Become A Set Toy Reviewer: Part 3 – Writing A Review

writing your blogFor those of you just getting into this series I highly suggest you go back and read the first article “Getting Into the Sex Toy World: Part 1 Building Your Blog“. The article outlined free sites you can use to build your blog, provided examples of online sex toy reviewers that I think are fantastic, included what you will need in regard to categories, and provided some “do’s and don’ts” that I think would be very helpful in developing your blog.

Once you’ve read the first article, and taken the time to build your blog, I suggest you read the next in the series “Getting Into the Sex Toy World: Part 2 – Becoming an Online Affiliate”. The article outlined the steps to take in becoming an online affiliate, provided a list of online sex toy shops you can affiliate to, and offered some tips to help you fill out the necessary forms.

If you start to feel like you’re missing out or losing track don’t worry. There is no way to fall behind. Go at your own pace and remember, this isn’t a race and you don’t have to rush to “keep up”. If it helps, I’ll be linking to previous articles in the series just so you can make sure you didn’t miss anything.

For this weeks article I’m going to cover writing a sex toy review, the next step in getting into the sex toy world.

As with the previous articles I need to stress that in order to write reviews and have affiliate accounts you need to be of legal age before getting started. As long as you are 18/21 (depending on where you live) you should be fine, but it’s always better to be safe then sorry.

Where To Begin

PostItI’ve heard from many people that writing about sex toys seems embarrassing, overwhelming, confusing, and a little discouraging, especially if you don’t have much experience or know where to begin.

The best advice I can give when it comes to writing a review is… stick with what you know.

For instance…

  • If you don’t have a lot of experience with toys, but have tried a handful of different condoms, write about them; the way they felt, if there was any noticeable difference between types or brands, what you liked about them (or didn’t), and why. Sure, many bloggers don’t like covering this subject (they have their own reasons), but I think it’s a valid place to start since it gets you talking about sex, thinking about the way things feel, what you like and don’t, allows you to explore and experience your body in a new way, and gives you the opportunity to write about your findings in a relative way.
  • If you recently watched an adult movie (porn) and it’s fresh in your memory write about it. There is nothing wrong with critiquing a movie, even if it’s porn. For all you know you could become the next Roger Ebert of adult flicks. Not a bad gig if you can get it.
  • If all you’ve ever tried is a massager (one that wasn’t actually designed for sex play) feel free to write about it. It’s surprising how many personal massagers double as some of the best sex toys. That’s how the legendary Hitachi Magic Wand started out.
  • Finally, if you’re really stumped you can always take $20 to your local sex shop and purchase some basic toys to review. Decent products like the Power Bullet, My First Vibe, V-Ring or Butterfly Kiss can often be found for less then $20. If you have money left over you can also usually find products like cock rings or other novelties for under $5 to review. Just make sure that whatever you purchase is body safe and phthalate free.

After you’ve written a few reviews and linked to products through the sites you’ve affiliated to, I’ll show you how to apply as a ‘toy reviewer’. I’d do it now but most companies want examples of your work to go on, which is what this whole series is meant to help you create.

Bare Necessities

No matter what type of item you’re reviewing there are basic key features or benefits that need to be included which will allow the reader a better understanding of the product in question;

*not listed in order of importance, that’s for you to decide.

sextoy material guide

PHOTO: Burke Denning

Material: Many people have allergies to materials like latex, or have issue with the harsh chemicals that can be found in most jelly toys (phthalates, among others). By listing the material you allow the reader to make a decision with their health and well being in mind, while also giving them a better idea of what the toy might “feel” like. If you’re not sure what type of material the product is crafted from (after checking the box or online) I suggest you read the “sex toy materials” page located on the Babeland website.

tantus dildo measurementSize: For some people size does matter, which is why it’s always important to list the size in length, girth, and/or width of a product. Although you may think I’m mentioning size because of the myth that “bigger is better”, you couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s my experience that most buyers want stuff on the ‘smaller’ side. On that note, by listing the size of the product you allow the reader to make a decision based on whether that particular size will bring pleasure or pain. Also, not everyone is comfortable with leaving toys in the open, sharing the size let’s them figure out if it’s something they could easily hide.

Function: The best way to describe the function is to suggest the type of stimulation the product has to offer; is it light/indirect or moderate/direct stimulation? The idea here is about the “power” the toy gives off rather then the actual type of stimulation you use it for.

Intended Use: This is where you want to cover what it’s meant to be used for; is the product designed for nipple play? clitoral stimulation? is it great for helping to find the g-spot? can it be used anally? These are all questions you want to ask yourself when using a toy. Sometimes you’ll find that a product designed for one type of use is actually better for something completely different. If that’s the case, write about it.

Style: Most people assume that a vibrator is a slim, pasty white, elongated shaft with a dial on the bottom that simply vibrates. Little do they know that sex toys now come in 1,000’s of different styles, colors, textures and shapes. By describing the product you’re reviewing you give your reader a better visual picture of what it looks like and if it’s something they might like. It’s also a good idea to include pictures of the product so that your readers can see it for themselves.

jimmyjaneCleaning Instructions: While most reviews I’ve read tend to leave this out I personally think it’s a very necessary issue to cover, especially considering the number of products that can be ruined due to improper cleansing techniques. Aside from that, it’s also good to note cleansing instructions as it helps your readers avoid any possible infections.

Compatible Lubes: This is another area that I find tends to be forgotten or left out of most reviews. You may opt to do the same but I think it’s a good thing to mention in order to avoid causing more damage then good. With so many luxury products on the market it would be a shame if someone ruined their toy by using something that wasn’t compatible.

The Bad: No matter what it is that’s being reviewed, there is almost always something that a person can find that they don’t like. When mentioning the “negative” aspects of a product be honest but always try to be careful of your words and respectful of the company that makes it. You are allowed to offer constructive criticism, and if you have the je ne sais quoi to bash a product without totally offending retailers and companies to the point that they don’t want to work with you, go for it (I think Epiphora does that best).

You don’t have to write your review in this order, nor do you have to include headings or titles if you don’t want to. This list was simply created to give you a good idea of what you consider when writing your review and what you might want to include. Feel free to take out or mention anything you want. It’s your review, not mine.

As for length, it doesn’t have to be long or winded; it just has to speak of your experience honestly, openly and with some sincerity… especially if you are someone that wants to have others read their reviews and trust their judgment on toys.

Be Creative

vingtage typewriter ad

When it comes to the actual review do your best to be creative, and remember, there are no rules or right/wrong way wrong to share your experience. Be honest, responsible, and respectful with your approach, but don’t be afraid to have fun with it.

Tip: You’re fully allowed to use choice words like “cunt”, “pussy”, “cock”, “dick”, “vag”, “coochie”, “va-jay-jay”, “fuck”, “ass”, “shaft”, “shlong” if you want to. Just don’t go overboard or it’ll come across as tacky or unprofessional.

You’re also allowed to talk about your own “personal” experience with the product if you want, for instance; “Last night while I was masturbating I tried using the new xxxx in my wet pussy…” – see where I’m going with this? Again, you don’t have to share in such a graphic manner, but I’ve read some reviews that were explicit and found them to be not only hilarious, but also very informative and fun. Just choose your words carefully.

For those of you that want some inspiration or ideas of how to write a review, I think these might help;

Hey EpiphoraThe Alumina Motion
Pop My Cherry Review Pirates (porn)
Lorax Of SexEpic Menstrual Cup Guide: Cup Comparisons
Kinky WorldMoist Lube Dispenser
Hey EpiphoraThe Rock Box
Dangerous LillyRechargeable Magic Wand
Redhead BedheadSwan Wand

Wrapping It Up

I’m sure most writers would agree that the key with writing the review is to just write it. Don’t let your fear of failure or judgment get the best of you and if you get stumped take a break. You’re allowed that. Remember, this isn’t meant to be stressful. Actually, sex toys are fun, so make your review fun… make it something you would want to read if you were someone else. Allow it to be that place where you let loose and just let go for a minute. It’s your space and your blog. Claim it.

Once you’ve written your first review I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll want to write another, and another, and another. There is something quite thrilling about talking about sex toys… even more so, writing about them.

Remember guys, I was once in your shoes and know just how confusing it can seem. That in mind, with a little help and support I’m sure you can learn how to be successful at doing something that is not only liberating but tonnes of fun as well.

For those of you that already have a blog up and running, next week I’ll be focusing on linking to your affiliate account through the toy review you learned to write in this article. The article will cover the steps for linking to words in your blog which will drive traffic to the sites you’ve affiliated with (hopefully making you money), offer suggestions of more affiliate programs you can sign up for, provide examples of links from others that I personally love, and help you find companies that will provide you with toys to review for free (should you be accepted).

To make it easier I suggest you take this coming week to write a review of something you’ve tried, even if you didn’t like it. That way you’ll have something to learn how to link through when the time comes.

If you have any questions about setting up your blog/becoming an affiliate do your best to find the answers online, if you can’t feel free to send me a message and I’ll do what I can to help.


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