guide: Everything You Need To Know About 69’ing covers all the bases!

What is 69’ing?

“69ing” refers to a sexual position that allows you and your partner to give and receive simultaneous oral sex. As for why it’s called ’69’, if you look at the way the numbers line up it looks like two heads facing each others genitals. Pretty basic.

Although it takes a little more coordination than some other sex positions, there are a bunch of ways to make it easy, comfortable, and totally enjoyable for both parties.

69’ing Tips & Suggestions

Because this position puts the other person face-to-face with your genitals it can be rather embarrassing, overwhelming, and uncomfortable. Especially if you already feel self conscious being naked in front of another person. My suggestion, do your best to learn about and love your body beforehand. Look at it in the mirror, feel it, touch it and see what you like, become comfortable in your skin and trust that your partner likely doesn’t see all the faults you do. I know this can be hard for a lot of people, but it’s key to being able to let go and really enjoy yourself.

Very often when people orgasm there are uncontrollable muscle spasms, sometimes to the point of legs tensing like vice grips. If this is something that often happens to you, have a code word that lets your partner know you’re going to cum, that way they’ll have ample time to move and keep their head from getting squished between your thighs.

Like being in control? Try being on top, resting on your knees, with your legs straddling your partners head. This lets you determine how much stimulation you receive. If you want more or less simply lower or raise yourself accordingly. Just make sure you don’t rest all your weight on them. Suffocating isn’t fun.

On that note, be aware of your body and where your weight is landing. There’s nothing worse than being in the moment, totally enjoying yourself, only to find your partner yelling because you accidentally pulled their hair with the shifting of a knee.

If you’re well endowed be aware of how deep your thrusting, especially when on top and your partner has no where to back their head up to. Without meaning to you could hit their gag reflex, or accidentally choke them.

Not everyone likes balls. If you’ve got a set of ’em and you’re the one on top, try to be aware of where they’re landing. For the person on the bottom, use your hand to keep them out of the way.

If putting weight on your knees is uncomfortable, try lying side by side with your heads resting on each others thighs. This can allow a longer session, while also giving each other a bit more control, and easier access to everything.

Don’t be afraid to let your tongue wander. You don’t have to stick to specific target areas (i.e. the clitoris or penis). Explore the entire vulva. Same goes for the balls, taint (space between balls and ass), and foreskin (if they have any).

Remember, safe sex is the best sex. Use condoms and dental dams as necessary.

The Bad

If you’re the type that really enjoys oral sex, it may be rather difficult to concentrate on what you’re doing when your partner is busy at work between your legs. This can go for your partner as well. That said, don’t be disappointed if they keep losing focus or aren’t able to help you reach orgasm while in this position. Take it as a compliment that you’re doing a good job, and if they finish before you, ask them to help you out. Remember, unlike in the movies people don’t often orgasm at the same time.

I know good hygiene shouldn’t be something I need to cover, but 69ing often puts partners almost level with each others asses…. and while it’s a fetish (Olfactophilia), from the emails I receive I don’t think it’s something everyone is into. If you don’t want to offend your partner, should they not be into the ass smelling thing, washing up before would be a good idea.

Considering your mouths will likely be full most of the time, talking dirty or communicating your needs isn’t the easiest.

This isn’t the most comfortable position and can be rather awkward to get into and out of. Like I said earlier, be aware of your body and where parts are landing getting into and out of position. I’ve heard far too many tales of people being kneed in the face, squished, or elbowed by flailing limbs.

End.

That’s pretty much all the advice I can offer. Hopefully it’ll help in some way. If you have any questions or are looking to share a story feel free to use the comments below.

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Q&A: Problems with Penetration

For The Beginner, For The Guys, For The Ladies, How To's, Q & A, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Question:

Terribly sorry to bother you, I know you get a lot of emails and messages, but I really love your videos and they have helped me a lot, so I thought you might be able to help me with my situation and I couldn’t find the answer to my question in any of your videos.

To be blunt, my boyfriend has a rather large penis (7.5in, 2 in.wide), and I’m a very small female (120lbs), and we have been having problems in the bedroom. We are probably the most intimate couple I know, completely in love, and after a long wait we decided that we wanted to have sex. We’re both virgins. However, whenever we try, he cannot penetrate. I know that it is not a matter of our comfort level, both of us want it very much, and I get wet, but he can never penetrate more than an inch without me experiencing extreme pain. So I guess you could say we’re having problems with penetration. Inserting tampons larger than regular size is even uncomfortable for me. We have tried multiple times with various condoms, and I am aware of the fact that the first time will hurt, but I was wondering if you have any suggestions, like positions we could try, or products we could buy to make it less uncomfortable for me, or any other advice you might have.

Would it be easier if we “practiced,” as in, he tries to penetrate a little more every time? Or would that just make the pain worse? Should I use a toy, or would that just be silly?

Thanks for your help,

Worried First Timer

Answer

Dear Worried First Timer,

Thanks for watching and supporting what I do!!

What your are experiencing is very common and something I hear all the time. That being said, please be aware of the fact that it is normal, to be expected and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

As for suggestions, I think you should start small and then work up to an actual penis. There are many things that you can use that are smaller then him that will help your body to stretch (it won’t actually ‘stretch out’, so don’t worry about that), get accustomed to having something inside, as well as hopefully provide you with the stimulation you need to have an orgasm.

Foreplay

First I would suggest making foreplay a very regular and integral part of your experience. I say this because the more aroused you are the more your vaginal canal will expand to allow the insertion of a penis. Just to be clear, when the vaginal canal at its largest (fully expanded) it’s “usually” between 6″ – 7″ inches deep, whereas it’s normally only 3″ – 4″ inches deep. Crazy, I know. Unfortunately, more foreplay doesn’t equal a deeper expansion.

Foreplay doesn’t have to be anything specific, just whatever it is that turns you on in the moment. For some people it’s cuddling, others like talking dirty, some like watching porn, others prefer something more external like light caresses, massages, or spankings. Feel what’s right for you in the moment, it’s all about turning yourself on.

Also by making foreplay a regular part of your experience you allow your body to go through the natural response cycle of arousal, allowing you to lubricate and ready yourself for intercourse.

Start Small and Go Slow

Next, I would suggest either using a finger or a small silicone dildo to get yourself used to the feeling of having something inside. This can be done by him or by you. I’d personally suggest a dilator set, they often have everything you need, starting with smaller sized dildos and graduating to much larger. Or if you’re looking for something more specific I’d say go with a Small Silk, Little Flirt, or a Tantus Meteorite (my review) the last one is meant for anal use, but can just as easily be used vaginally. They’re all relatively small, made of body safe materials, have a base so you can get them out easily, and will last you a lifetime.

As for using them, I don’t suggest you just try and cram them in or go for an instant thrusting motion as it’ll likely be painful. Instead, lube both yourself and the toy up, then when you’re ready slowly insert the toy until it starts to hurt and when it does… just stop. Don’t remove it or shift it, just leave it exactly where it is. I know this may seem a little silly, but as time passes your body will relax and you’ll find the pain will subside. When you’re ready insert a bit more until it hurts, again, just stop. Keep going like this until the toy is completely inside you. For some people this takes one session, for others a few days of practice, some are able to do it on the first go. There is no barometer for what’s right or wrong. Just take your time and go slow. Eventually it will far less painful and something you can learn to enjoy.

Once you’re comfortable with the toys, try having him use his finger to penetrate you. I realize that it still might hurt, but using lots of lubricant and relaxing can make a world of difference. Again, I don’t suggest that he use his fingers in an “in and out” motion as the friction can sometimes hurt, but instead place that he slowly insert one in you for as long as your comfortable. Follow the same steps outlined above until you’re comfortable and ready to explore something larger like two fingers. From there you could attempt a larger sized dildo or have him try and penetrate you. Again, it may still be painful but usually if you’ve taken the necessary time to allow your body to get used to the feeling, it can make a world of difference.

Relax

The final suggestion I have is to take some time relaxing before you have sex. The more relaxed you allow your body to become the more you will enjoy the experience because you are not tense, and therefor not “tightening” up.

Please remember that it isn’t something that is going to happen over night and instead is going to take some time for you to get used to. That being said, once you are comfortable and ready it can make the experience a much more pleasurable one then a painful one.

I do understand how frustrating this can be and hope that some of my suggestions helped.

Kara_Sutra

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Beginners Guide: How To Give A Blow Job

How To's, Safer Sex, Sex Ed 102

What is oral sex?

Oral sex involves giving or receiving oral stimulation (i.e. sucking or licking) to the genitalia. Fellatio (also known as a ‘blow job’) is the term used to describe oral sex given to someone with a penis. Cunnilingus is the term which describes oral sex given to someone with a vagina.

Is oral sex common practice?

Many studies have shown that oral sex is practiced by men and women of all ages, both gay and straight. It is a very common practice and may be performed on its own, or before or after sexual intercourse.

Is oral sex safe?

A number of studies have demonstrated that oral sex is not necessarily safe sex. Both giving and receiving oral sex can lead to the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (also known as STIs or STDs).

Which STDs are transmitted via oral sex?

The most common STD transmitted via oral sex is herpes. There are two main types of herpes simplex virus (HSV): HSV type 1 and HSV type 2. HSV type 1 usually causes cold sores around the mouth, while HSV type 2 generally causes genital herpes sores. However, oral sex can sometimes cause HSV type 1 around the mouth to be transmitted to the genital area causing genital sores in the other person. This process can also work in reverse, with HSV-2 transmitted from the genitals to the mouth of the other person during oral sex, though this is rare.

The human papillomavirus that causes genital warts can very occasionally be transmitted through oral sex, causing warts to appear around or inside the mouth in anyone who has given oral sex to an infected person.

Gonorrhea has been shown to infect the throat of some people who have given oral sex to an infected person. This infection can then be passed on from the throat to the genitals of any future partners. The body will almost always naturally clear the throat of the bacteria that cause gonorrhea within three months, although infections in the genital tract will usually require antibiotics to cure. Chlamydia can also infect the throat in a similar way, although this is less common. Both infections may result in a sore throat, although many people will remain asymptomatic and unaware they are infected.

Syphilis may be passed on during oral sex if a person’s mouth comes into contact with an open sore or a skin rash caused by the infection.

Gastrointestonal infections and parasites may be passed on during oral contact with the anus.

The Hepatitis A virus is also contained in human faeces, and may be passed on during anal-oral sex.

Hepatitis B is contained in sexual fluids and blood and may be transmitted during oral sex in a similar way to HIV (see below).

Hepatitis C is generally only contained in blood, and will only be transmitted if there is blood present during oral sex.

Can HIV be transmitted during oral sex?

HIV can pose a small risk for both the active (person giving the oral stimulation) and receptive (person receiving oral stimulation) partner.

Transmission from an HIV positive receptive partner to an HIV negative active partner may occur when the active partner gets sexual fluid (semen or vaginal fluid) or blood (from menstruation) or a wound somewhere in the genital or anal region) into a cut, sore, ulcer or area of inflammation somewhere in their mouth or throat. The linings of the mouth and throat are very resistant to viral infections such as HIV, so infection is unlikely if they are healthy.

Transmission from an HIV positive active partner to an HIV negative receptive partner is generally believed to be less common. This is because HIV is normally only present in saliva in very low levels that are not sufficient to cause infection. The only risk in this scenario would be from bleeding wounds or gums in the HIV positive person’s mouth or on their lips, which may transfer blood onto the mucous membranes of the other person’s genitals or anus, or into any cuts or sores they may have. Hepatitis C can also be transmitted this way.

How do I protect myself and my partner during oral sex?

The already low risk of becoming infected with HIV from oral sex can be reduced still further by using condoms. Flavoured condoms are available for those who don’t like the taste of latex or spermicide. For cunnilingus or analingus, plastic food wrap, a condom cut open, or a dental dam (a thin square of latex) can serve as a physical barrier to prevent transmission of HIV and many other STDs.

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Sex In The Shower: Tips & Suggestions

How To's, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Shower sex is something most people have thought about at one point or another, but in the real world, having an amazing time is sometimes easier said than done;. from potentially dangerous slippery surfaces to maneuvering bodies in a small space, the inability to stay lubricated to accidentally getting soap in your partners eyes, there’s a lot of possibly frustrating things to contend with. Hopefully by following the tips outlined below the results can be pretty amazing.

Sex In The Shower: Helpful Tips & Suggestions

If you find your natural lubrication doesn’t last very long in the shower, try adding silicone lubricant (it’s waterproof and wont break down), which will allow for a much less painful experience.

On that note, NEVER use soap, shampoo, lotion, shower gel, or any other product as a lubricant. These products are not meant for internal use; not only can they be harsh and drying, they can also cause infections by throwing off the bodies natural pH.

Using lubricant in the shower can often cause the floor to become slippery, as such it’s advisable that you use a bath mat or non-slip rubber mat to keep from sliding in the shower.

Get creative and use the water to stimulate your partner; you can even engage in temperature play by adjusting from cool to warm. Just be careful of water temperature by testing on your wrist first to avoid accidentally burning your partner.

If you have a shower head with variable settings try some sensory play by rotating the settings as the water sprays on your partners body.

If clitoral stimulation is something you and/or your partner need, try introducing a waterproof external vibe like the We-Vibe Touch, We-Vibe Tango, Leaf Vibrator by Life, or the JimmyJane Coral Love Pod.

Finding the right position can be fairly awkward; rather than struggling to make it work, go straight for doggy-style; simply place one foot up on the edge as you bend forward and support yourself on the wall. If you want a bit more support, have your partner hold your hips. This also allows them to pull you towards them for deeper penetration while also keeping you from slipping all over the place.

Take the hassle out of everything by investing in some gear specifically designed for shower sex; support products like the single locking suction foot rest, single locking shower handle, and dual locking shower handle are inexpensive and definitely worth owning.

If you want to add a bit of ambiance, turn off the lights and use candles to offer a more romantic setting. Or if you feel really creative, try switching out your regular light bulb for a black light or light bulbs that change color. Just make sure to do this well before you get started so you don’t risk getting shocked.

Unless you’re trying to conceive and/or know that your partner is STI free, always use protection. On that note, keep in mind that the lubricant on the condom will likely wash off so you’ll need to apply more lube otherwise there’s a risk it might tear.

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Painful Sex: Causes & How To Fix It

How To's, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Over the last year I’ve received an alarming number of messages from my female viewers regarding “pain during sex”. For some it’s an annoyance, for others it’s made it impossible for them to have an orgasm during intercourse, let alone enjoy the experience. As such, I thought I’d address the situation covering the various reasons it could be occurring.

The most common causes for pain during sex are: lack of lubrication (creating friction), a largely endowed partner (read: a big dick), an insufficient amount of foreplay and time spent on getting aroused, not being relaxed enough (which may cause tension and tightening).

Emotional

For some the issue isn’t as easily defined as it may be due to a negative previous experience which causes them to tense up as/before the penis is inserted. Sometimes called or identified as “Vaginismus”