To watch the video you must log into YouTube
Question:
I recently starting “talking dirty” with my boyfriend of 3 months because he kept asking me to. At first I thought it was fun and it even turned me on, I liked doing it, but now he’s saying things that make me feel like what I’m doing is bad or wrong. He keeps saying that I’m “making” him do things he doesn’t want to and that it’s my fault because he can’t help himself. I thought he was kidding, but then he tried to use it against me and say that “since we went that far, having sex is the next step“. I’m not sure I’m ready but he’s making me feel guilty! What should I do? Is it really all my fault? Should I have sex with him?
Please help if you can.
Guilty as Sin
Answer:
Dear Guilty as Sin,
Whether over the phone or online “talking dirty” is a fantastic way for a couple to interact sexually without actually having sex before they’re ready. Not only can it be a wonderful way of learning what your partners likes or dislikes are, what they are comfortable with, and how far they are willing to go, but it’s also great for or exploring sexual chemistry without being at risk of STI’s or an unintended pregnancy.
That said, you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed of anything you’ve done. You chose to speak the way you did because you were curious about it and felt comfortable enough with him to explore that part of yourself. You’re allowed that.
As for the comment that you “made him” jerk off, I just want to clear one thing up… no, you didn’t. He masturbated because he CHOOSE to. You weren’t there and therefor weren’t able to put his hands on himself. You didn’t make him move them the way he likes. And you certainly didn’t control whether or not he had an orgasm. He choose all of those actions and for him to say you “made him” do it is not only factually incorrect, it’s disrespectful, manipulative, and immature. More than that, it lacks personal accountability on his part.
At any given time he could have changed the subject or stopped himself, but he didn’t. That was his choice. He has no right to use it against you or as an attempt to make you feel guilty. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
On that note, what you did wasn’t wrong, bad, or shameful in any way. And regardless of your intentions, I want for you to know that his behaviour after the fact – and during – are not your responsibility; we each have a choice in how we behave and handle situations. In my opinion, he’s handling this very poorly and that’s something that should be discussed so that it can be avoided in the future.
In regard to whether or not you should have sex with him that’s for you to decide. But I do want to point out that sex is a shared experience that we engage in for a variety of reasons. Be it love, respect, friendship, passion, comfort, understanding, desire, or any of the other reasons that people choose to connect – it should not be due to guilt or manipulation. So long as he is making you feel guilty, it’s not a good enough reason to ‘put out’. You deserve better then that.
How To Handle Peer Pressure
All of that said, handling peer pressure can be challenging, but it’s important to stay true to your values and make decisions that align with your own comfort and well-being. Here are a few key strategies that could help going forward:
Know Your Boundaries: Be clear about your personal limits and what you’re comfortable with. Knowing your values and boundaries makes it easier to say no when someone tries to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Practice Saying No: It’s okay to say no, and no matter how much they may push, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Practice assertively but politely declining by using simple phrases like, “I’m not interested,” “That’s not for me.” or, “I just don’t want to, and that’s my decision to make”.
Plan Ahead: If you know you’re going to be in a situation where you might face pressure, think about how you’ll respond in advance. Having a plan gives you confidence and control.
Focus on Your Long-term Desires: Remind yourself of what’s important to you in the long run. Peer pressure often leads to short-term decisions that don’t benefit your future. Keep your personal goals and values at the forefront of your mind.
In the end, handling peer pressure is about knowing yourself and standing firm in your choices, even when it feels difficult. By setting clear boundaries and practicing assertiveness, you can navigate situations like these with confidence. Remember, it’s okay to say no and prioritize your own well-being. Trusting your instincts and staying true to your values will help you build resilience and make decisions that are right for you, both now and in the future.
Hopefully that helps
Kara_Sutra
Sit back, relax, let me come to you. Sign up for mailing list and get content only when I post it. Don’t worry I promise not to spam you!
