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#FunFindFriday: Vibrator Chess Set

$10,000  Vibrator Chess Set

Losing at chess has never been this much fun…

Granted I’m not the best chess player, in fact I’m far from it… but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a challenge now and then, and with a stunning set like this, I can’t help but wonder if a losing a quick game would be worth it.

From the same company that created seriously pretty packaging for M.A.C., redefined how you get your morning coffee and worked with fourty-four 8th grade students on re-designing key elements of their environment even if it does resemble a batch of Ikea furniture, comes a forward thinking, totally luxurious and exceptionally high end chess set; each of the 32 pieces doubles as a vibrator, complete with matte and glossy textures, medical grade silicone and ABS surfaces (so it’s totally body safe), a handmade walnut game board and wait for it… gold-plate detailing. Ohhhh. Ahhhhh.


With all that I guess there’s only one question to ask: what’s it gonna cost you?

A cool $10,000.

Yeah, you read right. Ten. Thousand. Dollars. For some people that’s a down payment on a house, a new car, a portion of University tuition, a backpacking trip across the globe, or the end to debt… for others it’s a mind-fuck followed by diddling game of chess.

Though I will admit, they don’t look like anything too special, sexually speaking of course – except for the castles, which are slightly reminiscent of the We-Vibe Touch, or the Knights, just because I think they might be great for shallow g-spot stimulation. The rest however, meh. For $10,000 I’d expect much more.

Feel free to check them out at Kiki De Montparnasse… or think of all the other things ten grand could buy. Your call.

Screen Shot 2015-07-24 at 3.57.34 AM

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#FunFindFriday: Smurfs XXX Porn Parody


I can’t help but wonder what the fuck Hustler was thinking when they gave the green light on this project.  There will likely be viewers with childhood memories of curiously stuffing a smurf figure somewhere the sun don’t shine…and maybe even liking it, but for crying out loud, DOES THERE REALLY NEED TO BE A PORN PARODY OF EVERYTHING A PORN EXEC CAN DREAM UP?!

No. No there does not. Case in point: This Ain’t Smurfs XXX.

I might be wrong but I thought the point of porn was to turn people on and help them get off. There is nothing, between the trailer and clips I’ve found online, that’s even remotely sexy.

Tacky? Yes.

Weird? Yes.

Childish? Yes.

Boring? Definitely.

Sexy, arousing, enticing or sultry, hells no!  In fact, if my vagina could, I think it might just curl up and die.

I mean, wtf is up with those ears?! It’s like a grade 2 class got a shit tonne of blue plasticine and made the worst lumpy blue pancakes they could. Then, to take it one step further, they decided it would be fun to smack them on the side of someones head. ‘Cause ya know, why the fuck not.

Don’t get me started on the acting. Jesus! It’s cringe worthy.

As for the script, every time they say something “smurfy” I die a little on the inside.

And what’s the deal with this “Mommy” bullshit?! Ugh. Let’s not also forget to mention the chemistry, of which THERE IS NONE. Maybe there are fleeting glimpses of it somewhere in the movie, but from what I can see it’s just plain ‘ol poorly costumed dick in vagina. A good porn that does not make.

I get it, Evan Stone has a contract with Hustler, but the fact that he’s in almost every XXX parody drives me bananas. It’s unnecessary…. just let the old guy retire already.

Then there’s Gargamel… his eyebrows give me the heebie geebies. That balding wig is just tacky. And his awkward flailing while muttering ‘rise my minion‘ to a glob of green play-doh, followed by a puff of animated smoke and hand convulsions makes me want to do bad things to him… and not in a potentially good way either. Oh, and that potato sack dress, can we please just not.

Though I will admit, the bleeping of cuss words at 1:18 (video above) was  pretty epic, I honestly  couldn’t stop myself from rewinding and watching over and over while laughing so hard I almost peed.

All in all, I think the real reason I hate it so much has something to do with staring at those blue painted bodies… it just brings back horrible visuals of the fiasco that was This Ain’t Avatar XXX, and that was a doozy… one that made me want to punch myself in the face on more than one occasion. #pornragemoment

At least it has one thing going for it, something I missed with the Avatar version: blue dicks. I just wonder how long the paint will last.  Judging by the continuity issues with Smurfettes lipstick, I’m guessing not very long.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; if you’re gonna make a porn – even a parody – take some serious funds from your multi-million dollar empire and invest it like the makers of the awe inspiring Pirates did. Otherwise, gtfo!


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#FunFindFriday: Doc Johnson Wonderland Inspired Sex Toys

I’ll be honest, I’ve had a love hate relationship with Doc Johnson for years now. On the one hand they make products like the Original Pocket Rocket, one of the very first products I ever owned and still have to this day… on the other hand, they’re also one of the main manufacturers still creating products with tacky and cheap packaging, oral aides with gross flavors/ingredients, and scary ass shit like this and this,  not to mention the mass production of horrible jelly toys, even though I’m sure they know the negative side effects and potential safety issues.

Considering they’ve been in the industry for what seems like eons, I expect much more, not only with the level of quality they’re putting out, but also with regards to the creativity. Maybe it’s just me, but companies should be listening to the market, watching the trends, aiming to do better, and moving ahead with the times, not sitting comfy within the status quo… if Leaf by Swan (an offshoot of BMS), Jopen (an offshoot of California Exotics, and I’m talking the Vr line, not that horrible Intensity thing) and others can do it, so can they

And then I found the Wonderland series.


Okay, I’ll admit they kinda look like a Wonderlanded version of the Toyfriend collection, which I’m not exactly impressed by, but holy shit! As a fan of Alice in Wonderland, these have me totally curious, excited, and really hoping that it’s a sign the company is branching into better territory with the products they create.

On a side note, I really would have loved different audio for each of the products. Meh, it’s better than nothing I guess.

To check out all the products in the line you can watch the videos below or head over to

Mystical Mushroom


Kinky Kat


Heavenly Heart


The White Wabbit


Magic Musroom

Pleasure Pillar


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#FunFindFriday: Fleshlight Freaks

I figured that since it’s October I’d set the tone for the month with something a lil bit freaky, kinky and/or scary. Now, considering the fact that I’ve tweeted, facebooked and linked the hell out of them, the creepy and bizarre Fleshlight products probably aren’t going to be anything new to some of you. However, since I  also know there are a few who don’t do the ‘social media’ thing and instead only subscribe to my blog (or check it every so often) I thought I’d add it here, ’cause well – I don’t want to be the only person with them seared into my brain when I lay down to sleep at night.


To be honest, when I first saw them I thought it was a prank. Something akin to an bad April Fools joke or an episode of Punk’d gone awry. Alas, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Each and every one of these terrifying looking vaginas and penis’s is real, crafted out of Fleshlights patented SuperSkin material or platinum cured silicone no less.

Of course I’m not one to judge, hell, I’ve spent a night or two fantasizing about what Jacob’s werewolf dong might look like should he happen upon me like a bitch in heat, but there’s just something about these that makes me wonder if the hype is all it’s cracked up to be. They’re stunning, I’m not arguing that, it’s the functionality that I find myself questioning.

*For the record, I think the details on the Cyber Dildo and the labia on the Drac Fleshlight are to die for! Furthermore,  if companies like Bad Dragon, Whipspider Rubber Works and Divine Interventions can do it, who’s to say Fleshlight cant?

As I’ve said in previous posts regarding male sex toys – I don’t have a penis so I can’t judge the Vag’s for myself (though I’d love to hear from those that have done these gnarly beasts), and from what I can gather on the website the dicks are for ‘external purposes only’ (I’m assuming that’s a legal thing and not legit). So, for those of you that are into this sort of thing, be it dark and sinister role-play, or just a basic curiosity about sex with something from the beyond, this one goes out to you. May your fantasies be fulfilled and your wet-nightmares a thing of the past.

*I’ve taken the quotes from the website since I don’t have the products in my hand to make a proper description…and also because they’re far more entertaining then anything I could write. Copy and paste for the win! #fail

Fleshlight Freaks: Zombie Dildo & Sleeve

Dead Nights Now Living

“You must be warned. While fucking your brains out is usually the goal at hand, these creatures of the walking dead are in dire hunger. Have a necromantic night in the degrading skin of the Zombie Fleshlight or question yourself with the lifeless, yet vibrant deteriorating cock of the living dead.”

Fleshlight: “Fucking your brains out may not be the best idea, but how could you resist? Made with Fleshlight’s patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, your dead nights will now always be living.

Dildo: This zombie wants your brains, and the only way to get them is to fuck them out of you! Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you better aim for the head.

Fleshlight Freaks: Alien Sleeve & Dildo

Reports Confirmed!

For years the government has been trying to keep UFOs and the existence of extraterrestrial life an eyes-only secret. Now, Fleshlight is making the secret public in the most private of ways. Take a journey into an interstellar vortex of pleasure in the Alien Fleshlight, or welcome a probing by abducting the Alien’s cosmic cock.

Fleshlight: “For years, increasing accounts of an Unidentified Fucking Object have been reported by mystified Fleshlight fans with little or no substantiating evidence. The denial of the existence of this object has driven the scandal to levels of near hysteria. Finally, after publicly rebuffing the existence of exxxtra-terrestrial fuckery, the once top-secret “Alien” is now being made available to the public from Fleshlight, the maker of the #1 selling sex toy for men

Dildo: “What took light-years to arrive is now ready to be abducted in your deepest of spaces.  Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®. You will cum-firm, not deny, its massive existence.

Fleshlight Freaks: Frankenstein Sleeve & Dildo

It’s Alive!

“Born from the experiments of Fleshlight’s maddest of sex toy scientists comes a collection of the abhorred monster. Feel the scary pleasures of the stitched Frankenvag and witness a massive Frankencock of monstrous proportions.”

Fleshlight: “You will scream “It’s Alive!” when you experience the feeling of this abhorred monster. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you are sure to have an electrifying night.”

Dildo: “There is only one monster this massive creation can belong to. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can now have what they say brought his wife to life.

Fleshlight Freaks: Drac Sleeve & Dildo

“I Want To Suck Your…”

“Beware of the alluring aesthetics of the Drac that Fleshlight has created or you may soon find yourself missing your most precious of fluids. Take a flight on the dark side in the winged Fleshlight, or get staked by the centuries old cock from the walker of the night.”

Fleshlight: “Take a flight on the dark side and have a fling in the wings. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now have what the realm of the living has been missing for centuries.”

Dildo: “It’s your turn to get staked by the blood sucking nightwalker. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can have the centuries old famous cock.”

Fleshlight Freaks: Cyborg Sleeve & Dildo

Artificial Intercourse”

“Technology is progressing and it was only a matter of time before Fleshlight was able to create the most breathtaking of bionic experiences. Upload your cock into the intelligent design of the Cyborg Fleshlight, or experience the impressive organ of enhanced technological abilities with the Cyborg cock.”

Cyborg Fleshlight: “Get turned on by a bionic experience with the #1 selling product in Artificial Intercourse. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now take your cock on a journey through the ejaculation super highway.”

Cyborg Dildo: “Breathtaking bionic experiences await you with this creation of artificial intercourse. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can now have an impressive organ of enhanced technological abilities.”

Update: Sadly you can no longer find any Fleshlight Freaks (except the Alien) on the Fleshlight website.

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The Worlds Most Expensive Sex Toys

Last night while searching online for new and innovative products, I happened to come across a few that took my breath away. Being that I see toys every day that isn’t something that happens often…

From toys plated in 14k gold to crystal encrusted vibrators, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. While they do serve the same functions as “regular” adult toys, it’s the appearance and price of these toys that makes them so astounding.

Jimmyjane Little Gold $325.00

Crafted of opulent 24K gold, the virtually silent Little Gold features one powerful speed that thrums at a low, rumbling frequency, and a slender profile that will take it anywhere you want it to go — and the motor is replaceable, making this a toy you will love and cherish for life.

The Jimmyjane line of sex toys is favored by the Hollywood crowd for good reason: impeccable crafting, luxury designs, waterproof fun and a quiet, replaceable motor.

Phallix Multi-Section G-spot $399.99

Solid Pyrex inside & out, the multi-colored glass g-spot shaft is constructed in 5 separate sections. 3D looking artwork runs seamlessly throughout the glass with an emphasis on both beauty and durability. Each Phallix glass product is hand crafted by artisans to not only be visually stunning, but also highly unique, so unique that no two are alike.

 Limited Ed. Rose Quartz CrystalShiri Zinn Rose Quartz Dildo £1,275

Shiri Zinn has designed a double-sided dildo made of solid crystal blue and black color glass encrusted with 60 Swarovski crystals.

This is a handcrafted piece stamped with limited edition number and has an artist’s signature. This sex toy also comes with an engraved sterling silver stand made by Monte Carlo Grand Prix trophy makers.

Earl by Lelo $2,590.00

Superior craftsmanship and a stylish control ring make this incomparable male stimulator a pleasure to hold, and a joy to release. Sculpted from Stainless Steel, the Earl offers discreet excitement and exceptional internal sensations.

Hygienic, stylish and ready for play. Earls smooth glossy finish is designed to reflect sheer luxury. With a ring for full control of the sensual experience, you should have no trouble enjoying this pleasure object. Use Earl as you wish, whether it be with a partner for added enjoyment or as a secret companion alone.

Lelo Yva $2,890

Yva is an elegant pleasure objet d’art, handcrafted in stainless steel or 18K gold-plate, with a deep and resonant vibe. The metal, luxurious and evocative against the naked skin, offers exciting prospects for users inclined to the sensual utilization of hot or cold.

A perfect accessory for that dressy but boring party, YVA is small, rechargeable and exceedingly quiet. Comes included with wooden gift box, universal charger, manual, satin pouch and a 1-year LELO warranty.


La Belle Epoque 18k Gold Cock Ring £4, 500

When Cock Rings are the order of the day, we at La Belle Époque are strongly of the belief that our exquisite Cock Rings are the cream of the crop.

La Belle Époque’s Cock Rings are the finest looking Gentleman’s Cock Rings the world has ever seen. Their design is above all others, a masterpiece of classical minimalism. Simplicity is what shines through. La Belle Époque’s precious SW3 is made of 18k pure gold, hand fashioned into the purest form of the Cock Ring.

Diamond Studded Silver Vibe $5,122.36

Created by Crowned Jewels Limited, this vibe is lavishly hand made from solid sterling silver and finished with encrusted diamonds. Being produced from precious metal not only enhances the luxury of these products but also gives them hypoallergenic status and makes them 95% recyclable.

This is the only product of its kind to have the purity of its materials certified with a hallmark from the London Assay Office. Diamonds truly are a girls best friend and one you won’t mind her sleeping with!

RealDoll Sex Dolls $5,999.00

RealDoll sex dolls could easily be called the Corvettes of the sex doll industry. With their life like poses, texture, choice in facial expressions, custom wigs, optional tan lines, varying breast size and 3 “usable” holes these dolls have pretty much anything a customer could want! To make it even better RealDoll now makes optional elf ears (we all have our own fantasies), eyebrow and eye upgrades, custom skin tones (even an Avatar one!) and a long anticipated Shemale doll! While the product may seem weird I can only assume it sure beats the sticky feel of the traditional vinyl blow up dolls.

Lelo Inez Vibrator $7,900.00

LELO, a Swedish based company, designs and manufactures the world’s best pleasure objects. All materials are always top-quality, with a no-expense-barred philosophy. The Inez is discreetly sized yet its ergonomic curves are lusciously coated in either 18k gold or stainless steel. These precious metals encourage you to explore your desires, inviting you to experiment with the heightened pleasures of temperature variance.

Victor Phantasm DildoVictor Phantasm 18kgoldvibe £35,500

The Victor Phantasm dildo is crafted from the very finest 142grams of 18 carat gold that money can buy. The Victor Phantasm like all the Victor models is a masterpiece of erotic design; the flowing curves of Phantasm’s undulating body perfectly capture the essence of feminine eroticism like never before. Phantasm is a pure and unadulterated celebration of human sensuality.

Adorned with 27 D/VVS diamonds with a total weight of 1.63 carats. The Victor Phantasm dildo is the ultimate erotic indulgence for a high society Lady looking to own the finest diamond studded sex toy. A diamond truly is a girl’s best friend, but with Phantasm to hand you get 27 best friends.

jetsetter-learjetJet Set w/ JimmyJane $35,000

This little diddy includes a private jet with 4 hours of flight time for you and up to 3 of your closest friends on an Embraer Phenom 100.  You also get a customized Zero Halliburton Flight Case containing a FORM 2, FORM 3, FORM 4, FORM 6 and LITTLE STEEL. Travel amenities include goodies from Sir Richard’s Condoms to a WINK Blindfold and Sleep Mask, everything you’ll need to arrive safely and well rested.
In-Flight Entertainment comes complete with Emmanuelle on screen (opening scene: she enjoys her own “in-flight entertainment”), and Treats! magazine, right where the SkyMall used to be.  Instead of an inflight meal you get peanuts and almonds, macadamias, pistachios, champagne and Gummy Bears. Also, a set of Jimmyjane Wings to commemorate your journey.

Colin Burn: $1,000,000 Vibe

As Colin Burn, himself puts it “A lavish vibrator cast in solid platinum, embellished with over 1,000 sparkling white diamonds, royal blue sapphires, lustrous South Sea pearls and the finest pink diamonds on the planet.” I think that says it all.

ColinburnmilliondollarvibratorColin burn million dollar vibrator Screen shot 2014-04-19 at 3.14.36 PM
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