Archive | February, 2013

#FunFindFriday: Alien Dildos

Elite-alien-dildo-e1361517538913By now I’m sure everyone is rather well versed in my off-putting love of stuffing “weird” things in my vag (a Diving Nun and T-Rex cock being the first to come to mind)… so you can only imagine how quickly my jaw dropped when I came across these Alien Dildos online.

Yes, many of you will cringe at the sight of them, reeling with horror at the mere thought of cramming something this far fetched in your bits, but for me, the word ‘impressed’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Spike-alien-dildoThey’re fun. They’re funky. They’re out of the box, totally bizarre, fabulously ridiculous, and stunning to boot. And with the exception of the dragon cocks made by Bad Dragon, there really isn’t anything like them on the market. At least not in such a large quantity, all from the same manufacturer.

Now considering they’ve been around since 2004, and are something I’d never heard about until 9 years after the fact, I can’t help but feel my online-sleuthing-skills are lacking. Geez, you’d think I’d been busy reviewing sex toys  or something.

aliendildoFrom a collection of dildos consisting of Avatars, Aliens, and a terrifying hybrid Predator/Alien thingy, all with intricately designed shafts in a variety of sizes (6.5″ inches being the shortest, 14.6″ inches being the longest), to a creepy Alien Tail butt plug that’s beyond outrageous (because sexy bunny tails are sooo passé), these dildos are the objects hardcore sci-fi’ers and cosplayers have dreamed of for years.  Nay! Forever!

aliendildos2Adding to their desirability, each was created to be functionally appealing; crafted from body safe silicone, with the ability to suction to any surface (hands free diddling for the win!), these bad boys come with the option of 21 colors, can potentially be used during strap-on play, and are made by hand in the UK, with some obvious attention paid to detail.

Like I said, they’ll likely be a tad too bizarre for most, but if you’re lusting for something out of this world, you’ve found it.

For more info head over to the AlienDildos website…. or if you’re wanting some cutesy fluffy cuddle time buddies, here’s a bunch of stuffed animals with vaginas.

See what I did there? I win.

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#WTFWednesday: DIY Dildomaker

Dildo Maker by Francesco Morackini

I debated including this as part of #FunFindFriday because in my world a pencil sharpener turned Dildomaker is seriously fun. Then my logical and rational sides kicked in, bringing me continuously back to a big ‘ol wtf?

Hot Dog Dildo - DIY Dildo MakerI’m probably wrong, but I think I saw it in one of the Saw movies. If not, they should seriously consider the inclusion, it could do wonders for the franchise.

I’ll concede, it’s genius… in a very absurd way.  Just think how exciting boring rainy days could be! Scrap booking would be a thing of the past.  Grocery shopping would take on a whole new life. Moreover, you’d never have to buy a sex toy again, especially with all the options; everything would basically become a penis in waiting.

Though to be honest, the actual thought of it makes me squirm; no matter how many times I try not to, I can’t help but think of an actual penis in a pencil sharpener; the blade spinning, slicing, and reshaping it to a generalized perfection. Yeah, not the best visual.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who you are (I won’t lie, I do want one!), the Dildomaker is just a concept and not a real thing, yet.

Wooden Dildo - DIY Dildo MakerCreated by Francesco Morackini, the idea behind it is to “provide the users what they really want: “Pleasure” and moreover “sexual pleasure”. The Dildomaker is just a tool which doesn’t give pleasure directly. The distance created here on purpose, tries to raise questions on our relationship between us and manufactured products.”

Yeah, we get it Francesco, you’re smart and we’re not. Blabbity, blah, blah.

Candle Dildo - DIY Dildo MakerRegardless of how cool it is, and whether or not it’ll actually come to life at some point, the sad fact remains that just like every other sex toy, machine, technological advancement, or gadget, the novelty of the Dildomaker would eventually wear out its welcome, finding home on a dusty shelf tucked away in a cupboard somewhere… his Prohibition Kit on the other hand, now that’s another seriously kick ass invention. One that would likely see a lifetimes worth of use in my humble abode.

For those of you that want more info, head on over to the Cargo Collective website and take a look around.

Looking for even more wtf’ness? check out the seriously freaky Cyberflesh Mouth and BreastsThe Concubine and Mr.Jack – they’re even more hideous… in every way possible.

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