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#FunFindFriday: Hole Punch Toys

I really do hate to admit it, but after 8+ years of working in the industry I’ve started to grow bored with the vast majority of non-vibrating sex toys on the market.

That isn’t to say I think everything is bland, just that many of the highly accessible and heavily advertised ones are surprisingly uninspiring; there’s little attention paid to originality, the color choices are lackluster, there’s no freedom of artistic expression, and damn near all of them have no kick or imagination.

Talent. I’ve been missing talentcreativity… and vision.

Of course there are companies like Babes ‘N Horny, BS Is Nice, Whipspider Rubberworks, Vixen Creations,Vibeology, NobEssence, Divine Interventions, Bad Dragon, Fun Factory, Tantus, and Crystal Delights keeping it real and fresh, but in an industry that’s slowly starting to recognize and embrace smaller companies, there’s definitely room for more.

holepunchtoyscarrot

Enter this weeks #FunFindFriday: Hole Punch Toys, the designer behind some seriously fun and colorful artisanal small batch silicone sex toys, molded and poured by hand, one by one, in an art studio in St. Paul, Minnesota.

From playful radishes to carrot butt plugs, ice cream cones, stunning blue rockets, tri-colored popsicles, and a sleek blacked-out Nun, Hole Punch Toys has most of the bases covered when it comes to mixing art and pleasure.

The uniqueness doesn’t end there, unlike large volume manufactures each is made to order, and details like color are subject to the creators whim at the time of pouring. If he’s in a translucent grass-green mood, that is what you’ll get. Hunter green today? There you go. I have to admit, judging by this misfit box of toys or these white chocolate lookalikes, I’d be more than happy to get something completely my own.

Have an idea for a toy you’d like made? You’ve come to the right place, Bespoke toys are something they do. Just get in contact with a brief description of your idea, and if it’s something that can be done they’ll gladly work with you to make it happen. It’ll probably cost you a pretty penny, but there are times when it’s worth it. This is one of them.

Needing to know more I went right to the source, asking the creator if he’d answer a bunch of questions about Hole Punch Toys, the concept behind the designs, how the toys are made, etc. and he very graciously obliged. Big thanks to Colin for taking time out of his busy schedule, I totally appreciate it.

rocketholepunch1.) Who is Hole Punch Toys?

Hole Punch Toys are an extension of Hole Punch Studio, which is an arbitrary name assigned, for beuroctaric and advertising reasons, to the art I produce. I, being me, Colin. Primarily visual art, both two and three dimentiomal, audio visual, or in this case, silicone. I create one hundred percent of the material associated with Hole Punch Toys, with the exception of some borrowed imagery used in digital assemblages for labels and such.

2.) What motivated you to create Hole Punch Toys?

The same thing that motivates any creative endeavor I think. The challenge of bringing something that exist in your imagination into physical being. The process of making.  I suppose having sex toys in my head to begin with is telling of something, but I’ll leave that for another discussion.

hole punch radish3.) What sets Hole Punch Toys apart from other manufacturers?

It depends. If you are asking about the business as an entity, I would say that the main difference is in production capability.  This is a one person operation. I pour and package each piece to order in my free time which means each piece is approached as a singular object, made from a singular batch of silicone and tinted individually. That could all change of course, but for now, that is how it is.

If you are asking about the toys themselves, I DO NOT differentiate them from other silicone toys of this nature.

I think there is room for as many designs in this world as there are minds and the bodies attached to them. Not everything is for everybody. If someone likes what I make,  that’s fantastic. If not, that’s great also. Although it will hurt me deeply and might make me cry.

teeny creemee hole punch4.) Where do you draw inspiration for your designs from?

It is pretty plain to see my designs don’t come from a very high minded place.  Although I have appreciation for so called “fine art”,  I seem to have been impacted most deeply by the images and symbology of pop culture, from Saturday morning cartoons and comics to advertising imagery and the beauty of everyday objects.

All my art seems to be an effort to break down images and forms into their simplest components, which works well in designing insertables, where detail and complex shapes are not optimal. It suits my style, if I could be bold enough to think I have one.

mother interior hole punchhole punch popsicleass cram cone hole punch
Wanna be the first to know when new products come out? Of course you do! Make sure to follow Hole Punch Toys on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

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#FunFindFriday: 101 Vagina Book Project

101vagina

I’m about to say some things about vaginas/vulvas that you’re not going to like. Consider this your fair warning, and my preemptive apology.

Vulvas are ugly. Vaginas too. They’re hideous, foul, repulsive, and embarrassing. All that extra skin just flapping around, serving no real function. The whole kit and caboodle is just disgusting, both to look at and deal with. Don’t even get me started on vaginal wetness, making everything slick, slimy, and sloppy. Especially when menstruation is involved, it’s like someone went to town with a hatchet. And that wiry mound of hair, it’s obscene. Any person that thinks a pile of wrinkled protruding skin is anything but icky clearly has something wrong with them. Vaginas/vulvas are gross. End of story. Yuck.  I wish I didn’t have one, my life would be so much easier without it.

Contrary to your assumptions those aren’t my thoughts or the way I feel. Instead, what you just read is a mish mash of the messages I’ve received over the last 7 years from readers who’ve hated their genitals for one reason or another.

It’s sad, disheartening, and depressing.

Having said that, I’m sure many of you have felt something similar at some point. Maybe you’ve contemplated labiaplasty because you thought your labia (inner/outer) were too big. Opted to have sex in the dark so partner(s) couldn’t see your genitals. Shaved it bare in an attempt to be more appealing. Smothered it in disinfectants to mask your bodies natural odour. Applied tightening lotions or potions in hopes of making your vulva appear more ‘youthful’. Slathered on lightening creams because you thought the pigmentation was too dark. Or maybe you’ve spent a lifetime feeling uncomfortable in your own skin because your vulva wasn’t a taught, neat, toned little package like the ones often seen in porn.

No matter the reason for hating your vulva, or embarrassment you’ve experienced because of it, I can promise you’re not alone.

It’s for this reason that I love 101 Vagina by Philip Werner. Throughout the hardcovers thick and glossy pages we’re given a brief but honest glimpse into what it’s like to be the owner of a vagina/vulva. Some of the writing is uplifting, poetic even, while other excerpts take on a tone of courage, anxiety, sadness, respect, appreciation, and humility. It is raw, deep, emotional, insightful, and intentional, offering the opportunity to redefine and honor our bodies in a way we may not have been able to before. It’s a reminder to love ourselves, to see past the indifference and shame, to fully embrace what we’ve been gifted with, for far too often we forget.

101vaginabook

A few choice quotes;

Until I met my husband, I was ashamed of my vagina, I thought it was weird. But he made it his mission to change how I felt about her, and now I’m proud.

That doctor decided I needed my labia and clitoral hood stitched back together. The procedure felt like something akin to being on an alien abduction table for human experimentation. To this day I re-experience the trauma of this event every time someone looks as my vagina. (speaking about a childhood accident)

You have welcomed both feminine fingers and tongues and masculine pulsing hard members of desire, filling me with joy and breathlessness. I now look at my vagina with awe, gratitude, and reverence – she is truly amazing.

While many of the comments I get are fairly crude, they are actually stated with the utmost fascination – and no small measure of respect – for the awesome that is my vagina.

101vaginashavenUnlike the photoshopped images often found in pornography and film, depicting shaven vulvas, primed and perfectly sculpted to be plush, plump and camera ready, each of the 101 black and white photographs accompanying the writings are real; there are bruises on thighs, unevenly shaved pubic hair, crooked tan lines, aged and rippled skin, moles and scars, cellulite and stretch marks, freckles, stubble, piercings, and tattoos.

Moreover, there are labia of every shape and size; some protrude yearning to be seen, others hide tucked away safe from the prying eyes of judgment. And yet, each of them is beautiful, perfectly suited for the person to which they belong.

101vaginabooktextFor some this book will be a commentary on female sexuality. To others, a work of art. Maybe it’s an homage to the almighty vagina/vulva, or a personally transformative experience. A minority might even view it as carefully crafted pornography, but for all intense and purposes, *smut* it is not.

Regardless of your perspective, I hope 101 Vagina gives you a chance to take a good hard look at the way society views genitals, as a body part and a means of gaining pleasure, and how those views shape and potentially damage along the way. And in that, I hope you are challenged to see past the lies about ‘beauty’ we’ve been brainwashed to believe are true and learn to love your body just as it is. Perspective is everything, and the content within these pages has heaps of it.

We should be taught from a young age that our vagina is noting to be ashamed of, that we’re all different and beautiful and deserve all the love and appreciation

Whether you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, are a lover of vadges everywhere, have kids nearing an age of curiosity about their body/the bodies of others, or simply want a coffee table book that’s sure to spark conversation, I implore you to buy a copy of 101 Vagina. I promise you’ll be a better person for it

To get one of your own head over the 101 vagina website, hit up Amazon.com/Amazon.ca, or if you’re in Toronto from June 14th – 22nd you can check out the last leg of the 101 Vagina Art Exhibit & Book tour at Creative Blueprint Gallery. Copies will be available for purchase, and if you happen to see Philip, make sure to thank him for his work. <3

“Dedicated to our bodies and our sexuality,

our deepest desires and most delicate vulnerability.”

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#FunFindFriday – How Sex Toys Are Made, In Case You Were Wondering

I destroyed a lot of stuff when I was a kid. It wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t help it. I was just too curious and determined for my own good. From clock radios to busted flashlights, a retro Polaroid camera to a handful of non-retracting measuring tapes, if it wiggled or jiggled in a way that hinted something might be out of place, I took it as a perfect excuse to take that fucker apart just so I could see what was inside.

See, nothing but a pile of headless Barbies. Boring. How Sex Toys Are MadeLooking back I can safely say my continual breaking of shit wasn’t due to boredom. Or that I liked to needlessly destroy things. Or that I was looking for trouble. I just had this insatiable yearning to understand what made things go and figured the best was to learn was to open them up and prod around.

Okay, maybe I did have a destructive side. And doing bad things made my 5 year old self feel like a rebel… but I was well intentioned and didn’t really mean any harm. Except for my Barbies. Those a-holes had it coming. In truth, they’re not that exciting when all you’re left with is a pile of plastic parts that won’t pop back together because your little custard covered hands just don’t have the strength.

As an adult, my need to know how stuff works hasn’t changed that much. Especially when it comes to sex toys. So, as an attempt to appease my curiosities, rather than offering up another toy as sacrifice, I’ve decided to create a series of posts featuring pictures, videos, and the like, on how sex toys are made.

How Sex Toys Are Made


Fun Factory

I posted a couple of these to my tumblr account, however I thought I should share them here as well. The pictures are taken from the Vice article: Germanys Fun Factory Pumps Out The Dildos , which goes into detail of what his experience was visiting the Fun Factory factory (say that 5 times fast). Anywhoo, the article is interesting and the pictures do speak a thousand words. I doubt I’ll ever look at one of my Fun Factory toys the same.

Also, just because I love you guys so much, I’ve included a handful of pictures from of the Fun Factory stores in Berlin (silver/pink) and Bremin (gold). That shit’s just cray-cray. Or, if really want to have some fun, go to the Fun Factory website, scroll down to to the BerlinProof360 Google Maps image, and tour the store via the 3D app.

 

Photo Credit:  Steve Ryan. Factory photos taken from the Vice Article “Surrogate Cocks“, written by Conor Creighton.

More: If NASA Made a Sex Toy, it Would be the Stronic by Fun Factory, Stronic Eins at the Museum of Sex.


Real Doll Factory

I included these in a previous #wtfwednesday post: doll parts, however I feel they bare repeating. Just look at all that silicone. The detail. The craftsmanship. The weird goo smeared over the body casts. These videos prove the amount of work going into those babies is ridiculous but well worth the high price tag. Sure, most people would likely cringe at the thought of having sex with one of them, however… if I had a dick, $5,000 to burn, a place to store Misty-The-Underpantsless-Love-Doll (that would be her nickname, for short), and a dog that didn’t think she was a chew toy, I’d dive deep in one of those beauties and never let go.

 

 More: Face Scan: The Making of Amber Doll, Day One: The Making of Amber Doll, Day Two: The Making of Amber Doll, Day Three: The Making of Amber Doll, Day Four: The Making of Amber Doll, Guys and Dolls: BBC Documentary on Real Dolls P1.


Tour of the Vixen Creations Dildo Factory

This video like the rest is fairly outdated (circa 2007), however the fact that it even exists is a miracle. In all my years working in this industry I’ve rarely, if ever, found a video of a dildo factory tour. Let alone one for VIXEN CREATIONS. Gasp! This is a big deal you guys. Thank you Good Vibes, thank you! If you ask me there should be way more videos of dildos and vibrators being made, why there isn’t totally leaves me baffled. Maybe I’ll just need to take matters into my own hands and start that TV show I’ve been planning after all. #IfYouWantSomethingDoneDoItYourself

 More: Violet and the Dildo Factory (thanks to Metis from Tantus for telling me this even existed!)


Trojan Condoms

I’m a big supporter of safer sex practices, so I just couldn’t pass up including this video from Trojan Condoms. I might be wrong, but the actor in the video kinda looks and sounds like he could be the love child of Tosh 2.0, Adam Levine, Timothy Olyphant, and Josh Duhamel. Distracting much? Anyways…

It’s fairly informative, giving a rundown on how condoms are made, but I gotta admit, my favorite moment happens at the 1:25 mark when he facetiously says “these definitely aren’t your Grandfathers condoms“, or the 3:19 mark when he seems really excited about saying the word “basketball”. Though the attempted but failed oh-no-she-better-don’t finger wag at the 2:20 mark is also pretty rad. All jokes aside, he’s got some of the best enunciation I’ve ever heard, and the video is one I’d watch over and over just to see the condoms getting “worked over by strong hands in what’s called the ‘roll and knead’ process“. If you listen closely at the 3:32 mark, you can almost hear him thinking ‘are you kidding me with this shit?’. Either way, this is probably the best ‘how its made’ video I’ve come across as it relates to condoms. Give it a gander, I’m sure you’ll be entertained if nothing else.

More: Business Insider: Inside Trojans Factory, Safe Sense: How Are Condoms Made?, How Stuff Works: How Condoms Work, See how Lifestyles Condoms Are Made and Tested.


Pipedream & Doc Johnson Dildos

I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the company, what with their gross jelly toys and all, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also appreciate a video showing how sex toys are made.

For those not in the know; jelly sex toys often contain harmful chemicals like phthalates that leech into your system via mucus membranes and through contact with skin. On top of that, they’re often porous meaning they’ll absorb bodily fluids, lube, and bacteria – and they can’t be fully sterilized – so you could be continually reinfecting yourself each time you use them. Basically, steer clear of anything that’s jelly and only choose body safe options like those found in this post – Eco-Friendly Sex Toys: A Beginners Guide.


Fleshlight

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t save the best for last. This tour of the Fleshlight factory is surreal. From the factory itself, to a futuristic room with a shit ton of  monitors running reports, it’s the behind the scenes content I dreamed of. I think I’ve just taken my Fleshlight fixation to a whole other level. I’m beside myself.

There’s also this video featuring the Fleshlight. It’s well worth the watch. Though I won’t lie, seeing all that luxury kinda makes me wish I had thought of the idea first. C’est la vie.

Also, these Fleshlight vines from the company are pretty fascinating. In order: the Fleshlight entrance, Fleshlight headquarters, the vagina casts and texturing rods, how they’re made.

More: Pressing the Flesh: The world’s leading adult toy manufacturer for men wants to take the stigma out of sex, Vice: The Man Behind the World’s Most Famous Fake Vagina. Fleshlight Sales: The best deals all in one place.

End.

At the end of the day the toys we buy come from somewhere… as in, someone made them, designed them, decided on ingredients, crafted them, poured them, stripped them from a mold, packaged them, and perfected them.

I hope you enjoyed learning about how sex toys are made as much as I did researching, and that seeing this post will give all you budding creatives the confidence and perspective to believe that if they can do it, so can you. If not, in the very least it should give you a sense of appreciation for the things you whack off with. I know I won’t be looking at my sex toys the same.

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The Big Bin of #SexToyFails: Part 1

Over the last 7 years of reviewing sex toys a lot of craptastic things have come my way. Some bored me, others gave me migraine inducing headaches, one had me ‘flailing like a maniac having a carpal tunnel fit‘, another was complete and utter torture. I’ve even gone so far as to liken a vibrator to a rabid bunny bashing at my bits. Ok, so that wasn’t the exact quote, but it’s close enough.

And that’s just the sex toy fails I’ve written about.

Not surprisingly there are more, many more. Most of which found themselves dumped in an over sized storage bin and tucked in the furthest corner of my closet never to be seen again…. until the desperate need to purge rolled around. Which leads us to this post.

Big Bin Of Sex Toy Fails

the big bin of fails in all its glory

Rather than spouting off my opinion based on appearances alone, which is what I tend to do with the horrors found in my #WTFWednesday posts, I’ve tested each of these (or had someone try, as was the case with the masturbators) and either thought they were so ridiculous that I couldn’t bring myself to write a full review, or had one session with them and said ‘nope, not doing this again’, banishing them to the bin forevermore.

Even with my displeasure, I’ll admit they’re not all horrible, heck some of you might even own a few and like them. But for me, these were deal breakers; sex toy fails I’ll never use again and couldn’t bare to dump on unsuspecting friends. That shit would just be cruel.

The Big Bin Of Sex Toy Fails

bounding bunny dual vibeRhythm O Bounding Bunny

Once upon a time I was a huge fan of rabbit vibes. There was something so alluring about slipping one inside, pushing a button or two, and laying back like a lazy little b while it did all the work. It was around this period that I acquired the Rhythm O Bounding Bunny, a dual vibe I thought to be promising.  However, after one use I realized it would be better off as roadkill…

Rather than your typical metal balls or pearls, the ‘rotations’ are carried out via what appears to be a half cob of corn covered by a heavy layer of saran wrap. And the spinning action, let’s just say the kernels undulate rather than turn… so not only are you having sex with thickly wrapped dinner left overs, now they’ve apparently been eaten by a transparent snake that’s writhing around inside your vadge. Get the visual, yeah not very hot is it?

Aside from that it’s heavy, big and bulky, isn’t very ergonomic, has far too many buttons controlling different things (making it difficult to manage when it’s stuffed inside you), is made of TPE (so although phthalate free, it’s still porous and can’t be fully sterilized), attracts lint and fluff like you wouldn’t believe, and requires 4 AAA batteries. Oh, and as an added bonus, any time you clench your PC muscles, it stops. Maybe I just don’t know my own strength. *smirk*

Everything considered, the vibe isn’t terrible, but it’s not great either. I’d say it lands somewhere between meh and blah. Not exactly the place you want to find your product sitting with a well versed sex toy reviewer. Sadly, the only thing it has going for it is the decently powerful clitoral stimulator, but you can find something similar without all the bulk or hefty price tag in a standard vibrating egg.

If you’re dead set on a dual vibe, one that’s body safe, rechargeable, and doesn’t look like a cob of corn, take a gander at a few other luxury options like the Lelo Ina 2, Je Joue Fifi, OhMiBod Freestyle W Rabbit, Vanity Vr6, or Envy Seven. For those of you looking for something cheaper, there’s the Fun Factory Tango, Joya Tulip, the unconventional Rock Chick, or maybe something within the Entice collection of dual vibes. Trust me, any of them are better than that damn bounding bunny


Fleshlight Blade & Fleshjack Sword

fleshlight blade swordI’ve been a fan of Fleshlight ever since I finger fucked one in the poorly lit corner of a sex shop nine years ago. The realistic appearance, soft and plush texture, and ergonomic design instantly gave birth to a penis envy I still can’t shake.

Having said that, of the over 15 different things I’ve received from Fleshlight, there were bound to be a few that left my testers unimpressed… for example, the Fleshlight Blade and Fleshjack Sword.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it, people want the option to control how tight something is and giving them a masturbator with a squishy body probably seemed like a really great idea, but here’s the problem; it just doesn’t work that well.

Before I go on let me say that the experience, i.e. what the sleeves deliver, is true to form and exactly what it should be with any Fleshlight. But that’s where the fun stops. There’s no other way to say it than these versions feel cheap, flimsy, and just don’t live up to the standard I’ve grown accustom to.

Judging by exterior appearances they don’t look too bad; they’re highly detailed, original in design, and come in bright blue or gold casings. However, for as attractive as they are, I wouldn’t say they’re discreet. Rather than blending into the background these bad boys stick out like a sore thumb. I won’t lie, if I saw something made of bright blue plastic that looked like the end of a sword, I’d sure as hell ask what it was, if not reach out and open it myself. Then again I’m nosy like that.

fleshlight blade sleeve compared to original fleshlightAs for the sleeves, they have smaller openings, are shorter in length, and sport thinner bodies than the original designs. If you bought a Fleshlight and found it to be too large, you might like them, but if you’re someone with a larger than average sized penis, you’ll probably have issues with insertion and use.

Also, I’ve been told they make a distracting ‘pffft’ sound with each thrust; unlike the original Fleshlight whose suction can be adjusted via a screw cap on the bottom, Blade and Sword have four little holes where the air gets pushed through during use. Not only is your experience slightly limited because of this, but as an added bonus you’ve now got four ways for the lube to dribble to the floor. Yay! #sarcasm.

On top of all that, the original versions are much easier to reassemble, just give them a good wash, cornstarch them up, and slide into place for safe keeping. Not the case with Blade or Sword. One of my testers went into graphic detail about how he used the end of his toothbrush to ‘angrily jam it into place’ while muttering profanities at it. Certainly not how a fake pussy should be treated.

fleshlight case compared to fleshlight swordOh, and once you finally do get the sleeve back in the cover, the cap refuses to stay put.  Push with all your might, force it if you have to, just know that no matter what you do, all your Sword/Blade wants to do is go commando. One knock to the floor and it’s game over, I’m not even referring to the lint they’ll pick up. If you ask me, Fleshlight did it right the first time around. #ScrewCapForTheWin.

Lastly, they kinda look like you’re fucking a pussy or ass that’s a pear. Literally. Probably not a big deal for many of you, but if you’re into banging edibles, may I instead suggest a hollowed pumpkin? One can only assume it’d be a lot more accommodating, cheaper too!

With everything I disliked about these two I think you’d be better off snagging an original Fleshlight or a Fleshlight Vibro. Looking for something a little smaller? the three different Sex In a Can versions are much better options. Want a good deal? Check my Fleshlight sale page, I’ve collected the best sales and even listed a few combo packs and products you won’t easily find on the website.


  baconlubeBacon Flavored Lube

When it comes to bacon flavored foods there’s a lot that I ‘get’. Take smokey bacon Lays potato chips for example, it’s a no-brainer. Bacon flavored pancakes, delish. Beggin strips, probably the only thing my dog would leave me for. Baconnaise, that shit’s just necessary (it’s vegan too!). Bloody Caesar’s rimmed with bacon salt and spiked with Bakon Vodka, now you’re speaking my language.

However, when you start getting into the realm of bacon flavored gumballs, bacon sunscreen, bacon chocolate bars, bacon lollipops, bacon lip balm, or bacon soda, among other things, it’s time to take a step back and reassess the situation.

Then there’s Bacon Flavored Lube… and almost instantly everything in me screams no, JUST. NO.

I’m going to be blatantly honest and say there is no point in time when I want to go down on a partner whose junk smells like it was just flipped out of a frying pan and served up with all day breakfast. And in the off chance that I absolutely had to, I’d hope to be pleasantly surprised. Instead what you’re greeted with is much closer to licking a pan where bacon grease was left cooling to a white coating, than what you’d get from eating actual bacon. It’s salty, musty, thick and pungent, slightly sweet, and wrong on every level. I think my partner summed it up best when he said “it’s bacony, but it’s disgusting!”

baconlubeforbreakfastMaking matters worse, the scent lingers long after you’ve attempted to lick/wash it off. My word of advice, don’t go to the dog park after. It’s creepy, and depending on who’s in the park that day, could potentially land you in the hospital. Or jail. #guardyourprivates

Also, it’s billed as a ‘personal lubricant and massage oil’. Considering I have a hard enough time stomaching the lube idea, the massage oil takes it to a whole other level. Why anyone would want to be slicked down with simulated bacon grease just so they could be massaged into a stinking mess is beyond me. Shit, I might understand if it was actually good, but it’s not. I say again, ‘it’s bacony, but it’s disgusting!”

Being a lover of flavored lubes I have no problem admitting there’s a certain charm to ones that smell like desert, fruits, or other goodness, but there is nothing charming about the smell of cooked meat on someone’s privates. Period.

Rather than assaulting your taste buds with the horrific concoction that is bacon lube, I’d suggest any of the Sliquid flavored lubes, System Jo Tangerine Dream, Raspberry Sorbet, or Chocolate DreamIntimate Organics Macadamia Nut, or Cinnamon Vanilla by Good Clean Love. None of them taste like the crap J&D’s make, and they’re better lubes because of it.

End Rant.

So there you have it, the first edition of my big bin of sex toy fails.

Like what you read? Make sure to sign up for my mailing list below and be the first to know when I add another 4 next month… here’s a few hints as to what they might be; one’s a ‘collectors dildo’ created by a designer, another would be much better as a kids stuffed tooth to prep for dentist visits, one tastes like a medicine I was given when I was 12 and had tonsillitis, the last had me terrified while bathing in murky bathwater. Trust me, you don’t want to miss out!

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Off To Catalyst Con!

ccontravelingAfter a bus cancellation due to a freak winter storm (yay, Canada!) and a flight booked at an almost unreasonable price…  I’m finally on my way. Cue that whiny song from Armageddon. Not the Neil Diamond one. His version was decent.

Where am I going and what’s so worth it, you ask?

I’m headed to a place I’ve dreamed of for the last 2 years. It’s a place where sex positive enthusiasts, educators, mentors, retailers, game changers, and sex minded folks evolve and flourish. At least that’s what I’m hoping for, because I need a little more of it in my life.

I’ve seen all the pictures, read all. the. blog. posts. and *sad pandad* at the fact that I missed out…. but not this time! In a nutshell, I’m headed to Washington, DC to take part in Catalyst Con.

CatalystCon is a conference created to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. It is about reaching out and stimulating those who attend to create those important conversations in their own communities, changing how we as a society talk and treat sexuality.  It is about stimulating the activist that is within all of us and sparking transformation in the way our friends, neighbors, children and even politicians discuss one of the most important aspects of humanity“.

Sound rad? probably because it is.

CatalystCon East '14I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t overwhelmed by the excitement; there’s so many fellow bloggers I’m finally going to meet (I’d list them, but there’s way too many to count), an abundance of learning I’m going to do (especially looking forward to Creating Change In The Sex Toy Industry, The Business Of Blogging About Sex, Why Is The Media Afraid of Sex, and Promiscuity: Virtue or Vice)  a dinner with an epic group of people to be had, and to top it off, I’ll be in the same space with the vast majority of people who have inspired me over the years; Metis Black, Carol Queen, Ducky DooLittle, Tristan Taormino, Jackie Strano, to name a few…  those are all very big deals. Also, I’ll be doing this myself, both in terms of traveling and forking over hard earned cash (prices for traveling from Canada are fucking ridic). Sure, I’ve traveled on my own before, but this is very different.

So friends, I have a little favor to ask… if you see me and want to say hi, PLEASE DO! If I seem a little caught off guard at first, don’t take it personally, it’s only because I’m either awestruck by meeting you or so happy to finally put a name to the face that I look like a surprised lost monkey. How’s about we just pretend you’re meeting the IKEA monkey… but without the fun jacket, and I’m actually happy to be there.

As it stands I’m at the airport, my belongings strewn about like a haphazard child waiting for her turn in the sandbox, and I think it’s finally starting to hit me. I’m going to #CCON! Now let’s just hope I don’t pee myself from all the excitement.

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