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Q&A with Kara_Sutra: How Do I Handle Peer Pressure?

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Question:

I recently starting “talking dirty” with my boyfriend of 3 months because he kept asking me to. At first I thought it was fun and it even turned me on, I liked doing it, but now he’s saying things that make me feel like what I’m doing is bad or wrong. He keeps saying that I’m “making” him do things he doesn’t want to and that it’s my fault because he can’t help himself. I thought he was kidding, but then he tried to use it against me and say that “since we went that far, having sex is the next step“. I’m not sure I’m ready but he’s making me feel guilty! What should I do? Is it really all my fault? Should I have sex with him?

Please help if you can.

Guilty as Sin

Answer:

Dear Guilty as Sin,

Whether over the phone or online “talking dirty” is a fantastic way for a couple to interact sexually without actually having sex before they’re ready. Not only can it be a wonderful way of learning what your partners likes or dislikes are, what they are comfortable with, and how far they are willing to go, but it’s also great for or exploring sexual chemistry without being at risk of STI’s or an unintended pregnancy.

That said, you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed of anything you’ve done. You chose to speak the way you did because you were curious about it and felt comfortable enough with him to explore that part of yourself. You’re allowed that.

As for the comment that you “made him” jerk off, I just want to clear one thing up… no, you didn’t. He masturbated because he CHOOSE to. You weren’t there and therefor weren’t able to put his hands on himself. You didn’t make him move them the way he likes. And you certainly didn’t control whether or not he had an orgasm. He choose all of those actions and for him to say you “made him” do it is not only factually incorrect, it’s disrespectful, manipulative, and immature. More than that, it lacks personal accountability on his part.

At any given time he could have changed the subject or stopped himself, but he didn’t. That was his choice. He has no right to use it against you or as an attempt to make you feel guilty. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

On that note, what you did wasn’t wrong, bad, or shameful in any way. And regardless of your intentions, I want for you to know that his behaviour after the fact – and during – are not your responsibility; we each have a choice in how we behave and handle situations. In my opinion, he’s handling this very poorly and that’s something that should be discussed so that it can be avoided in the future.

In regard to whether or not you should have sex with him that’s for you to decide. But I do want to point out that sex is a shared experience that we engage in for a variety of reasons. Be it love, respect, friendship, passion, comfort, understanding, desire, or any of the other reasons that people choose to connect – it should not be due to guilt or manipulation. So long as he is making you feel guilty, it’s not a good enough reason to ‘put out’. You deserve better then that.

How To Handle Peer Pressure

All of that said, handling peer pressure can be challenging, but it’s important to stay true to your values and make decisions that align with your own comfort and well-being. Here are a few key strategies that could help going forward:

Know Your Boundaries: Be clear about your personal limits and what you’re comfortable with. Knowing your values and boundaries makes it easier to say no when someone tries to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.

Practice Saying No: It’s okay to say no, and no matter how much they may push, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Practice assertively but politely declining by using simple phrases like, “I’m not interested,” “That’s not for me.” or, “I just don’t want to, and that’s my decision to make”.

Plan Ahead: If you know you’re going to be in a situation where you might face pressure, think about how you’ll respond in advance. Having a plan gives you confidence and control.

Focus on Your Long-term Desires: Remind yourself of what’s important to you in the long run. Peer pressure often leads to short-term decisions that don’t benefit your future. Keep your personal goals and values at the forefront of your mind.

In the end, handling peer pressure is about knowing yourself and standing firm in your choices, even when it feels difficult. By setting clear boundaries and practicing assertiveness, you can navigate situations like these with confidence. Remember, it’s okay to say no and prioritize your own well-being. Trusting your instincts and staying true to your values will help you build resilience and make decisions that are right for you, both now and in the future.

Hopefully that helps

Kara_Sutra

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Sex Ed 102: Can You Use Oil With Latex Condoms?

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Sex Ed 102: Oil & Latex, Do They Mix?

When it comes to safe sex, understanding how different products work together is essential for maintaining both protection and pleasure. One of the most common mistakes people make is using the wrong type of lubricant with condoms, which can seriously compromise their effectiveness.

That in mind, after receiving two years worth of messages on whether or not you could use an oil lube with latex condoms, and why or why not, I thought I’d finally put out a video and post strictly dedicated to why oil and latex condoms don’t mix, the risks involved, and what alternatives you should consider for safe and pleasurable experiences.

Latex Condoms

Latex condoms are one of the most widely used methods of protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancy. While condoms are highly effective when used correctly, one of the most common mistakes people make is using the wrong type of lubricant with them. Specifically, using oil-based products with latex condoms can seriously compromise their effectiveness.

Why Oil-Based Products Damage Latex Condoms

Latex is a stretchy, durable material that makes it ideal for condoms, as it provides a strong barrier against sperm and pathogens. However, latex has one major weakness: oils. Oil-based products, such as baby oil, coconut oil, lotions, Vaseline, or even certain massage oils, can degrade latex quickly. The oils break down the molecular structure of the latex, causing it to weaken, become brittle, and eventually tear or develop microscopic holes.

This breakdown happens because latex is not chemically compatible with oils. While water or silicone-based lubricants stay on the surface of latex, oil-based substances penetrate the latex, reducing its strength. Once the material is compromised, the condom’s effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and protecting against STIs is significantly reduced, even if the condom doesn’t appear visibly damaged.

On that note, while they’re a great alternative for those with latex allergies, you also cannot use oil-based lubricants with polyisoprene condoms. Like latex, polyisoprene is sensitive to oils, which can cause the material to break down and weaken, increasing the risk of condom failure. To ensure the integrity of polyisoprene condoms, it’s best to use water-based or silicone-based lubricants, which are safe and won’t compromise the condom’s strength or effectiveness.

Safe Condom Alternatives: Polyurethane

Polyurethane condoms are a great alternative for those who are allergic to latex, and one of their advantages is that they are compatible with oil-based lubricants. Unlike latex, polyurethane is a type of plastic that doesn’t degrade when exposed to oils, making it safe to use with oil based lubricants. This flexibility allows for a wider range of lubrication options without the risk of the condom breaking down.

Polyurethane condoms, like Trojan Supra Non-Latex BareSkin condoms (pictured right) are also thinner than latex, offering a more natural feel which some users appreciate, although they may be less stretchy which can make them a little less comfortable.

While these condoms are effective at preventing pregnancy and STIs, it’s important to note that they are less elastic than latex, so careful use is still advised to avoid slippage or breakage.

Safe Lube Alternatives: Water-Based and Silicone-Based Lubricants

To avoid the risks associated with oil and latex condoms, it’s important to choose the right type of lubricant. Water-based and silicone-based lubricants are safe to use with latex condoms and won’t cause any damage to the material. Here’s why these options work:

Water-Based Lubricants: These are the most commonly recommended type of lubricant for use with latex condoms. Water-based lubricants are smooth, easy to clean, and won’t weaken the latex. They’re also available in a variety of formulas, from simple, unscented gels to flavoured or warming varieties.
Silicone-Based Lubricants: These lubricants are slightly thicker and longer-lasting than water-based ones, making them ideal for longer sessions or activities involving water, as they won’t wash off as easily. Like water-based options, silicone lubricants (like Sliquid Silver, pictured right) are completely safe for use with latex condoms.

Final Thoughts

In summary, understanding the compatibility between condoms and lubricants is essential for safe and pleasurable sexual experiences. By choosing the right combination of condom and lubricant, you can enjoy intimacy with peace of mind, knowing you’re protecting both your health and your partner’s. Remember, it’s all about finding what works best for you while ensuring safety and comfort, allowing you to focus on the connection and enjoyment that intimacy brings.

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Sex Ed 102: Beginners Guide to Penis Extensions & Sleeves

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After two years of questions from viewers about their penis, whether size matters, and how to make it larger, I thought I’d offer a couple product reviews that might potentially help.

Before we move on, I just want to emphasize there is nothing wrong with having a penis that’s not the reported average. There are many people that prefer something not so big, and considering over 70% of cis women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm, having a smaller penis may just come in handy, especially since it’s better at stimulating the g-spot.

Having said that, I realize there is nothing I can say to make you feel better about your size.

So instead, I’m choosing to offer help the only other way I know how; by educating my viewers and readers about some of the options available. Like I’ve said time and time again, you’ve gotta learn to work with what you’ve got. And when that isn’t doing the trick, sometimes accessorizing might just be the way to go.

What are penis extensions and sleeves?

Penis extensions are intimate accessories designed to enhance sexual pleasure for both the wearer and their partner. These sleeves fit over the penis and can come in a variety of shapes, styles, sizes, and textures. They’re typically used to add extra girth, length, or stimulating textures during intercourse, while some versions include vibrating elements or internal textures for the wearer’s pleasure.

When looking for a penis extension or sleeve some of the following questions are worth considering so you know what you’re looking for when buying:

– what type of experience do you wish to have?

– how long do you want the product to last?

– are you doing this for yourself, your partner, or both?

– what size increase are you looking for (they usually vary from 1 inch to 4 inches in length)?

– how much are you willing to spend?

– does discretion matter?

Whether you’re looking to explore new sensations, spice up your intimate experiences, or address personal concerns like erectile issues or premature ejaculation, penis extensions can be a helpful and exciting option.

How Penis Extensions & Sleeves Work

Penis sleeves are typically made from soft, flexible materials such as silicone, TPE (thermoplastic elastomer), or skin like materials that provide a comfortable fit. The sleeve slides over the erect penis, fitting snugly to stay in place during intercourse.

Some penis extensions have a closed tip, adding length or girth without exposing the head of the penis, while others have an open tip to allow for direct stimulation of the glans. Many sleeves are textured with ridges, bumps, or nubs on the outside to enhance pleasure for the partner during penetration.

Additionally, some penis extensions come with added features like vibrators or rings that stimulate the wearer, allowing both partners to enjoy heightened sensations.

They can also provide a solution for individuals who experience premature ejaculation or want to last longer during sex, as the sleeve can act as a barrier, reducing sensitivity.

Realistic

Realistic extensions are usually hollow tube like structures that are placed over the end of the penis and slid down until the penis fills the space (pictured left). Most are crafted out of ‘skin like’ materials, be it Real Feel or otherwise. You’ll also find them made of silicone, PVC, and plastic (though the last two aren’t suggested as they’re not body safe).

Skin like versions tend to be a tad pricier, aren’t very discrete, require cornstarch or renew powder to maintain their texture, can be difficult to clean since they’re porous, may slide off during use, and are more prone to tearing over time.

Latex Roll On

The second type of penis extension is made of latex (pictured right) and is designed to be placed on the head of the penis and rolled down like a condom. These tend to be a little less bulky than the ‘realistic’ versions, are easier to apply, far more discrete, and a lot cheaper. On the down side they tend not to last very long and are only good with condoms if large amounts of lube are used.

When using a latex roll-on penis extender, it’s important to pair it with a water-based lubricant to ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience without compromising the material’s integrity.

Hollow Strap On Extension

Like the others, these penis extensions are hollow to accommodate a penis, however they’re held in place by a harness, large strap of elastic, or other adjustable material that either fits under the balls (pictured below left), around the waist, hips, or a combination of waist and between the thighs (pictured right).

Although they’re the most ‘sturdy’, they may not be most comfortable since there is limited squish or give to them. Separate from that, the elastic strap or harness itself may be uncomfortable due to the way it rubs on the skin.

Unlike the other sleeves, which simply slide onto the penis, wearing a strap-on penis sleeve or extension involves a few simple steps to ensure comfort and proper fit.

Tips for Using Strap-On Extensions:

First, make sure you have a compatible harness designed to hold the strap-on sleeve securely. Many harnesses are adjustable to fit various body sizes. If the sleeve is separate from the harness, attach it according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Ensure it’s positioned correctly and snugly within the harness. Put the harness on by slipping it over your hips, waist, or thighs depending on the design. Adjust the straps for a secure and comfortable fit, and move around to ensure it doesn’t slip or shift during use.

To help reduce friction and enhances pleasure, apply a generous amount of body safe lubricant to the sleeve and the area where penetration will occur (vagina or anus). Have your partner assume a comfortable position, and gently guide the sleeve into your partner, allowing them to control the depth and pace to ensure comfort. Focus on pleasure for both you and your partner, exploring different angles and movements as desired. Remember, communication is key – check in with each other about what feels good and adjust as needed.

Once you’re done, carefully remove the strap-on and penis extension, then clean both according to the manufacturer’s care instructions.

Final Thoughts

Penis extensions and sleeves offer a unique and versatile way to explore new dimensions of intimacy, bringing both partners closer together through shared sensations and enhanced pleasure. Whether you’re looking to increase length, girth, or introduce stimulating textures, these tools provide an exciting, non-invasive option for experimentation and connection in the bedroom.

By choosing the right fit, maintaining open communication, and ensuring proper use and care, penis extensions and sleeves can transform your sexual experience, allowing for greater confidence, satisfaction, and a deeper bond with your partner. Ultimately, these products are about enhancing mutual enjoyment, and embracing the opportunities they offer can lead to a more fulfilling and adventurous sex life.

Looking to buy a quality penis extension or sleeve? Here’s a list of my favourite stores that carry lots of body safe options. Feel free to shop around to make sure you’re getting the best deals and sales; Pinkcherry, SheVibe, Babeland, and SexToy(dot)Com.

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Q&A: Problems with Penetration

Question:

Terribly sorry to bother you, I know you get a lot of emails and messages, but I really love your videos and they have helped me a lot, so I thought you might be able to help me with my situation and I couldn’t find the answer to my question in any of your videos.

To be blunt, my boyfriend has a rather large penis (7.5in, 2 in.wide), and I’m a very small female (120lbs), and we have been having problems in the bedroom. We are probably the most intimate couple I know, completely in love, and after a long wait we decided that we wanted to have sex. We’re both virgins. However, whenever we try, he cannot penetrate. I know that it is not a matter of our comfort level, both of us want it very much, and I get wet, but he can never penetrate more than an inch without me experiencing extreme pain. So I guess you could say we’re having problems with penetration. Inserting tampons larger than regular size is even uncomfortable for me. We have tried multiple times with various condoms, and I am aware of the fact that the first time will hurt, but I was wondering if you have any suggestions, like positions we could try, or products we could buy to make it less uncomfortable for me, or any other advice you might have.

Would it be easier if we “practiced,” as in, he tries to penetrate a little more every time? Or would that just make the pain worse? Should I use a toy, or would that just be silly?

Thanks for your help,

Worried First Timer

Answer

Dear Worried First Timer,

Thanks for watching and supporting what I do!!

What your are experiencing is very common and something I hear all the time. That being said, please be aware of the fact that it is normal, to be expected and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

As for suggestions, I think you should start small and then work up to an actual penis. There are many things that you can use that are smaller then him that will help your body to stretch (it won’t actually ‘stretch out’, so don’t worry about that), get accustomed to having something inside, as well as hopefully provide you with the stimulation you need to have an orgasm.

Foreplay

First I would suggest making foreplay a very regular and integral part of your experience. I say this because the more aroused you are the more your vaginal canal will expand to allow the insertion of a penis. Just to be clear, when the vaginal canal at its largest (fully expanded) it’s “usually” between 6″ – 7″ inches deep, whereas it’s normally only 3″ – 4″ inches deep. Crazy, I know. Unfortunately, more foreplay doesn’t equal a deeper expansion.

Foreplay doesn’t have to be anything specific, just whatever it is that turns you on in the moment. For some people it’s cuddling, others like talking dirty, some like watching porn, others prefer something more external like light caresses, massages, or spankings. Feel what’s right for you in the moment, it’s all about turning yourself on.

Also by making foreplay a regular part of your experience you allow your body to go through the natural response cycle of arousal, allowing you to lubricate and ready yourself for intercourse.

Start Small and Go Slow

Next, I would suggest either using a finger or a small silicone dildo to get yourself used to the feeling of having something inside. This can be done by him or by you. I’d personally suggest a dilator set, they often have everything you need, starting with smaller sized dildos and graduating to much larger. Or if you’re looking for something more specific I’d say go with a Small Silk, Little Flirt, or a Tantus Meteorite (my review) the last one is meant for anal use, but can just as easily be used vaginally. They’re all relatively small, made of body safe materials, have a base so you can get them out easily, and will last you a lifetime.

As for using them, I don’t suggest you just try and cram them in or go for an instant thrusting motion as it’ll likely be painful. Instead, lube both yourself and the toy up, then when you’re ready slowly insert the toy until it starts to hurt and when it does… just stop. Don’t remove it or shift it, just leave it exactly where it is. I know this may seem a little silly, but as time passes your body will relax and you’ll find the pain will subside. When you’re ready insert a bit more until it hurts, again, just stop. Keep going like this until the toy is completely inside you. For some people this takes one session, for others a few days of practice, some are able to do it on the first go. There is no barometer for what’s right or wrong. Just take your time and go slow. Eventually it will far less painful and something you can learn to enjoy.

Once you’re comfortable with the toys, try having him use his finger to penetrate you. I realize that it still might hurt, but using lots of lubricant and relaxing can make a world of difference. Again, I don’t suggest that he use his fingers in an “in and out” motion as the friction can sometimes hurt, but instead place that he slowly insert one in you for as long as your comfortable. Follow the same steps outlined above until you’re comfortable and ready to explore something larger like two fingers. From there you could attempt a larger sized dildo or have him try and penetrate you. Again, it may still be painful but usually if you’ve taken the necessary time to allow your body to get used to the feeling, it can make a world of difference.

Relax

The final suggestion I have is to take some time relaxing before you have sex. The more relaxed you allow your body to become the more you will enjoy the experience because you are not tense, and therefor not “tightening” up.

Please remember that it isn’t something that is going to happen over night and instead is going to take some time for you to get used to. That being said, once you are comfortable and ready it can make the experience a much more pleasurable one then a painful one.

I do understand how frustrating this can be and hope that some of my suggestions helped.

Kara_Sutra

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Can you get pregnant if… ?

Understanding Sexual Acts and Pregnancy Risk: What You Need to Know

When it comes to pregnancy, many are curious about which sexual activities carry a risk and which do not. Being that I have always striven to dispel any misinformation and/or confusion, this post is meant to breakdown the various sexual acts and the potential for pregnancy, while also explaining the science behind why certain activities can lead to conception while others cannot. Understanding these basics can help clear up any myths and ensure that individuals engage in sexual activity with greater awareness and confidence.

Vaginal Penetration and Pregnancy Risk

The most common way pregnancy occurs is through vaginal penetration with ejaculation inside the vagina or near the vaginal opening. During vaginal intercourse, sperm is released into the vagina, and if the sperm travels through the cervix into the uterus and meets an egg, fertilization can occur, leading to pregnancy. Sperm can live inside the female body for up to five days, meaning pregnancy is possible even if intercourse occurs a few days before ovulation. This is why vaginal intercourse is the act most commonly associated with pregnancy risk.

Even without ejaculation inside the vagina, pregnancy can still occur if sperm is deposited near the vaginal opening or in the surrounding area. Pre-ejaculate fluid, or “pre-cum,” may contain sperm, which can enter the vagina and lead to pregnancy under the right conditions. Because sperm is needed for fertilization, pregnancy cannot occur without some form of semen exposure to the vaginal area.

Oral Sex and Pregnancy Risk

Oral sex, does not pose any risk of pregnancy. This is because pregnancy requires sperm to come into direct contact with the vagina or cervix, which is not possible during oral sex. However, while pregnancy is not a concern, it is important to note that sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be spread through oral sex. Using barriers like dental dams or condoms during oral activities can help reduce the risk of transmitting infections.

Anal Sex and Pregnancy Risk

Anal sex, which involves penetration of the anus, also does not carry a direct risk of pregnancy because sperm does not enter the vagina or come into contact with the reproductive system during this act.

However, there is still a small risk if semen leaks from the anus to the vaginal area after ward, particularly if the genital areas are in close contact or if fingers transfer semen. To completely avoid the risk of pregnancy during anal sex, it is advisable to use condoms and take care during any activity that could cause semen to reach the vaginal area.

Non-Penetrative Sexual Acts: Dry Humping and Mutual Masturbation

Dry humping, which is the act of rubbing against a partner without penetration, generally poses little to no risk of pregnancy as long as there is no direct semen exposure to the vagina. This activity typically involves clothes or barriers that prevent sperm from coming into contact with the vaginal area. However, if both partners are undressed and semen is deposited near the vagina, there could be a minor risk of pregnancy, though the chances are extremely low.

Mutual masturbation, where partners stimulate each other without penetration, does not carry a pregnancy risk unless semen is introduced near the vaginal area. If hands or objects covered in semen touch the vagina, there is a small possibility that sperm could enter the reproductive tract, but this is unlikely. Washing hands and keeping bodily fluids away from the vaginal area can eliminate this risk.

Sex with Contraceptive Methods

Various forms of contraception, such as condoms, birth control pills, intrauterine devices (IUDs), internal condoms, diaphragms, and implants, are designed to reduce or eliminate the risk of pregnancy during sexual activity. Condoms act as a barrier to prevent sperm from reaching the vagina, while hormonal contraceptives prevent ovulation, meaning there is no egg available to be fertilized. IUD’s create an environment in the uterus that is hostile to sperm, preventing fertilization from occurring. However, no contraceptive method is 100% effective, so there is always a small chance of pregnancy if the method is not used correctly or fails.

Final Thoughts

Understanding the risks associated with different sexual activities can help you make informed choices and reduce anxiety around pregnancy. Pregnancy is only possible when sperm comes into direct contact with the vagina and has the opportunity to fertilize an egg. Activities like oral sex, anal sex, and non-penetrative acts generally carry no risk of pregnancy, while vaginal penetration is the primary way pregnancy can occur. Using contraception and practicing safe sex are key to preventing both pregnancy and STI’s, ensuring a healthier and more informed sexual experience.

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