Yes, you read the title correctly. I’m reviewing a Baby Jesus Butt Plug. However, unlike my review of the Diving Nun, I’m not going to make any apologies. I’m over censoring my experiences just because others think I should. Even more so when it comes to those who aren’t able to differentiate between a silicone molded sex toy called the “Virgin Mary” – for dramatic effect – and having sex with an actual crucifix (which would be wrong, since the sharp edges COULD STAB YOU IN YER BITS). If there is a product I feel like reviewing I’m going to, without shame, embarrassment, fear of retaliation, or guilt… so if you feel this deserves a warning before reading on, you can find one here.

Of course I do know that no matter where I take this review, or what I do to make light of it, many of you will be taken aback. So, in an effort to make it clear that we’re all on the same page let me just say this: I’m well aware of the potential implications and consequences sticking a little Jesus in my ass could create. Being married to someone who went to a very strict Catholic school I’ve been informed that this review in particular will practically pave a gleaming golden walkway to hell complete with my very own fiery arches, winged apocalyptic horse drawn carriage, fanged minions, royal diamond encrusted scepter (sourced from unethical places and workers, of course), all topped off with a set of brass knuckles to rule them all… and I’m totally okay with that.  At the end of the day I’ve made a living toting sex advice and slinging dildos. What’s one more silicone mold to add to the fire and brimstone?

I kid, I kid. Ugh, I’m just making it worse aren’t I?! Pffft. As if this is the very worst I could do.

p.s. if anyone can draw me the above stated scenario in graphic novel form I’d be beyond wowed.

Packaging

Like the other Divine Interventions goodies, this adorable little plug arrived swaddled in nothing more than a First Holy Communion napkin to protect it; no clam shell plastic, no flimsy cardboard box, no thin plastic bag. Literally nothing other than the shipping box. For some this may come off at cheap or impractical, but to me it’s highly appropriate, especially considering the nature of the product; if someone was  come across it they wouldn’t necessarily know what it was granting you the privacy and discretion you deserve. More than that it’s cost effective and eco-friendly. Plain brown boxed Jesus for the #win.

The Good

Regarding all of the non blasphemous reasons I think the Baby Jesus Butt Plug is a grand ‘ol time:

With the exception of facial features, namely the chubby little cheeks and forehead, the silicone body is supple and smooth with a generous bit of squish and give. Even with the variety of ridges to work past, it’s not overwhelming or intimidating, instead being designed to effortlessly slide and ‘pop’ into place with a generous amount of lube… just don’t make the mistake of thinking you wont feel much, because you will… a very weird experience indeed; what you’re sensing is the total awareness of Little J’s head going in your sphincter. Thankfully the bumps aren’t obnoxious or well defined, instead working quite well as a way to gauge how far it has traveled. It’s like a built in GPS system shared between you and J.  I’m smirking at the thought.

Once inserted it’s not too big nor too small, being perfect for those looking to try something larger and sleeker than the Vixen Creations Buddy, but a tad more sensational and stimulating than the Tantus Ryder (both of which are fantastic if you’re  afraid to explore, but willing to try). Size wise you’re looking at 4.5″ inches in length, 3″ inches insertable, and 1.5″ inches in diameter, all of which are pretty standard measurements where butt toys are concerned. Comparatively speaking, if you like the Tantus Ryder you’ll likely find they’re pretty damn similar, with the only major differences being the texturing and tapered lower portion; size wise, their near identical matches (pictured left).

On that note, the flexible and elongated flared base is far more desirable than typical round versions as it doesn’t shift, turn, slide, or spread the ass cheeks uncomfortably apart, instead fitting with little to no discomfort. For the most part it makes itself unknown, unless you’ve never used one, in which case you’ll know it’s there, at all times. For those that like suction cup action (i.e. thwacking your product down so it stays in place allowing you to mount it), once suctioned to a flat surface it stays stuck extremely well with little to no shifting or moving (great for use in the shower or tub).

When it comes to anything you pop in your butt you’ll want to make sure it won’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, being that Baby J is made of non-porous silicone all the bases are covered. It’s also hypoallergenic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free… basically put, if cleanliness is next to Godliness, this may just be as close as you’ll get where ass toys are concerned. And for the record, it passed the flame test with flying colors.

Totally unrelated to the usage I have to say that the coloring is quite stunning, displaying a lovely deep Merlot hue marbled with metallic charcoal grey and black tones, all gleaming like the North Star in the night.

size comparison

flared base

A Hand Full

Back Of Plug

The Bad

There’s a fair amount of grooves where bodily fluids, lube and debris will collect, requiring more attention when it comes to cleaning. On the plus side it’s made of quality silicone so nothing will actually absorb into it, and a 3 minute purge in boiling water will sterilize it completely.

Before I continue I just want to point out that the next ‘issue’ has absolutely no effect on the usage of the toy, instead being more of a silly-little-bizzaro-land-masochistic-perfectionist expectation than a real complaint; if I’m going to be cramming Baby Jesus in my ass, I’d like the product to resemble him so closely that I legitimately feel the guilt and shame a sinning blasphemer would. After all, isn’t that the whole point?  Sadly it certainly doesn’t look like him… in all honesty, I can’t help but think it could be the potential offspring of Big Baby from Toy Story 3 and Spider Baby (a.k.a Babyface) from Toy Story 1, if that could even be a thing. Or a baby ninja turtle, without the shell and fun colored bandana of course. Either way it’s cute, but not close enough. If only the one angry eyebrow could satisfy me esthetically. *sigh*

Again, this isn’t necessarily a fault of the product, just something you’ll want to keep in mind since the ass doesn’t self lubricate, and silicone can often create a drag on the skin, you’ll need lube, and lots of it to make insertion as easy as possible. If you’re not fully relaxed, lubed or ready, yes, you’ll likely find it a tad uncomfortable, but if you follow the steps I’ve outlined here, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by the glorious way it makes your ass feel.

Finally, it attracts lint, fluff, pet hair, your own hair, dust, etc, etc, etc, and damn near anything else that it might come in contact to like white on rice. If your a klutz like me, be sure all surfaces are clean or expect to be annoyed.

Final Verdict

All things considered I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite plug, I wouldn’t even go so far as to say it’s my second favourite, but since it’s crafted from a quality material, isn’t overwhelmingly large or intimidating, feels comfortable once in place, and grants the opportunity to brag about something most people never will (ahem, buttsecks with Baby J), I can see how it might just become a favourite of many.

Is it potentially inappropriate, a little creepier than expected, and tacky as all hell? Certainly, but I’d like to think I’m a better person and reviewer for it. Ugh, the things I do for you people. #YouWin

If you’re looking for quality sex toys made by a small company, and don’t have any religious guilt to deal with (or if you do and it’s the thing that gets you off), head over to Divine Interventions and grab something that might just help you get a little closer to God. Can I get an Amen?

Or for those that want the same level of quality, without the religious aspect, I’m going to offer up the Non-Denominational line of sex toys … just as great, but without all the fun of being a total blasphemous sinner.

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I really shouldn’t need an excuse or reason to review the Bunny Tail Butt Plug, after all… IT’S. A. BUNNY. TAIL. BUTT. PLUG. But with Easter upon us, I just couldn’t resist taking advantage of the holiday, or the abundance of potential photo props it brings. What can I say, it certainly helped egg me on. See what I did there? I digress.

Based on the look and feel found within the 2002 hardcore (and I do mean hardcore) BDSM porn flick, Fashionistas, this plug is just one of many found within the collection.  Truthfully, I’ve never really been much of a fan of Icon Brands or the products they produce, for the most part you’ll find jelly items I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole or my vagina, beyond obnoxious PVC replicas of male pornstar schlongs, and lots of other questionable merchandise, but the Fashionistas line is where they seem to have gotten it right; the materials are comparable to many other high end sex toys, the appearance is elegant yet striking, and the quality is definitely there. If only they could bring everything else up to par.

Packaging

Although the thin plastic box feels cheap, the outer appearance is anything but; purple, black, and gold tones combine with a slightly Gothic font to create a sophisticated theme. It’s cute but brazen, classy but playful, professional yet edgy, and respectfully dark, offering an element of intrigue without coming off as campy or cheesy. Set in the center of the box is a peek-a-boo window showcasing the bunny tail in all its fluffy glory.

While it’s not the most discreet, the choice of wording isn’t as hardcore as one would expect with a product like this. Considering how intense the movie was, and the fact that most BDSM products come displayed in themes that are often all-out-balls-to-the-wall-freakish, I can’t help but be impressed with the choice to remain minimal. I’d thank the success of 50 Shades of Gray for that, but I hated the book. So I wont.

The sides of the box are rather boring, sporting nothing but the ” Fashionistas” emblem. The back provides a brief description along with pictures of other products within the line.  I’m personally loving the design found on the handle of the Fashionistas Whip. Located within the box sits a clear plastic tray whose center is cut to perfectly cradle the plug. If you want a tail that retains its shape later I suggest holding onto this piece for storage. Trust me on this.

The Good

When first glancing the Fashionistas Bunny Tail Butt Plug I can’t help but notice the slight resemblance to the Tantus lil Flirt (pictured lower right), however there are some considerable differences setting them drastically apart; the bunny tail is heavier and thicker, has absolutely no flexibility, squish or give (it’s glass, duh), has a round base, and for anyone that wants to be a bunny (who doesn’t!?), sprouting from the base are a plume of feathers, that when fluffed, beget the appearance of a bunny tail. And yes, it does surprisingly look like a bunny tail once in place. *insert smart assy comment about bunny tails and butt sex here*.

Putting it to use is simple, as the combination of rounded tip, seamless design, tapered body, and sleek glass makes insertion damn near effortless, sliding into place without any discomfort or force. Then, once inserted, the bulging middle creates a comfortably full feeling, while also acting as something for the muscles to grasp, holding it in place satisfactorily. On that note, if you’ve found that thinner plugs slide or pop out of place during use, you may want to consider graduating up a size or grabbing something made of glass… for as much as I love my Tantus Lil Flirt, it just doesn’t cut it anymore, constantly leaving my ass frustrated by its inability to remain in place, not to mention wanting by the lack in girth. The bunny tail fills those voids nicely, while also adding a noticeable amount of weight that’s reminiscent of another plug I love. And just like that, my ass is happy once again.

Regarding total size, from tip of the feathers to the base of the plug, you’re looking at between 7″ inches and 8″ inches. The difference being dependent on the length of the feathers, and whether or not they get wet/ruined by lube over time. The 3″ inches that are insertable are pretty standard, though the 4″ inch circumference and 2″ diameter may be a little overwhelming for some. Don’t let that last little bit fool you, by no means is this a large plug. I’d call it a comfortable medium, though that statement is admittedly subjective.  For those that feel it’ll come up short, there’s also a large bunny tail butt plug to contend with.

One of the things I have always loved about glass toys is how well they work for those that want to explore with temperature play; simply place the body of the plug (not the feathers) in warm or cool water, give them 10 – 15 seconds to retain the temperature and enjoy. While this may not be ideal for some during anal use, there will be those that find the added sensations rather enjoyable.

I know there are going to be quite a few of you that are looking at it and thinking ‘glass in my ass? No way!’, just let me state for the record that glass has quite a few benefits; it’s non-porous so you never have to worry about it absorbing bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, it’s naturally latex and phthalate free, is hypoallergenic, works with any kind of lubricant, and slips into place as if it’s meant to be there. Everything considered, I’m always surprised glass toys still haven’t gone more mainstream; they’re far better than any porous jelly product you’d cram in your ass without thinking twice about how gross and unsafe they are (jelly, I mean).

You’re also probably going to assume that because the plugs are made of glass they might be a tad dangerous; so long as you don’t drop them or slam them against a wall I (but really, why would you be doing that?!) they will hold up to quite a bit of wear and tear. Trust me, I should know – I’ve accidentally dropped all of mine a couple times now and not one has a chip or crack in it.

The Bad

For as much as I love the idea of having a temporary bunny tail held in place by my ass, there are a few major flaws I can’t overlook…

Sadly, the design of opaque black tapered plug is fairly basic, with almost no defining features differentiating it from other glass plugs on the market. Yes, the inclusion of a silvery etched fairy frolicking in the flowers/filigree is a seemingly cute touch, but the reason for it escapes me. A killer bunny or poisoned carrot may have been better, at minimum it would have been consistent with the dark theme. Then again, I haven’t seen the complete film yet (the 7 minute masked Belladonna bj scene was enough for one day), so it’s safe to say maybe I’m missing something. Though I doubt it. Fortunately the etching isn’t something that detracts from the smoothness of the glass, you can feel it when running fingers along the length of the plug, but during insertion it’s virtually non-existent.

Any contact with lube, especially silicone, will leave the feathers looking, in a word, ruined (as pictured below). Sadly there is no easy fix for this, it’s a veritable catch 22; since the ass doesn’t self lubricate you can’t use anal toys without lube, however during insertion, it’s almost impossible not to touch the feathers since they’re so close to the base. See where I’m going with this? It’s disappointing to say the least.

Speaking of lube, one of the only issues I have with glass toys is how slippery they get once lube is introduced. Sure, it’s great when it comes to insertion, but it makes removal a pain in the ass. No pun intended. Not only will you likely find yourself grasping at the base like your life depended on it, but you’ll also likely find your fingers haphazardly slip sliding around in a vain attempt to maintain control. And herein lies the problem, no matter how hard you try, you’ll be tempted to grab at those fluffy quills and yank with all your might. Giving into my temptations I did just that, finding myself left with a fistful of fluff. Fortunately the actual quills and majority of feathers remained intact, but that isn’t to say that will always be the case… and was basically how I ended up ruining my fluffy tail with silicone lube. Now it looks more like roadkill. FML.

In case you didn’t know feathers can, and often do, retain scent. Oh, did I forget to mention they can’t really be washed either?  Draw your own conclusions from that. Yeah, good times.

Finally, and this won’t be the case for everyone, if you’re used to thinner products or haven’t yet explored with anal play, the combination of rigid glass and size may be a bit uncomfortable.  If this is the case get yourself something smaller and a bit flexible like the Vixen Creations Buddy Butt Plug, Tantus Lil Flirt, or Small Ripple, follow my advice when it comes to Beginners Butt Play, and take your sweet ass time. That time the pun was intended.

Care & Cleaning

Cleaning the plug is pretty simple, especially since it’s glass; just give it a gentle wash with soap and water, or use toy cleaner. Just keep in mind that exposing the feathers to water, or any form of liquid for that matter, will probably ruin them. If you must, and I mean absolutely must, you can give them a swipe with gentle baby wipes or moist towelettes, blot them with a soft towel, and leave them to completely air dry. Once dry, place the entire plug in a box or container that allows it to retain its shape, otherwise, you’ll likely end up with a flat bunny tail that’s a shadow of its former self.

Final Verdict

At the end of the day the Fashionistas Bunny Tail Butt Plug is a cute concept that somehow managed to fall a little flat.  The plug itself is beautifully designed, and though the fairy etching seems a little out of place, the overall look and feel is one I can certainly appreciate. It sits on the brink of tacky without ever fully venturing over the line.

The piece de resistance, being the bunny tail, will be great for those that love petplay, just remember to keep every fluffy inch away from fluids and you should be fine. Otherwise, it’ll probably look like you stuck roadkill in yer butt. And we all know how not sexy that is.  Did I just cross the line? Meh, you should expect that from me by now.

For more info, or to check out all of the products within the Fashionistas line, head over to FunWares and tell them Kara_Sutra sent you.

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