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Redefining Virginity

For The Beginner, Health & Wellness, Sexuality

Over the course of the last 2 years I have spent much time debating whether or not to make this video. The reason for the debate was that ones “virginity” and the term itself, are hard to define in today’s society. As such, I thought that I would instead make a video that opened the doors of communication to help you define for yourself what being a Virgin, and Virginity are.

The word/term “Virgin” as defined by;

The Free Dictionary

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

Random House Dictionary

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.

Online Etymology Dictionary

c.1200, “unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church,” from O.Fr. virgine, from L. virginem (nom. virgo) “maiden, unwedded girl or woman,” also an adj., “fresh, unused,” probably related to virga “young shoot.” For sense evolution, cf. Gk. talis “a marriageable girl,” cognate with L. talea “rod, stick, bar.” Meaning “young woman in a state of inviolate chastity” is recorded from c.1310. Also applied since c.1330 to a chaste man. Meaning “naive or inexperienced person” is attested from 1953. The adj. is recorded from 1560 in the lit. sense; fig. sense of “pure, untainted” is attested from c.1300.

Wikipedia

Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.

The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts.^[1]^[2]^[3]^[4] Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration,^[1]^[3]^[4] while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity.^[3]^[5]^[6] Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.^[2]

Feel free to comment on what you believe the terms mean, and how they apply to you or society. Please also feel free to throw in any information that I did not mention in regard to the term or words presented and how they may have changed over time.

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Female Sexual Response Cycle

For The Beginner, For The Ladies

After posting the “Faking it” and “Help! I can’t orgasm” videos I was bombarded with questions from my ‘female’ viewers in regard to orgasms; what they are, how to have them, the things that happen with your body before/during/after an orgasm, and what’s “normal”.

Rather then sending out hundreds of separate messages, I thought I would finally make a video on the female sexual response cycle as a resource for knowledge, and hopefully help my viewers have bigger and better O’s, not to mention, teach the them about their bodies.

Since I only had 10 minutes to talk in the video, I thought I would fill in the rest of the information below.

Female Sexual Response Cycle

Stage 1: Arousal / Excitement

During this phase you may notice any, some or all of the following

nipples going hard
becoming lubricated
separation and raising of the labia majora
increase in heart rate
flushing of the face and neck or body
heavier breathing
tensing of muscles
swelling of clitoris and vaginal lips
increase in breast size
rise in blood pressure
raising of the uterus
lengthening of the vaginal canal
clitoris becomes highly sensitive

Stage 2: Plateau

During this phase previous changes increase as well as,

raising of the uterus to a “false” body cavity to protect it from being hit by a thrusting penis
opening of the cervix
complete vaginal expansion
increase of size in vaginal lips
vagina balloons to create a “seminal pool”
orgasmic platform develops

Stage 3: Orgasm

During this phase the body discharges all of the sexual tension experienced in previous stages

contractions begin in the vaginal walls, PC muscles, uterus, and rectum
most contractions are at intervals of 0.8 seconds and may vary in number between 3 and 15
facial contortions may happen
increased respiratory rate
increase in blood pressure
possible squirting of vaginal fluids
orgasmic platform pulsates

Stage 4: Resolution

During this phase the body returns to its previous state of being before any arousal was felt

uterus descends from its “false” position
cervix dips into the seminal pool to access the semen
vagina returns to its normal size
clitoris descends to its normal position
inner and outer lips return to normal size

I hope this helped you to learn about your body and what happens during the phases that lead to an orgasm, as well as helped you to have better orgasms.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Q & A, Sexuality

Question:

First I just want to say that I love your YouTube videos, they are so informational.

I would appreciate if you could help me with a dilemma. I recently saw a picture of my boyfriend on a website that I would consider to be a gay site. It’s primarily for people who are attracted to transsexual people. Most of the people on the site are pre-op which means they still have dicks, which makes me even more concerned. I have absolutely no idea if he has ever been with someone like this or if this is just a fantasy but even if it is just a fantasy, I’m concerned.

I don’t know how to bring this to his attention but I know I need to because I’m worried and he could be putting me in danger of getting something. How do I let him know or ask him if he is living a double life or is on the downlow? We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years and it would hurt my heart to know that he is like this. He has never shown signs of being interested in men in any way. As a matter of fact he always talks and acts as if he’s damn near homophobic. I appreciate your help!

Answer:

First off thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

As for the question…I too have been there.

When I was in high school I was in a relationship with someone that I loved very much. We were very close, not only lovers but best friends, we were together all the time and thought one day we would get married…typical high school sweethearts.

One day I found his journal and read it (which I know was wrong of me) and in doing so found a phone number and beneath it a males name and a code. Out of curiousity and trusting my instincts, I called it. The number was for a chat line called “Manline“, where males can talk with other males (I’m sure you know what I’m getting at). I was shocked, sad, angry, hurt and disappointed. You name it, I felt it.

So after a few days of tormenting myself I confronted him. He denied it. I asked him again and told him that I already knew what was going on so he better be honest. He still denied it, not only that but got very angry with me for invading his personal space and privacy. Looking back, and knowing him as well as I did, I can completely understand why he’d be upset. And in truth, it wasn’t so much that he was interested in men that hurt, it was that he had lied to my face without a thought towards my feelings.

I made a decision based on the information I had to end the relationship. I didn’t want to chance “catching” something nor did I want to be lied to. I also wasn’t sure if I could trust him again, if he was able to lie once, what was to say that he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it again. It broke my heart, but I felt it was in my own best interest.

Of course my situation isn’t your situation, so what I have to offer is this; before you make up your mind make certain it is him and not someone that looks like him, sounds like him or writes like him. How you do that is your choice, but I do think it’s important. If you’ve done your research and are sure it’s him, bring it up with him in a gentle and respectful way (I find asking rather than confronting can make a big difference in how people react). Let him know that you are not judging, but that you need to know for your own safety and security. I’d also suggest taking some time to figure out if he’s someone that you want to continue having in your life if it is true – just because he may be attracted to men or transexuals doesn’t men he’s a bad person or that he’s not the same person you once loved.

Be prepared for him to deny it, to lie, to try to cover it up to get mad at you, at himself, to yell, or cry, or start a fight. If it is infact him, you may be putting him in a situation that he is personally not yet ready to face or deal with. He might not even know himself “what” he is or “who” he is, and this might be part of his experimentation or exploration to find out. Please also keep in mind that as this may be his way of experimenting…it might also be something that will pass in time. However, this was never meant for your eyes. Only his.

In my situation there was a long period of time afterward where we did not talk. We were always aware of how each other was, either through friends or the ‘scene’ we both frequented, but for the most part there was no face to face contact. After about a year of absence from each others lives we talked on the phone, it was an emotional, eye opening and healing conversation where he admitted everything and told me that he was gay, that he had been all along but didn’t want to come out for fear of how people would react. He was a sensitive person and the thought of people rejecting or abandoning him terrified him, rather than coming out he just kept quiet. Up until his passing over a year ago we were still in each others lives, often having short periods of distance followed by intense periods of catching up and being inseparable. Regardless of our past, until the day he died there was love. Lots of love…and also lots of forgiveness.

Unfortunately I cannot say that you will have your own “happy ending”, that the pain, frustration and confusion you’re experiencing will all be for nothing. I don’t know you and I don’t know him, so my opinion is just that – an opinion. I can however suggest that maybe this isn’t something personal about or against you…but instead, a part of who he is and needs to learn about so that he can within himself become “whole”.

Be gentle with your approach, loving with your words and try to remember that we all, on every level, deserve to be treated with respect and decency no matter what our sexual “choice” in life is. That being said, I have lived my life by one very true motto that spoke volumes to me when I was younger and questioning the “wrongness” or “rightness” of my own sexuality:

A hand is a hand,
A touch is a touch,
Love is Love.
And Love cannot be denied.

I wish you the best of luck and truly hope that whatever happens you’ll be able to remain respectful and understanding regarding each others feelings. I wish there was a clear cut answer to this kind of situation, unfortunately there isn’t and we just have to make up the road as we go.

Kara_Sutra

p.s I would also like to state that in my opinion, when it comes to being homosexual, transexual etc…there is no right or wrong. The statement that it is a persons “choice” has no relevance to me. You are who you are and that can’t be ignored or denied. Nor should it be.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: I like talking dirty, am I normal?

For The Beginner, Q & A, Sexuality

Question:

I got into a relationship almost a year ago (I’m now 18) and I just realized that I have a really big naughty side to me and am starting to show it. I don’t know why but just texting can sometimes get me excited and arouse me. He likes it and so do I, but people are making me feel like I’m a slut because of the way I am starting to act towards him which is making me feel bad about myself.

Is what I’m feeling normal? Am I really just a “slut”? I like talking dirty, am I normal?

Please help, I’m so confused!

Just Another Confused Teen

Answer

Dear JACT ,

Simply put – you’re normal! What you’re going through is very common and to be expected at your age. There is nothing wrong with you and it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

What you’re experiencing is a natural part of puberty and something most teens experience between the ages of *10-17 for girls and *12-18 for boys (I use those numbers because they are what is commonly defined as a “teen”). This change in sexual awareness and arousal is due to changes in hormones that shift the body from childhood to being capable of reproduction.

This is a time that should be embraced as an opportunity for you to learn about your body, what you’re feeling sexually, and why, rather than worrying what other people think. That said, in regard to those who are calling you a “slut” or making you “feel like one”, I suggest you ignore them and learn to be gentler, kinder, and more accepting of yourself and your new found breach into womanhood.

In an effort to avoid further name calling I suggest that you keep your private life separate from those who feel the need to pass judgment. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing or saying to him. That’s between you and he. If it is something that you would like to share, only do so with those that you feel comfortable with, trust, and know wont have any negative feedback.

Also keep in mind that if they haven’t yet, those who have been making you “feel like a slut” will soon discover that they too are experiencing sexual feelings towards others and like you, may not know whats going on or how to deal with it.

Hope that helped,
Kara_Sutra

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Beginners Guide To Cock Rings

For The Beginner, Good Guides, How To's

Not sure what I cock ring is? Not to worry. This beginners guide to cock rings will help explain everything you need to know.

What Is A Cock Ring?

Cock rings are accessories worn around the base of the penis to extend intercourse by keeping blood trapped inside the shaft of the penis (they also seem to work wonders at making the penis look bigger – I said look, they don’t actually make it longer or bigger). In some cases, they can also be used to help hold a condom in place.

Erections occur when the penis is filled with blood after arousal (click the link to learn more about the ‘Male’ Sexual Response Cycle). Muscle spasms occurring at the base of the penis cause blood to be trapped and the penis to become hard. When there is a problem with the muscle spasms, the blood flows out and the penis remains soft. Fortunately for many people a cock ring worn at the base of an erect penis will help prevent the blood from leaving the shaft, thus maintaining a firmer erection.

Whether made of nitrile, leather, metal, silicone, or otherwise, there are many options available. The challenge is finding one that works with you and your body.

Finding the Right Size

Considering that one of the most asked questions I get regarding cock rings is in regard to size, I want to assure you that most silicone and/or rubber rings will stretch to fit even the largest of penises, it’s just a matter of finding one that will accommodate comfortably.

As for metal rings; take a strip of paper, fabric, or something flexible that will comfortably fit around the shaft, wrap it around the base of the penis and mark where the ends meet. Measure the length, divide by 3, and you’ve got your size. For most people, a 1.75-2 inch ring will be sufficient to wear comfortably. I personally suggest avoiding metal rings unless you are experienced as they are harder to apply, remove, and there is the potential for it to get stuck should you be unable to lose the erection (which will very likely lead to a hospital visit).

Note: you could use a flexible tape measure, though you’ll want one made of a soft material that won’t accidentally cut you – which is why I don’t suggest traditional tape measures that could accidentally snap back.

How To Wear

While the most effective way to wear a cock ring is behind the balls and around the top of the shaft, many people opt to wear them around the shaft only as it may be a bit more comfortable. Unfortunately there are a few things that may go wrong with this, like it slipping off during sex when things get wet and slippery.

On that note, I suggest applying a good water based lube before putting on the ring, as there is a likely chance it may otherwise tug and pull on pubic hair (if you have any) during use or removal. No matter which way you choose to wear a cock ring it should fit comfortably and cause no pain. One thing to remember is that cock rings should be first applied to a soft, flaccid penis and stay on until the penis is hard and erect.

Application

Applying cock rings is easy, especially those that are stretchy (like silicone and rubber): simply stretch the ring with two fingers (index and ring fingers) of both hands and bring the ring underneath and behind the balls, then back toward your lower abdomen, slowly allowing the tension to bind the base of the penis securely.

Unfortunately using metal rings is a little trickier: start by lubing up your balls, then gently maneuver one testicle through the ring (doesn’t matter which one), then gently ease in the other, from there you’re going to gently fold the penis and point it so it’s head down and push it through the ring, then carefully pull the ring back against your body so it sits above the shaft. As I said, this is a little trickier and can also be a tad more uncomfortable.

The Bad

Because the penis is made up of millions of blood vessels (that allow the flow of blood to enter and exit the area), constricting the flow of blood into (or out of) the penis is just not something it’s meant to do naturally. As such, some of the problems you may face include numbness, discoloration, the inability to ejaculate, unnatural swelling and pain – often due to using one that’s too small, thin, or an improper application.

**If you notice any of the above I advise that you take the cock ring off immediately.

It is also not advised to leave a ring on for too long – a hard on that lasts several hours can cause blood to coagulate in the shaft which may make it very hard to lose the erection. If this happens, I suggest you seek medical attention as soon as possible.

Tips & Suggestions

Learning to apply c-rings before using them with a partner may be one of the best suggestions I have to offer. Not only will it cut down the time it takes to put on when in the moment, but it will also give you a feeling of confidence and preparedness, rather then being caught off guard leaving you fumbling in the dark.

Using a little bit of lube to apply the c-ring will help it slide over the shaft and limit the amount of pubic hair (if you have any) that may get caught during use or removal. I’ve heard horror stories, trust me on this one.

Unless you are well versed with the use of c-rings I highly suggest sticking to rubber (not jelly), silicone, cyberskin or other somewhat flexible material rather then investing in metal. That way if you happen to ‘lock off’ (meaning you can’t return to your flaccid state, rendering you unable to remove the product) you can always cut the product off rather than having to go to the hospital to have it removed.

If you’re going to be using protection (and I hope you are) I suggest applying the condom first, then placing the cock ring over top which will help secure the condom and keep it from rolling up. Again, I’m going to suggest the use of lube to make it both easier, more comfortable, and prevent the condom from possibly tearing.