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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Condoms vs The Pill

Question

Heya!

I just watched a few of your videos and in the “Peer Pressure” one you were talking about running out of condoms. I’d like to have your opinion: why choose condoms over pills, shots, and all the other things out there?

Thanks in advance! 🙂

Answer

There are many reasons I always stress the use of condoms;

Although the pill has been around for quite a while there is still testing being done on it to see what long term effects it can have on the person taking it, and the generations to follow. That being said, birth control pills, depo provera (shots), and any other chemical that one would take can alter your bodies natural balance causing serious side effects like acne, sore breast tissue, weight gain, mood swings, headaches, stomach upset, increased risk of Cancer and more. I don’t personally believe in altering our bodies natural way of doing things when there are other less invasive products available. Not to mention it can sometimes be harder to conceive after stopping taking them.

Those products DO NOT protect against STD’s. Like I said in the video, you don’t know what someone is doing behind your back and it is better to be safe then sorry.

Prescriptions (like the pill) and other forms of protection (like the shot) require seeing a doctor. Depending on age, confidentiality, and privacy issues, as well as doctors fee’s (in Canada we have OHIP but I don’t know what it’s like in other Countries) some people won’t feel comfortable seeing a doctor or spending money that they don’t have. Condoms are cheap, easy to get your hands on, and discreet.

Condoms can be easily accessed by anyone and place the responsibility on both partners to come prepared. When it comes to the pill it is left in the females hands. A male has no clue if she’s really taking it, taking it properly (on time every day) or if she’s just saying she is. Trust me I’ve heard it a hundred times “but she said she was on the pill…“. Condoms allow both partners to be assured that they are being safe when it comes to unplanned pregnancy and protecting themselves from any post coital worry.

The pill requires that you take it EVERY day at the same time to ensure that it works effectively. If you miss one day you put yourself at higher risk of becoming pregnant. I don’t know about you but I’m not that great with routine or remembering to do something the same time every day, especially with such a hectic lifestyle. It is easier to remember to put a condom on before having sex, then it is to remember to take a pill.

Although the pill is highly effective when taken properly, things like medication (anti-biotics etc) can lesson its effectiveness without a person even knowing. To find out if a medication is going to cancel out or change the effectiveness of the pill I suggest you always speak to a doctor before filling a prescription.

Off the top of my head those are just a few of the reasons that I always suggest using condoms. If you feel it necessary to use two forms of protection (i.e condoms AND the pill/shot etc) please feel free to use your judgment in finding something that is a good fit for both you and your partner. Remember, two types of protection are always better then one.

hope that answered your question,

Kara_Sutra

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Q&A w/ Kara Sutra: Is Masturbation Bad?

For The Beginner, Health & Wellness, Q & A, Sex Ed 102

Hi Kara Sutra

I’m a long time fan of yours and I’ve watched all of your videos. I was hoping you could answer some questions I had about masturbation because I have no clue what to think or if there are health ramifications. Plus I’ve always been told that its bad so I’ve never done it and I want to but I’m scared that it will make me a pervert. Is masturbation bad? Is it normal? Am I going to go to hell? If I do it does it mean that there is something wrong with me?

I hope you can answer my questions.

Thanks.

Answer

Thank you so much for watching and supporting what I do!!

As for the message, in a perfect world masturbation wouldn’t cause feelings of fear, shame, or guilt. It’s a very natural thing that most species do, and almost every person has done, sometimes without even knowing it. Even as babies and young children one of the first things we do is experience our body. We touch, squeeze, tickle, our hands venture to places that can cause enjoyment we don’t yet understand.

Unfortunately, most of the guilt or shame we feel from this touching comes from early childhood experiences brought on by another persons reaction to what we were doing. And that isn’t fair or healthy.

When children touch their genitals it’s usually not in a sexual way, but instead an attempt to explore out of sheer curiosity and wonder. Very often they are immediately told to stop, that it’s ‘bad’, ‘dirty’, ‘wrong’, ‘gross’, ‘naughty’, and are shot scornful looks from whomever caught them. Sometimes their hands are slapped away or they’re punished for it. All of these experiences shape what they think of their bodies, sexuality, and how they feel about themselves.

That being said, I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with masturbating. There is nothing wrong with exploring your body and figuring out what you like. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable and confident in your sexuality. And there is nothing wrong with giving yourself an orgasm.

Benefits of Masturbation

Contrary to any statements about masturbating being bad for you, there are quite a few positive benefits, including (but not limited to);

releasing tension
lowering stress levels
increasing the ability to have orgasms
helping to release endorphins that relieve pain
burning calories
it’s a natural sleep sedative
helping to keep the pelvic floor strong/healthy (potentially preventing urinary incontinence)

In ‘men’ it has be found to improve the immune system’s functioning, build resistance to prostate gland infection, and possibly even reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer. Not to mention the fact that it can help guys increase ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation (basically put, through masturbation you can teach yourself to last longer).

In ‘women’, it’s great for combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with the menstrual cycle like cramps and backache. It can help prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections as well as generally help to gain confidence in our sexuality.

Aside from all those wonderful benefits, masturbating is a great way to learn about what you like and dislike when it comes to arousing yourself and achieving an orgasm.

You can fault me for this if you’d like, but you can’t blame your partner for not helping you achieve an orgasm if you don’t even know what it takes to get you there. No matter your gender, learning about your body and how to bring excitement is your responsibility, so is telling your partner so that they can provide what you require – the only way to learn is to do it yourself.

How Much Is Too Much?

Regarding the two most asked questions, “how much is too much?” and “whats wrong with me? I don’t know how to stop!”

So long as it’s not interfering with your daily activities, i.e. keeping you from hanging out with friends, making you late for work, is the only thing on your mind and the only thing you want to do day in and day out, you don’t really need to worry. The frequency of masturbation isn’t a problem unless it is linked with an obsessive compulsive disorder, where the same activity must be repeated over and over.

As for what’s considered “normal”: ‘normal’ ranges from several times per day, week or month, to never masturbating at all. Since everyone is different what’s ‘normal’ for you may be very different from what’s ‘normal’ for someone else.

Finally, will you go to hell? That’s a whole other can of worms I’d rather not open. But as someone that doesn’t believe in a ‘punishing God’, I’d say no. If you’re religious, maybe reading the book Conversations With God would give you another perspective on things.

That’s pretty much it, hopefully it helped in some way.

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Q & A ~ First Times

For The Beginner, Q & A

Since some of the more commonly asked questions I get have always been from those that are new to sexuality, sex and exploring their sexual selves, I figured it was time I answered in video format. For those of you looking for more detailed information I’ve also created a 3 part series based around “First Time Tips” that you can find in through the following links: Part 1 (general info), Part 2 (tips for guys), Part 3 (tips for girls). If you’re interested in other issues regarding ‘virginity’ I suggest you check this link.

I truly hope that between this video and all the other ‘beginner’ posts I’ve created you’ll be better equipped to deal with anything that comes your way.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Should I Shave My Pubic Hair?

For The Beginner, Q & A, Sex Ed 102

Question:

I just started getting hot and heavy with a partner after being single for 3 years and keep finding magazine articles on pubic hair and shaving, which is really intimidating. I’ve never done it so I’m not sure what’s “right” or “wrong”, hell, I haven’t even figured out if I’d like the way I look totally bare down there! I’m totally lost! Should I shave my pubic hair?

Do you have any suggestions or advice that could help?

Answer

Before I get into it I just want to stress that shaving your pubic hair is not required or necessary for an intimate, fun, and respectful sexual experience. It is a choice that only you can make and shouldn’t feel pressured to do, even by society.

When it comes to maintaining pubic hair, everyone is different. Like clothing or hairstyle, it’s a matter of individual preference. Some people don’t do anything with their pubic hair, leaving it to grow naturally. Some only remove hair when they’ll be wearing a bathing suit or engaging in intimate activities, and some remove hair regularly as part of their routine. As I said, it’s a decision that’s totally left up to you.

One thing I do want for you to keep in mind is that there are no real health benefits associated with removing pubic hair, so choose what feels right for you.

If you do decide to bare it all these are some tips and tricks I think you might find helpful;

First a few Warnings…

Never use the old-fashioned straight edge razor. It is unsuitable for pubic hair removal and can be dangerous.
Never use a razor on bare skin, it can cause razor burn and be especially painful.
Don’t share your razors — this can spread skin infections.
Never use a hair removal cream like Nair, it can get into the vagina and cause serious pain not to mention possible infections.

As for tips and tricks…

Opt for a more expensive good quality razor rather than a cheap throw away which is more likely to cause nicks, soreness and razor burns in this sensitive area.
If the pubic hair is thick and long use small scissors to trim down the hair to about a quarter of an inch. This will avoid blunting and clogging the razor too quickly.
Alternatively, take a long hot bath or stay in the shower for a while making sure the pubic area is soaked well. Pubic hair is coarser than the hair on your head and needs more time to soften.
Apply plenty of shaving foam or gel over the area and leave for a few minutes to soften further. Ordinary soap is not suitable as it does not lock in the moisture to the hair the way a shaving cream or gel does.
Make sure there is shaving foam on the skin each time you make a stroke with the razor.
Rinse the razor every couple of strokes as it will clog easily.
To make pubic hair removal less stressful for the skin, massage unscented Vitamin E oil into the pubic area after shaving.

Other Options:

If however you’re not into the idea of shaving you may be interested in any of the other options available like;

Waxing: It can hurt, particularly when one is new to the method, but leaves the area pretty smooth, and lasts one to six weeks, depending on the person. If you’re really brave, you can get waxing kits online for decent prices.
Electrolysis: Usually done by a professional, but there are home electrolysis systems as well. It may take a long time, usually a minimum of six treatments before the job is done. It is probably the most popular choice for permanent hair removal. One hair is removed at a time.
Epilators — A machine that yanks the hair out, roots and all. Lasts one to six weeks. Personal note: I did this once on a dare and let me tell you it hurts like hell!!! I don’t advise it… but it is an option. If you’re brave you can find home epilators here.
Lasers — Extremely fast, and usually less pain than with electrolysis. Effects are long lasting and may be permanent after several sessions.
Stencils – If you prefer to keep some hair down there you could always just trim it. Or if you want to have some fun, you could use a stencil specifically designed for pubic hair.

So that’s pretty much it. Hopefully between the video and written content you’ll be shaving your hair like a pro… or maybe you’re totally comfortable with it as is, and if that’s the case MORE POWER TO YOU!

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Peer Pressure/Talking Dirty

Q & A, Sexuality

Question:

I recently starting “talking dirty” with my boyfriend of 3 months because he kept asking me to. At first I thought it was fun and it even turned me on, I liked doing it, but now he’s saying things that make me feel like what I’m doing is bad or wrong. He keeps saying that I’m “making” him do things he doesn’t want to and that it’s my fault because he can’t help himself. I thought he was kidding, but then he tried to use it against me and say that “since we went that far, having sex is the next step“. I’m not sure I’m ready but he’s making me feel guilty! What should I do? Is it really all my fault? Should I have sex with him?

Please help if you can

Guilty as Sin

Answer:

Dear Guilty as Sin,

Whether over the phone or online “talking dirty” is a fantastic way for a couple to interact sexually without actually having sex before their ready. Not only can it be a wonderful way of learning what your partners likes or dislikes are, what they are comfortable with and how far they are willing to go, but it also is great for or exploring their own sexual chemistry without placing themselves in a state of danger due to the risks of STD’s or an unwanted pregnancy.

That said, you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed of anything you’ve done. You chose to speak the way you did because you were curious about it and felt comfortable enough with him to explore that part of yourself. You’re allowed that.

As for the comment that you “made him” jerk off, I just want to clear one thing up…no you didn’t. He masturbated because he CHOOSE to ~ you weren’t there and therefor weren’t able to put his hands on himself, you didn’t make him move them the way he likes, and you certainly didn’t control whether or not he had an orgasm. He choose all of those actions and for him to say you “made him” do it is very incorrect. From the sounds of it he’s looking to place the blame on someone else so he doesn’t have to feel it anymore.

At any given time he could have changed the subject or stopped himself, but he didn’t (emphasis on HE), and that was his choice. He has no right to use it against you or in an attempt to make you feel guilty. What he is doing is maipulative, cruel, vindictive, disrespectful and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

That said, being that you were “dirty talking” you did have some influence over the words you chose fully knowing how they would affect him. I’m going to also assume that you liked what you said got a rise out of him, and it may have been something you were intending. In spite of your possible intentions, I want for you to know that his behavior after the fact and during are not your responsibility; we each have a choice in how we behave and how we handle situations. In my opinion he is handling this one very poorly and that’s something you need to discuss with him.

In regard to whether or not you should have sex with him that’s for you to decide, but I do want to point out that sex should be something that we share with our partner out of love, respect, friendship, passion, comfort, understanding, or any of the other positive reasons that people choose to connect… not because of guilt or manipulation.

In my honest opinion, so long as he is making you feel guilty, it’s not a good enough reason to ‘put out’. You deserve better then that.

Hopefully that helps

Kara_Sutra

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