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Best & Worst Sex Toys ~ 2013

best-sex-toys-of-2013It’s that time of year again, when all the sex toy reviewers round up their fave products and list them in a ‘best of ’ post for all of you. I’ve done a few of these myself, offering up things I loved in 2010, and 2012 (2011 I was a lazy little bitch so that year didn’t get one), but this year I’m going to do things a little differently…

Rather than including just the things I reviewed in 2013, I’m going to list the products that continually served me well throughout the year, regardless of the year they were made, when I obtained them, or when they were first reviewed.

So here it is, for my last post of the year, on the last day of the year…

The Best & Worst Sex Toys of 2013!

FYI, the list isn’t in any order, just a compilation of my faves and not so faves as they came to me. Don’t pun that.

magic wand original1.) First up, the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, or as it’s now been stupidly renamed, the Magic Wand Original. This baby has served me well since the day it arrived on my doorstep back in 2011. The deep and rumbly vibrations are strong enough to get me off in just under 3 minutes. The cushioned head is beyond comfortable. Even when drunk it does what it’s supposed to. Sure, after a few libations it might take a tad longer than normal, but its never failed me and that’s what matters. As Epiphora said, “BRUTE STRENGTH”.  Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without it. It’s my end all, be all. If you grab something in 2014, make it the Magic Wand.  It might be a little strong at first, but that’s nothing a layer of clothing can’t fix.

Watch my video review of the Hitachi Magic Wand.

doc johnson pocket rocket2.) One of the very first vibes I used and abused until it finally died after 3 years of mistreatment was the Pocket Rocket.  Convinced buying another would be a waste of money (struggling student, you know the drill), I opted to rely on old faithful… a set of fingers lubed with spit. A heavy masturbation session later, one that left my fingers cramped and clit rubbed raw, I realized just how useful my Pocket Rocket was. That was 8 years ago. If those were dog years it would be 45. Unreal.  It still travels with me every place I go (most recently Paris & London) and has a permanent spot in my nightstand. If I could go back in time I’d cunt punch myself for holding out on the $20 it cost to replace it. When it comes to cheap but reliable clit vibes, look no further than the Pocket Rocket.

Watch my video review of the Pocket Rocket.

WeVibe Touch3.) The We-Vibe Touch was another I loved until it died, though its sad death went the same as my Lelo Ina, at the murderous jaws of a teething puppy (rather than due to my overuse and carelessness). Like my Pocket Rocket, I debated buying a replacement, trying to find reasons I should hold off on spending the big bucks on such a thing… then I remembered how it felt in my hand, so comfortable, so sleek, with little to no cramping of the wrist and a silicone coating that was easy to grasp. And the vibrations, those lovely deep vibrations. If good orgasms were going to be a thing of my future, I needed another Touch. And so it was, my Touch was replaced and I haven’t looked back since.  2013 was a better year because of it.

Read my review of the We-Vibe Touch.

As far as insertable vibes go there were really only two I kept tucked in the bedside dresser the entire year round; the Lelo Gigi, and the Je Joue G-Ki, both for similar and different reasons.

lelo gigi4.) The Gigi is shaped like the Lelo Ella, targets the g-spot like few others, has decent enough vibrations to satisfy, is easy to operate, fully rechargeable, and is made of velvety smooth silicone. I use it most days when I want the Ella but need vibrations to get off. In 2014, I’m looking forward to the Gigi 2.

G-Ki5.) On the flip side, there’s the G-Ki. I’ve loved this thing since the day I first used it. The vibrations are a tad stronger than Gigi, it’s fully rechargeable, has a lovely seamless silicone coating, is easy to maneuver and operate, is ergonomic, and best of all – has 5 different positions that allow it to fit my bodies needs with the bend of a locking shaft. I’m sure something will eventually replace these two, but as far as 2013 goes, they were perfect.

Read my mini-eview of the Lelo Gigi.  Watch my review of the Je Joue G-Ki.

lelo ella6.) Nothing compares to the Lelo Ella when it comes to targeted g-spot stimulation (likely why I still love the Gigi so much). The curved but flattened head makes it perfect for direct pressure, and when gently rocked or thrust, hooks behind the g-spot adding another level of sensation. It’s even more perfect when I’ve got a vibe pressed on my clit. With the exception of my Bent Graduate, Ella is the only other toy I could count on to make me squirt. Also, the handle can be turned around and used as a basic dildo. Genius.

Read my mini-review of the Lelo Ella.

7. – 10.) Speaking of basic, for days I want something inserted but cant be bothered to make much of an effort, it doesn’t get better than the Fun Factory Amor, Babes ‘n Horny Kusama, Tantus Medium Silk, or Vixen Creations Tex. Yes that’s four, but to choose one over the others is nearly impossible. I love them all for very similar reasons; they’re crafted out of body safe silicone, are neither too big nor too small, insert effortlessly, have rounded bases so mounting is easy, are ridiculously comfortable once inserted, and best of all have little to no ridges or bumps so clean up is easy. If you want bare bones basic, each of these dildos has it in spades.

Fun Factory Amor Dildo Babes n Horny Kusama Tantus Medium Silk Vixen Creations Silicone Tex Dildo

Read my review of the Fun Factory Amor, Kusama, Medium Silk (coming 2014), and Vixskin Tex.

divine interventions virgin mary11.) There are other days when I want something a bit more fulfilling, something challenging and full of texture, something with weight behind it, taking orgasms to another level, leaving me worked over. For those days I grabbed the Divine Interventions Virgin Mary.  Crafted out of body safe silicone, Mary’s shape and design stimulates internally with every thrust, and the girth and length provide fullness without jabbing my bits. The base is a set of leg? balls? meh, so holding on, flipping around, and/or maneuvering is simple.  Sure, it’s a bit out of the ordinary and fairly sacrilegious, but I’m willing to withstand eternal damnation for something this good.

Review of the Divine Interventions Virgin Mary coming 2014. Read my review of the Diving Nun, it’s slightly larger, and almost as good as Mary.

Crystal Delights12.) There are many times throughout the year when decadence is necessary and only the best will do… as in the Crystal Delights Small Frosted or Clear Glass Plugs.  Both are handmade of Borosilicate glass, feel otherworldly once inside, are easy to care for, will last a lifetime, and with genuine Swarovski crystals embedded in the base, offer luxury most other butt plugs can’t.  Considering I failed at cramming things in my butt like hoped this year, these made my ass feel like it had done something very special, every time.

Watch my video review of the Crystal Delights Clear Glass Plugs.  Read my review of the Crystal Delights Frosted Glass Plug.

liberator fascinator shag throe

13.) If you read about it in my 2012 list (it was #8), I don’t know what else there is I can say about the Liberator Fascinator Throe that I haven’t said already. It’s still holding up like new, hasn’t leaked once, still travels with me most places, and is something everyone should have. Like literally EVERYONE. Okay, so this isn’t a ‘sex toy‘ per se, but over the last 2 years I’ve used it almost every time I’ve diddled or had sex. That’s a big deal. Like I said, EVERYONE. SHOULD. HAVE. ONE.

Read my review of the Liberator Fascintaor Throe.

Honorable Mention

There were a few other products I used, though not with the same amount of loyalty or frequency as the others, leading them to end the year with an honorable mention rather than a spot in my Top 13.

Tantus MeteoriteI kept telling myself 2013 was going to be the year of full out assault, however it took me until December to try a few new things. Even then I wasn’t overly impressed with myself. Five toys in yer butt (separately of course) does not an epic year make. When I did finally get around to it I was lucky enough to have the Tantus Meteorite. It’s like a finger but thinner, significantly more bendy, not at all overwhelming, easy to insert, has a better base than you’ll find on most, and looks like what would happen if Fruit Loops and Original Life Savers birthed a sex toy.  Awesome! If there was one new find I’m grateful for this past year, it’s the Meteorite.

Read my review of the Tantus Meteorite.

tantus neoThe Tantus Neo is another plug that appeared at the end of the year, though in reality it arrived much sooner… the box it was in got tucked away with a bunch of Christmas decorations, only to be found as the season rolled around. Yes, I suck. And yes, I misplace sex toys ALL. THE. TIME. Even though it’s a little larger than I’m used to, it’s totally doable, and with the right amount of prepping is surprisingly comfortable. I’ve only used it a handful of times so far, but if 2014 is the year my ass gets a good work out, I think it might just end up one of my favorite butt toys.

Review of the Tantus Neo coming 2014.

Things That Left Me Disappointed

rockbox-orgasm-machine-e1354145962447I hated this piece of junk in 2012, and I still hate it now. It’s a serious space hog, and although it is powerful, it’s also fucking awkward and useless. If I had my way the Rock Box would be pitched off a balcony from the highest floor and smashed to bits.  Stupid Rock Box IS STILL STUPID. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

*to be honest, I’ve only held onto it so I could make two videos; one of me bashing it in a review, the other of me taking a bat to it. Seriously. I’m gonna go all Office Space on this bitch. It will be EPIC.

Read my review of the stupid piece of shit Rock Box.

Tantus TRexThe Tantus T-Rex is the only dildo I’ve held onto in the hopes my vag will accept it willing (rather than while sauced on decent Tequila). I’m not sure what got the idea in my head, but I was certain 2013 would be the year I’d finally own this beast… sadly it just didn’t happen. So yes, I’m still disappointed. Though that’s more with myself then what Tantus has offered up. For all intense and purposes, it’s a work of art that most size queens would drool over. A size queen I am not. Vagina, you disappoint me.

Read my review of the Tantus T-Rex.

lelo IdaI often wonder what the fuck Lelo was thinking when they created Ida.  A twirling internal vibrator I understand. Couples vibes I understand. Remote controls I understand. Most of what Lelo does I understand. But this weird combination of all of the above, I don’t.  It’s not that comfortable, tears condoms to pieces, is not easy to get the hang of without a manual, isn’t very powerful, and it’s not shaped right for clitoral stimulation. All I have to say is, Lelo, please go back to the drawing board and make this pain in the ass better. Thanks.

Read my review of the Lelo Ida.

we-vibe thrillWith the love I have for We-Vibe, Thrill was a product I had really high hopes for. Yes, it got me off. Yes, it was relatively easy to use. And yes, a company I respect created it. But the vibrations leave much to be desired, and the design just wasn’t up to par. Lets just say that after a few more goes with it I was unimpressed.

Read my review of the We-Vibe Thrill.

So there you have it, my best and worst sex toys of 2013! Hopefully between this and my other yearly lists you’ll be able to find something worth your hard earned cash, and if you’re left wondering, remember you can always use my contact form to ask any questions you might have.

Also, now’s a really good time to start looking for sex toy deals and discounts, especially since many retailers are looking to unload back stocked items. Need help with where to start, check my sex toy sale page.

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Sexy Gifts For Couples

Maybe it’s just me but for as much as I love flowers and chocolate (and I do love chocolate), when it comes to gifts I’d much rather get something that’s fun, lasts the whole year, doesn’t die or go straight to my hips. For me, the thoughtful gift of something I could share with the person I play with (or by myself ) was always a much better option.

With that in mind, whether you’re shopping for yourself, your partner or as a couple, the following suggestions should come in very handy when it comes to this years gift giving.

If you’d prefer to shop for that special lady in your life, rather then couples gifts, I suggest you check out my post on “Gift Ideas For Her”. On that note, if you’re just looking for some fun little add-ons to a gift you’ve already purchased, my list of stocking stuffer ideas is also a good place to start , just ignore the “stocking stuffer” part and keep in mind all the products are relatively generic and not completely Christmas themed.

While I’d love if you shopped through my official online sexual wellness store, please feel free to click the links (on the right side) for other companies that may have the products offered for lower prices. To me it’s not about where you shop, it’s about helping you find a product you can afford, while also bringing hours of pleasure to you and yours.

*Prices quoted are from my store unless otherwise stated

*For more great ideas check out my “Enhancing Intimacy With Games” video/blog post.

My Joy Edible Body Paint for CouplesBody Paint & Dessert Toppings: ($2.33 – $31.73)

From glow in the dark to fruit flavored, from chocolate to graffiti inspired, when it comes to body paints you’re guaranteed to find a product you’ll like. The only suggestions I have are to look for products that don’t stain (you or the sheets), come in a variety of flavors/scents and come with everything you’ll need to use them to their full advantage. (glow in the dark and “requires a black light” are two very different things)

*Cheesy quote: “Nothing spells sexy like the words you’ll get to paint on your lovers body.” – blame Jamie for that one!

Worth trying: Sexy Lovers Graffiti Paint, Kama Sutra Chocolate Body Paint, System Jo Dona Body DrizzleGlow In The Dark Finger Paints (pictured below)

Flavored Body Art Kit Kama Sutra Chocolate Body Paint Body Drizzle Sexy Glow In The Dark Body Paint

Bath Time Fun: ($3.89 – $12.94)

Imagine the scene; you’ve just spent a grueling day at work, your boss royally pissed you off, you didn’t have time to take a break and what’s worse you got caught in the rain without your umbrella. You open the front door and find your partner has a bath full of bubbles along with a glass of bubbly waiting for you. Sure, I’ll admit it sounds corny, but its little things like this that can make all the difference in the world – if not the perfect end to a really crappy day.

*if they’re open to it, why not have them join you in the bath and unwind together.

Indulge in these: Kama Sutra Treasures of The Sea, Secrets Bath Bliss Collection, Vibrating Body Scrubber, any of the products in the Sex In The Shower line, Kama Sutra Spa Pleasures, Pulsabath Vibrating Sponge, Sex Bubbles (bubble bath)  (first 4 pictured below)

Take It Off! ( $3.89 – $221.76)

I’m putting this on the list simply because I think it’s important for everyone  to learn to embrace not only their sexuality, but also their sense of self and work toward developing a healthy self esteem.

Whether you’re “fat”, “thin”, heavy on the top, small on the bottom, shaped like a pear or round all around, learning to be comfortable in your own skin is a big ingredient to having a satisfying sex life. With this in mind, I highly suggest investing in a fun kit that has everything you need to dance away your fears and feel sexy in front of your partner.

*sure the dancing part is for him/her, but the liberating feeling of being naked and not giving a shit what you look like is all about you!

Best products I’ve found: Striptease Kit, Art of Pole Dancing (book), Strip Deja Vu (game) Stripteuse kit, Practical Striptease (book), Art of Lap Dancing (book), Striptease CD (with play money), Stripper Bucks (playful vouchers), Pastease (nipple pasties), Feather Boa, (first four pictured)

Naughty Games: ($1.13 – $50.52)

Maybe it’s just me but there is nothing more fun than the kinky foreplay a lot of adult themed board games can inspire. Whether it’s a hand of strip poker, spin of the bottle, toss of the dice or some frisky snakes and ladders, finding a game that’s easy to play and sure to add some spice to the bedroom is much easier then you think.

*For those of you that have a hard time getting your partner to engage in foreplay – a game like any of the ones I’m listing is a great way of getting them involved without having it feel forced, confusing, intimidating or overwhelming. After all – it’s just a game right? 😉

Some of my personal faves: Climaxxx (board game), Bedroom Rockstar (board game), Indecent Proposals (board game), Talk Dirty To Me Lover (board game), Dice & Dominos (various types), Sex! For Gay MenForeplay Connect (game), Sex Detention (rule game) Sex Up The Night (role playing kit), Romantic Pleasures Kit, Scratch & Win Tickets, Bumps & Grinds (board/drinking game).  (first 4 pictured below)

Sexy Books: ($7.11 – $43.41)

From what I keep hearing there seems to be a consensus that any book on the subject of sex is filled with pages of “textbook” style writing, has numerous diagrams pointing out the anatomical differences between males and females and is basically boring. Fortunately, with the influx of fantastic writers hitting the scene books on sexual topics are exciting and fun, provocative, interesting and full of neat little tips and tricks you and your partner can share.

*my tip, get a book on something you’re both into and read to each other. When you’re finished the chapter, practice the techniques you’ve learned. Better suggestion; buy a book on toys like Babelands, read through it and take each other shopping for a product you might like trying.

My faves: Sex Toys 101, 101 Places To Have Sex, Moregasm, Anal Pleasure and Health, Fetish SexForbidden Knowledge, Comics (various themes), Your Orgasmic PregnancyTouch Me There, Sex In The City (not based on the TV show), Kama Sutra, Best Gay Erotica 2010, Make Your Own Adult Video. (first 4 pictured below)

Strap-On & Feeldoe’s: ($27.72 – $125.58)

If you’re a female looking for a present you and your lady can use, or if you’re a male that’s comfortable with anal play and wants to try something new, there are lots of fantastic products that can definitely make the experience an enjoyable one.

For those of you not in the know, a Strap-On is a product that is worn via a harness and includes varying rings or a locking system for different sized dildos or vibrators. They usually offer little stimulation for the “giver”, yet provide much for the “receiver”.  Alternatively, Feeldoe’s and other strapless penetrators are products that are vaginally inserted to deliver stimulation to the person doing the thrusting while also providing the dildo needed for penetration of the partner. If both would like to have the experience of having something inserted, while allowing  a longer depth of stimulation Double Dongs are an interesting option.

Personal Suggestions: Tantus Feeldoe, Sportsheets Heart Harness Dong Set, Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit, Fun Factory Share XS, Sportsheets Thigh Harness, (first 4 pictured below)

Romantic Ideas: ($14.06 – $158.40)

So sex toys aren’t your thing and your partner would prefer to spend a romantic weekend alone, no problem with all of the fantastic kits and gift sets that come out for Valentines Day you’ve got oodles and oodles to choose from.

On that note, in a long forgotten time, way before Jamie and I were together my partner surprised me with the complete Lovers Choice Fantasy Gift Suite including: warming massage oil, chocolate body paint with brush, champagne flutes, a champagne bucket, two satin robes, one thousand scented silk rose petals, three pillar candles, fifty tealights, the Amazing Hot Heart Massager, a romantic music CD, and a full color romance guide – if I said it was literally everything and anything you could dream of – that would be an understatement. While it was a tad pricey, it was definitely worth it! (pictured left)

*Keep in mind these make fantastic wedding/anniversary gifts!!

Fantastic Finds: Kama Sutra Weekender Kit, forget the typical box of chocolate and get your lovely a Kama Sutra Sweetheart Box (filled with chocolate flavored goodies!), Shunga Tenderness and Passion Set, Deluxe Bed Of Roses Kit Lovers Choice Romantic Essentials Kit, Kama Sutra Treasure Trove (either flavor/scent) Sensual Desires Kit, Shunga Carnal Pleasures Collection, Kama Sutra Oil Collection (first 4 pictured below)

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★ ☆ ~ Tis The Season ~ ☆ ★ Naughty & Nice Stocking Stuffers

To say I’m a great holiday shopper is an exaggeration of the truth. No matter how hard I try, no matter how early I start and no matter how “in the spirit of the season” I may be, I always find myself doing a last minute dash to the local malls in a frantic search for the “perfect” gifts.

Not this year! I’m very happy to say that all of my shopping is pretty much done and I’m way ahead of the game. Man does it feel good!

While I may on top of things this year, I know there are many of you who will be caught at the last minute with no idea of what to buy that special someone. No matter how stressed you may be, don’t worry, I promise you’re not alone.

For those of you hunting for actual gifts, and not fun little add-on’s yet, I’ll be posting future articles covering what I consider to be some of the best beginner, advanced, couples and personal products on the market – all of which will be body safe, easy to use, affordable and definitely worth trying!

For now, here are some affordable, fun and easy to use naughty and nice stocking stuffer’s that you & your partner are sure to enjoy!

Shop soon, as the date grows closer items will begin selling out FAST!!!

*For those of you thinking of making a gift basket/bag filled with fun and frisky products, this list will give you a very good place to start!

System Jo Flavored Lube 1oz $4.14

When it comes to flavored lubes there are only a few I can use, System Jo is one of them – not to mention my fave!! Of course I have many reasons for being such a fan; they don’t get sticky or tacky, can be used vaginally, anally or orally, maintain their consistency, can be used with silicone toys and best of all they taste and smell amazing!

Flavors: Raspberry, Chocolate Delight, Banana Lick, Peachy Lips, Pineapple, Pomegranate, Tangerine, Tropical Fruit, Watermelon, Cherry and Lemon Splash.

I.O.U. Sex Stickies only $6.95 for 100!

These fun little stickies are easy to use, come in sets for him or her and are definitely affordable. Whether you’re looking for something to help heat up your sex life, bring a little romance to the bedroom or simply add something frisky to your partners stocking these are a definite must!

Sexy Dice $1.89 – $13.68

Is sex in the bedroom getting boring? Having a hard time communicating to your partner that you’d like to try something new? Just looking to have some fun between the sheets? No matter what it is your looking for, sex dice are a fantastic way of bringing some excitement, spontaneity and playfulness to your sex life.

Not sure what you’re looking for? we’ve got 2 pages full of ideas!

Vibrating Bullet $3.45 – $28.00

They look cheap, feel cheap, basically are cheap yet multi speed vibrating eggs and tiny hand held bullets still tend to be one of my favorite options when it comes to those who are new to sexual wellness products and/or just want to try something new. They’re easy to use, don’t cost a lot of money, are usually rather powerful and are also very easy to take care of. While they may not last as long as a luxury product, they will most definitely give you the most bang for your buck while you have them!

Adult Mistletoe $2.29

You didn’t think I was going to list a bunch of fun stocking stuffers and not include something Christmassy now did you? 😉

While the Mistletoe’s a great excuse to make out with your partner, it also comes with a condom just in case the moment leads to something more. I personally love the idea, especially considering it’s so inexpensive and could go anywhere you do.

Flavored Condoms $2.09 – $4.91

Maybe it’s just me but I still think flavored condoms are a great way to add some fun and excitement to a relationship, after all – they’re a perfect excuse for giving or getting a b.j.

Fortunately you don’t need to buy a whole box of 12 condoms just to try something new, with the options available you can grab a 3 pack in assorted flavors like Vanilla, Spearmint, Cola, Strawberry, Cherry, Banana, Grape and please your partner fully knowing your safe and protected.

Hot Heart Massager – $9.00

If there is one product I think is highly underrated it’s the Hot Heart Massager, seriously I love this thing! Not only is it easy to use, reusable (I’ve had mine for over 4 years now), body safe, great for muscle pain, cramps, stiff joints and warming you up on very cold days (I travel with mine in the winter), but it’s one of the best foreplay products I’ve ever used. Just click the internal metal disk and watch as the fluid crystalizes while also slowly warming up. Once you’re finished, just pop it in a pot of boiling water which will return it to it’s liquid state, wait for it to cool and use it again. Honestly it’s amazing!

Watch my video review here:

Vibrating Cock Ring $4.91 – $12.98

Looking for something to make your honey last longer?  I suggest a vibrating cock ring!

They’re affordable, come in lots of designs, colors and power levels, are discreet, easy to use, fun and best of all they turn him into a vibrator! What more could a person ask for?!

*While there are lots on the market I’d personally suggest going for ones made of Elastomer, Silicone, Opulux or Nitrile.

Blindfold $5.43 – $14.99

When it comes to products that I think are highly underrated blindfolds are one of them. Maybe it’s something about the not knowing. Maybe it’s something to do with the unexpected. It might even have something to do with the level of trust you’d have to have with a partner to be that vulnerable, either way, blindfolds can go a long way (at a very affordable price I might add) for spicing up stuff in the bedroom and taking intimacy to a whole new level.

Sexual Scratch & Win Tickets $1.36 – $2.26

They’re affordable, easy to use, fun, give you the opportunity to try new things and with options like Sexual Treats for Her, Sexual Treats for Him, Little Love Treats, Kama Sutra Sex, Sexual Fantasies, Feels So Good, Orgasmathon, Sex Jungle and many more the options seem endless.

For those of you that would like to reuse the tickets, rather than throwing them out after the first scratch, simply let your partner scratch off a new section everyday of the week until they’re all gone.

Kama Sutra Oil Of Love $11.28 – $13.35

I’ve been a fan of Kama Sutra products for years now, with good reason; they’re easy to use, body safe, come respectfully, discreetly and professionally packaged and best of all – they taste and smell amazing!

The Oil Of Love products are no exception and with 7 flavors to choose from, you’re pretty much sure to find one you’ll both enjoy.

Flavors: Chocolate Mint, Original, Tropical Mango, Strawberries & Champagne, Cherry Almond, Raspberry Kiss, Vanilla Cream.

*Watch my video review here:

Sexy Vouchers $2.02 – $12.83

If you’re looking for something fun, kinky, sweet, specific, naughty or sexy that is very affordable and definitely going to go a long way for adding some spice or romance to your relationship, I highly suggest getting some vouchers/coupons!

These fun little booklets come with a bunch of coupons that can be ripped out and discreetly placed in your lovers wallet, pocket, brief case or purse. Not only are they great as they are reusable, but they also give you and your partner something to look forward to all day long!

Male Masturbation Sleeve $5.00 – $14.99

I’m sure a lot of you may be questioning this addition to my list of stocking stuffers so let me put it into perspective for you – if girls get to have bullets, eggs, vibes, dildos etc then guys should get to have things other then their hand to “get them off” as well. Seems fair to me 😉

Fortunately there are lots of male masturbation sleeves on the market that are affordable, discreet, easy to use, body safe and feel great! Sure, male products are a little less common and slightly more taboo (why? I have no clue) but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get to play too! 😉

Santa’s Coming – Stocking $25.03

If you’d prefer to purchase a ready made stocking, one that’s got a little bit of everything and a tad more, not to worry we’ve got that too!

While I think everything in the kit is pretty decent, I’d suggest you don’t use the “love plug” as it’s made of a jelly material and not the most body safe. Fortunately everything else in the kit is fun, safe, easy to use and the added stocking is a definite bonus!

For those of you looking for bigger or better presents don’t worry, I’ll be posting some of my favorites over the coming weeks to help you find a fantastic way to get the good times going with the ones you like to play with!

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The Worlds Most Expensive Sex Toys

Last night while searching online for new and innovative products, I happened to come across a few that took my breath away. Being that I see toys every day that isn’t something that happens often…

From toys plated in 14k gold to crystal encrusted vibrators, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. While they do serve the same functions as “regular” adult toys, it’s the appearance and price of these toys that makes them so astounding.

Jimmyjane Little Gold $325.00

Crafted of opulent 24K gold, the virtually silent Little Gold features one powerful speed that thrums at a low, rumbling frequency, and a slender profile that will take it anywhere you want it to go — and the motor is replaceable, making this a toy you will love and cherish for life.

The Jimmyjane line of sex toys is favored by the Hollywood crowd for good reason: impeccable crafting, luxury designs, waterproof fun and a quiet, replaceable motor.

Phallix Multi-Section G-spot $399.99

Solid Pyrex inside & out, the multi-colored glass g-spot shaft is constructed in 5 separate sections. 3D looking artwork runs seamlessly throughout the glass with an emphasis on both beauty and durability. Each Phallix glass product is hand crafted by artisans to not only be visually stunning, but also highly unique, so unique that no two are alike.

 Limited Ed. Rose Quartz CrystalShiri Zinn Rose Quartz Dildo £1,275

Shiri Zinn has designed a double-sided dildo made of solid crystal blue and black color glass encrusted with 60 Swarovski crystals.

This is a handcrafted piece stamped with limited edition number and has an artist’s signature. This sex toy also comes with an engraved sterling silver stand made by Monte Carlo Grand Prix trophy makers.

Earl by Lelo $2,590.00

Superior craftsmanship and a stylish control ring make this incomparable male stimulator a pleasure to hold, and a joy to release. Sculpted from Stainless Steel, the Earl offers discreet excitement and exceptional internal sensations.

Hygienic, stylish and ready for play. Earls smooth glossy finish is designed to reflect sheer luxury. With a ring for full control of the sensual experience, you should have no trouble enjoying this pleasure object. Use Earl as you wish, whether it be with a partner for added enjoyment or as a secret companion alone.

Lelo Yva $2,890

Yva is an elegant pleasure objet d’art, handcrafted in stainless steel or 18K gold-plate, with a deep and resonant vibe. The metal, luxurious and evocative against the naked skin, offers exciting prospects for users inclined to the sensual utilization of hot or cold.

A perfect accessory for that dressy but boring party, YVA is small, rechargeable and exceedingly quiet. Comes included with wooden gift box, universal charger, manual, satin pouch and a 1-year LELO warranty.


La Belle Epoque 18k Gold Cock Ring £4, 500

When Cock Rings are the order of the day, we at La Belle Époque are strongly of the belief that our exquisite Cock Rings are the cream of the crop.

La Belle Époque’s Cock Rings are the finest looking Gentleman’s Cock Rings the world has ever seen. Their design is above all others, a masterpiece of classical minimalism. Simplicity is what shines through. La Belle Époque’s precious SW3 is made of 18k pure gold, hand fashioned into the purest form of the Cock Ring.

Diamond Studded Silver Vibe $5,122.36

Created by Crowned Jewels Limited, this vibe is lavishly hand made from solid sterling silver and finished with encrusted diamonds. Being produced from precious metal not only enhances the luxury of these products but also gives them hypoallergenic status and makes them 95% recyclable.

This is the only product of its kind to have the purity of its materials certified with a hallmark from the London Assay Office. Diamonds truly are a girls best friend and one you won’t mind her sleeping with!

RealDoll Sex Dolls $5,999.00

RealDoll sex dolls could easily be called the Corvettes of the sex doll industry. With their life like poses, texture, choice in facial expressions, custom wigs, optional tan lines, varying breast size and 3 “usable” holes these dolls have pretty much anything a customer could want! To make it even better RealDoll now makes optional elf ears (we all have our own fantasies), eyebrow and eye upgrades, custom skin tones (even an Avatar one!) and a long anticipated Shemale doll! While the product may seem weird I can only assume it sure beats the sticky feel of the traditional vinyl blow up dolls.

Lelo Inez Vibrator $7,900.00

LELO, a Swedish based company, designs and manufactures the world’s best pleasure objects. All materials are always top-quality, with a no-expense-barred philosophy. The Inez is discreetly sized yet its ergonomic curves are lusciously coated in either 18k gold or stainless steel. These precious metals encourage you to explore your desires, inviting you to experiment with the heightened pleasures of temperature variance.

Victor Phantasm DildoVictor Phantasm 18kgoldvibe £35,500

The Victor Phantasm dildo is crafted from the very finest 142grams of 18 carat gold that money can buy. The Victor Phantasm like all the Victor models is a masterpiece of erotic design; the flowing curves of Phantasm’s undulating body perfectly capture the essence of feminine eroticism like never before. Phantasm is a pure and unadulterated celebration of human sensuality.

Adorned with 27 D/VVS diamonds with a total weight of 1.63 carats. The Victor Phantasm dildo is the ultimate erotic indulgence for a high society Lady looking to own the finest diamond studded sex toy. A diamond truly is a girl’s best friend, but with Phantasm to hand you get 27 best friends.

jetsetter-learjetJet Set w/ JimmyJane $35,000

This little diddy includes a private jet with 4 hours of flight time for you and up to 3 of your closest friends on an Embraer Phenom 100.  You also get a customized Zero Halliburton Flight Case containing a FORM 2, FORM 3, FORM 4, FORM 6 and LITTLE STEEL. Travel amenities include goodies from Sir Richard’s Condoms to a WINK Blindfold and Sleep Mask, everything you’ll need to arrive safely and well rested.
In-Flight Entertainment comes complete with Emmanuelle on screen (opening scene: she enjoys her own “in-flight entertainment”), and Treats! magazine, right where the SkyMall used to be.  Instead of an inflight meal you get peanuts and almonds, macadamias, pistachios, champagne and Gummy Bears. Also, a set of Jimmyjane Wings to commemorate your journey.

Colin Burn: $1,000,000 Vibe

As Colin Burn, himself puts it “A lavish vibrator cast in solid platinum, embellished with over 1,000 sparkling white diamonds, royal blue sapphires, lustrous South Sea pearls and the finest pink diamonds on the planet.” I think that says it all.

ColinburnmilliondollarvibratorColin burn million dollar vibrator Screen shot 2014-04-19 at 3.14.36 PM
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