I hate to say it, but I don’t make a habit of offering up household items you can masturbate with. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are a lot of people who have limited options making things they find around the house seem rather appealing, but if someone isn’t sure of what they’re doing there’s a chance they could unintentionally harm themselves, or worse, do some serious physical damage.
That in mind, when I took on the responsibility of educating the masses about sex it included keeping them safe. In an attempt to help you avoid doing any harm while still learning about your body, here are some tips and ideas that might prove helpful, including a list of things I think would be okay for personal use whether you’re playing alone or with a partner.
Approved Household Items You Can Masturbate With
For those with vulvas/vaginas
Fruits and vegetable are a great free option; only use vegetables that are ripe (no rotten, mushy, or soft spots, ), pliable, and have a smooth surface like a Cucumber, Zucchini, Banana, or Carrot – again, make sure the ends aren’t sharp or pokey, wash them beforehand to remove any pesticides or other harmful chemicals, and use a condom.
If you don’t want to use fruits or vegetables but like that they’re discreet, there are vibrating corn and cucumbers as well as a product called the ‘emojibater‘ (its the eggplant emoji) that could be fun to play with. If you want something a little more chill, why not go for a Popsicle dildo. There’s also a bunch of fun food inspired sex toys by Hole Punch Toys; from radish butt plugs to an ‘ass cream cone‘. Of course these aren’t items you’ll find lying around your house, but if you’re looking for totally discreet body safe options, they’re some of the best.
Note: don’t stick stuff fruits and veg in your rear, they don’t have a flared base to stop them from going so deep you can’t get them out… Yes, they can get stuck or lost. Yes, I’m serious.
Long tapered candles can be fun to explore with, especially if you find ones that have differing thickness. I’d also suggest opting for something with a higher melting point; soy based products tend to soften quickly which might make the difficult to insert, use, and remove. I’d also suggest staying away from anything scented or containing oils since there is no way to tell if the ingredients could be potentially harmful and the oils will break down a condom. Finally, definitely use a condom with candles; if it melts it could leave residual wax inside you that will be hard to remove.
Brush handle, rounded ones work best, try to avoid any with seams as they could cut or scrape you internally. You could also opt for a make up brush handle – usually you can find them in kits offering different sizes to play with (good for a vaginal dilator option). Try snagging something with a rounded base, rather than square or pointed, as it would make insertion easy and far more comfortable. I’d also advise looking for options that have thicker handles as you’d be less likely to accidentally hurt yourself (thinner brushes have more potential for being ‘poked’ internally). Also, opt for one that doesn’t have any writing on the handle as it could rub off inside you.
Personal Massager for clitoral or vulva stimulation. Very often users don’t know what type of vibrations they like, be it deep and rumbly or surface level and buzzy, opting to start with something familiar gives you the chance to explore without breaking the bank.
Electric Toothbrushs; the handle for insertion, the gentle or soft bristles for clitoral stimulation. Just keep in mind most of the newer versions have detachable brush heads. Not a good idea to insert the brush end as it could fall off while inserted. Don’t worry, it can’t get lost forever. Getting it out might prove time consuming and annoying though.
That said, when thinking about this type of stimulation I highly suggest going small and cheap to start; a ‘Facial Massage Tool‘ (really, it’s a Pocket Rocket) or a bullet vibe are perfect options. Not only are they discreet and affordable, they provide a high level of vibration for a decent price. If you try them and find them too surface level, maybe it would be worth it to spend more on a Whal Deep Tissue Massager or a Magic Wand (a.k.a. Hitachi Magic Wand, the one that started it all). You can usually find cheap ones at local dollar stores. If you’re struggling to find anything Amazon usually has quite a few options available.
The vibration of a cell phone or gaming controller (external; vulva, clitoris, labia etc). In most cases the vibrations won’t be as strong as a typical vibrator, but if your sensitive (or just learning about your body) they could be enough.
Massaging Shower Head while bathing. Snag one that has a long cord and a variety of settings to offer different types of stimulation. Looking for something a little more fun, you could opt for a light up version.
Running water from the bathtub faucet; just lie on your back and let the water run over the vulva and clitoris. Opt for times where there won’t be any unexpected temperature fluctuations (burning your bits isn’t fun… been there, done that). Also, it’s free which is definitely a good thing.
The washing machine while it’s on the “spin” cycle. You can sit on it or press your clitoris up against the corner for stimulation. It’s not the best in terms of vibration, but it might work for some.
For Those Withe Penises
Fruit & Veggies
Carved out fruit or vegetables are a great way to explore different sensations and textures. Avoid highly acidic fruits like oranges, lemons, and limes, as they could irritate the urethral opening at the tip of the penis. I’d also avoid anything that has seeds as they can sometimes be sharp, leading to painful small scrathes and abrasions; scooping out the seeds first is a good idea. Everything considered, you’d be good to go with any of the following;
- Due to their maneuverability and shape, melons are a top choice; honeydew, cantaloupe, and small watermelons will work once the seeds are scooped out. If you have weak arms or have a had time holding things a melon could be easily placed on a surface (bed, table, counter, couch) while penetrated (if you cut one side flat it’ll sit in place easier and won’t roll).
- A grapefruit can easily be made into a stroker; simply cut the fruit into thick rings, remove the center (you’re basically creating a donut) and slide it up and down your shaft. Side note, if you cut the fruit too thin it will last for a few strokes before falling apart. Also, try to avoid the tip of your penis is the acidity could be irritating.
Couch cushions, mattress folds, and pillows can be easily manipulated to create different types of pressure. Simply put a condom on, sandwich you penis between the objects, and go to it. I’ve heard that this works best if you’re either on your knees (between the mattress and box spring) or lying on your stomach (which adds to the pressure). Make sure that if you go this route you use things that can easily be washed; i.e. don’t use couch cushions where the cover can’t be removed.
You can make a pocket pussy out of various objects (simple instructions here, you can find more via Google).
Playing With Textures
Bubble wrap, considering all the different types available the options are almost endless. You can either cut a long strip and roll it up in a tube shape (so that there are layers) to create a stroker of sorts. If that doens’t work try cutting a section, placing in your hand, and rubbing it up and down your shaft. Just keep in mind that you’ll likely need a good lube to avoid uncomfortable friction or pulling of the skin on your penis.
Large plastic cup filled with pudding, jello, etc. A few things to note, both of these options are rather messy, and if left to dry without cleaning will get sticky. Also, depending on the type of jello you use it could stain fabrics. If you’re prone to yeast infections, opt for sugar free.
Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges add some lube and you’re good to go. Just remember to use the soft non-scratch side of the sponge… otherwise, ouch.
Gloves are an option too, though depending on the type you get there could be some pulling or chaffing. I’d suggest dish gloves or silicone oven mitts, and LOTS of lube (try playing with different textures). On that note, any type of fabric will likely absorb lube so you’ll need plenty. Also, colored gloves might temporarily stain body parts. Keep that in mind when stroking.
Although this section doesn’t specifically cover household items you can masturbate with, it will offer up a whole bunch of ways you and your partner(s) can play with things you find around the house.
For those with limited mobility, back issues, or needing a little extra support, try opting for a large body pillow, firm pillows, a rolled up comforter or sleeping bag. They all work great when it comes to propping you up and exploring different positions. More than that, they’re much cheaper than Liberator Sex Furniture. If you expect to be kneeling all these options will work, as do knee pads designed for gardening and foam kneeling pads (added bonus: depending on the size, the latter are also fun to try and spank with).
Different sensations on erogenous zones can go a long way for heightening arousal and getting the juices flowing; ice cubes, feathers, electrostatic and micro fiber dusters, Wartenberg Pinwheels, fake flowers, and soy candles (they tend to have a lower melting point so there’s less of a chance you’ll get burned) can be fun to explore with.
If you’re into spankings you’re in luck, simple things from around the house are often readily available or easy to find at very affordable prices; from spatulas (opt for silicone or wood) to paddle shaped cutting boards, wooden spoons, to leather belts (never hit anyone with the buckle, if possible see if you can remove it), stationary rulers (again, opt for plastic or wood over metal and make sure the edges aren’t sharp), flip flops and shoes of various sizes (make sure they’re clean), to books of different shapes and sizes (paperback feels different than a hardcover), and of course gloved hands, there are tonnes of options if you think outside the box.
*Make sure your partner is okay with the products being used, and check in regularly during play to ensure it’s still consensual.
Neck ties, belts with double-d rings, skipping rope, and scarves can all be used to restrain your partner. Again, make sure this is something they are okay with and have scissors handy just in case you’re unable to easily release them. On that note, don’t use any special knots or tie them too tightly; rope burn and the inability to untie a partner can be a painful and stressful situation if not properly prepared.
Tips & Suggestions
- Always make sure the product you’re using is clean and in proper working order; i.e. no deep scratches, broken parts, jagged edges, wobbly pieces, has no smell or caked on dirt, missing parts etc.
- DO NOT use things like pens, pencils, or markers as they could leak the ink/dye into your vagina. Or worse, stab you with the sharp writing end.
- DO NOT use anything made of glass unless it is specifically designed for that type of use. Yes, they can break and that is EXTREMELY dangerous! (don’t believe me, just look up “One Man One Jar”, it’s horrifying.)
- DO NOT use anything that accidentally pinch, poke, jab, cut, or scrape you.
- Always use a condom to help minimize the transfer of bacteria.
- Always use a compatible lubricant to minimize friction and avoid any possible tearing.
- I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m going to anyways – PETS ARE NOT SEX TOYS, AND NEITHER IS MEAT FROM THE GROCERY STORE! Don’t, just don’t.
That’s pretty much all I can suggest for now, hopefully it helped in some way. If you have any questions feel free to get in touch via my contact page, or if you happen to have a suggestion that worked for you, I’d love if you shared in the comment section below.
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