I figured that since it’s October I’d set the tone for the month with something a lil bit freaky, kinky, and/or scary. Now, considering the fact that I’ve tweeted, facebooked, and linked the hell out of them, the creepy and bizarre Fleshlight products probably aren’t going to be anything new to some of you. However, since I also know there are a few who don’t do the ‘social media’ thing and instead only subscribe to my blog (or check it every so often) I thought I’d add it here, ’cause well – I don’t want to be the only person with them seared into my brain when I lay down to sleep at night.
To be honest, when I first saw them I thought it was a prank. Something akin to an bad April Fools joke or an episode of Punk’d gone awry. Alas, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Each and every one of these terrifying looking vaginas and penis’s is real, crafted out of Fleshlights patented SuperSkin material or platinum cured silicone no less.
Of course I’m not one to judge, hell, I’ve spent a night or two fantasizing about what Jacob’s werewolf dong might look like should he happen upon me like a bitch in heat. But there’s just something about these that makes me wonder if the hype is all it’s cracked up to be. They’re stunning, I’m not arguing that, it’s the functionality that I find myself questioning.
For the record, I think the details on the Cyber Dildo and the labia on the Drac Fleshlight are to die for! Furthermore, if companies like Uberrime, Creature Cocks, and Pris Toys can do it, who’s to say Fleshlight cant?
As I’ve said in previous posts regarding sex toys for those with a penis – I don’t have a dick so I can’t judge them for myself, and from what I can gather on the website the dildos are for ‘external purposes only’ (I’m assuming that’s a legal thing and not legit). So, for those that are into this sort of thing, be it dark and sinister role-play, or just a basic curiosity about sex with something from the beyond, this one goes out to you. May your fantasies be fulfilled and your wet-nightmares be a thing of the past.
*I’ve taken the quotes from the website since I don’t have the products in my hand to make a proper description. Also, because they’re far more entertaining then anything I could write. Copy and paste for the win!
Fleshlight Freaks: Zombie Sleeve
“Dead Nights Now Living”
“You must be warned. While fucking your brains out is usually the goal at hand, these creatures of the walking dead are in dire hunger. Have a necromantic night in the degrading skin of the Zombie Fleshlight or question yourself with the lifeless, yet vibrant deteriorating cock of the living dead.”
Fleshlight: “Fucking your brains out may not be the best idea, but how could you resist? Made with Fleshlight’s patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, your dead nights will now always be living.“
Fleshlight Freaks: Alien Sleeve
“Reports Confirmed!”
“For years the government has been trying to keep UFOs and the existence of extraterrestrial life an eyes-only secret. Now, Fleshlight is making the secret public in the most private of ways. Take a journey into an interstellar vortex of pleasure in the Alien Fleshlight, or welcome a probing by abducting the Alien’s cosmic cock.“
Fleshlight: “For years, increasing accounts of an Unidentified Fucking Object have been reported by mystified Fleshlight fans with little or no substantiating evidence. The denial of the existence of this object has driven the scandal to levels of near hysteria. Finally, after publicly rebuffing the existence of exxxtra-terrestrial fuckery, the once top-secret “Alien” is now being made available to the public from Fleshlight, the maker of the #1 selling sex toy for men“.
Fleshlight Freaks: Frankenstein Sleeve
“It’s Alive!”
“Born from the experiments of Fleshlight’s maddest of sex toy scientists comes a collection of the abhorred monster. Feel the scary pleasures of the stitched Frankenvag and witness a massive Frankencock of monstrous proportions.”
Fleshlight: “You will scream “It’s Alive!” when you experience the feeling of this abhorred monster. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you are sure to have an electrifying night.”
Fleshlight Freaks: Drac Sleeve
“I Want To Suck Your…”
“Beware of the alluring aesthetics of the Drac that Fleshlight has created or you may soon find yourself missing your most precious of fluids. Take a flight on the dark side in the winged Fleshlight, or get staked by the centuries old cock from the walker of the night.”
Fleshlight: “Take a flight on the dark side and have a fling in the wings. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now have what the realm of the living has been missing for centuries.”
Fleshlight Freaks: Cyborg Sleeve
“Artificial Intercourse”
“Technology is progressing and it was only a matter of time before Fleshlight was able to create the most breathtaking of bionic experiences. Upload your cock into the intelligent design of the Cyborg Fleshlight, or experience the impressive organ of enhanced technological abilities with the Cyborg cock.”
Cyborg Fleshlight: “Get turned on by a bionic experience with the #1 selling product in Artificial Intercourse. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now take your cock on a journey through the ejaculation super highway.”
Whether you’re intrigued by the tentacle texture, vampire fangs, or alien-like sensations, these products offer a visually and sensorially immersive experience. Made with the same high-quality, body-safe material as traditional Fleshlights, they provide the perfect combination of fun, fantasy, and functionality. With their durability and easy maintenance, Fleshlight Freaks and Fantasy sleeves let you explore new realms of pleasure while ensuring a comfortable and reliable experience every time!
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Oh my God, you read my mind.
Yesterday I was checking out the fleshlight site, when the first promo/ad I see on the front page are the halloween products. I was scared out of my mind! I mean, I’m not judging who buys these, but I was just very frightened ESPECIALLY seeing the zombie fleshlight vaginas. To each his own, they just made me shriek and giggle.