Question
Hi KaraSutra
I have a topic for one of your videos, which I watch all the time by the way. Keep it up you do a great job teaching us guys things.
Ok to the story (this is something that happens but no one talks about)… I met a nice girl and we have been going out for about three months now. She told me she was a virgin back in month one, which took a load of my mind because I’m one to. However recently she let me finger her and there was: no pain, no obstruction, no blood (this was without taking her skirt off) The other problem is she wont let me look down there. . . Literally she wont let me see her.
Now keep in mind I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m not dumb and I don’t like this game.
When I asked about it she told me “oh I took care of that with a tampon when I was 13” I said okay because at the time being a virgin myself I thought … okay maybe.
However with more time to think, the not bleeding part doesn’t bother me . . . but lying to me does
She’s basically made me feel like shit. Worthless. That I’m not worth the truth.
Even though I like her want to spend time with her she’s not instilling trust.
(frankly it scares me – what else could she lie to me about)’
I think this happens to a lot of guys and gals out there and these days sex is hard enough! So now I’m stuck wondering, is she really a virgin?
I suggest you make a topic of one of your videos Truth and Honesty.
Thanks for your time.
Answer
Hey,
First off thanks for watching my videos and supporting what I do!!
As for the issue your dealing with… unless you know for a fact 100% that she lied to you about her virginity you shouldn’t assume that she did. Just because she didn’t bleed, there was no pain or obstruction, or because she wont let you look at her “down there”, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t a virgin.
Also please keep in mind that the hymen has nothing to do with a persons actual ‘virginity’ anyways.
In my “all about the hymen” video I clearly state (I suggest you watch it) that a person may have torn their hymen in many ways before they ever had sex; from using a tampon (which she stated), riding a bike or a horse, gymnastics, exercising etc. Any form of strenuous activity can tear a hymen at any age, so please don’t take the fact that she didn’t bleed to mean she wasn’t a virgin.
As for there being “no pain”, she may have been really enjoying herself and therefor was very aroused and lubricated causing it not to hurt. Don’t forget every woman’s body is different and the experience of enjoying ones own sexuality or sexual activity can vary from person to person.
In regard to her not letting you see “down there”, it most likely has nothing to do with her not being a virgin (especially considering you can’t tell if a girl is a virgin just from looking at her vagina), instead, she’s probably uncomfortable with her body especially her vagina, and is most likely very embarrassed.
Don’t forget, if she’s a virgin no one has ever seen it before, she has probably never really looked at it herself and may still have some kind of shame or shyness to showing something so personal to someone else. Even you. You have a dick that extends from your body, you probably look at it everyday without thinking twice, so showing it to someone else probably feels like second nature. Unfortunately her relationship with her genitals likely isn’t the same; in order for her to see it she’d have to use a mirror, sit uncomfortably, have enough light to see everything, and be comfortable enough with herself to spread her lips and look around. For a lot of females, that’s something they’re just not comfortable with. She has every right to feel however she does about her body, after all it is hers.
Just to maybe put things in perspective for you, I receive at least 10+ emails a day from women, virgins and non virgins alike, that all tell me they aren’t comfortable with their body, especially their vagina. Some feel the that inner lips (labia minora) are too long, some feel they are too small, others think that the outer lips (labia majora) are too “puffy” or too thin, some think the vagina itself looks ugly, others feel it’s to light, dark, pink, white, black in color, some think it looks weird, and some just hate it all together.
You’re girlfriend isn’t alone in how she feels, if that is how she feels, and in time with trust and self confidence she will most likely come to feel she can show you something that is very personal to her.
In regard to the “trust and honesty” comment, you can always start by opening the doors of communication yourself and actually ask her why she wont show you, rather then blaming her, accusing her, or making her out to be the bad guy trying to pull one over on you.
If after talking to her she tells you she wasn’t a virgin, and did in fact lie to you, well then you have every right to feel duped. But until then, don’t jump to any conclusions and instead try to see it from another perspective… that of a female who may not be comfortable with her body yet, but was still willing to allow you do be intimate with her, something that after all does require trust.
Hope that helped
Kara_Sutra
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