I hate to say it, but I don’t make a habit of offering up household items you can masturbate with. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are a lot of people who have limited options making things they find around the house seem rather appealing, but if someone isn’t sure of what they’re doing there’s a chance they could unintentionally get hurt, or worse, do some serious physical damage.
That in mind, when I took on the responsibility of educating the masses about sex it included keeping them safe. In an attempt to help you avoid doing any harm while still learning about your body, here are some tips that might prove helpful. As an added bonus, I’ve included a list of things I think would be okay for personal use.
Approved Household Items You Can Masturbate With
For those with vulvas/vaginas
Electric Toothbrushs; the handle for insertion, the gentle or soft bristles for clitoral stimulation. Just keep in mind most of the newer versions have detachable brush heads. Not a good idea to insert the brush end as it could fall off while inserted (don’t worry, it can’t get lost forever, but getting it out might prove time consuming and annoying).
Brush Handle, rounded ones work best, try to avoid any with seams as they could cut or scrape you internally. You could also opt for a make up brush handle – usually you can find them in kits offering different sizes to play with (good for a vaginal dilator option). Try snagging something with a rounded base, rather than square or pointed, as it would make insertion easy and far more comfortable. I’d also advise looking for options that have thicker handles as you’d be less likely to accidentally hurt yourself (thinner brushes have more potential for being ‘poked’ or ‘jabbed’ internally). Also, opt for one that doesn’t have any writing on the handle as it could rub off inside you.
Personal Massager for clitoral or vulva stimulation. Very often users don’t know what type of vibrations they like, be it deep and rumbly or fast and buzzy, opting to start with something easy gives you the chance to explore without breaking the bank. That said, when thinking about this type of stimulation I highly suggest going small and cheap to start; a ‘Facial Massage Tool‘ (really, it’s a Pocket Rocket) or a bullet vibe are perfect options. Not only are they discreet and affordable, they provide a high level of vibration for a decent price. If you try them and find them too surface level, maybe it would be worth it to spend more on a Whal Deep Tissue Massager or a Magic Wand (a.k.a. Hitachi Magic Wand, the one that started it all). You can usually find cheap ones at local dollar stores. If you’re struggling to find anything Amazon usually has quite a few options available.
Massaging Shower Head while bathing. Snag one that has a long cord and a variety of settings to offer different types of stimulation. Looking for something a little more fun, you could opt for a light up version. I’m not sure how many have different settings, but it’s worth looking into.
Running water from the bathtub faucet; just lie on your back and let the water run over the vulva and clitoris. Just make sure there won’t be any unexpected temperature fluctuations (burning your bits isn’t fun – TRUST ME ON THIS!). Also, it’s free which is definitely a good thing.
The vibration of a cell phone or gaming controller (external; vulva, clitoris, labia etc). In most cases the vibrations won’t be as strong as a typical vibrator, but if your sensitive (or just learning about your body) they could be enough.
The washing machine while it’s on the “spin” cycle. You can sit on it or press your clitoris up against the corner for stimulation.
Long tapered candles (just make sure to put a condom on it). I’d also suggest opting for something with a higher melting point; soy based products tend to soften quickly, I highly doubt this would make for an enjoyable experience. I’d also suggest staying away from anything scented or containing oils since there is no way to tell if the ingredients could be potentially harmful and the oils will break down a condom.
Fruits and vegetable are another free option; only use vegetables that are ripe (no rotten spots), pliable, and have a smooth surface like a Cucumber, Zucchini, Banana, or Carrot – again, make sure the ends aren’t sharp or pokey, wash them beforehand to remove any pesticides or other harmful chemicals, and use a condom.
If you don’t want to actually use fruits or vegetables but think that it could be a discreet option, there are vibrating corn and cucumbers as well as a product called the ‘emojibater‘ (its the eggplant emoji, because dicks).
Note: don’t stick stuff fruits and veg in your rear, they can get stuck or lost. Yes, I’m serious.
For those with penises
Toilet paper or paper towel roll with a condom inside (just make sure to leave room for growth; although you can cut the roll off should it get stuck, I’m sure you don’t want to deal with paper cuts).
Couch cushions, mattress folds, pillows (put a condom on, sandwich you penis between the objects, and go!).
You can make a pocket pussy out of various objects (simple instructions here, you can find more via Google).
Bubble wrap, considering all the different types available the options are almost endless. It’s also pretty cheap compared to most sex toys.
Large plastic cup filled with pudding, jello, etc. A few things to note, both of these options are rather messy, and if left to dry without cleaning will get sticky. Also, depending on the type of jello you use it could stain fabrics. If you’re prone to yeast infections, opt for sugar free.
Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges add some lube and you’re good to go. Just remember to use the soft non-scratch side of the sponge… otherwise, ouch.
Gloves are an option too, though depending on the type you get there could be some pulling or chaffing. I’d suggest dish gloves or silicone oven mitts, and LOTS of lube (try playing with different textures). On that note, any type of fabric will likely absorb lube so you’ll need plenty. Also, if they’re colored gloves the dye might temporarily stain body parts. Keep that in mind when stroking.
Tips & Suggestions
- First and foremost always make sure that the product you are going to use is clean and in proper working order; i.e. no deep scratches, broken parts, jagged edges, wobbly pieces, has no smell or caked on dirt, missing parts etc.
- Always use a condom to help minimize the transfer of bacteria.
- Try to find products that won’t accidentally pinch, poke, jab, cut, or scrape you.
- For partner play, you can use things like spatulas for spanking (opt for silicone or wood) or firm pillows to help prop you up (great for different positions).
- When using them make to use a compatible lubricant to minimize friction and avoid any possible tearing.
- DO NOT use things like pens, pencils, or markers as they could leak the ink/dye into your vagina. Or worse, stab you with the sharp writing end. Not cool.
- DO NOT use anything made of glass unless it is specifically designed for that type of use. Yes, they can break and that is EXTREMELY dangerous! (don’t believe me, just look up “One Man One Jar” = horrifying.)
- I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m going to anyways – PETS ARE NOT SEX TOYS! Don’t, just don’t.
That’s pretty much all I can suggest for now, hopefully it helped in some way. If you have any questions feel free to get in touch via my contact page, or if you happen to have a suggestion that worked for you, I’d love if you shared in the comment section below.
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