WARNING: Before I begin the review I’m just gonna throw it out there that some of you will be totally put off by the fact that I’m reviewing of a sex toy that seemingly mocks religion… if not just Nuns. Truth be told, with the exception of being Baptized Protestant, I’m not in any way shape or form religious. Do I believe in God? Kinda. Do I think there’s a Heaven? Maybe. Do I have respect for those that are religious? Certainly, so long as they’re not jamming their beliefs down my throat or judging me because they think I’m a ‘sinner’. Do I have a shit ton of fun reviewing sex toys, even ones with religious symbolism? Hells yes! Pun intended.
So… if you feel it’s necessary to remove me from whatever social site you’ve added me to, or even want to chastise me for going to such depths, be my guest. It’s a free world and I can’t stop you… besides, the Diving Nun was totally worth the unfriending and potential shit storm! She’s fucking awesome, literally, and I’d do her over and over again any day of the week! Can I get a Hallelu?!
Unlike many other intimate accessories the Diving Nun, made by Divine Interventions, came with absolutely no packaging, instead arriving in a plain unmarked brown box with no defining wording or anything else that might state what it was.
While others may not like this so much I personally find it a great idea, no packaging means no garbage. It also means there’s nothing to worry about someone finding and/or persecuting you for.
So, the awesomeness of the Diving Nun… where do I begin…
First of all the craftsmanship is extraordinary! From the details on her face (my picture’s a little iffy, but in person you can make out the eyes, nose and mouth easily) to the rosary in her hands, the inclusion of a Bandeau and raised Guimpe to the fantastic bumpy waves down the back of the shaft (likening themselves to a ripples in a nuns robe), the Diving Nun really is a work of art. Yes, I really did just say that, and yes, I really did mean it.
Rather than being firm, the shaft is very flexible, allowing it to twist and bend with ease. Likewise, the silicone is soft, supple and squishy with a bit of give, all of which lend themselves well to making the experience not only comfortable, but also highly enjoyable. As far as appearances go, the matte silicone is a dark almost red wine color
clever little so-and-so’s, that’s marbled with lustrous hints of a metallic slate gray.
*On the website you’ll get the options of black or marbled blue, however if you email them they’ll likely customize it to any of the their 6 shades for a small additional fee.
While it is rather large (I’ll get to that in a second) initial insertion is easy, with the waves along the bottom of the shaft providing exceptional vaginal stimulation during insertion or thrusting. As for the curve in the shaft, 3 words come to mind: Amazing. G-spot. Stimulation. I’m not exactly sure how it works, but of the 6 times the product was ‘tested’ for this review it target the area almost instantly every time. No extra effort needed. No searching required. It was like it knew, without even having to try. These design features combined made the Diving Nun one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of reviewing. Seriously. It’s awesomeness in the shape of a dildo-ey Nun.
Let me not forget to add that when standing, the curve makes her look like she’s praying. Genius!
Regarding the stats you’re looking at 7 1/4 inches in length and 1 1/3 inches in diameter, with the curving making the size a little misleading in person since it appears a tad shorter. For me, being that I’m not a size queen, the length was a bit too much. Having said that I totally understand that my body is not yours, and what might be uncomfortable for me may be heaven sent for you (see what I did there? exactly).
The only odd thing about the product is the base. It’s large. Very large. Almost to the point of being obnoxious. Fortunately it serves three redeeming purposes…
1.) It suctions to pretty much any surface. I’m not kidding on this one: after picking up the box from my local postal office and quickly removing it I slammed it against the car windshield (on the inside of course) to see how long it stuck
and potentially freak out my partner, for the entire hour long ride the Diving Nun bounced and bopped without once falling off. Tiled shower walls? just as good (unless you have those little tiles, then it’ll shift a bit). Bath tub? even better. Floors? amazing. Walls? a little iffy, especially if you have texturing or wall paper (it’ll still stick, just not for as long and it might shift a little during use).
2.) Once situated inside the ring, the base works surprisingly well at helping to to stay in place during strap-on play. More than that, the triangle design allows it to fit snug against the body without the continual jabbing or shifting you’ll find with other products. If it wasn’t for the weight one could likely wear it in a harness and totally forget they had anything on, it really is that comfortable.
3.) If you’re tired of products with teeny tiny bases, ones that make holding or manipulating the product a total headache, you’ll love this base. Not only does it add a slight cushioning during thrusting (for those that can take the whole thing), it also acts as a fantastic grip for you or your partner(s), making maneuvering and maintaining control a cinch.
Oh, and you get a “First Holy Communion” napkin to help make clean up a breeze when you’re done sinning. Yes, they went there.
Care and Cleaning
While it is made of quality silicone and therefore wont absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, it even passed the flame test (what’s a “flame test” you ask… check this post on Silicone Flame Testing by Dangerous Lily), it does have many grooves and therefore has lots of places in need of a little extra attention. Cleaning it with antibacterial soap and water will do, as would letting it sit in boiling water for 3 minutes.
*since it’s a bit of a lint collector I’d also suggest laying it on a lint free cloth to dry and then wrapping it up in something that is also lint free.
As always, I’d personally suggest a good water based lube as a silicone one may ruin it over time.
When it comes to things I don’t like about it there are only 3, though I will admit I think they’re all subjective.
1.) I’m not a size queen… and it’s long, 7 1/3 inches long, making complete insertion almost impossible, and when possible, slightly uncomfortable. Having said that, I completely understand that what my body or pleasure threshold can’t do yours potentially can, so this is something that may not apply to everyone.
2.) It attracts lint, not quite as bad as some other silicone products, but it still does. And it annoys the hell out of me.
3.) There’s no other way to say this than… you’re basically cramming a Nuns head up all up in your naughty bits. Some people,
take me for example, will be able to detach from that mental image, others, not so much.
All things considered the Diving Nun is quite possibly one of the most extraordinary adult products I’ve ever seen. Sure, it looks like a nun which will put quite a few people off, but if it didn’t have the facial details and tell tale signs of being a religious figure,
and maybe was a little bit shorter, it would be a product I think damn near anyone would enjoy, especially since all the tell tale signs of a great product are there: it’s made of quality silicone that’s hypo-allergenic, hygienic, phthalate and latex free, odourless and easy to care for, is designed and angled perfectly for g-spot stimulation, has a wide flared base for strap-on play, contains detailing that amazingly targets the entire vaginal canal, and best of all securely suctions to damn near any surface.
For those of you looking for the same level of quality, but not too interested in the religious aspect, I’m going to offer up the Non-Denominational line of sex toys they make… just as great, but without all the fun of being a total blasphemous sinner.
Want to stay up to date with the new reviews? Just sign up for an email update through the form below!