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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: Strap-On’s & Harnesses

Couples Toys & Games, For The Beginner, Kink/Fetish, Sex Ed 102

 

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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: Strap-On's & Harnesses

Exploring strap-ons and harnesses can be a rewarding journey into new sexual experiences, whether for fun, pleasure, or intimacy with a partner. For beginners, strap-ons and harnesses may seem a bit intimidating at first, but with the right guidance and tips, they can open doors to exciting forms of connection and sensation. This guide will cover what strap-ons and harnesses are, how they work, the different options available, and tips for making the experience enjoyable and fulfilling.

What Are Strap-Ons & Harnesses?

A strap-on is a sex toy usually involving a dildo attached to a harness. The harness is worn around the waist or hips, allowing the user to control the movement of the dildo with their body. This setup enables penetration, allowing couples to experiment with different positions, explore gender play, and switch up traditional roles if desired. For people of all gender identities, strap-ons offer versatility and creativity in the bedroom, as well as an opportunity to experience something new.

How Do Strap-Ons & Harnesses Work?

Strap-ons generally consist of two parts: the harness and the dildo. The harness is what secures the dildo to the body, and the dildo is the part that provides penetration. Many harnesses have an adjustable waistband and leg straps to ensure a snug, comfortable fit. The dildo is often attached to the harness using an O-ring - a flexible ring that holds the dildo securely in place - or a proprietary attachment system. Different harnesses accommodate different types of dildos, so it’s important to check for compatibility if you’re choosing parts separately.

To use a strap-on, the person wearing the harness simply puts it on and adjusts it until it feels secure. Then, with some lube and a bit of practice, they’re ready to explore with their partner. Communication, patience, and an open attitude make the process more comfortable and fun for both parties.

Different Types of Harnesses

When exploring with strap-ons, it’s helpful to know that harnesses come in various designs to fit different preferences, activities, and comfort levels. Each type of harness offers unique benefits, whether you’re looking for something secure, adjustable, or more intimate. From traditional belt or jock-style harnesses, which provide stability and versatility, to strapless strap-ons that eliminate the need for a harness entirely, each style caters to different kinds of experiences. Understanding the options available can help you find a harness that fits comfortably and enhances connection, making the journey smoother and more enjoyable.

Belt or Jock-Style Harness

The belt or jock-style harness, like the Strap U Double Take Vibrating Dildo & Harness (pictured left), is a classic and widely preferred type of harness, making it a popular choice for beginners and experienced users alike. Resembling a pair of underwear, this harness has two leg loops and a waistband that goes around the hips, holding the dildo securely in place. This design is known for being user-friendly, as it’s easy to put on, offers good stability, and allows for adjustments in fit and comfort. These harnesses are usually compatible with O-ring dildos, which means they can accommodate various shapes and sizes.

Pros of belt or jock-style harnesses include its stability, making it suitable for different types of movement and positions, as well as its wide compatibility with most dildos. However, the bulkier design can feel a bit cumbersome if worn for long periods or if you’re looking for a lightweight option. Some find the thickness of the straps less ideal for a more discreet or minimalist experience, but for reliable performance, this harness style is hard to beat.

Underwear-Style Harness

Underwear-style harnesses offer an alternative for those who prefer a softer, more discreet experience. These harnesses look and feel like regular underwear, with fabric that fits snugly and comfortably against the body. Often, panty and brief style harnesses include a built-in pouch or O-ring for holding dildos in place. The softness and natural fit of these harnesses make them a great option for beginners, as they’re often the least intimidating and easiest to wear out of all types.

Harnesses like the Active Harness Wear - Fit Strap-On Harness Brief By Sportsheets (pictured right) offer ease and comfort, ideal for gentle, low-maintenance experiences. However, they may not provide as much stability as other types, especially if you’re using a heavier dildo or engaging in vigorous activity.

Additionally, they tend to have limited compatibility with certain dildo sizes, particularly larger models, and may lack the adjustable features that are found in other harness types. Despite these limitations, the underwear-style harness is a fantastic option for those looking for comfort, simplicity, and subtlety.

Double-Strap Harness

Double-strap harnesses, like the Vibrating Black Corsette Strap-On Harness by Sportsheets (pictured left), take the traditional harness a step further by adding extra flexibility and freedom. With two straps going around each thigh and connecting to a waistband, this design leaves the area between the legs open, which can enhance sensation for the wearer and allow for dual stimulation. This open design is ideal for those who enjoy a bit more direct contact and sensitivity, as well as added versatility.

The double-strap harness is highly adjustable, providing a more customized fit, which makes it suitable for a range of activities and movements. However, it may take a bit longer to put on and adjust compared to single-strap designs, and it might feel a bit more complex for beginners who are still familiarizing themselves with harnesses. Once adjusted, though, it offers secure, stable support and allows for creativity.

Strapless Strap-Ons

Strapless strap-ons,  are a unique and innovative option that doesn’t require any harness at all. Instead, they are designed with a bulb on one end, which is held internally by the wearer, leaving the external part free for penetration. This allows for an intimate, skin-on-skin experience without the need for straps or additional adjustments. The result is a more natural feeling, often preferred by those looking for a close, hands-free experience with their partner.

While the absence of straps provides a more seamless and intimate connection, strapless strap-ons, like the BodyWand ID Access Strapless Strap-On (pictured right), require some pelvic muscle strength to hold in place, which can be challenging for some users, particularly beginners.

Practicing solo with these toys can help build confidence and control. Additionally, they may not provide the same level of stability as traditional harnesses, so patience and experimentation with different angles and positions can make the experience more enjoyable and comfortable for both partners.

Thigh Strap-Ons and Alternative Harness Styles

For those interested in mixing things up, thigh strap-ons and harnesses designed for different parts of the body offer exciting and versatile options. Thigh strap-ons are typically secured around the upper leg, allowing the wearer’s thigh to be used as the point of penetration. This can open up a range of positions and angles that aren’t as easily accessible with a traditional waist-mounted harness. Thigh strap-ons, like the Ultra Thigh Strap On (pictured left) are especially popular for hands-free play, allowing both partners to experiment with varied rhythms, sensations, and levels of control.

In addition to thigh-mounted harnesses, other strap-ons can be worn on different parts of the body, such as the hand, chin, or lower leg. These designs offer unique ways to enjoy penetrative play that can align with different levels of accessibility, creativity, and intimacy.

Although these styles may require a bit more experimentation to find positions that work best, they’re ideal for those looking to try new sensations and movements with their partner.

Double Penetration Strap-Ons and Harnesses

Double penetration strap-ons and harnesses are designed to provide simultaneous internal stimulation for the wearer or their partner, creating a fuller and more intense experience. These strap-ons typically feature two dildos: one for vaginal and one for anal penetration, or one for both the wearer and the receiver. Double penetration harnesses, like the Dual Desires Strap-On (pictured right), can be worn around the waist with dual attachments, or they may include an internal component that allows the wearer to enjoy internal stimulation as well.

These strap-ons are versatile and can cater to a variety of preferences and body types, allowing couples to experiment with new sensations and explore different levels of intimacy. Many double-penetration harnesses are adjustable for comfort and stability, though they may feel more complex than single attachment harnesses and can take some trial and error to get the fit just right. For those interested in adding extra layers to their experience, these offer a chance to deepen connection and variety.

Dillio Body Dock System of Strap-On

The Dillio Body Dock is a unique strap-on system that offers an alternative to traditional harnesses by simplifying attachment and use. Instead of using O-rings or buckles, the Body Dock (pictured left), relies on a strong, suction-based docking system. This feature allows users to quickly and securely attach any dildo with a suction cup base to the docking pad, making setup easy and efficient. The harness itself is typically worn around the waist with adjustable straps, ensuring a secure fit.

This system is particularly popular for those who want the flexibility of swapping out different dildos without fussing with various attachments. This design also allows for a wider range of dildo shapes and sizes, giving users more freedom to personalize their experience.

While it’s beginner-friendly and ideal for quick changes, the suction design may not offer as much stability as more traditional O-ring harnesses during vigorous use. However, for anyone looking for a convenient, versatile, and customizable strap-on system, the Dillio Body Dock is an innovative choice.

Vac-U-Lock Strap-On System

The Vac-U-Lock system (pictured right), is a popular and versatile strap-on design known for its unique plug-and-lock mechanism. Instead of relying on traditional O-rings or suction cups, Vac-U-Lock harnesses feature a secure plug that “locks” compatible dildos into place, providing a stable and reliable attachment. This innovative system allows users to switch out dildos effortlessly, and the Vac-U-Lock collection offers a broad range of attachments in various shapes, sizes, and textures, all designed to fit securely.

These harnesses are typically made from durable materials and are often fully adjustable, ensuring comfort and security during use. This system is ideal for anyone who wants a consistent fit and firm control, even during more vigorous activity.

Even though the setup may feel slightly different at first, many users find the stability and selection of compatible toys to be major advantages. For those seeking a customizable and dependable strap-on system that accommodates a range of preferences, the Vac-U-Lock is an excellent choice.

 

Popular Strap-On & Harness Options

 

Choosing Safe, Non-Toxic Materials

When selecting a strap-on compatible dildo, it's essential to choose products made from body-safe, non-toxic materials. Some toys, especially cheaper options like jelly dildos, may be made from materials that contain potentially harmful chemicals, such as phthalates. These chemicals can cause irritation, allergic reactions, and, with long-term exposure, even pose health risks. Jelly toys, in particular, are often porous, which means they can trap bacteria, bodily fluids, and lube, and are harder to keep clean, increasing the risk of infections.

Safe options for strap-on attachments, like the Tantus Curve (pictured left), are non-porous, easy to sanitize, and free from harmful chemicals, making them a healthier choice for your body. Silicone dildos, in particular, are soft, durable, and highly recommended due to their flexibility and compatibility with a wide variety of harnesses.

Choosing the Right Dildo

When selecting a dildo to pair with your harness, it’s important to consider both compatibility and safety. The best dildos for harness play will have a flared or suction cup base, which keeps the toy securely in place during use and prevents any risk of slipping through the harness or becoming unsafe for internal use.

Whether you’re drawn to a realistic style, a curved design for targeted stimulation, or a textured option for extra sensation, there are many body-safe options to explore. Finding the right dildo can make all the difference in creating a comfortable, enjoyable experience for both partners.

Here’s a quick rundown of different types to consider:

  • Basic Dildos: These are non-realistic dildos that often come in a range of colors, sizes, and shapes. They’re simple, easy to clean, and versatile.
  • Realistic Dildos: Realistic dildos are designed to resemble human anatomy and may have veins, texture, and other details that add realism to the experience. These are popular for those who want a lifelike experience.
  • Vibrating Dildos: Some dildos come with a vibrating feature, which can add extra stimulation for both the wearer and the partner. The vibration intensity is adjustable in most models, making it an exciting option for those looking to enhance sensation.

Regardless of what you choose look for reputable brands that use 100% body-safe materials, and check labels or product descriptions carefully. Prioritizing safety will ensure that you have a comfortable, worry-free experience and can focus entirely on the pleasure and connection that strap-on play offers.

Tips & Suggestions for Getting Started

Starting out with strap-ons and harnesses can be both exciting and a little nerve-wracking, so here are some tips to make things go smoothly:

  • Start with Communication: Communication is the key to a satisfying experience. Talk openly with your partner about boundaries, desires, and any potential worries. Take turns adjusting the harness or practicing with it to make sure you’re both comfortable with how it feels and moves.
  • Practice Solo First: If you’re wearing the harness, try practicing alone first to get a feel for how it moves with your body. This practice can help build confidence and give you a sense of control before you’re using it with a partner.
  • Use Lube Generously: Lube is a must for comfort with strap-ons. Apply a good quality, water-based lubricant on the dildo and, if applicable, on any sensitive areas for smoothness and ease. This can reduce friction, enhance pleasure, and make the experience more enjoyable.
  • Go Slow and Experiment with Positions: Finding the right position is important for comfort and satisfaction. Many beginners start with positions like missionary or doggy style, which offer support and are easy to control. Experiment, move slowly, and adjust as needed.
  • Consider Adjustable or Beginner-Friendly Harnesses: Some harnesses are specifically designed for beginners, with added padding and support. Starting with a comfortable, easily adjustable harness can make your first experience more enjoyable and less intimidating.

Final Thoughts

Exploring strap-ons and harnesses can be a truly empowering and satisfying experience, allowing couples to share pleasure and connection in new and fulfilling ways. Remember, there’s no “right” way to approach using strap-ons - each person and each couple will find what works best for them through open communication and experimentation. As with any new experience, go slowly, communicate openly, and, most of all, have fun with the process. Whether it’s an occasional thing or something you want to incorporate more regularly, using a strap-on can be a unique way to deepen trust, playfulness, and intimacy in your relationship.
 
If you'd like to get your hands on a strap-on or harness of your own, be sure to check out my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, Babeland, or my online sex toy store, ShopSexEd102.com. Don't forget to shop around to make sure you're getting the best prices available.
 
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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: Glass Sex Toys

For The Beginner, Sex Toy Info

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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: Glass Sex Toys

Glass sex toys are a unique and elegant addition to the world of adult products, loved for their sleek design, body-safe materials, and ability to create a range of sensations. Made from specially treated glass, these toys aren’t just beautiful to look at - they’re also functional, totally body safe, versatile, and easy to clean. If you’re curious about what makes glass toys special, how they differ from other types of toys, and what types are available, read on for a quick but comprehensive guide.

Regardless of what you’re into, there is something to suit your needs, it’s just a matter of finding one that works with you and your body.

What Makes Glass Sex Toys Different from Regular Glass?

Glass sex toys are made from borosilicate glass, which is highly durable, shatter-resistant, and heat-tempered. Unlike standard glass, which can break easily, borosilicate glass is created to withstand pressure, temperature changes, and daily handling, making it ideal for safe intimate use. It’s the same material used in high-quality cookware and lab equipment, so it’s designed to be both strong and safe. Additionally, borosilicate glass is non-porous, meaning it won’t harbour bacteria or germs and can be easily sterilized, making it a popular choice for people with sensitivities or allergies.

Why Choose Glass Sex Toys?

Glass sex toys are known for their smooth texture and firmness, offering a different kind of stimulation compared to softer materials like silicone, TPR, or those made of plush flesh like material. Their firmness allows for deeper, more intense pressure, which many people find satisfying, especially when exploring G-spot or prostate stimulation. Glass toys also lend themselves well to temperature play; they can be gently warmed up or cooled down to create various sensations, adding an exciting element of sensory play.

Types of Glass Sex Toys

Glass sex toys come in a variety of options to cater to different preferences and styles of stimulation. These options allow you to explore sensations that are unique to the material, combining glass’s smoothness and firmness with innovative shapes. Here are some of the most popular types of glass sex toys available:

Glass Dildos

Glass dildos are among the most versatile types of glass toys, often designed with curves that make them excellent for targeted stimulation. Many glass dildos feature textural elements like ridges, swirls, or nubs, adding variety to the sensations they can provide. The smooth, firm texture allows users to apply pressure in ways that softer materials can’t match, and the added textures make these toys even more pleasurable. Glass dildos, like the Icicles No. 63 Clear Glass Realistic Dildo (pictured left), come in a range of sizes and shapes, so there’s something for everyone, from beginners to more experienced users.

Glass Toys for G-Spot and P-Spot Stimulation

Glass toys designed specifically for G-spot and P-spot (prostate) stimulation are crafted with unique shapes and curves that target these highly sensitive areas with precision. G-spot and p-spot glass toys, like the Premium G-Spot Wand or the Gender X Lustrous Galaxy Glass Wand (pictured right), often feature an upward curve or bulbous end that makes it easier to apply firm, consistent pressure where these spots are located. The rigidity of glass enhances this sensation, allowing users to explore a deeper, more direct type of stimulation that softer toys might not offer. Many of these toys also have textural elements like ridges or spirals to add even more pleasure as they glide in and out.

Glass Anal Plugs

Glass anal plugs, like the Booty Sparks Red Heart Gem Glass Anal Plug (pictured left), are another popular option, often chosen for their weight and non-porous surface. These plugs come in a variety of sizes, which allows users to gradually increase comfort and pleasure with consistent use. Unlike other materials, glass has a rigidity that many people find especially satisfying when it comes to anal exploration, as it can create a fuller, more pronounced sensation. Additionally, glass anal plugs are easy to sterilize, making them a safe and clean option for this type of play.

Beaded Glass Toys

Beaded glass sex toys offer unique sensations by incorporating “bumps” or beads along the shaft, creating more textured pleasure than a standard smooth surface. These toys are designed to be used both anally and vaginally, with their beaded design adding intensity to the sensation as each bead enters and exits the body. The beaded style can provide a rhythmic, fuller feeling that many users find highly pleasurable. 

Glass Trainer Kits

Glass trainer kits are a thoughtful option for those who are exploring anal or vaginal play and prefer to start with gradually increasing sizes. A glass trainer kit like the Crystal Premium Glass Tapered Anal Trainer Kit (pictured right), typically includes multiple plugs or dildos, each one larger than the previous, allowing users to progress at their own comfort level.

These kits are especially beneficial for beginners as they provide a safe and controlled way to experience the sensation of fullness. Glass trainer kits are popular for their smooth, non-porous surface and easy-to-clean properties, which make them ideal for users who want a body-safe, durable material. Whether used vaginally or anally, they're designed to build confidence and pleasure over time.

Glass Vibrators

Glass vibrators combine the elegance and firmness of glass with the added stimulation of vibration, offering a unique and powerful experience. These toys typically feature a removable vibrating bullet or an internal mechanism that can add various levels of vibration to the rigid glass structure. This fusion of smooth glass with vibration allows for both firm pressure and rhythmic sensation, creating a satisfying experience that’s unlike other materials. The firm structure of glass transmits vibrations effectively, amplifying even low settings and creating a deeper resonance that some users find especially pleasurable.

Popular Sex Toy Options

Pros of Glass Sex Toys

  • Body-Safe and Hypoallergenic: Glass toys are non-porous and free from chemicals like phthalates, making them a great choice for sensitive skin and allergies.

  • Easy to Clean: Being non-porous, glass is easy to sanitize with soap and water, toy cleaner, or even boiling. This makes them low-maintenance and long-lasting.

  • Temperature Play: Glass can be warmed or cooled easily, adding an extra element of excitement through temperature play. Simply hold the toy under warm or cold water to create new sensations.

  • Firm and Durable: Unlike softer toys, glass toys provide firm pressure, which can be more effective for certain types of stimulation, like G-spot or prostate play.

  • Beautiful Design: Glass toys are aesthetically pleasing and come in a wide variety of colourful, artful designs. They’re durable enough to be long-lasting, so they can even serve as a beautiful keepsake.

Cons of Glass Sex Toys

  • Initial Cost: High-quality glass toys can be more expensive than toys made of other materials due to their durability, craftsmanship, and safety. However, many people find them to be a worthy investment.

  • Weight and Firmness: The firmness of glass may not appeal to everyone, as it doesn’t provide any give like silicone or softer materials. This can make it less comfortable for those who prefer gentler or lighter toys.

  • Temperature Sensitivity: While temperature play is a benefit, it’s important to remember that glass is naturally sensitive to heat and cold. If not adjusted carefully, this could cause discomfort or even a burn if the toy is overheated.

  • Risk of Breakage: Though borosilicate glass is strong, it’s not entirely unbreakable. If dropped or misused, it can crack or shatter, which could be dangerous. However, with proper care, glass toys are generally very safe.

Best Condoms And Lube For Anal Sex - Pjur Med Natural Glide Water Based LubeLubricants for Glass Toys

Using the right lubricant with glass toys can enhance comfort and make your experience much more enjoyable. One of the great things about glass toys is that they’re compatible with all types of lube, so you’re free to choose from water-based, silicone-based, or even oil-based lubricants.

Water-based lubes are an all-around safe choice and easy to clean, while silicone-based lubes provide extra slipperiness that lasts longer, making them a popular choice for prolonged play. If you prefer a thicker feel or want a bit of added cushion, some people also enjoy hybrid lubricants, which blend water and silicone bases. Should you opt for an oil-based lube and plan on being intimate with a partner, keep in mind that oil isn't compatible with condoms - you'll need to wash yourselves clean before getting down to business.

It’s also worth mentioning that the combination of glass and lube can make the toy extra slippery, so it’s best to handle it carefully to avoid any drops or slips. Glass toys are durable but can still break if they fall onto hard surfaces, so take extra care if your hands get slick. Consider using a towel to hold the base or storing your toy on a stable surface between uses to minimize any accidents.

Final Thoughts

Glass sex toys offer a distinct, memorable experience with their smooth, firm surfaces and beautiful designs, making them a great option for those seeking something unique, versatile, and long lasting. Whether you're drawn to their ability to provide precise, targeted pressure, the ease of keeping them clean, or the fun of experimenting with temperature play, glass toys offer a lot to explore. They come in a variety of shapes, textures, and styles to suit different preferences, from dildos and anal plugs to vibrators and massage wands.
 
Like any intimate choice, it’s important to go at your own pace and find what feels right for your body. With care and proper use, glass toys can be a rewarding addition to your collection, offering sensations and experiences that go well beyond what other materials can provide. If you're new to glass toys, take your time exploring their benefits and different styles, and always remember to prioritize comfort and safety along the way.
 
If you'd like to get your hands on some high quality glass sex toys be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, Babeland, or my online sex toy store, ShopSexEd102.com. Don't forget to shop around to make sure you're getting the best prices available.
 
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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: The Clitoris

For The Ladies, Sex Ed 102

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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: The Clitoris

Despite its importance, the clitoris has long been misunderstood or ignored in sexual education. In recent years, however, there has been a growing movement to raise awareness about its structure and function, emphasizing the importance of clitoral stimulation in sexual pleasure. Knowing how to properly stimulate the clitoris - whether through gentle touch, oral sex, or the use of sex toys - can empower individuals to take control of their sexual health and enjoy more fulfilling intimate experiences. Ultimately, education about the clitoris is vital for dismantling the myths and misinformation that have historically shrouded cis female sexuality. As awareness continues to grow, the clitoris is becoming rightfully recognized as an essential part of anatomy that deserves attention, respect, and care in the pursuit of a satisfying sex life.

Anatomy of the Clitoris

The clitoris is a complex and highly sensitive organ, often misunderstood or underrepresented in discussions about cis female anatomy. To get a better idea of the structure of the vulva and complete clitoral network, please refer to the Healthline image below.

The Clitoral Hood

The clitoral hood is a fold of skin that covers and protects the sensitive glans of the clitoris, much like the foreskin on a penis. It acts as a protective layer, shielding the clitoris from constant friction or irritation, while still allowing for pleasurable stimulation during sexual arousal. The clitoral hood can vary greatly in size and shape from person to person, and during arousal, it often retracts slightly, exposing more of the clitoral glans for direct stimulation. This natural covering plays an important role in regulating sensitivity, as some individuals prefer indirect stimulation of the clitoris by massaging the hood, while others enjoy more direct contact.

The Glans/Clitoris

The clitoral glans is the small, external part of the clitoris that is visible at the top of the vulva, where the inner labia meet. Despite its small size, the glans has an astonishing concentration of nerve endings - around 8,000 - making it the most sensitive erogenous zone in the human body and a central focus of sexual pleasure. During arousal, the glans becomes engorged with blood, increasing its size and responsiveness to touch. Although it is the only part of the clitoris visible externally, the glans is connected to a much larger internal structure that contributes to sexual sensation. Its primary function is to provide pleasure, and different individuals may prefer various types of stimulation to this sensitive area, whether through gentle touch, vibration, or pressure. However, this is only a small fraction of the clitoris.

Illustration by Cristie Wilson

The Crura/Corpus Cavernosum

The crura are the two internal, elongated branches of the clitoris that extend downwards from the clitoral glans, running along the sides of the vaginal canal. Made of erectile tissue, the crura become engorged with blood during sexual arousal, much like the glans, contributing to the swelling and increased sensitivity of the clitoral structure. Though not visible externally, the crura play a significant role in sexual pleasure, providing a deeper sense of fullness and pressure when stimulated. They are part of the larger clitoral network, which works in unison to enhance arousal, making the crura an essential, though often overlooked, component of the female sexual anatomy.

Vestibular Bulbs

While not as widely recognized as the external clitoral glans, the vestibular bulbs are essential components of the clitoral anatomy. These bulbous masses of erectile tissue sit on either side of the vaginal opening, beneath the skin, and swell with blood during sexual arousal. Although not directly attached to the visible glans of the clitoris, they work in tandem with the internal crura and other parts of the clitoris to enhance sexual pleasure. The swelling of the vestibular bulbs can create a feeling of fullness and heighten sensitivity in the surrounding area, contributing to the overall sensation of arousal and pleasure.

Final Thoughts

Although there is no direct role in reproduction, the clitoris allows for a variety of pleasurable experiences. Essentially, the clitoris is the focal point of sexual enjoyment for many, enabling us to explore and experience deep levels of pleasure and satisfaction. By recognizing the importance of the clitoris in sexual pleasure and making space for conversations about it, we can develop a deeper understanding of our own bodies, or that of our partner(s), and enhance their sexual well-being. And as conversations around sexual health continue to evolve, it’s essential to prioritize accurate and inclusive education about the clitoris. Shedding light on its purpose and importance helps to dismantle outdated myths, ensuring that more of us are equipped with the knowledge to embrace our own pleasure and advocate for it in our relationships. Whether through solo exploration or shared intimacy, understanding the clitoris is key to unlocking deeper sexual fulfillment and fostering a positive, informed approach to sexuality. For those looking for more information on ways of exploring what feels good and what doesn't, whether with a partner or solo, my clitoral stimulation guide for beginners might be a helpful place to start. If you'd like to purchase products designed specifically for clitoral stimulation be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, or Babeland. Don't forget to shop around to make sure you're getting the best prices available. Sign up for my email list and get content sent straight to your inbox. Don't worry I promise not to spam you!

     
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Sex Ed 102: The Best Condoms And Lube For Anal Sex

Condoms & Safer Sex Products, For The Beginner, Lubes, Q & A
The Best Condoms And Lube For Anal Sex Header

Question

I recently got into a new relationship and we're planning on having sex soon (I'm a gay male by the way). The problem is that I'm not that experienced, both with partners and toys (and condoms for that matter).  I'd like some help where lube and condoms are concerned. Do you have any lubes that you'd personally recommend, preferably silicone for anal play? Also, would you have any flavored lubes that you'd recommend? We've tried a bunch of cheap samples we bought at a local novelty store and they were all pretty gross. Most of them were really thick, sickly sweet, and kinda burned our mouths. We obviously don't need them to have a good time, but sometimes it's fun to try new things. Any suggestions would be great. Finally, I'm not that sexually experienced and quite nervous. Do you have any tips for a first timer?  

 Answer

Whether it's anal, vaginal, or otherwise, first times can be overwhelming and scary.  Trust me I know, I've been there. At some point we all have. With that in mind, the discomfort you may encounter during first time anal sex could be minimum or very intense depending on how relaxed you are. It's for this reason that I created a post on anal sex tips for beginners, all designed to help make things a bit more comfortable and fun. I suggest reading the full post just so you're not missing anything. In the meantime, I've copied the most valuable info below.

Sh*t Happens... Sometimes.

Before I get into the how-to's of comfortable butt play, I think it's worth mentioning the one thing most people are afraid of... having their partner remove whatever they've inserted and it being covered in shit. Yes, I really did write that and I really am going there. The truth of the matter is sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. It can be as little as a tiny speck or a lot (though that's usually not the case), sometimes there's nothing at all. Diet can have an affect, as can how recently your last bowel movement was.  If it's something you're really worried about make sure to go beforehand, don't eat foods that you know make you feel gassy or have to go (avoid fatty, fried, and spicy food as well as caffeine), and try using a quality douche to clean yourself out. At the end of the day any time you engage in butt play there's a chance shit will happen. It's normal, natural, and should be expected. Sure, it can be embarrassing but if you're having sex with a great lover that's mature, understanding, and informed, it doesn't have to be. Now that that's said and done let's get on to questions at hand...

First Time Anal Sex Tips

Before engaging in full anal penetration it's a good idea to take some time to warm up; relaxing breathing exercises, meditating, and getting comfortable with your partner will prove helpful in the long run. Remember, the more relaxed you are the more relaxed your muscles will be. This will go a long way when it comes to inserting a toy, finger, or penis comfortably. After you’ve added some lube, add a finger and just a finger; trying to insert a penis right off the bat can be a shock to the system. Likewise, going too fast too soon can cause you to tense up, leading to a painful experience rather then a enjoyable one. By using a finger you prep the body, stretch the muscles, and allow yourself time to get used to the feeling. Once the finger is inserted, have your partner leave it there until you're totally comfortable and relaxed. Tell them not to thrust or move it around… just insert it and leave it. When you're ready have them slowly remove the finger. Doing it quickly can cause you to tense up, so make sure to go slow. From there I suggest adding more lube and a toy. You'll want one that's on the smaller side, flexible, made of 100% silicone, and has a flared base like the Small Tantus Silk (pictured right). This will give you the opportunity to work up to something larger with minimal discomfort. Whether you decide to continue with a finger, toy, or penis, have them thrust gently in the beginning. Take your time, relax into it, and try to enjoy the moment. I know we see the people of porn taking it like champs, but they're trained professionals. It's what they do for a living.  You're not expected to take a pounding the first time around. It'll likely take a few tries, or maybe you won't ever feel comfortable doing that. Either way, it's totally okay and normal. If you're partner is having a hard time inserting, try doing it doggy style. This may make it easier as you're the one determining how far it gets inserted and at what speed.  Simply have your partner on their knees staying as still as they can. Then slowly back up onto it. Once they're inside you can find a pace and depth that's comfortable for you. Finally, be gentle with yourself and know that if at any time you want to stop there's nothing wrong with that. It's your body, you get to call the shots.

The Best Condoms And Lube For Anal Sex

Silicone Lube Options

Best Condoms and Lube For Anal SexSince the anus doesn't self lubricate you're definitely going to want to invest in some good quality lube. Most silicone lubes are very similar; they're condom compatible, will maintain a slippery consistency and wont dry out like water based lubes, are tasteless and odourless, are glycerin/paraben free, and are great for use in the shower. Personally I use Sliquid Silver, Premium System Jo, Sliquid Silk, or Pjur. They're all affordable, quality lubes, made by companies I trust. If you're wary of pain and want something that will relax your butt without numbing the area (which can be dangerous since you're unable to feel tearing), I highly suggest Analyse Me Spray by Pjur. I've also heard really great things about Intimate Earth Ease Lube (pictured left). Rather than using benzocaine or lidocain (numbing agents), Intimate Earth uses Bisabolol (a component of chamomile essential oil) which will relax the area while also potentially providing anti-irritant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-microbial benefits. Of course there are some drawbacks to using silicone lubes; they have the potential to stain fabrics, you'll need soap and water to fully remove them, and they can break down silicone toys. If you're nervous about ruining a toy just do a patch test on the bottom of it to see if it'll be an issue.

Best Condoms And Lube For Anal Sex - Pjur Med Natural Glide Water Based LubeWater Based Lube Options

I know you specifically asked for silicone lubes, but I figure it's always good to have options. For water based I tend to go with Sliquid H20 because it doesn't have the shitty chemicals most others do (the people behind the company focus on body safe ingredients so that helps). It also doesn't get sticky or tacky quickly. It still will a bit, all water based lubes do, but it's not as bad. If it starts to dry you can easily use spit or water to get it slippery again. When I'm out of Sliquid I use Pjur Med Natural Glide Water Based Lube (pictured right) or Slippery Stuff it's more of a gel consistency but melts quickly with body heat.

Flavored Lube Options

As for flavored lubes System Jo and Sliquid Swirl are great if you like fruitier flavors. If you'd prefer something that tastes like dessert Wet Warming Desserts and Wicked Sensual Care have the biggest varieties. Cherry Vanilla Sliquid (pictured left) is my favourite (check my Cherry Vanilla Sliquid Review here). It's light and fruity with a hint of vanilla. Not at all thick or gross, and didn't leave a bad after taste.  More than that it didn't burn my throat or tongue. If you want to sample them before investing in a larger size, the Lip Lickers Cube from Sliquid has 4 different flavours you can try. I can't recommend Sliquid enough! Wicked Sensual Care has 10 different dessert flavored lubes with most of them being what you'd typically expect. From Salted Caramel to Vanilla Bean, Cinnamon Bun to Candy Apple, they've got all the bases covered. With regard to price points, they come in two different sizes so you don't have to break the bank if you're not sure about a flavor.  I find they're a bit sweeter, not too syrupy (considering the flavors), have a nice consistency (not sticky or tacky), and a little goes a really long way. Going back to 2010, System Jo made the first flavored lubes I really liked. The flavors are light, the lube isn't too thick or goopey, and the feeling is more like a slippery silicone lube than water based.  My faves are Chocolate Delight (my review), and Banana Lick. They also just came out with a 'Candy Shop' line, I'm excited to try the Cotton Candy and Butterscotch flavors.  There's a whole bunch more on the System JO website.  If you want a bit more info here's my review of System Jo fruit flavors.

Condoms I'd Recommend

Condom wise, you'll likely want one that's barely there. If neither of you have a latex allergy you should enjoy One Vanish, Skyn, Kimono Micro Thin, and Trojan Bareskin. I've tried them all and think they're some of the best around. You can usually find good deals on the Undercover Condoms website in their 'bulk' section. Even though you'll be using lube you'll benefit from lubricated condoms as they'll reduce any chance of friction. Just make sure not to use one that has Nonoxynol-9 as it can actually increase your chances of contracting an STD/STI. Also, don't go for Magnums unless you absolutely need the larger size.  An improper fit can slip off during intercourse, which defeats the purpose of wearing it in the first place.  If you're not sure what size will work best for your needs, this condom sizing guide should help. There's also my succinct beginners condom guide.
Hopefully this post helped you to not only find a lube and condoms that works for your needs, but also gave you some valuable information on how to make your first time an enjoyable one. I linked you to the places I shop online, support and trust. If you'd prefer to shop somewhere for reasons of discretion I've also linked to Amazon. If you find any of the products I've mentioned cheaper elsewhere please let me know so I can pass on the savings other readers. Sit back, relax, let me come to you. Sign up through the form below and have my posts sent straight to your inbox. Don't worry, I promise not to spam you!

   
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Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

For The Beginner, Good Guides, How To's, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions
  When it comes to sexual acts, tit jobs are often one of the things I'm asked about on a regular basis. In practice it's a relatively easy thing to pull off, though it can admittedly be a little uncomfortable, awkward, distracting, oddly funny, and weird at first... especially if you've never done it before or aren't that comfortable with trying new things. If it's something you'd like to try, or if you'd simply like to be better at it, feel free to check out the video above and read the content below. Both have valuable insight and techniques that will have you mastering and enjoying it in no time!

What is a tit job?

Basically, it's when someone with a dick (or strap-on) has sex with a set of tits. The act itself is a low risk, non-penetrative form of outercourse (rather than intercourse), that involves thrusting between breasts to create friction and visual stimulation for sexual gratification. It can be used as a form of foreplay leading up to sex, combined with oral sex for greater stimulation, or used in place of sex itself.  If done safely, tit jobs allow both partners to enjoy themselves sexually without the worry of an unintended pregnancy or risk of contracting an STI/STD.

Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

Although it can be fun, jumping straight to it often doesn't feel like the most natural thing to do, but that doesn't mean it can't be easy or effortless. I suggest starting with some foreplay and taking the time to both get aroused.  When you feel ready slowly maneuver yourself into a position where your breasts are level with your partners penis. You can do this by kissing down their torso, moving down to give them a blow job, or lowering yourself to your knees while you undo their pants/belt/skirt etc. Once you've got yourself into position you can rub their penis over your breasts and nipples. Next, add some of the lube to their penis (a teasing handjob works great), then simply place the penis between your breasts and press them together, sandwiching it in the process.  From there you should be good to go. If it feels awkward at first don't worry, it will get easier as you figure out what positions work best for you and your body type. You’ll also probably find that the penis slips out easily. Again, this is totally normal and nothing to be embarrassed by. Just slide it back in and keep going.

Tips & Suggestions

While a fairly standard practice, there are tips and suggestions to help make the experience much more enjoyable for everyone involved...

Don't Be Scared

  • The main problem I hear from my viewers is having the courage to do it, being nervous about trying it, and not feeling comfortable naked in front their partner.  All of these experiences are totally normal, natural, and should be expected, especially if it's your first time or if you're experimenting with a new partner. Anytime we're naked and exposed, trying something we've never done before, there's bound to be some sense of nervousness or vulnerability. The best advice I can give is to relax, have fun with it, and know that no matter what you think of your body, your partner likely thinks you're sexy as hell and can't wait to be naked with you.

Don't Forget About Your Needs

  • On that note, this can be one of the least stimulating experiences for the person offering up the tits. If this is a problem for you, I have the following suggestions:
    • get your partner to reach behind and stimulate you (by hand/with a toy - works best if they're on top straddling you)
    • if you're kneeling with them sitting in front of you and you don't have any hands free (because you're using them to hold your breasts together), you can try to mount a dildo from above as if you're riding it.
    • for better clitoral stimulation, try using a product that's designed for hands free use like the Eva by Dame or a floor based model like The Cone.
    • if you're still wearing undies, you could easily place a vibrator like a We-Vibe Touch inside to help hold it in place.
    • for those with an ample bosom, use your upper arms to push your boobs together. Depending on how you're positioned you can possibly reach down and play with yourself without much issue.
    • have your partner take over holding your tits so you can stimulate yourself.
    • try incorporating a boob job with a 69 position.

Lube Is Your Friend

  • sliquid lube for tit jobsJust like having sex without proper lubrication can be uncomfortable, painful even, so can giving an unlubed boob job. There can be chaffing. Pulling of skin on skin. Friction burn. An inability to thrust completely. The dick getting stuck somewhere in the cleavage. Granted these things don't always happen, but they can, which is why I always suggest having a good bottle of water based or silicone lube on hand. You can easily change things up by using a lubricant that cools/warms, comes in flavors (for bj's), or otherwise.

Size Doesn't Matter (Boob Size That Is!)

  • Contrary to what you might think, you don't need to have huge tits to pull this off; for those that aren't big in the boob department, I'd suggest leaning forward over your partner while they lay on their back - gravity will likely offer a bit more to work with. It probably won't be as easy as  someone with a larger set, but it is still possible.

Explore & Experiment

  • If you want to have a bit more fun try incorporating oral sex. It might be a little awkward or uncomfortable for those lying on their backs, and you likely wont be able to deep throat very well. But it's still something worth experimenting with.  Just remember to use a dental dam or condom to help reduce the risks of transmitting an STI.
  • Rather than using a simple in and out thrusting motion, try grabbing the breasts and jiggling them while the penis is sandwiched between.
 

Things To Avoid - Tips For Those With The Penis

  • Unless your partner says they like it, don't just grab their tits, jam 'em together and go to town. Not only can you rub yourself raw, you can also hurt your partner with the force of pushing the breasts together, and/or the friction that's created while you thrust. Again, I highly suggest the use of a good lube to help make the experience comfortable.
  • If your partner is going to be giving you a blow job, when your penis comes out from the top of their cleavage - go slow. I've heard many instances where the someone has accidentally rammed their penis in the back of their partners throat, jabbed them in the face, or poked them in the eye (seriously!) etc. Remember, this is meant to be fun... if you hurt your partner there is a very likely chance they won't be up for doing it again.
  • realistic breast masturbatorsBe careful how you position yourself or move when kneeling over your partner (with them on their back). Often the breasts will slide and drop to the side of the body, especially for those with large breasts; if you're not careful you could accidentally pinch or jam them between your leg and your partners body.
  • If you've talked to your partner and they just aren't comfortable with the idea or don't like giving a tit job, you can purchase  realistic breast masturbators online (pictured right). Although they're not the real thing, they could go a long way for helping you explore and experiment without having to bother/pressure your partner.
  • When it comes to ejaculating, I highly suggest talking beforehand about what's okay and what's off limits. I've received more than enough messages from viewers who have been unexpectedly shot in the face, eye, mouth, or hair by their partner who thought it was part of the plan. Remember, communication is key.
 

Regarding Positions

A variation in positions can not only help with visual or physical stimulation, it can also help with putting either person in a place of control, while also making the experience a bit more comfortable. *Note: Unlike the content within the video, I'm opting out of using 'male' and 'female' pronouns when suggesting positions below. Instead, I'm going to use 'Partner A' to represent the person with breasts, and 'Partner B' to represent the person with the penis/strap-on etc.

Cowboy: Partner A lays on their back while Partner B straddles their torso (kneeling), and places the penis/strap-on between the breasts of Partner A. Once in this position either partner can grab the breasts and wrap them around the penis. Because this position limits the amount of movement the Partner A has, this places Partner B in control of the rhythm, speed, and timing as to which the ejaculation and/or orgasm occurs. Also, it's a good idea for the person on top to remember not to lean all their weight as it could accidentally make breathing difficult (for their partner).

Reverse Cowboy:  This position is like cowboy only instead of Partner B facing the partner, they're turned to face their feet. While in this position the person on the bottom can provide oral or manual stimulation to the anus, balls, taint, or other erogenous zones, while the person on top can reach forward and manually stimulate their partner. Again, this position limits the actions of the person beneath, giving Partner B the opportunity to reach down and control the rhythm, speed, and timing when it comes to ejaculation and/or orgasm. One thing to keep in mind when it comes to the oral sex aspect is that it increases the risk of contracting an STD. As such, I suggest using a dental dam to create a barrier and limit the risks.

Standing: Pretty much what it sounds like; Parner B stands while Partner A either kneels or sits in front of them. Although this does usually lend to a more typically thought 'submissive' role, it actually gives Partner A a bit more control when it comes to thrusting. Depending on the heights of the people involved, as well as the way the penis curves, this position can be rather difficult or annoying for both parties. Also, depending on the size of breasts involved the act of lifting, pushing together, and holding in place can be tiring. It can also be tough on the knees and joints (use a pillow for adding padding).

Edge of The Seat: When it comes to placing Partner A in control, I've been told that this position is preferred.  Partner B sits while Partner A kneels in between their legs, using the legs of Partner B for support. Then, leaning forward, Partner A can place the penis between the breasts and control the speed, depth, and rhythm of thrusts. An alternative to this has Partner A sitting, with Partner B standing in front. I suggest experimenting with both positions and seeing which works best for you.

Hopefully this helped in some way and answered any questions you might have, but most of all, I hope this provided you with a new and fun way of exploring and experimenting with your partner without also having to worry about an unintended pregnancy or contracting an STD. Sit back, relax, let me come to you. Sign up through the form below and have my posts sent straight to your inbox. Don't worry, I promise not to spam you!

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