Archive | December, 2011

Things That Need To Stop

During a slightly drunken tirade brought on by a shit tonne of dirty martinis, anger towards the industry in which I work and the twitter hashtag #thingsthatneedtostop (things that need to stop), I came to find that I was not alone in my frustration, as many of the complaints I had were also felt by others within the sex positive community. So at the request of someone that truly inspires me, I’ve decided to compile my list (and slightly expand on it) in the hopes that it might positively affect a change in some way or another.

So, if you’re someone who ‘works’ within the scene (bloggers, reviewers, manufacturers, retailers, educators etc) and are in support of this, feel free to retweet it and/or add your thoughts. This isn’t just about me, this is about all of us working together to create an environment of understanding, respect, acceptance and professionalism – even if it was born out of the blissful truth alcohol often provides.

For those of you interested, this sort of goes hand in hand with my Open Letter To Manufactures, Retailers and Consumers, read it if you’d like, then make the effort to affect a change.

*the list is in no particular order of importance, I’m copying it from the way the booze permitted it to flow.

Things That Need To Stop

1.) Social Media/Video sites disallowing Sexual Education & assuming it’s all shameful info.

Maybe it’s just my experience but it seems that anytime a sharing site views the tag ‘sex’ moderators instantly think it’s referring to a hardcore gonzo movie filled with gaping holes, full frontal nudity, creamy facials, spread eagle dudes taking it rough doggie styles and rim jobs.  Not that there is anything shameful about watching porn or getting off to it, quite the contrary. It’s just that it’s the only thing I can see being removed or considered ‘inappropriate’ in this instance. And while I understand the need to be diligent when deleting content that could potentially harm a websites online social standing (read “stock holders interests”), I just can’t get my head around how a positive view toward sexuality, engaging viewers to think consciously about their sexual practices and encouraging ownership of ones own sexual exploration is even close to the scene I previously mentioned. Sex is not porn. Sex is not bad. Sex is just sex. Get the fuck over it and let those who seek to educate do our job.

*Fortunately twitter hasn’t fallen prey to those who feel that sex positive content needs to be censored like Facebook, YouTube and even Craigslist. I’ve got my fingers crossed that it stays that way, but as more corporate advertisers get involved I wouldn’t bet on it.

2.) Shitty companies that make garbage products being the ‘mainstream”. “Our Jelly Toys Are The Best!”

If there is one thing that seriously pisses me off when it comes to ‘mainstream’ manufacturers it’s the fact that the vast majority of them are the ones creating harmful and cheap products that do nothing more than leach chemicals and fall apart after a few uses. Excuse me for saying so, but it’s high time companies that produce quality products like Tantus, Sliquid, Crystal Delights, Vixen Creations, Fun Factory, Lelo, Standard Innovations (We-Vibe) and Njoy (to name a bunch) became the industry standard by which everything else was measured. Of course part of the problem here is educating the customer to know crap from quality, something that becomes increasingly difficult as more sites are choosing to censor sex positive educators

3.) Expecting fantastic reviewers to NOT get paid for their work. At the end of the day IT’S WORK! Not fun. Well okay it *is* fun…but a shit tonne of free dildos & lube don’t pay the rent. Ya heard! 

If I had a dollar for every time someone wrote and asked me to review something, offering a “free” product as payment, I’d have a lot more money to put toward my consumption of booze and time to rage on twitter.  Unfortunately you can’t buy drinks with dildos, sure you can stir them but with many being rather girthy it gets kind of messy and wastes alcohol. And we all know wasting alcohol is just stupid.

All jokes aside, at the end of the day it’s reviewers that take countless hours out of their day to write the review, spread it through social media outlets (where your company had no pull), answer questions about your product to help generate sales, directed sales to your site, offered search engine optimization that built up your online rankings and given you direct access to a target market that would have otherwise been inaccessible – with all of it done UNPAID, except for that “free” dildo of course.  Maybe it’s just me but that just doesn’t seem fair. Nor does it make the dildo something that was “free”.

So here it is and I’ll say it again: people need to get paid for their work.

Whether it’s paying for the actual content, offering up an affiliate program (where they can make a commission), or creating some form of a reward system so they can save money on other products. The actual way of making it worth our while doesn’t really matter to me, it’s getting people rewarded for their work that does.

4.) Trying to buy reviewers opinions. Product features are just that. Reviews are HONEST experiences & reactions.

While this may seem like common sense I feel the need to explain something just so there are no more misunderstandings:

Review [ri-vyoo] noun: a critical evaluation, a formal assessment or examination of something, a general survey, a report or account of something. – simply put, reviews are opinions based on the personal experience(s) had by the reviewer. They include the good, all the little things that make the product/experience what it was, and should include the bad (if there was anything bad), offering consumers the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding their future purchase(s).

Product Placement/Feature: If you want someone to write glowing words about your product without actually having tried it, therefore providing little detail toward the actual experience, you want a product placement/feature.  Actually, what you’re asking is for someone to write a bunch of bullshit about your product.  My advice, don’t expect much, don’t try to control their work and yes, be sure to pay them, well; if they’re going to sell out you might as well make it worth their while.

*for the record, while I do get paid for my work none of my opinions have ever been bought, nor do I offer any editorial control to those that provide products for me to review.

5.) Lying to customers about the quality of products or saying something is what it’s not. TPR is NOT silicone. 

Simply put, don’t stuff a jelly vibe in my Vag and tell me it’s silicone. My vagina is classy and only likes the best of the best, anything else and I get unruly, miserable and volatile.  And yes, I do know the difference. It’s my own fault really, I’m spoiled. I can’t help it, my vagina deserves it!  Don’t make me punish you because I unknowingly punished myself. You lie, you get cut. That’s just how it works. 

 6.) Thinking every reviewer/sex educator/porn star wants to see a picture of your dick. WE DONT! Get over yourself!

If I had a dollar for every time this happened I’d get a least a months worth of rent covered.  Maybe two. For those that do it because they’re genuinely concerned about their Johnson, here’s something you may not have thought of yet – go see a doctor! I’m not a medical professional that can treat or diagnose you, neither are the majority of porn stars or reviewers. If we wanted to see a dick we’d watch a porn, then probably whack off and write a review. It’s that simple.

7.) Spamming reviewers w/ mass emails if they don’t respond to the 1st you send. We likely read it, then deleted it.

Okay, I know how bitchy that really sounded, and I totally admit that I very often get a backlog of messages making staying up to date rather difficult, but the truth is – if you’ve sent a message more than twice and haven’t gotten a response, it’s likely because the person a.) didn’t like the website b.) didn’t like the products you were offering 3.) thought you came off as a total conceited dickhead d.) already knows about your company and doesn’t want anything to do with it or e.) all of the above. Sending another 5 emails won’t change our minds. If anything it’ll just piss us off and make us block/delete you. Be nice and carry good stock, that’s all we’re asking for.

8.) Being impatient w/ reviews. Unless you do it you have no idea how hard it is to write a review…especially when it’s on a near daily basis, for things that are exceptionally similar or hard to put into words. Reviewers block happens.

I’ll be totally and completely honest here: I literally have a bin of products in a back log just waiting to be reviewed, most of which are in various forms of 2nd and 3rd drafts (I usually ‘test’ products 6 times, adding or changing things to the review as the experiences allow). Having said that, writing every day can be exhausting and often leads to a serious case of reviewers block/sex toy burn out. And while we may be very professional at what we do, we only have so many holes and so many hours in the day. Be patient, it’ll get done, and when it does it’ll probably be far better than you’d expect.

9.) Not giving reviewers the credit they deserve. Without them who would vouch for your product or help *sell* it?

There are some companies that are amazing when it comes to helping reviewers get off the ground, gain experience and treat them with the respect and understanding they deserve. On the flip side there are those that don’t seem to give two shits about the very person who is helping to expose the brand to an online market they would otherwise be unable to reach. Whether companies like it or not the sex toy reviewing army is the bridge to your target market, play nice with them and they’ll promote you in ways you probably didn’t know existed. Be shitty and you’ll forever regret it. Trust me on this one.

10.) Ripping off other companies ideas & trying to make a profit. Let the independent creators be for crying out loud!

I’ve seen it time and time again; little guy comes on the scene with a line of products that are truly inspiring (Njoy, Jollies, O’My to name a few), they start to sell and little guy begins to get some acknowledgment, big guy comes along and sees little guys product, thinks to himself “I can make that, and with my huge manufacturing plant I can do it at a fraction of the cost”, big guy steals little guys design (because he either didn’t know to patent it or couldn’t afford to), big guy markets it as his own, little guy tries to fight it but can’t afford to go up against big guy since finances are limited, big guy offers the products at a lower prices to a wider range of retailers and takes a large portion of the little guys market, little guy can’t afford to keep creating and shuts down shop. It’s sad. It’s unfair. It’s bullshit. It needs to stop.

This doesn’t just go for sex toys, this goes for the way the whole friggin world works. If you see something you like, buy it from the original person that made it. That’s the only way to stop this shit from happening. Even better, boycott the big guys that steal from the little guy and make sure everyone knows why you’re boycotting. Awareness, like knowledge, is power. Use it.

11.) Thinking ALL sex toy companies are the same. They’re not! Usually separated by motive. #passion vs #greed

While the vast majority of manufacturers/retailers within the adult market are only in it to make a buck off your lack of product knowledge, there are quite a few that pride themselves on not only being eco-friendly but also wanting to offer the very best of the very best to their customers. Yes, they want to make money – if they didn’t how could they operate – but they’re not willing to place personal pocket change over user safety.

*The below lists might help when it comes to finding a company to support and buy from (I’ve provided two links  1.) The Manufacturers website  2.) Either the Manufacturers website via my affiliate link, or a site that carries the items via my affiliate link  –  if you buy through the affiliated links I get the credit – thanks for helpin a sista out!)

Manufacturers I’m fans of : Tantus (affiliated link), Vixen Creations (affiliated link), Happy Valley (affiliated link), Njoy (affiliated link), Bad Dragon, Lelo (affiliated link), LEAF (affiliated link), OhMiBod, Fleshlight, Fun Factory (affiliated link), Crystal ID, Jimmy Jane, Je Joue (affiliated link), Sliquid (affiliated link), System Jo (affiliated link), We-Vibe (affiliate link), Intimate Organics (affiliated link), Trust Intimacy Oil (there’s many more, I just didn’t want to overwhelm you too soon).

Retailers I’m fans of : SheVibe, Babeland, Eden Fantasys, My Tickle Spot, PinkCherry

12.) Thinking Sexual Education = Educators saying “go out & get laid everyday!!”. It’s about making informed decisions and helping people become empowered.

I’d go into further detail with this one but its pretty self explanatory.  All we’re trying to do is help others make responsible decisions and participate in activities knowing the full scope of possible consequences.

13.) Thinking that sexuality, sex, etc is shameful, disgusting, embarrassing & crude. Sex happens. We all do it.

Again I’m not going into detail. You get it. You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t.

14.) Trying to persuade reviewers that your new thing is THE new thing & we MUST have it to review! #beentheredonethat

Sorry to all the inventors, creators and dreamers who were offended by this one. I really didn’t mean for it to sound so shitty, but the truth is, while we appreciate your enthusiasm and passion we don’t need you to ‘sell’ us on the idea. We get it. And like the drunk person at the bar who keeps trying to convince us to go home with them because they’ll be “the best we ever had” (or some similar load of horse crap), your passion can be misconstrued and put us off of an otherwise amazing concept or idea. Basically put, it’s not about the product, it’s about the approach. If you’re real with us we’ll more than likely happily take the product for review, be persuasive/persistent and we’ll likely be annoyed and remain unimpressed.

15.) Not offering reviewers a way to make a living doing something they love. #hardwork should be #rewarded

This goes hand in hand with #3, #4 and #9. We work our asses off (sometimes literally) to offer something you can’t; an honest review of the product that covers everything a person would want to know before they buy. And although most of us work from home, it doesn’t mean we’re not slaving away over word choices, grammar or linking strategies to help build up your company. If you get paid to do what you do, so should we. Period.

*I’m re-posting from #3 just to make sure I get my point across:  Whether it’s paying for the actual content, offering up an affiliate program (where they can make a commission), or creating some form of a reward system so they can save money on other products. The actual way of making it worth our while doesn’t really matter to me, it’s getting people rewarded for their work that does.

16.) Asking for previews of reviews so that you can make changes if you don’t like the way it’s written. Previews are fine if it’s so that you can quote, link to or help promote, but to *change* content – you should have just done it yourself.

I don’t know about anyone else but I do not grant editorial control over my work to anyone for any reason, and when I’m courted by a company I make to let them know I’ll be writing an honest review of my experience. If they don’t like it they can go elsewhere. That’s not what I’m about.

17.) Not supporting your favourite reviewers. If you like what they do, buy through their links. It helps. Trust me!

This one is for the folks that read the reviews and watch the videos; if you like the work a reviewers done and are going to buy the products mentioned make sure to do so through their links.  Not only does it show the company that they’ve drawn traffic to the website (which makes the company want to continue working with them), it also provides a small portion of pocket change to keep doing something they love.

*for those that think reviewers are raking in the dough… nothing could be further from the truth. The amount most reviewers make is minimal. Maybe it’ll pay for groceries for the week. Maybe it’ll cover the internet and phone bills. Maybe it’ll help cover some of the rent. Just know that what many reviewers make is just enough to help and doesn’t support them 100%.

18.) Thinking that all reviewers are sex crazed whores that just want to f*ck all day. Some are/do, most don’t/aren’t.

Sorry, I have to correct myself on this one. We’re all sluts. The whole lot of us. There’s no one that could ever satisfy our greedy lust for smooth and supple silicone and the way it fills us. No man could ever please us. No woman could be enough. It’s why we bang various colored dildos and vibes every chance we get.  A raging hard-on just ain’t good enough for our spoiled holes anymore. So sorry to have to let you know this way, I just think it’s time I came clean for everyone’s sake <- sarcasm. *head desk* *head desk* *head desk*

*you have no idea how badly I want to fly into a rant about how liberating it is to take ownership of ones own sexuality and how wonderful it feels to know yourself more intimately than anyone else ever could… but I’ll save that for another post.

19.) Thinking that all reviewers are doing it for a “money grab” – most of us only review quality goods that are well made, created by companies we trust & help us educate in some way or another. We do it because we love it.#loveyourjoborquit

While I can’t speak for anyone else I can personally say that the main goal (for reviewing) has always been to expose my audience to a wide range of products that are easy to use, quality, crafted out of body safe materials and worthy of owning. If a product is poorly made, crafted out of materials that are sub-par, or breaks down after a few uses – 9 times out of 10 I won’t bother to review it. It’s just not worth my time (which could be spent exploring and experiencing products I do love), and definitely not worth yours (or your money).  Having said that, the reviews will be honest and offer info on the things I didn’t like about the product, I’m just not going to accept a product I know I’ll hate just so I can write a horrible review… if I had expectations that I’d like it and ended up not, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll let you know.

20.) Using horribly sexist/crude/violent/misogynistic descriptions for products. It doesn’t help anyone.

I covered this in my Open Letter To Manufactures, Retailers and Consumers, I’m not going to go off again here. I just may brain hemorrhage from rage if I do.

21.) Thinking a reviewer has nothing to offer because they are ‘new’. We’ve all been there.  Cut some slack & give some support. They deserve a chance.

At some point in time we’ve all been the new kid on the block. We’ve questioned what we had to offer and felt insecure jumping on board with all the amazing reviewers already on the scene. We’ve contacted companies and asked for products only to be met with rejection. We’ve taken what we could get, either because we didn’t know better or because we felt desperate. We’ve watched as others grew up through the ranks and felt stifled as we sat at the bottom waiting for our chance. My point, give the new reviewers a shot and help guide them when possible. This is a community, not a competition.

22.) Thinking that when your partner uses a product during sex it means you’re not good enough. #itsnotyouitsme 

Rather than being a selfish, shitty and egotistical person who thinks that they are the end all be all in bed, realize that a product may be able to do something you can’t and that maybe you’re partner needs that kind of stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm. It doesn’t mean your not good at what you do. It doesn’t mean they don’t’ like you. And it certainly doesn’t mean your not “good enough”. It just means that they need a little help getting from A to O and whatever they’ve got on hand will likely offer what they need.

*for the record, over 70% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm and considering that traditional penetration does nothing for the clitoris it’s pretty understandable that a female would want to add something external to the experience.

23.) Creating ‘competition’ between reviewers. Most of us are in it for the same reason – to do something we love, have fun doing it, make an impact in some way or another & explore our sexuality. We should be helping each other grow, not limiting

I understand that many reviewers see their ‘jobs’ as a competition for a persons dollar, but for me it’s bigger than that. My job has been, and always will be, to educate about sex, inform readers/viewers about the options available, encourage exploration of ones sexual self and support those within the community that I think have something positive to offer. Does this mean that my viewers/readers may very well buy something from their link instead of mine? Certainly…and I’m okay with it.  Sure, I’d prefer to be the one profiting, but I get it.

At the end of the day all that matters is that my readers/viewers have been exposed to another person who treats sex like it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and in the meantime also possibly found a product that will liberate them in some way. This is bigger than me. This is bigger than getting a cheque in the mail for a commission. This is about freeing people from the guilt ridden chains that bind and creating a society of people who are sexually aware and confident.

So that’s pretty much it. I’m done bitching for the night.

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Review: Exposed – Double Keyhole Dress & G-String

Double Keyhole Vinyl Dress For as much as I love playing dress up there is a reason I don’t do many reviews of lingerie and/or costumes: it’s way too damn hard for me to find stuff that I look great in, let alone fit into comfortably. And while I’m not about to divulge my bra size, I will say that because I’m top heavy it’s especially hard to find lingerie that’s supportive, on top of fitting comfortably and looking great. The evil trifecta that is my lingerie hunt, oh how I dispise you.

Having said that, the Exposed Double Keyhole Dress (sent my way by the amazing folks at SheVibe) is actually pretty decent… it just sadly didn’t offer the support I hoped for. But being that there’s no under wire, just a thin string to hold it up, I don’t know why I hoped for it anyways. My bad.


The wet look dress and g-string are contained in a pink and black box that’s pretty basic. The front features a photo of the dress, while the back shows the back of 5 different outfits, one of them being the current version I’m reviewing.  There’s nothing on the packaging that’s rude or tacky, though it’s lingerie so I wouldn’t expect that anyways (box is pictured left in the bottom right hand corner). Other than that there really isn’t much to say; it’s a box with a sassy lil tart wearing the outfit… who’s boobs I’m very jealous of!

The Good

Regardless of the fact that it didn’t offer the support I wanted (boob wise) there were quite a few redeeming qualities the dress had to offer; the quality was far better than I expected (I’ve worn it and washed it twice, yet none of the stitching has come undone), it felt nice against my skin (rather than being rough or itchy) and looked better than I thought it would. On that note, unlike a PVC wet look material the Polyester/Spandex mix provides a shine that’s free of potential finger marks should anyone touch it. Having said that it’s not a glossy kind of shine, instead offering a silverish sheen that reflects when the light hits it.

As for sizing, the chart is surprisingly reliable – to accommodate for my top heaviness I got the L/XL (sizes 12 – 18) and found that it stretched very well, hugging every other curve perfectly (my tits on the other hand just kind of sat there). Because the only support offered is the string that ties around the neck I found that it pulled and shifted up the back of my neck as I moved (due to the weight of my boobs), leading me to constantly have to adjust it back into place. Although it was slightly annoying it’s something that I’m rather accustomed to so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Fortunately the front pieces stayed put and didn’t shift, something I have often found with other lingerie of the same design – I think it’s due to the fact that the back has a wide clasp closure rather than a drawstring or one that ties up (which tends to loosen the more the wearer moves around).

Unfortunately the g-string was a little too tight for me to comfortably wear and kept digging into my hips, rubbing painfully into them as I moved (I’m phat, what can I say). I also didn’t like having the string up my ass, but that’s just me (I never wear g-strings). Again it’s decent quality and hasn’t fallen apart yet, something I didn’t expect.

The only real difference I noticed regarding the way it fit (when compared to the image on the box) was the middle string like connector: in the picture it looks like it’s somewhat wide but even with the stretch it offered it was nowhere as wide as portrayed, I think it was the only real thing that kept my boobs in check.

As for care and cleaning I’ve hand washed it in cold water and laid it flat to dry, whereas my partner accidentally put it in the washing machine on warm… aside from having the string get tangled in a bunch of socks it held it’s own. The shape hasn’t changed at all and the material still feels like when I got it. Like I said, it’s surprisingly decent quality (especially for the price).

The Bad

The only real complaint I have is regarding the support, but that’s an issue with me, my body, and how I want things to look, rather than being an actual issue with the product.

Final Verdict

If you’re a D or below in the breast department, have perky boobs whether they’re big or small (yes I did just say that), have fake tits that don’t need support, or don’t really give a shit if they hang naturally… you’ll probably really like the dress. Having said that, it’s comfortable, easy to care for, feels nice against the skin and holds all the wobbly bits in like a compact little unit. I just have unrealistic expectations for how I want things to look and felt a little disappointed once it was on (fortunately my partner is great for my ego and loved the way it fit).

Even if the wet look double keyhole dress isn’t your thing, SheVibe has a tonne of affordable lingerie, sexy costumes, flirty wigs and fun shoes to choose from, in my next life I’m coming back as someone that can wear these. Just sayin.

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Review: Life by Leaf Vibrator

When I first saw the Leaf collection of intimate accessories I was blown away. Now whether it was due to the lush and luxurious graphics, a rarely used refreshing shade of bright green, unique shapes that seemed rather ergonomic or the discreet packaging, I really can’t say. All I know is I was exceptionally impressed, something that doesn’t happen too often when you’ve pretty much seen and tried it all.

Fortunately being Canadian, and living within traveling distance from the head office, I was able to meet with the creative team behind the collection and see some of the designs before they were finalized. Now having the finished versions in my hands I can honestly say they’ve truly raised the bar and exceeded all my expectations. Having said that, even though I’ve had the absolute pleasure of working with the company I promise to be honest with my reviews.

For today’s review I’ll be covering Life, with reviews of the others to follow in the coming weeks.


The first thing that impressed me with the collection was the packaging; each item comes in a sturdy and well made light brown box that’s discreet, professional, respectful and very much resembling something one would find on the shelves of a boutique department store, spa, or health and wellness center.

There’s nothing within the description to hint that it’s a sexual wellness product, not even the word ‘vibe’ or ‘vibrator’ can be found. The front of the box features the Leaf logo in a faint white ink, the name of the product, website and some benefits and features. One side sports the magnetic flip closure with the Leaf logo, product name and an image of the included version, while the other side offers a full list of benefits and features in 6 different languages.  Basic info can be found on the back, along with graphic images that highlight the many features offered by the collection.  Maintaining an air of simplicity, only a bright green leaf can be found on the top, with the bottom displaying the Leaf logo along with a scannable code that’s compatible with the Scanlife app for various mobile devices (very forward thinking of them!).

*Included w/ purchase: a user manual placed inside a dark chocolate brown cardboard cover, a light tan canvas tote, the specific product purchased and the charging jack.

The Good

When it comes to the benefits and features found with Life there’s quite a few to take note of. I figured I’d point form them all out since they encompass the entire line, that way when you’re reading the future reviews you can just skip this part and jump to the actual product being reviewed.

  • Along with being phthalate and latex free, the matte silicone finish is soft and supple, granting a surface area that doesn’t really attract any lint (one of my major pet peeves when it comes to silicone sex toys).  Because they’re silicone they’re also non-porous and don’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, making clean up quick and easy (they even passed the flame test).
  • The virtually seamless exterior provides a surface that’s fully usable (rather than just a shaft at the end of a bulky handle), offering a wide variety of options when it comes to exploring your body or the toy.
  • For those that hate products requiring batteries, each Leaf vibe uses a rechargeable Lithium-Polymer battery making the entire collection eco-friendly, long lasting and ready when you are.
  • Like many other high end luxury manufacturers, Leaf offers a 1-year limited warranty against defects in materials and workmanship from the original date of purchase (*hold on to your receipts). In my experience companies will only offer this when they truly stand behind their product and value their customers.
  • Last but definitely not least, each Leaf vibe uses PowerBullet™ technology to provide an extremely powerful vibration that can be felt through the entire body of the product. I’ll be honest, I was rather surprised with the strength, especially when compared to other hand held clitoral stimulators of the same nature.

life by leafLife

Looking like a cross between an elf shoe, leaf, flower petal and leprechaun tongue, Life is by far one of my favourites in the collection, with Spirit and Fresh coming a close second and third. While the features listed above are reason enough for me to love it, there are many more that sealed the verdict;  the compact design fits very comfortably in my hand and allows for an ease of control that’s hard to match, there’s no annoying exposed buttons or seams for me to worry about cleaning, it’s exceptionally smooth to the touch feeling almost buttery (unlike many other silicone sex toys), I can find the highest speed in an instant, it’s body safe, hasn’t yet died while getting me from A to O and most importantly – I can leave it out in the open without the fear of someone finding it and thinking I’m a total perv (while my friends know what I do – and don’t give a rats ass – there have been times when my husbands friends and family have shown up only to find a litter of non discreet sex toys sprawled around the house. Oops. My bad).

Truth be told, it was the unique ergonomic shape that really won me over as it presented new ways for me to fiddle and diddle; the tapered end was great for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, while the flatter end provided a larger surface area for stimulation, the bulbous groove located in the middle was great to grind and press against, while flipping it sideways allowed it to fit my vulva comfortably (dare I say almost perfectly? Yes, I dare). Of course the design isn’t limited by gender, whether male or female, used for solo play or with a partner, the unique curves would likely fit the contours of any body exceptionally well (just keep in mind it’s not something you’d want to use anally since there’s no flared base).

And let’s not forget the color, it’s green! Not the standard black, white, purple, blue, or pink hues (which I’m admittedly getting sick of), it’s a bright, bold green that’s fresh and exciting. Yes, there definitely needs to be more of this please.

As for the controls, there’s only one button to worry about which makes it exceptionally easy to use. Having said that, there is a learning curve for those accustomed to continual button pressing when it comes to increasing speeds or jumping through vibration modes – once on, pressing the button will cause it to instantly shut off. Instead Life uses what the company calls “Press and Hold” technology; simply press the button and hold until you reach the desired strength, then let go and it will continue at that speed until you a.) press and hold it again (which will speed it up), or b.) press it once (which will shut it off). It’s simple. It’s straight forward. It’s time saving. Brilliant!

Rather than being a high-revving buzzy vibe that can only be felt on the surface, Life generates a low-pitched rumbly vibration that’s deep, penetrating and highly pleasurable. Having said that, the diagram in the manual shows the motor sitting closer to the end of the body, yet I found it could be felt through the entire length of the 4.1″ inches offered. Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s the solid design, either way it’s badass and I like it!

*for as surprisingly powerful as it is it’s also damn near whisper quiet. Sure, it makes noise, but considering it is a vibrator it’s to be expected.

Thanks to a self sealing charging port Life is fully waterproof and allow for safe usage in the bath, shower or any other watery place you’d like to play (I left mine in the sink for around an hour and it was still going when I came back). Regarding the charging, simply insert the jack into the tiny hole located on the underside and leave it be. As it’s charging a little red LED light will glow beneath the surface, only turning off once it’s fully charged. Because of the type of battery used there’s no memory so you can charge it at any time, rather than having to wait for it to be exhausted before charging (for a single charge you’ll get between  1 1/2 to over 2 hours worth of play time depending on the speed).

lifebasg-500x500Care and Cleaning

Because it’s a silicone toy I wouldn’t suggest using a silicone lube as it would likely ruin the product over time, instead opt for a good water based lube and all should be fine. On that note, while the silicone is very smooth there is a slight bit of drag on the skin so you will likely need to add lubricant.

When it comes to cleaning simply wash it with mild soap and water or spray it down with your favourite toy cleaner. Regardless of what you use remember that the silicone is non-porous so it doesn’t need the same heavy duty cleaning a TPE or TPR product would require.

The Bad

For as much as I wanted to find something to dislike there was nothing big enough to bitch about; sure the matte silicone can cause a little bit of drag on the skin (use lube, problem solved), there’s no vibration modes (I don’t personally like them anyways), and it turns off when you press the button (great for when you need to turn it off in a hurry), but considering there’s so much going for it I really don’t find those issues worthy of a rant.

Final Verdict

After having spent the last 5 years dedicating myself to finding the perfect external vibe (for my body) I think I may have found a new addition to add to my list of faves; it’s just as comfortable as the We-Vibe Touch (if not slightly more so), doesn’t have the same bizarre buzzy defect as the Form 2, offers the same discretion found with the Voila yet is far more comfortable to hold, doesn’t require batteries like the Pocket Rocket (and is much more powerful), isn’t heavy or bulky like the Hitachi Magic Wand and has silicone covered buttons to offer a fully usable surface unlike the Lelo Lily. Of course each of those other products will retain a place within my top 10 list, but Life fills all the little voids, while also offering a whole new range of benefits and features.

If you’re looking for an exceptionally well designed line of products, that are as eco-friendly as they are unique, reliable and powerful, you definitely need to check out the entire Leaf collection. Even if Life doesn’t interest you I’m sure there’s one within the group that will.

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