Sometimes I think my sense of judgement is seriously lacking, and all for one simple reason; I seem to have this growing affinity for putting bizarre things in my vagina.
Yes, you read that right. Don’t judge me just yet.
From pompom puff balls to dildos in the shape of a praying Nun, star spangled silicone to vibrating caterpillars, if it looks like something out of the ordinary, while still retaining the level of quality my vagina has grown accustom to, I want to cram it in me.
Just so I can say I did.
Yup, this is my life. It’s nothing if not interesting.
Enter the iScream by Love to Love, a dildo in the shape of a giant neon pink popsicle. Like I said, batshit crazy… and nostalgic to boot!
Unlike pretty much every other sex toy I’ve seen the iScream popsicle dildo comes packaged in a thick white envelope, similar to the kind you’d receive in the mail, only it’s heavier and better quality paper, with a smooth almost slightly laminated feel. The front is emblazoned with a neon pink punch of color and the words ‘iScream’ on the forefront, with frosted icicles dripping from the bottom of each letter and a few black and pink snowflakes sporadically placed to complete the theme. For the most part the entire thing looks a little cheap but cheerful, but it’s discreet so I’m willing to compromise.
The back offers a description of the product in 6 different languages, along with all the typical company info you’d find on other products of the same nature. For the most part there’s nothing tacky or inappropriate about it; the word ‘dildo’ is mentioned only once… but for a sex toy that’s almost not even worth mentioning.
iScream Popsicle Dildo: The Good
I hate to admit it but considering it’s nothing more than an elongated silicone shaft placed on an ABS plastic stick, this neon pink piece of nostalgia is as
boring straight forward as it gets.
Sure, at first glance it’s playful, fun and unique, stirring all kinds of images in ones head, but there really isn’t that much to it; no texturing or curves to heighten sensations, no bulbous head or graduated dimensions for g-spot play, no dual densities or added features to experiment with. There’s literally nothing special about it… which is why it’s so surprising that it’s good.
Like, really good.
Before you think I’m bullshitting you, let me explain:
Considering some of my most recent
challenges experiences, the silky smooth and supple body makes insertion effortless, exceptionally comfortable, and highly pleasurable… and no, it’s not because my vag is stretched out (for the record they don’t actually do that). It’s all about the design; there’s no ‘lip’ to fight against your body during entry, no ripples or bumps to work past, and no curves that require positioning yourself in a certain uncomfortable angle just to get it in. With a minimal amount of lube it inserts almost as if it’s been slathered in butter just for the occasion. I know, that’s quite the mental image. Let’s just say that it’s simple, and in this case, simple is good.
To say it’s accommodating doesn’t really cover it, once inserted the feeling of fullness, without the added sensations or distractions texturing offers, is quite a wonderful change of pace, and rather than being left in a state of sensory overload from everything going on down there, you’re able to flow through the experience, and resulting orgasm, in a state of blissful focus.
Measurements & Materials
Regarding the measurements you’re looking at 5″ in circumference at the tip, gradually increasing to a max 5 1/2″ at the base, and despite it technically being over my ‘comfort level’ of 4 1/2″ inches, the slight progression makes it something I hardly noticed.
The silicone is supple, pliable, and surprisingly flexible, gifting your vagina with a material it can to cling to amid the delicious rhythmic pulsations felt during orgasm. Now, considering most silicone dildos feel somewhat similar, I can’t say it’s a defining feature or reason to buy it over something else, but I will say it certainly feels nice, especially since the top 1/4 of the shaft is hollow and therefore very easy to manage and maneuver. On that note, everything combined aides well during deep penetration, acting as a cushion, with little to no discomfort felt upon connecting with the the cervix.
Measuring 9″ inches in total length, with only 6″ being insertable, it’s not intimidating or overwhelming in any way, in fact quite the contrary; the iScream has continually bestowed a well earned respite from the more lengthy products I decided to conquer in previous months. Although the taming of them is something I’m proud of, it’s nice to be able to enjoy a product on the first go round, with each following experience bringing the same level of release, without also having to ‘warm up’ or methodically prepare before hand. It’s as simple as ‘put it in and go’… yes I did just say that, and yes I did mean it.
Likes & Minor Annoyances
The handle isn’t one of my favorite features for solo use (I’ll admit it’s actually pretty decent, unless your hands are lubed up, then it’s a slippery pain in the ass, but I’ll get to that in the next section). It certainly comes in handy during partner play, awarding an element of control during intercourse that others seem to be lacking. Whether it’s deep and rough thrusting, or smooth and slow penetrative foreplay, you’re able to manipulate movements with little force or effort. Trust me, I know how odd that must sound, it’s a friggin Popsicle stick, but until you’ve tried it (being on either the receiving or giving end), you just won’t understand. It’s little things like this that make a big difference.
If you read my reviews you likely know I’m a fan of anything bright and colorful, especially neon. I have no clue why but if there’s a sex toy made in a neon shade, I have this unrelenting urge to cram it inside me… now make said toy a neon pink popsicle – an almost perfect blending of 80’s nostalgia and badassness – well, my little bitter heart can’t help but go pit-a-pat. If I can’t make it any clearer let’s just put it this way: all the neon are belong to my vagina. So mote it be.
Finally, for those that want to have the experience of stuffing a popsicle inside you without the *prevailing yeast infection a real one would likely create, it retains cold temperatures well offering up a pretty sensational scenario. Of course it’s not the real thing, but it’s as close as your going to get. As an added bonus, it warms to body temperature quickly and holds heat nicely too, so if you want to give someone a real mind fuck, on top of a decent literal one, just heat it in warm water before insertion… assuming most would expect it to be cold, it’ll likely throw them for a loop. #SexPranks for the win.
Aside from all of that the popsicle dildo is discreet, especially since it’s a dildo rather than a vibrator. You could leave this anywhere, and although it’ll draw people like flies on shit, no one will assume it’s what it is. Can we say amazing? I think we can.
*Warning: If you’ve felt the urge to cram a legit popsicle in your lady bits let me give you one really good reason why you shouldn’t; yeast thrives in moist sugary environments, popsicles are made with high doses of sugar, putting sugar in your moist vagina will likely lead to a very bad yeast infection, just don’t do it. Capisce? capisce!
Care & Cleaning
Since it’s made of quality silicone you can wash the popsicle dildo with anti-bacterial soap and water, and just give it a really good rinse. There’s no real grooves or seams for debris or gunk to get stuck so you won’t need to do any heavy duty cleaning.
As with all silicone products you’ll want to use water based lubricants as a silicone lube will likely ruin it with time. If you’re dead set on using a silicone lube I’d suggest doing a patch test on the base of the dildo first. If it turns matte or ‘foggy’ don’t use it. If there’s no reaction you may be fine, even though it’s fairly inexpensive I just wouldn’t chance it.
Regarding any downfalls there were a few…
First and foremost, when your hands are lubed up the plastic handle is fairly hard to control… you’ll probably feel more like a kid learning to use chopsticks for the first time than a masterful pro shoveling Chop Suey as though it’s second nature. Yes, I did just compare maneuvering a sex toy to learning to use chopsticks while eating Asian fair. It’s my blog, I get that luxury.
Because it isn’t actually sealed to the ABS stick there is a probable chance that lube, bodily fluids or water will get inside during use or cleaning. The best suggestions I can give are to stand it up while it’s drying and hope it all escapes, put a condom on it during use to limit any bodily fluids seeping in, and avoid pouring water over the base. Sorry, that’s all I’ve got.
If you enjoy varying sensations or targeted g-spot stimulation this likely won’t be the product for you as the lack of texturing may leave much to be desired. Personally I really loved it, but that’s just me.
Since most of the newer dildos or vibes have a base of sorts (making them safe for ass play), the popsicle is something I’d highly discourage your from stuffing in yer rear. Not only could it easily slip inside and potentially get lodged, but the handle, with its thin and potentially slippery design, wouldn’t offer much help when it comes to removal. Do yourself a favor and just keep it in the front.
Surprise, surprise, it attracts lint. We all know much I hate this so I’ll just leave it at that.
Lastly, there’s a slight amount of drag against the skin so lube definitely will be needed, the good news is that you likely won’t need too much since it’s not that bad.
I’ll be completely honest and admit that it was the design of the popsicle dildo that originally won me over. I mean shit, it’s a giant dildo in the shape of a popsicle. It’s weird, absurd, hilarious and totally amazing – everything a sex toy should be – but done in a way that’s clever, which makes it even more appealing. Yes, cupcakes, rubber ducks, and puff balls are fun, but this thing takes it to another level. I really can’t figure out why someone didn’t think of it sooner. It’s brilliant.
Since I’m being honest, I’ll also admit that I really didn’t have high expectations, assuming it was to be one of the more boring things I’ve crammed inside me. And that’s where I was wrong. This is more that just a gimmicky piece of silicone. Yes, all the typical elements are there, but when it’s put to use all of the glowing benefits and features really come to life. Sure, you could buy yourself a more traditional dildo, but when there’s options like a popsicle dildo it almost seems silly.
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