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Redefining Virginity


Over the course of the last 2 years I have spent much time debating whether or not to make this video. The reason for the debate was that ones “virginity” and the term itself, are hard to define in today’s society. As such, I thought that I would instead make a video that opened the doors of communication to help you define for yourself what being a Virgin, and Virginity are.

The word/term “Virgin” as defined by;

The Free Dictionary

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

Random House Dictionary

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.

Online Etymology Dictionary

c.1200, “unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church,” from O.Fr. virgine, from L. virginem (nom. virgo) “maiden, unwedded girl or woman,” also an adj., “fresh, unused,” probably related to virga “young shoot.” For sense evolution, cf. Gk. talis “a marriageable girl,” cognate with L. talea “rod, stick, bar.” Meaning “young woman in a state of inviolate chastity” is recorded from c.1310. Also applied since c.1330 to a chaste man. Meaning “naive or inexperienced person” is attested from 1953. The adj. is recorded from 1560 in the lit. sense; fig. sense of “pure, untainted” is attested from c.1300.

Wikipedia

Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.

The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts.[1][2][3][4] Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration,[1][3][4] while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity.[3][5][6] Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.[2]

Feel free to comment on what you believe the terms mean, and how they apply to you or society. Please also feel free to throw in any information that I did not mention in regard to the term or words presented and how they may have changed over time.

 

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Queefing a.k.a Pussy Fart

If you’ve ever had sex, you’ve likely found yourself in the following situation: you’re in the moment and loving it, when all of a sudden there’s a noise that sounds like a fart… one that came out of you or your partners vagina. It’s the kind of situation that can leave you humiliated and feeling exposed, but it doesn’t have to. Here’s everything you need to know about ‘queefing’.

What Is a Queef?

First and foremost, vaginal farts are a totally normal and natural bodily function that anyone with a vagina will experience at one point or another. While many think they’re just like a fart, they’re actually not;  gas from the rectum happens because of bacterial activity in the gut, whereas queefing is the result of a pocket of air getting pushed out of the vagina. This explains why farts often have a smell, and queefing doesn’t.

Although it can happen at anytime (it’s a common occurrence while exercising), a pussy fart a.k.a queefing, very often occurs during sex, when a penis or sex toy is inserted and removed from the vagina (i.e during thrusting) which can not only push the air inside, but also displace it.

Unfortunately there’s no way to stop queefs from happening, however there are ways to lessen the chance; try positions other than doggy, use lots of lubricant, and try to limit the amount of times an object (penis or toy) fully exits then re-enters the vagina.

How to Deal with Queefing?

No matter how embarrassing it might be, it’s best not to be ashamed. It’s a natural bodily function, after all. If you’ve both got a sense of humor you can always joke about it. Basically, do your best to not let something so inconsequential affect the great time your having.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Peer Pressure/Talking Dirty

Question:

I recently starting “talking dirty” with my boyfriend of 3 months because he kept asking me to. At first I thought it was fun and it even turned me on, I liked doing it, but now he’s saying things that make me feel like what I’m doing is bad or wrong. He keeps saying that I’m “making” him do things he doesn’t want to and that it’s my fault because he can’t help himself. I thought he was kidding, but then he tried to use it against me and say that “since we went that far, having sex is the next step“. I’m not sure I’m ready but he’s making me feel guilty! What should I do? Is it really all my fault? Should I have sex with him?

Please help if you can

Guilty as Sin

Answer:

Dear Guilty as Sin,

Whether over the phone or online “talking dirty” is a fantastic way for a couple to interact sexually without actually having sex before their ready. Not only can it be a wonderful way of learning what your partners likes or dislikes are, what they are comfortable with and how far they are willing to go, but it also is great for or exploring their own sexual chemistry without placing themselves in a state of danger due to the risks of STD’s or an unwanted pregnancy.

That said, you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed of anything you’ve done. You chose to speak the way you did because you were curious about it and felt comfortable enough with him to explore that part of yourself. You’re allowed that.

As for the comment that you “made him” jerk off, I just want to clear one thing up…no you didn’t. He masturbated because he CHOOSE to ~ you weren’t there and therefor weren’t able to put his hands on himself, you didn’t make him move them the way he likes, and you certainly didn’t control whether or not he had an orgasm. He choose all of those actions and for him to say you “made him” do it is very incorrect. From the sounds of it he’s looking to place the blame on someone else so he doesn’t have to feel it anymore.

At any given time he could have changed the subject or stopped himself, but he didn’t (emphasis on HE), and that was his choice. He has no right to use it against you or in an attempt to make you feel guilty. What he is doing is maipulative, cruel, vindictive, disrespectful and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

That said, being that you were “dirty talking” you did have some influence over the words you chose fully knowing how they would affect him. I’m going to also assume that you liked what you said got a rise out of him, and it may have been something you were intending. In spite of your possible intentions, I want for you to know that his behavior after the fact and during are not your responsibility; we each have a choice in how we behave and how we handle situations. In my opinion he is handling this one very poorly and that’s something you need to discuss with him.

In regard to whether or not you should have sex with him that’s for you to decide, but I do want to point out that sex should be something that we share with our partner out of love, respect, friendship, passion, comfort, understanding, or any of the other positive reasons that people choose to connect… not because of guilt or manipulation.

In my honest opinion, so long as he is making you feel guilty, it’s not a good enough reason to ‘put out’. You deserve better then that.

Hopefully that helps

Kara_Sutra

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Homosexual Marriage Rights

With all of the heated debates that have surfaced from the recent Miss Universe pageant, I thought that I would offer my two cents on the subject.

If the comments that you have to post are mean, cruel, hurtful, or hateful in any way they will NOT be allowed.

Also, for those of you questioning your sexuality please understand that there is nothing wrong with you, what you are going through is a normal part of your development and one more step in you finding out who you are ~ a person who deserves to be loved and respected no matter what.

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Q & A: Is she really a Virgin?

 

Question

Hi KaraSutra

I have a topic for one of your videos, which I watch all the time by the way. Keep it up you do a great job teaching us guys things.

Ok to the story (this is something that happens but no one talks about)… I met a nice girl and we have been going out for about three months now. She told me she was a virgin back in month one, which took a load of my mind because I’m one to. However recently she let me finger her and there was: no pain, no obstruction, no blood (this was without taking her skirt off) The other problem is she wont let me look down there. . . Literally she wont let me see her.

Now keep in mind I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m not dumb and I don’t like this game.
When I asked about it she told me “oh I took care of that with a tampon when I was 13” I said okay because at the time being a virgin myself I thought … okay maybe.

However with more time to think, the not bleeding part doesn’t bother me . . . but lying to me does
She’s basically made me feel like shit. Worthless. That I’m not worth the truth.
Even though I like her want to spend time with her she’s not instilling trust.
(frankly it scares me – what else could she lie to me about)’

I think this happens to a lot of guys and gals out there and these days sex is hard enough! So now I’m stuck wondering, is she really a virgin?

I suggest you make a topic of one of your videos Truth and Honesty.

Thanks for your time.

Answer

Hey,

First off thanks for watching my videos and supporting what I do!!

As for the issue your dealing with… unless you know for a fact 100% that she lied to you about her virginity you shouldn’t assume that she did. Just because she didn’t bleed, there was no pain or obstruction, or because she wont let you look at her “down there”, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t a virgin.

Also please keep in mind that the hymen has nothing to do with a persons actual ‘virginity’ anyways.

In my “all about the hymen” video I clearly state (I suggest you watch it) that a person may have torn their hymen in many ways before they ever had sex; from using a tampon (which she stated), riding a bike or a horse, gymnastics, exercising etc. Any form of strenuous activity can tear a hymen at any age, so please don’t take the fact that she didn’t bleed to mean she wasn’t a virgin.

As for there being “no pain”, she may have been really enjoying herself and therefor was very aroused and lubricated causing it not to hurt. Don’t forget every woman’s body is different and the experience of enjoying ones own sexuality or sexual activity can vary from person to person.

In regard to her not letting you see “down there”, it most likely has nothing to do with her not being a virgin (especially considering you can’t tell if a girl is a virgin just from looking at her vagina), instead, she’s probably uncomfortable with her body especially her vagina, and is most likely very embarrassed.

Don’t forget, if she’s a virgin no one has ever seen it before, she has probably never really looked at it herself and may still have some kind of shame or shyness to showing something so personal to someone else. Even you.  You have a dick that extends from your body, you probably look at it everyday without thinking twice, so showing it to someone else probably feels like second nature. Unfortunately her relationship with her genitals likely isn’t the same; in order for her to see it she’d have to use a mirror, sit uncomfortably, have enough light to see everything, and be comfortable enough with herself to spread her lips and look around. For a lot of females, that’s something they’re just not comfortable with. She has every right to feel however she does about her body, after all it is hers.

Just to maybe put things in perspective for you, I receive at least 10+ emails a day from women, virgins and non virgins alike, that all tell me they aren’t comfortable with their body, especially their vagina. Some feel the that inner lips (labia minora) are too long, some feel they are too small, others think that the outer lips (labia majora) are too “puffy” or too thin, some think the vagina itself looks ugly, others feel it’s to light, dark, pink, white, black in color, some think it looks weird, and some just hate it all together.

You’re girlfriend isn’t alone in how she feels, if that is how she feels, and in time with trust and self confidence she will most likely come to feel she can show you something that is very personal to her.

In regard to the “trust and honesty” comment, you can always start by opening the doors of communication yourself and actually ask her why she wont show you, rather then blaming her, accusing her, or making her out to be the bad guy trying to pull one over on you.

If after talking to her she tells you she wasn’t a virgin, and did in fact lie to you, well then you have every right to feel duped. But until then, don’t jump to any conclusions and instead try to see it from another perspective… that of a female who may not be comfortable with her body yet, but was still willing to allow you do be intimate with her, something that after all does require trust.

Hope that helped

Kara_Sutra

 

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