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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: 5 Easy Sexual Positions

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Sex Ed 102 Beginners Guide: 5 Easy Sexual Positions

Exploring sexual positions can be a fun and rewarding part of intimacy with your partner. But building a sexual repertoire takes patience, curiosity, and a willingness to adapt to each other’s needs. Whether you’re new to sex or simply looking to add variety to your experiences, understanding different positions can help you and your partner connect more deeply and discover what feels best for both of you. This guide covers five easy sexual positions, their pros and cons, and some helpful tips for beginners.

Classic Missionary Position

The Missionary position is a timeless classic for a reason. Its simplicity and versatility make it a go-to choice for beginners and seasoned lovers alike. Perfect for close connection, this position is all about intimacy and shared moments.

How To Do It: While there are many variations on the missionary theme, during classic missionary, one partner lies on their back while the other partner lies on top, face-to-face (as pictured right). This setup allows for close physical contact and eye contact. It’s one of the most recognizable and beginner-friendly positions.

Missionary works well for establishing emotional and physical intimacy, offering a natural flow and control balance. Its straightforward nature makes it a favourite for many, particularly for deep penetration and its compatibility with adjustments to heighten sensations. Don’t let its simplicity fool you – it can be incredibly satisfying.

Pros:

Straightforward and easy to transition into without needing gymnastic skills.
Encourages emotional intimacy through eye contact, kisses, and touch.
Offers flexibility with subtle tweaks, like shifting angles for different sensations.

Cons:

Can feel repetitive if used exclusively, making variety key to keeping things fresh.
The partner on top might find their arms or back feeling the burn after a while, especially during longer sessions.

Tips: Adding a pillow under the bottom partner’s lower back isn’t just for aesthetics; it shifts the angle slightly, often enhancing sensations for both. If things get too intense or if the rhythm feels off, take a moment to adjust and communicate.

Cowgirl Position

If you’re looking for a position that empowers and excites, Cowgirl might be your new best friend. This versatile position puts the partner on top in control, making it perfect for exploring angles and rhythms that work best for you.

How To Do It: One partner lies on their back while the other straddles them, facing forward. This position gives the person on top complete control over depth, angle, and rhythm, making it great for personalizing the experience to their preferences. The position also fosters an empowering sense of confidence for the partner on top, as they guide the pace and intensity. For the partner below, it offers a comfortable and visually engaging experience.

Pros:

Empowers the partner on top to set the pace and angle.
Provides opportunities for visual connection and exploration.
Ideal for clitoral stimulation.

Cons:

Requires stamina from the partner on top, which can lead to fatigue.
May be less comfortable for those with knee or hip issues, especially during longer sessions.

Tips: Use a firm bed or surface for stability, and try leaning forward or back to explore different angles of stimulation. Incorporate hand support on the partner below’s chest or shoulders to ease some strain. If stamina becomes an issue, the partner on the bottom can assist with gentle upward thrusts to share the effort.

Spooning Position

Sometimes, you just want to keep things cozy. The Spooning position is all about relaxed intimacy and connection, making it an excellent choice for those quieter, more tender moments, or for those with limited mobility.

How To Do It: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction, with one partner positioned behind the other. This position is perfect for slow, intimate connection and works well for a relaxed pace. It’s also great for partners who enjoy cuddling. The angle can be adjusted slightly for deeper penetration, and it allows for gentle movements that can feel soothing and sensual.

Pros:

Comfortable and low-effort, making it ideal for lazy mornings or evenings.
Allows for close physical intimacy and skin-to-skin contact.
Good for people with limited mobility or energy.

Cons:

May not allow for as deep penetration compared to other positions.
Requires some practice to find the right alignment for both partners.

Tips: Adjust the angle by having the partner in front bend their top leg slightly forward. Adding a small pillow between knees can enhance comfort and create a better angle.

Doggy Style

For those seeking a more adventurous angle, Doggy Style offers a playful dynamic that’s anything but boring. This position is great for experimenting with depth and rhythm while keeping things exciting.

How To Do It: One partner positions themselves on their hands and knees while the other partner kneels behind them. This position allows for deep penetration and can stimulate the G-spot or prostate effectively. It also provides a different angle that many find exciting, and the dynamic can be playful or passionate, depending on the mood.

Pros:

Provides a new angle for stimulation that’s often very pleasurable.
Leaves hands free for additional stimulation (e.g., clitoral).
Encourages playful dynamics and exploration.

Cons:

May feel impersonal without modifications or additional connection.
Can be intense for beginners, especially if communication is lacking.

Tips: Place a pillow under the partner on their hands and knees for comfort and support. Communicate about depth, rhythm, and speed to ensure both partners are comfortable. Adding some gentle back rubs, kissing, or light spanking during the position can soften the dynamic and make it feel more intimate.

Seated Position

Looking for a way to blend comfort with closeness? The Seated position is your ticket to intimate connection without a lot of fuss. Perfect for deep eye contact and easy access to touch, this position keeps things simple and satisfying.

How To Do It: One partner sits on a sturdy surface (like a chair or edge of a bed) while the other partner straddles them, facing forward or backward. This position emphasizes intimacy through eye contact and touch while allowing the seated partner to provide support. It’s also a great option for partners who enjoy a slower pace with room for playful interaction.

Pros:

Easy to maintain and comfortable for both partners.
Promotes intimacy and closeness through face-to-face interaction.
Great for controlled movements and rhythm.

Cons:

Requires a sturdy and comfortable seat to prevent wobbling.
Limited range of motion compared to other positions, which might feel restrictive for some.

Tips: Use a chair with a backrest for additional support and experiment with hip movements to find the most pleasurable rhythm. Incorporate kisses and touch to heighten the intimacy and connection.

Final Thoughts

Exploring sexual positions is about finding what feels good for both you and your partner. There’s no right or wrong way to connect intimately, and experimenting with these beginner-friendly options can help you discover new levels of pleasure and connection. Remember, the key to a fulfilling sexual experience is open communication, mutual consent, and prioritizing each other’s comfort and desires. Take your time, have fun, and enjoy the journey of learning together.

If you’d like to purchase products designed specifically to aide in your sexual experiences, be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, or Babeland. Make sure to shop around so you can get the best prices available.

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Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

When it comes to sexual acts, tit jobs are often one of the things I’m asked about on a regular basis. In practice it’s a relatively easy thing to pull off, though it can admittedly be a little uncomfortable, awkward, distracting, oddly funny, and weird at first… especially if you’ve never done it before or aren’t that comfortable with trying new things.

If it’s something you’d like to try, or if you’d simply like to be better at it, feel free to check out the video above and read the content below. Both have valuable insight and techniques that will have you mastering and enjoying it in no time!

What is a tit job?

Basically, it’s when someone with a dick (or strap-on) has sex with a set of tits.

The act itself is a low risk, non-penetrative form of outercourse (rather than intercourse), that involves thrusting between breasts to create friction and visual stimulation for sexual gratification. It can be used as a form of foreplay leading up to sex, combined with oral sex for greater stimulation, or used in place of sex itself. If done safely, tit jobs allow both partners to enjoy themselves sexually without the worry of an unintended pregnancy or risk of contracting an STI/STD.

Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

Although it can be fun, jumping straight to it often doesn’t feel like the most natural thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be easy or effortless.

I suggest starting with some foreplay and taking the time to both get aroused. When you feel ready slowly maneuver yourself into a position where your breasts are level with your partners penis. You can do this by kissing down their torso, moving down to give them a blow job, or lowering yourself to your knees while you undo their pants/belt/skirt etc.

Once you’ve got yourself into position you can rub their penis over your breasts and nipples. Next, add some of the lube to their penis (a teasing handjob works great), then simply place the penis between your breasts and press them together, sandwiching it in the process. From there you should be good to go.

If it feels awkward at first don’t worry, it will get easier as you figure out what positions work best for you and your body type.

You’ll also probably find that the penis slips out easily. Again, this is totally normal and nothing to be embarrassed by. Just slide it back in and keep going.

Tips & Suggestions

While a fairly standard practice, there are tips and suggestions to help make the experience much more enjoyable for everyone involved…

Don’t Be Scared

The main problem I hear from my viewers is having the courage to do it, being nervous about trying it, and not feeling comfortable naked in front their partner. All of these experiences are totally normal, natural, and should be expected, especially if it’s your first time or if you’re experimenting with a new partner. Anytime we’re naked and exposed, trying something we’ve never done before, there’s bound to be some sense of nervousness or vulnerability. The best advice I can give is to relax, have fun with it, and know that no matter what you think of your body, your partner likely thinks you’re sexy as hell and can’t wait to be naked with you.

Don’t Forget About Your Needs

On that note, this can be one of the least stimulating experiences for the person offering up the tits. If this is a problem for you, I have the following suggestions:
- get your partner to reach behind and stimulate you (by hand/with a toy – works best if they’re on top straddling you)
- if you’re kneeling with them sitting in front of you and you don’t have any hands free (because you’re using them to hold your breasts together), you can try to mount a dildo from above as if you’re riding it.
- for better clitoral stimulation, try using a product that’s designed for hands free use like the Eva by Dame or a floor based model like The Cone.
- if you’re still wearing undies, you could easily place a vibrator like a We-Vibe Touch inside to help hold it in place.
- for those with an ample bosom, use your upper arms to push your boobs together. Depending on how you’re positioned you can possibly reach down and play with yourself without much issue.
- have your partner take over holding your tits so you can stimulate yourself.
- try incorporating a boob job with a 69 position.

Lube Is Your Friend

Just like having sex without proper lubrication can be uncomfortable, painful even, so can giving an unlubed boob job. There can be chaffing. Pulling of skin on skin. Friction burn. An inability to thrust completely. The dick getting stuck somewhere in the cleavage. Granted these things don’t always happen, but they can, which is why I always suggest having a good bottle of water based or silicone lube on hand. You can easily change things up by using a lubricant that cools/warms, comes in flavors (for bj’s), or otherwise.

If you’re not planning on engaging in protected intercourse you can use something oil based (like coconut oil, almond oil, or generic massage oil), otherwise steer clear as oil easily breaks down latex condoms. In a pinch you could use spit, but it does tend to dry out faster.

Size Doesn’t Matter (Boob Size That Is!)

Contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to have huge tits to pull this off; for those that aren’t big in the boob department, I’d suggest leaning forward over your partner while they lay on their back – gravity will likely offer a bit more to work with. It probably won’t be as easy as someone with a larger set, but it is still possible.

Explore & Experiment

If you want to have a bit more fun try incorporating oral sex. It might be a little awkward or uncomfortable for those lying on their backs, and you likely wont be able to deep throat very well. But it’s still something worth experimenting with. Just remember to use a dental dam or condom to help reduce the risks of transmitting an STI.

Rather than using a simple in and out thrusting motion, try grabbing the breasts and jiggling them while the penis is sandwiched between.

Things To Avoid – Tips For Those With The Penis

Unless your partner says they like it, don’t just grab their tits, jam ’em together and go to town. Not only can you rub yourself raw, you can also hurt your partner with the force of pushing the breasts together, and/or the friction that’s created while you thrust. Again, I highly suggest the use of a good lube to help make the experience comfortable.

If your partner is going to be giving you a blow job, when your penis comes out from the top of their cleavage – go slow. I’ve heard many instances where the someone has accidentally rammed their penis in the back of their partners throat, jabbed them in the face, or poked them in the eye (seriously!) etc. Remember, this is meant to be fun… if you hurt your partner there is a very likely chance they won’t be up for doing it again.

Be careful how you position yourself or move when kneeling over your partner (with them on their back). Often the breasts will slide and drop to the side of the body, especially for those with large breasts; if you’re not careful you could accidentally pinch or jam them between your leg and your partners body.

If you’ve talked to your partner and they just aren’t comfortable with the idea or don’t like giving a tit job, you can purchase realistic breast masturbators online (pictured right). Although they’re not the real thing, they could go a long way for helping you explore and experiment without having to bother/pressure your partner.

When it comes to ejaculating, I highly suggest talking beforehand about what’s okay and what’s off limits. I’ve received more than enough messages from viewers who have been unexpectedly shot in the face, eye, mouth, or hair by their partner who thought it was part of the plan. Remember, communication is key.

Regarding Positions

A variation in positions can not only help with visual or physical stimulation, it can also help with putting either person in a place of control, while also making the experience a bit more comfortable.

*Note: Unlike the content within the video, I’m opting out of using ‘male’ and ‘female’ pronouns when suggesting positions below. Instead, I’m going to use ‘Partner A’ to represent the person with breasts, and ‘Partner B’ to represent the person with the penis/strap-on etc.

Cowboy: Partner A lays on their back while Partner B straddles their torso (kneeling), and places the penis/strap-on between the breasts of Partner A. Once in this position either partner can grab the breasts and wrap them around the penis. Because this position limits the amount of movement the Partner A has, this places Partner B in control of the rhythm, speed, and timing as to which the ejaculation and/or orgasm occurs. Also, it’s a good idea for the person on top to remember not to lean all their weight as it could accidentally make breathing difficult (for their partner).

Reverse Cowboy: This position is like cowboy only instead of Partner B facing the partner, they’re turned to face their feet. While in this position the person on the bottom can provide oral or manual stimulation to the anus, balls, taint, or other erogenous zones, while the person on top can reach forward and manually stimulate their partner. Again, this position limits the actions of the person beneath, giving Partner B the opportunity to reach down and control the rhythm, speed, and timing when it comes to ejaculation and/or orgasm. One thing to keep in mind when it comes to the oral sex aspect is that it increases the risk of contracting an STD. As such, I suggest using a dental dam to create a barrier and limit the risks.

Standing: Pretty much what it sounds like; Parner B stands while Partner A either kneels or sits in front of them. Although this does usually lend to a more typically thought ‘submissive’ role, it actually gives Partner A a bit more control when it comes to thrusting. Depending on the heights of the people involved, as well as the way the penis curves, this position can be rather difficult or annoying for both parties. Also, depending on the size of breasts involved the act of lifting, pushing together, and holding in place can be tiring. It can also be tough on the knees and joints (use a pillow for adding padding).

Edge of The Seat: When it comes to placing Partner A in control, I’ve been told that this position is preferred. Partner B sits while Partner A kneels in between their legs, using the legs of Partner B for support. Then, leaning forward, Partner A can place the penis between the breasts and control the speed, depth, and rhythm of thrusts. An alternative to this has Partner A sitting, with Partner B standing in front. I suggest experimenting with both positions and seeing which works best for you.

Hopefully this helped in some way and answered any questions you might have, but most of all, I hope this provided you with a new and fun way of exploring and experimenting with your partner without also having to worry about an unintended pregnancy or contracting an STD.

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Sex: Getting Ready For Your First Time

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Sex Ed 102: Getting Ready For Your First Time

Contrary to what most movies depict, first times are rarely what we expect.

There aren’t rose petals or candles casting a glow. There’s no moment of tender, all encompassing bliss or the crooning voice of our favorite music artist in the background. Rather than a bed, many first timers find themselves in the back of a car, couch, or even in a park, as the thought of holding out for a time when the parents are out is just too bothersome, or too long of a wait.

On top of that (and based on the messages I’ve received) the majority of writers found their “first time” to be clumsy, anxiety ridden, overwhelming, scary, ill planned, uncomfortable and confusing (or any mix of the above), even when it was a good one.

It’s because of this that I thought I’d write a series of posts on the subject of first times, all with the hope that I’d be able to transform what was once a scary and overwhelming experience, to one that’s a bit better planned, a little more fun, definitely more comfortable, and a lot more enjoyable.

Unlike a lot of my other written articles that are completed in one go, my first time sex tips have been split into separate entries:

Tips and suggestions for cis men, tips and suggestions for cis females, basic suggestions to help make the experience not so painful or scary, and products you’ll want to keep on hand.

When it comes to having sex the first time there are a few things I highly suggest you take into consideration before deciding to act on the impulse;

What’s Your Motivation?

The first thing you might want to think about is the personal motivation you have behind your choice in actions. While I’m not here to judge, I am here to remind you that intercourse, intimacy, and any form of sexual relations can and do often have emotional, mental, physical and spiritual after effects. For some the after effects will be wonderful, comfortable, confidence boosting and/or blissful, for others it may be a period of guilt, regret, disappointment or anger (all of which are “normal”).

That said, if the reasoning behind losing your “virginity” is one that’s due to peer pressure, societal factors or doing it “for the sake of it”, I suggest you take a moment to rethink your motivation and make sure it’s something you can live with after. Like I said, I’m not here to judge, I just don’t want you doing something you’ll live to regret or beat yourself up for.

Choices, Choices…

The second thing I highly suggest you think about is the method(s) of protection you’ll be using;

*For hetero sex, what type of Contraception/STD protection will you be using?

*For same sex relations what type of STD protection will you be using?

On that note, while I understand where people are coming from with the belief that the female should have to deal with the pill (or other methods) and the male should be the one responsible for getting the condoms, I’m not someone who shares that belief.

In my opinion, each one of us owes it to ourselves to take responsibility for our bodies and our own personal well being. If you want to stay STD free and you want to avoid the chances of an unplanned pregnancy, come prepared.

For the ladies that means getting your hands on condoms, should that be your choice of protection (or even just your back up). For males that means discussing all of the options open to the female (if it’s hetero sex) and if you’re in a relationship, making sure she’s taking them on time or applying them as directed.

I’m sure most of you would think this is common sense but all too often I hear about “scares” that happened all because someone relied on someone else, only to realize after, that they were the person who should have taken responsibility of things for themselves. Don’t leave your safety in someone’s hands, 7 times out of 10 they’ll fail you.

Contraception: Practice Makes Perfect

Since the #1 complaint I hear regarding condoms is that they ‘spoil the mood‘ I think it’s very important to practice putting them on properly (and taking them off properly) as it’ll help to make the moment move a lot smoother and quicker.

When it comes to practicing I think the best advice is to go with the flow; if you masturbate use that time to practice putting on a condom, masturbate with it on (which will get you used to the sensation) and then take it off following the directions on the box (using toys to experiment with while you wear a condom is also a good idea).

While it might be a bit of a pain in the ass, and maybe a mood kill, when it comes to the actual moment all the planning and prepping will go a long way in saving you from embarrassment or potentially doing it wrong.

For those that choose to use a diaphragm, female condom or any other barrier method of protection I also suggest you take the necessary time, before being sexually active, to learn and practice putting the product in place, as well as safely removing it.

If you choose to use a hormonal method of protection, I suggest you speak with your doctor about how long it takes to become fully effective since the time on them varies. The last thing you need is to start taking a product and become sexually active because you think you’re protected, only to realize you weren’t.

Speak Up

I realize that for a lot of people the topic of sex and sexuality are still touchy subjects, even with that in mind I think it’s important to have someone to talk to after. Whether it’s a friend you trust, a teacher, parent, doctor, guardian, mentor, coach or other relative, having a person who’s willing to listen and help can make a world of difference – especially if something goes wrong or you’re dealing with negative emotions like guilt.

Get Tested

Finally, if you’ve had unprotected sexual interactions with another person, whether it be oral, anal or otherwise I suggest you get tested for STI’s/STD’s just to be on the safe side. While the majority of them require the transmission of bodily fluids to be transferred, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t others that need skin to skin contact to cause an
infection.

I realize that for most of you the thought of going to get STD tested can raise a mountain of fears and anxiety, making the suggestion easier said then done. That said, if there is one thing I want to make very clear it’s that the process it self is very easy; all you need to do is to visit a local STD testing lab, hassle free clinic, or talk to your doctor. If you’re in a real hurry sometimes you can even call ahead for setting up an appointment the same day.

In most cases testing sites are conveniently located throughout the country and are staffed by caring and highly trained individuals. While you’re there they will perform the tests as well as answer any questions you may have about your risk, possible diagnoses, or the testing process. Then, within three days (sometimes shorter, sometimes longer) you’ll be able to get the results of your STD test. These results are most often delivered by a counselor who can assist you in dealing with emotional and practical considerations if a test comes back positive.

For those of you that just can’t bring yourself to visit a clinic or talk to a doctor there are other options available like online sites that send out STD Testing Kits allowing you to do the test in the comfort of your own home. Once you receive the test kit, follow the simple instructions then mail it back to the lab and you can receive your results online within 1-3 business days. After that you have the option of calling and setting up an appointment to speak with someone should you need to, or you can go to your own doctor and speak with him or her instead.

Final Thoughts

Sex can be a wonderful experience that allows us to bond, explore, ignite and surrender to a person in ways nothing else can. It can also be the cause of heartache, regret, disappointment and life altering choices that leave us questioning why we did it in the first place.

For those of you that are just happening to come to this stage of exploration, whether it be by yourself or with a partner, I hope this series of blogs can help you shape and create your moments to be closer to the former, rather then that latter.

If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to go through Sex Ed 102 videos or the Sex Ed 102 website first, as more often then not your answer will be found there. Still feeling lost? No worries, head over to my contact page and send in your question. If it’s one I get often enough, or one that I think would really benefit others, I just might include it in my Sex Ed 102 Q & A (don’t worry, I never identify who sent the question in).

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First Time Sex Tips: For The Guys

Since most of the questions I’m commonly asked tend to be from those not yet sexually active, coming in the form of messages stating personal fears, worries, anxieties and misconceptions regarding the subject, I thought I’d write a series of articles to help guide my readers and viewers through their “first time”.

In the first article of this series I touched on the basics, including the decision about what type of contraception you’ll be using, getting products like a good lubes to help make the experience more pleasurable, the motivation behind the choice to be sexually active and making sure to have a person you can speak with, both before and after, who might be able to help and offer guidance should you need it.

For those of you jumping into the series, I highly suggest you go back and read the first article as it will possibly give you the insight you need to decide if having sex is something you’re really ready for.

As for this article, I’m going to be covering tips and suggestions I think every male should know before engaging in sexual activity, hopefully making the experience the best it can be for both of the parties involved.

*I’ll be covering first time suggestions for females next.

Getting Ready

No matter if you’re male, female or transgendered, I highly suggest masturbation before sexual activity. While this may seem like an attempt to keep you from having sex, nothing could be farther from the truth. To me, the act of masturbation can play an vital role in preparing you for your first sexual experience; helping you to learn about your likes and dislikes, giving you insight to how long you can “last” before ejaculating or having an orgasm (since they’re not the same thing), teach you about the type of stimulation you need to become aroused and maintain and erection (firm, soft, gentle, rough etc) and get you in touch with your body so that you can clearly relay everything you’ve learned to your partner. That said, if there is one thing I can’t stress enough it’s that communication is key to a good sexual experience – especially for the first time, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

No Glove, No Love!

While I brought up the issue of contraception and STD/STI protection in the first article, I want to touch on it again just to make sure you’ve got the bases covered and are well prepared to avoid any costly mistakes you may live to regret.

For Sex With Females: there are quite a few options when it comes to hetero sex; condoms, the female condom, birth control pill, diaphragm, IUD, the patch, contraceptive foam/spermicide and the sponge to name a few. Unfortunately when it comes to products females have to take/apply you don’t have much control over the proper application, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to ask about them. After all, you need to take your safety and well being into consideration too.

On that note, the best advice I can give is to make sure you’re personally prepared by carrying a condom at all times, learn to apply it properly, find a size that fits comfortably by a brand you trust and never second guess your best judgment. If you’re about to engage in a sexual activity and don’t have a method of protection available, just don’t do it. Trust me, this is advice you might be thanking me for later.

For Sex with Males: unfortunately the number of available products for male on male sex is limited with the condom and spermicide (not recommended) being the only options. While you may not have to worry about a possible pregnancy, you should always assume the person your with has an STD/STI until you know otherwise. Better safe than sorry.

tip: if you’re unsure about what size condom you should be buying, I created a condom size chart which might help.

Tips & Suggestions

Some of the most common worries I hear from males are that they won’t last long enough, aren’t “big enough”, that they’ll do it “wrong” and finally that they’ll somehow accidentally hurt their partner(s) while in the process of trying to bring pleasure. If you can relate to any of the above, don’t worry, what you’re experiencing is normal, natural and definitely to be expected.

In an attempt to help I’ve listed some tips and suggestions that I hope will build your level of confidence as well, give you some insight regarding what to expect your first time around.

Relax

For as simple as it may sound, being relaxed is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give. When you’re relaxed your heart rate is lower, stress levels decrease, the mind becomes still, you have a better chance of becoming aroused and any anxiety you may be feeling will usually drift away. Sure, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but maintaining a sense of calm will go a long way for helping you achieve an erection, as well as maintaining one.

My suggestion: When trying to stay relaxed you may think of the old standby techniques like breathing, maintaining a sense of calm and going with the flow will have the best effect, and to a certain extent, you’re right. However, I personally think being prepared in every aspect will make the biggest difference when it comes to the big day/night or otherwise. If you know how to put on a condom, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of stimulation you and your partner prefer, what type of lube you’ll be using and have talked about all your fears or anxieties with someone you trust, that will go a long way for helping you stay calm in the heat of the moment as you’ll already know what to expect and not be so caught off guard.

Communicate

As I said early in this article, communication is key. Not only can it make a big difference when it comes to easing tension, calming nerves, learning about each others preferences and erasing fears, but it also gives you the chance to talk about everything before it happens so that you know, each step of the way, whether what you’re doing is okay or if it’s going too far too fast.

My Suggestion: The suggestion here is actually very simple – talk to your partner about what your feeling/thinking and listen to their fears, concerns, questions and suggestions. While that part is very straight forward, being a good communicator also requires the ability to listen and hear what your partner is saying. If they tell you (in the moment) that what you’re doing hurts, is too fast, slow, deep, hard, soft, shallow, or otherwise – stop, listen to what they’re saying and ask what you could do differently. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but listening to your partner can be the difference between pleasure and pain.

tip: if you’re partner says that they don’t want to do it anymore – even if it’s right in the middle – listen to them and stop. It’s the respectful thing to do. More than that, if you don’t it will more than likely classify as rape and place you in a situation you’ll likely live to regret.

Be Gentle

Rough, passionate sex is great, but pushing too far too fast is a whole other thing. In fact, most people would probably be surprised by the amount of messages I get from viewers saying they don’t like sex with their partner because “he just shoves it in”, or that their partner won’t have sex with them because they accidentally hurt them once. It’s a common mistake, one that can very easily be avoided.

My suggestion: I don’t know how else to say this other than – don’t just ram it in there! Yes, I do know how funny that may sound but it sadly happens far more often than I care to admit. To help make insertion easier I suggest helping to get your partner ready by using lots of lube, making sure there is enough foreplay for them to be aroused, and inserting something small first (with their permission) like a little dildo, vibrator, finger or other object that’s safe for use (if it’s for anal use make sure it has a base so it doesn’t get “lost”).

Once inserted don’t start thrusting it about, don’t poke or prod at them, and don’t act like your a doctor giving your partner an examination ~~unless your role playing~~. Instead, just let the item your using sit in place so that your partner can get used to the feeling of having something inside, while also allowing the muscles to relax and possibly “stretch out” a bit. When your partner is ready you can remove the device and slowly try to insert yourself. If it doesn’t happen the first time you try don’t worry, it’s common, normal and happens to even the most sexually experienced folks. Time and patience are your friends here, not a forceful jamming. It’s like the old saying goes – “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”.

tip: for those of you engaging in first time anal sex I wrote an article and created a video specifically covering the topic which you might find helpful.

Go Slow

Contrary to what most people think going fast and hard isn’t a requirement for “great sex”. In fact, it’s usually the exact opposite, especially if the person on the receiving end is a virgin as well. By going slow you give the person you’re having sex with the chance to get used to the feeling, without tensing up because they feel like their having sex with a jack rabbit on speed. While it may not seem like a very big deal, going slow can cause their muscles to relax and make penetration easier for both of you. not to mention possibly even bringing them to a heightened level of arousal in the process.

My suggestion: If you can, do your best to keep a steady rhythm going, one that is comfortable for both of you and feels good. If it’s too slow and not offering any stimulation slowly speed up, remembering to ask your partner every so often if it’s okay for them. Keep going until you find a speed that you both like and stick with it. Lastly, try to remember that you’re having sex with someone, not running a race. No one is going to clock you for the fastest time and it’s probably better if you don’t come first.

Expect the Worst

While this might not seem that helpful I can guarantee that it is, especially considering that the worst thing you can think of may very well occur – what’s more, it’s normal, natural, common and for the most part happens to everyone. To help make my point let me just state that for every great “first time” story I’ve ever heard, there were at least anther 20 that were horrible, embarrassing or ended in a way that left one or both parties feeling like they “failed”. I know, it sucks.

My Suggestion: Be gentle with yourself, don’t take it too seriously and remember it’s your first time, not you’re hundredth. Just like riding a bike, learning to roller blade or playing a sport, being “good in bed” is something that comes with time, experience, learning, being open to change and willing to explore your opportunities. No matter how “perfect” you try to make it, I can almost guarantee something will go wrong. The more you expect that, the more able you’ll be in the moment to let it go, laugh it off, move on and not let it affect the moment.

Final Thoughts

No matter who you are your first time will most likely be scary, overwhelming, nerve wracking, exciting, intense and memorable. It’s supposed to be that way, it always has been.

Will you’re first time be what you expected? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time.

Will it be fantastic? Hopefully, though it seems first times rarely are.

Will it be something you always remember? I’d think so, which is why I suggest doing everything in your power to make it good, rather than something that left you wondering where you went wrong.

Sit back, relax, let me come to you! Sign up through the form below and my posts sent straight to you inbox. Don’t worry, I promise not to spam you.

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Sex Ed 102: Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

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Sex Ed 102: Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

Despite its importance, the clitoris has long been misunderstood or ignored. In recent years, however, there has been a growing movement to raise awareness about its structure and function, emphasizing the importance of clitoral stimulation in sexual pleasure.

Knowing how to properly stimulate the clitoris – whether through gentle touch, oral sex, or the use of sex toys – can empower individuals to take control of their sexual health and enjoy more fulfilling intimate experiences.

Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris helps in exploring various ways to experience sexual satisfaction, either through solo play or with a partner. As such, I also suggest reading my beginners guide to the clitoris, in order to help learn as much as possible before engaging in any stimulation techniques.

Facts About The Clitoris

The clitoris serves no other purpose than providing sexual pleasure. In fact it is the only organ in the human body that exists solely for pleasure.

There are around eight thousand nerve endings within the clitoris, which is part of what makes it so sensitive.

Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is much larger then people assume. Like a miniature penis, the clitoris consists of a rounded tip (the glans, think of the head of the penis), attached to a longer part (the shaft). The shaft has two “arms” that stretch backwards into the woman’s body, under the skin on either side above the vaginal opening. This picture shows the similarities between the clitoris and penis quite well.

Nerves controlling clitoral muscle contractions travel alongside the walls of the vagina, the bladder and urethra, passing along the sensations produced from orgasm or stimulation. Which is why when a female experiences an orgasm during sex, the guy having sex with her will feel a throbbing or pulsing sensation inside her vagina.

During the one of the stages of the sexual response cycle her clitoris might become more sensitive then when you first started to play with it and may retract under the hood to shield it from direct stimulation. Check this diagram of a clitoris going through the stages or arousal.

When a person becomes sexually aroused, the clitoris fills with blood and increases in size just like a penis. After orgasm, the clitoris will return to its normal size. If the person doesn’t have an orgasm, the blood may remain there for a few hours and cause discomfort. This is pretty much the equivalent of “blue balls”.

Learning What You Like

Though every person’s sensitivity and preferences can vary, for many, direct clitoral stimulation is key to achieving orgasm. Some may prefer light, gentle touches, while others enjoy more intense or rhythmic stimulation. Exploring your body so you know what you like and don’t is crucial when it comes to communicating with a partner, and helps to ensure a fulfilling sexual experience for everyone.

It’s also important to note that clitoral stimulation doesn’t have to be limited to direct touch. Many people enjoy using body safe lubricants, which can enhance sensitivity and comfort, experimenting with various household items that are safe for masturbation, or different kinds of sex toys designed specifically to stimulate the clitoris.

External stimulation through oral sex, or even indirect stimulation through positions that apply pressure to the clitoral region, can also lead to heightened sexual arousal and orgasm. Finding what works best requires a combination of exploration, patience, and openness to discovering new sensations.

Different techniques can elicit different types of pleasure, and how you go about stimulating yourself is completely up to you.

Getting Started

Before you get started, make sure to always prioritize consent, comfort, and communication when engaging in sexual activities. Each person’s preferences are unique, so be open to exploration and discovery to find what works best for you.

Set the Mood: Create a comfortable and private environment where you feel relaxed and safe. Dim the lights, play soft music, or use aromatherapy to enhance the atmosphere. This can help you focus on the experience and reduce any distractions.

Begin with Foreplay: Start by engaging in foreplay to increase arousal, whether individually or with a partner. For individual foreplay, explore your body by caressing your own skin, focusing on erogenous zones such as the breasts, inner thighs, or the vulva. Using your hands or a vibrator can enhance sensations and help you understand your preferences. When engaging in partnered foreplay, consider kissing, touching, or orally stimulating each other to create intimacy. Taking your time during this phase helps build anticipation and increases sensitivity, allowing both you and your partner to become fully aroused before moving on to clitoral stimulation.

Lubricate: Use a water or silicone-based lubricant to enhance comfort and reduce friction. Applying lubricant to the clitoris and surrounding areas can heighten sensations and make stimulation more pleasurable.

Locate the Clitoris: Identify the clitoral glans, which is located at the top of the vulva, just above the urethral opening. It’s a small, sensitive pea sized nub that may be partially covered by the clitoral hood. Familiarize yourself with the surrounding anatomy, including the labia and the vestibular bulbs.

Start Gently: Begin by gently touching the clitoral glans with your fingertips or the palm of your hand. Use light pressure to explore different areas around the clitoris and gradually increase the intensity as you gauge your comfort level. Pay attention to your body’s responses.

Experiment with Techniques: Try various techniques to discover what feels best for you. You can use:

Circular Motions: Move your fingers in small circles around the clitoral glans.
Up and Down Strokes: Gently slide your fingers vertically over the glans.
Side-to-Side Movements: Move your fingers horizontally across the clitoris.
Pressure Variation: Alternate between light and firmer pressure to find the most pleasurable sensations.

Incorporate Different Types of Stimulation: You may also try using a vibrator designed for clitoral stimulation, which can provide a different sensation. Experiment with different speeds and patterns to see what you enjoy. You can also combine manual stimulation with a vibrator for enhanced pleasure.

Focus on the Whole Area: Remember that the entire vulva is sensitive. Explore touching the surrounding labia, the vaginal opening, and the vestibular bulbs to create a more holistic experience. Varying your focus can lead to deeper arousal.

Communicate with Your Partner: If you are exploring clitoral stimulation with a partner, communicate your desires and preferences openly. Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. This can enhance intimacy and ensure a pleasurable experience for both of you.

Allow for Exploration: Take your time and allow yourself to explore your body without pressure to reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation can vary in intensity, and enjoying the journey is just as important as any destination. Focus on the sensations and embrace your pleasure.

Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your body’s responses throughout the experience. If something feels uncomfortable, adjust your technique or pressure. If you feel close to orgasm, you can continue the same stimulation or vary it to prolong the sensation.

Aftercare: Once you finish, take a moment to relax and enjoy the afterglow. This can include cuddling, talking, or simply reflecting on the experience. Aftercare is an essential part of intimacy, helping you connect with yourself and/or your partner.

Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

Now that you’ve got a bit of information about the clitoris and getting started, here are a few different clitoral stimulation techniques you might try:

- Use your hand, fingers, or a sex toy to slide up and down or back and forth across your clitoris and clitoral hood. Using lubrication or spit will help with avoiding friction that may cause you to be tender or sore after.

- A gentle tapping on your clit can help to slowly build to orgasm. Speed it up or slow it down as necessary to suit your comfort level.

- Being that the crura, or two “legs” of the clitoris, can be stimulated inside the vaginal canal, penetrating your vagina with your fingers or a sex toy can be extra enjoyable. Combining this with other external stimulating techniques can create an even more intense experience (pictured above left).

- No hands or nudity required, straddle a pillow, corner of a couch/chair, or other object and grind onto it until you reach orgasm (pictured lower right).

- For partnered play, during penetrative sex, suggest having your partner focus less on thrusting and more on rubbing or grinding their body on your clitoris while inserted.

- Next time you’re in the bath or shower, try using the sensation of running water to stimulate your clitoris. It isn’t the most comfortable experience when in the bath, but can still be quite enjoyable (pictured left). A removable shower head with multiple settings gives you the opportunity to play with different types of stimulation.

- Use your fingers to softly pinch your clitoral hood. Because of the amount of nerve endings in the clitoris, I suggest starting gently and playing around until you see what feels good and what doesn’t. This technique isn’t for everyone, so if you find it isn’t enjoyable that’s totally okay.

- Use your fingers or a sex toy to trace circles around your clit, touching your labia in the process. Begin slowly and increase speed as desired.

- Because of the unique shape of the clitoris, you may become aroused and even orgasm by massaging other erogenous zones on their own or along with the clitoris. Try touching your labia, vaginal opening, inner thigh, perineum, or anus.

Final Thoughts

Clitoral stimulation is an essential aspect of sexual pleasure for many individuals. Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris and experimenting with various techniques can help enhance sexual experiences, whether solo or with a partner. The key is to take your time, explore different forms of touch, and discover what feels most pleasurable. Clitoral stimulation can be approached in a variety of ways, from gentle caresses and circular motions to the use of vibrators and other toys. By paying attention to your body’s responses and using lubrication, you can ensure a more comfortable and satisfying experience.

Ultimately, clitoral stimulation is about connecting with your body and embracing what brings you pleasure. Open communication with a partner, as well as personal exploration, allows for deeper intimacy and a better understanding of sexual desires. The clitoris plays a central role in sexual arousal and orgasm, and learning to stimulate it effectively can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual encounters. Remember, the journey of discovering pleasure is personal, so take the time to experiment, relax, and enjoy the experience at your own pace.

If you’d like to purchase products designed specifically for clitoral stimulation be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, or Babeland. Make sure to shop around so you can get the best prices available.