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Q&A w/ Kara_Sutra: Does Penis Size Matter?

*the above video is about 6 years old, I debated posting it but ultimately felt it still did a fairly decent job of getting the point across.

Question:

Hi Kara,

First let me say I watch every video you put on YouTube. I consider what you do a real service to the community. If people can watch it without feeling guilty or stupid, then you may have just saved a life or helped someone feel more comfortable about themselves.

Now, about me. I’m a healthy male, and I have a micro-penis. I was born with this condition. I masturbate normally, and have erections normally, etc. The only thing is my length is about 3″ when fully erect and my girth is around 1″, maybe just under.

As you can imagine, this has been a huge issue for me my entire life. As a teenager, being introduced to sex, I was mortified of having the discussion with my girlfriends. So, it never came up. When I went to high school I never took showers, out of embarrassment. It wasn’t until AFTER I graduated, my doctor talked to me and said “Gee, why didn’t you just wear swim trunks and tell people it was a skin condition or something?” Thanks, doc, a few years too late.

I met my current girlfriend and she and I hit it off immediately. After a few dates she wants to have sex and I start to worry, what if she doesn’t like me because of my penis? What if I can’t satisfy her? I don’t want to lose such a great opportunity in love.

I somehow (I will never know how to this day) got up the nerve to tell her about everything over the phone. Amazingly enough, she understands. She says we’ll work things out when we need to. I’m shocked, in awe, and simply ecstatic. So we eventually had sex. Our sex was more like lesbian sex, a lot of fingering, a LOT of oral, etc.

Now, I don’t know if its my brain malfunctioning, but I’ve always WANTED to have “normal” male/female sex. You know, penis in vagina. I don’t know if its a “feelings of inadequacy” thing, or what. So I’ve been looking at hollow strap-on harness sets like Vac-U-Lock. I’m wondering if you know of a good one to use. My main concern is the quality of the attachment, since her pleasure is paramount for me. I don’t want to get a very rigid/plastic-y dong attachment, since the whole reason for this is me giving HER pleasure. I want to be able to do all the positions that normal people do, but I can’t.

I hope you read this far, if you did, thank you. I know you’ll be able to point me in the right direction. Thank you for not judging, thank you for educating and entertaining. You are the best.

Does Penis Size Matter? Answer

First off thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

As for the question, what you are experiencing is fairly common. I receive emails from males in your same situation at least 5 -10 times a week, so you are definitely not alone in it.

I also wanted to let you know how proud I am that you got up the courage to talk to your partner and be honest with how you felt and what you were going through. It must have been very difficult for you and something most would just shy away from. As I’ve tried to stress before, communication is key to making things work, and your being willing to be open and honest with her will go a long way in building a foundation of trust and understanding.

The best advice I can give when it comes to your feelings of inadequacy is to let you know that as long as you are able to please her orally or by manual stimulation (fingering) then you haven’t too much to worry about. Keep in mind that majority of women (around 70%) get off from clitoral stimulation, not from penetration. That’s why I always say it’s not your dick that’s the source of your power. Funnily enough, judging from the letters I receive from many females the majority of men don’t know what to do with their “normal” sized dicks anyways… or fingers, or mouth for that matter.

As for your interest in strap-on’s, is there any particular reason that you were thinking of a Vac-U-Lock? I only ask because they usually aren’t the “better” brand.

With Vac-U-Lock you will need to purchase the “plug“, harness as well as the dildo/dong attachments (usually separately) and unfortunately it is only compatible with other Vac-U-Lock products.

Aside from that, they’re usually only made out of jelly materials (which are porous and absorb bodily fluids, lube and bacteria).

Where the harness is concerned I suggest you stay away from the plastic, rubbery feeling ones as they either tend to rub on the skin a little too much or trap the sweat underneath causing the product to either stick to you (not comfortably) or slide around.

There are many other products available on the market that I think could do the job while also providing some stimulation for you, without being too big or bulky, falling off, or only being compatible with one another.

You may want to also think about penis extensions, they can be more comfortable as well as have a more realistic feel and look to them.

Also, considering the fact that the g-spot is located between 1-3 inches inside the vagina you don’t need to have a large penis to stimulate it. In fact, it’s often those with “smaller” penises that tend to offer the most stimulation for women where g-spot stimulation and penetration are concerned. That being said you may want to consider something that adds girth and not length like a sleeve.

With the different suggestions you may have to try a few and see what works best for you. Do your best to not be discouraged if a product doesn’t work out the way you wanted or hoped, instead, try something new, make it fun and realize many men have had to go through this as well.

I’ve posted a bunch of images below of the products I’d personally suggest, feel free to shop on my new toy site, or to take the suggestions and shop around for better prices elsewhere. I’m not in it for the money, only to help out where I can.

Before I go I’d also like for you to consider that unless she has said something to you about it, she may actually be comfortable with the size of your penis. Not all females care about penis size, or want a large penis, instead they care about the level of intimacy and comfort they have with their partner.

Sleeves and Extensions

*if you have allergies always check the material before purchasing.

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Q&A w/ Kara Sutra: Is Masturbation Bad?

For The Beginner, Health & Wellness, Q & A, Sex Ed 102

Hi Kara Sutra

I’m a long time fan of yours and I’ve watched all of your videos. I was hoping you could answer some questions I had about masturbation because I have no clue what to think or if there are health ramifications. Plus I’ve always been told that its bad so I’ve never done it and I want to but I’m scared that it will make me a pervert. Is masturbation bad? Is it normal? Am I going to go to hell? If I do it does it mean that there is something wrong with me?

I hope you can answer my questions.

Thanks.

Answer

Thank you so much for watching and supporting what I do!!

As for the message, in a perfect world masturbation wouldn’t cause feelings of fear, shame, or guilt. It’s a very natural thing that most species do, and almost every person has done, sometimes without even knowing it. Even as babies and young children one of the first things we do is experience our body. We touch, squeeze, tickle, our hands venture to places that can cause enjoyment we don’t yet understand.

Unfortunately, most of the guilt or shame we feel from this touching comes from early childhood experiences brought on by another persons reaction to what we were doing. And that isn’t fair or healthy.

When children touch their genitals it’s usually not in a sexual way, but instead an attempt to explore out of sheer curiosity and wonder. Very often they are immediately told to stop, that it’s ‘bad’, ‘dirty’, ‘wrong’, ‘gross’, ‘naughty’, and are shot scornful looks from whomever caught them. Sometimes their hands are slapped away or they’re punished for it. All of these experiences shape what they think of their bodies, sexuality, and how they feel about themselves.

That being said, I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with masturbating. There is nothing wrong with exploring your body and figuring out what you like. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable and confident in your sexuality. And there is nothing wrong with giving yourself an orgasm.

Benefits of Masturbation

Contrary to any statements about masturbating being bad for you, there are quite a few positive benefits, including (but not limited to);

releasing tension
lowering stress levels
increasing the ability to have orgasms
helping to release endorphins that relieve pain
burning calories
it’s a natural sleep sedative
helping to keep the pelvic floor strong/healthy (potentially preventing urinary incontinence)

In ‘men’ it has be found to improve the immune system’s functioning, build resistance to prostate gland infection, and possibly even reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer. Not to mention the fact that it can help guys increase ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation (basically put, through masturbation you can teach yourself to last longer).

In ‘women’, it’s great for combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with the menstrual cycle like cramps and backache. It can help prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections as well as generally help to gain confidence in our sexuality.

Aside from all those wonderful benefits, masturbating is a great way to learn about what you like and dislike when it comes to arousing yourself and achieving an orgasm.

You can fault me for this if you’d like, but you can’t blame your partner for not helping you achieve an orgasm if you don’t even know what it takes to get you there. No matter your gender, learning about your body and how to bring excitement is your responsibility, so is telling your partner so that they can provide what you require – the only way to learn is to do it yourself.

How Much Is Too Much?

Regarding the two most asked questions, “how much is too much?” and “whats wrong with me? I don’t know how to stop!”

So long as it’s not interfering with your daily activities, i.e. keeping you from hanging out with friends, making you late for work, is the only thing on your mind and the only thing you want to do day in and day out, you don’t really need to worry. The frequency of masturbation isn’t a problem unless it is linked with an obsessive compulsive disorder, where the same activity must be repeated over and over.

As for what’s considered “normal”: ‘normal’ ranges from several times per day, week or month, to never masturbating at all. Since everyone is different what’s ‘normal’ for you may be very different from what’s ‘normal’ for someone else.

Finally, will you go to hell? That’s a whole other can of worms I’d rather not open. But as someone that doesn’t believe in a ‘punishing God’, I’d say no. If you’re religious, maybe reading the book Conversations With God would give you another perspective on things.

That’s pretty much it, hopefully it helped in some way.

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Kegel Exercises for G-Spot Wellness

For The Ladies, Good Guides, Health & Wellness, How To's

While there are many intimate accessories designed to make stimulating the g-spot exceptionally easy, I’m a firm believer that having a fit, healthy and strong vagina is still one of the most important factors when it comes to overall sexual enjoyment.

Just like any other muscle in the body, the PC muscles (or pubococcygeus muscles) need regular exercise to maintain their tone, functionality and overall health.

Not only does having strong PC muscles enhance g-spot stimulation, but it can also give you a more desirable grip during intercourse, help to control your bladder, make child birth easier, while also preventing incontinence as you age.

As for the sexual benefits, they’ve been known to help women learn to reach a g-spot orgasm, make their orgasms much more powerful, improve sexual arousal and possibly help make female ejaculation a bit more of a possibility.

*For those of you wondering, the PC Muscles are several layers of hammock-like muscles (found in both men and women) that are attached to the front, back and sides of the pelvic bones and stretch from the pubic bone to the tail bone. Along with other tissues, these muscles work to support the pelvic organs, including the uterus, bladder, small intestine and rectum.

Kegel Exercises for G-Spot Health

Since it may take patience, dedication and time to not only identify your pc muscles, but also learn how to contract and relax them, I thought I’d share some pointers to make practicing slightly easier:

Finding the right muscles: To find your pc muscles I suggest inserting a finger into your vagina and trying to squeeze the surrounding muscles (you should feel your vagina tighten and the pelvic floor move upward). Once you’ve done this successfully, you can relax your muscles and feel the pelvic floor return to the starting position. if that doesn’t work for you trying to stop the flow of urine when you urinate might be a better option. If you succeed, you’ve got the basics.

*Doing Kegel exercises with a full bladder or while emptying your bladder can actually weaken the muscles, as well as lead to incomplete emptying of the bladder — which may increases the risk of a urinary tract infection.

How To Strengthen Your Kegels w/ A Product

Thanks to the creation of different Kegel exercisers like Ben Wa Balls, Vaginal Barbells, Bio-Feedback devices and Duo Balls, strengthening the area has become much easier, and although the shape and size of such products may differ, using them is generally the same idea:

1.) Relax your body and insert the product. If you find you’re having difficulty try adding a little bit of lubrication to help it/them glide in. (You can insert them standing, with one leg up or while laying down. Do what’s comfortable for you)

2.) Squeeze your PC muscles together to hold the product in place. If you notice that it feel like they’re slipping or pushing down a little (while inside your vagina) don’t worry it’s normal.

3.) Hold the product inside for about 10 minutes a day to strengthen your PC muscles. Once you’ve built the muscle up you can increase the length of time they are inserted.

4.) When you’ve had enough and want it removed you’ve got quite a few options to your disposal including jumping up and down, coughing, bearing down as if you’re having a bowel movement, inserting lubricant to help them slide out or simply inserting one finger and gently trying to roll them out (I’ve done all of the above so I know they work, especially with Ben Wa Balls). Just keep in mind that they won’t get lost inside you, or your vagina.

Great Products for Kegel Exercise

Ben Wa Balls: ($12.99 – $24.99)

If there is one product that seems to have stood the test of time is these lovely little marble shaped metallic 2oz weighted balls. Smooth to the touch and easy to insert, Ben Wa Balls are crafted out of solid non porous and non tarnishing metal, making them body safe, compatible with any lube and very discreet. If silver isn’t your thing they also come in a variety of colors, sizes and weights, as well as body safe ABS plastic, rather than metal. My suggestion if you go for metal, get some stainless steel kegel balls; they’re far more durable.

To use them simply insert one at a time and use your PC muscle to hold them in place (don’t worry, they won’t get lost in side you – promise!). While you can wear them during your day to day activities I suggest you be a little careful, at least in the beginning. I know a few people who have had them fall out and roll down a pant leg while in public. (Definitely funny in retrospect or to read in an email, but not so fun in the moment – for the record, it doesn’t happen that often).

*If you’re new to Kegel exercises I suggest you try using something a bit larger to first, as it’ll likely be much easier to hold onto. Once you feel comfortable and ready to move to something a little harder to master give the Ben Wa Balls a try.

Specs: Circumference 2 1/4″, Diameter 3/4″, Weight 2oz (.13lbs)

Final Verdict: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Silicone Kegel Balls: ($22.99 – $29.99)

From the moment I saw the Mina Luna Beads I loved them!

Not only do they come respectfully and professionally packaged but they’re velvety smooth to the touch, firm and nicely weighted (not too heavy, nor too light). They’re also waterproof, made of high quality silicone so they’re non porous, hypo allergenic, hygienic, phthalate and latex free.

Rather than using a traditional string, the outer bulbous shells are connected via a thin piece of silicone that allows them to be very flexible and conform to your bodies shape and movements. As I said they are firm and have no squish or give to them, fortunately this isn’t necessarily a downfall as it makes inserting them very, very easy (though I still suggest using a good water based lubricant to help out).

Part of what makes these silicone K-Balls so amazing is the weighted ball contained inside each of the rounded shells; as you move they roll, bounce and ‘shake’ around, creating a whirling sensation inside you. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good…or at least extremely interesting.

Since they come with a silicone cord that measures 3.5″ in length, removing them is a breeze. Just give a little pull and they should easily slide out. As for cleaning you can boil them, use an anti bacterial toy cleaner or wash them with soap and water.

Specs: Length: 7.5″, Insertable Length – 4″ , Width: 1.4″ , Girth – 4.5” around (at largest part).

Final Verdict: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Couture Collection Éclipse II ($24.99 – $34.99)

If you’re someone who likes the ‘full’ sensation larger products usually have to offer I can’t help but suggest going up a slight bit from the K-Balls and trying the Éclipse II instead.

Like the K-Balls they’re made of high quality silicone, waterproof, contain weighted balls on each side, have a long silicone cord for removal, are easy to use, easy to care for and are very well made.

Of course there are a few differences that set them apart. First of all, they’re more like a tear drop than a ball, with an ergonomically shaped slight protrusion that makes them a bit more enjoyable for g-spot stimulation than the K-Balls.

Second, rather than just using silicone they incorporated a ABS plastic (it’s still body safe, don’t worry) to the mix, with the flatter side being ABS and the rounded side being silicone. While this may seem a tad silly I found it made inserting them easier, especially when a little bit of water based lube was applied.

Finally, and I’m not sure how to put this other than to say, they’re floppy. Yep, you heard right – floppy. Because the silicone connector between the two halves is more of thin thread than a firm connection, there is no support to hold them steadily apart. Although this makes them a little more difficult to insert (than the K-Balls), it does give them the ability to move around and conform to your body when inserted. One feature I’m definitely willing to trade for the other.

When it comes to cleaning you can use an anti bacterial toy cleaner or wash them with soap and water. Since they include an ABS plastic I wouldn’t suggest boiling them like the K-Balls.

*Contrary to what the the box and manufacturers website says, they do in fact have a seam.

Specs: Length – 8″, Insertable Length – 4 3/4″, Girth – 4.1″, Width – 1.5″, Removal Cord 3 1/4″, Weight 2.9oz

Final Verdict: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall Final Verdict

If learning to strengthen your PC muscles (whether for sexual purposes or health related reasons) is something that you’re interested in, I highly believe that each of the products listed above will work wonders when it comes to getting into the habit of daily Kegel Exercising.

Not only are each of the above products body safe, easy to use, affordable, discreet and well made, but they’re also designed with female pleasure in mind…I’m not sure many typical exercise products can say that!

For those of you that want more info, would like to purchase the products or are simply curious to see what other Kegel exercise tools are available, I highly suggest you head over to PinkCherry.ca where shopping for intimate accessories is easy, affordable, discreet and your privacy is of utmost importance.

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How To Put On A Condom

For The Beginner, How To's

Sex Ed 102: How To Put On A Condom

Since the #1 complaint I hear regarding condoms is that they ‘spoil the mood’ I think it’s very important to practice putting them on properly (and taking them off properly) as it’ll help to make the moment move a lot smoother and quicker.

When it comes to practicing I think the best advice is to go with the flow; if you masturbate use that time to practice putting on a condom, masturbate with it on (which will get you used to the sensation) and then take it off following the directions on the box.

While it might be a bit of a pain in the ass, and maybe a mood kill, when it comes to the actual moment of intercourse all the planning and prepping will go a long way for saving you from embarrassment or potentially doing it wrong.
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First Time Sex Tips: For The Guys

For The Beginner, For The Guys, How To's, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Since most of the questions I’m commonly asked tend to be from those not yet sexually active, coming in the form of messages stating personal fears, worries, anxieties and misconceptions regarding the subject, I thought I’d write a series of articles to help guide my readers and viewers through their “first time”.

In the first article of this series I touched on the basics, including the decision about what type of contraception you’ll be using, getting products like a good lubes to help make the experience more pleasurable, the motivation behind the choice to be sexually active and making sure to have a person you can speak with, both before and after, who might be able to help and offer guidance should you need it.

For those of you jumping into the series, I highly suggest you go back and read the first article as it will possibly give you the insight you need to decide if having sex is something you’re really ready for.

As for this article, I’m going to be covering tips and suggestions I think every male should know before engaging in sexual activity, hopefully making the experience the best it can be for both of the parties involved.

*I’ll be covering first time suggestions for females next.

Getting Ready

No matter if you’re male, female or transgendered, I highly suggest masturbation before sexual activity. While this may seem like an attempt to keep you from having sex, nothing could be farther from the truth. To me, the act of masturbation can play an vital role in preparing you for your first sexual experience; helping you to learn about your likes and dislikes, giving you insight to how long you can “last” before ejaculating or having an orgasm (since they’re not the same thing), teach you about the type of stimulation you need to become aroused and maintain and erection (firm, soft, gentle, rough etc) and get you in touch with your body so that you can clearly relay everything you’ve learned to your partner. That said, if there is one thing I can’t stress enough it’s that communication is key to a good sexual experience – especially for the first time, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

No Glove, No Love!

While I brought up the issue of contraception and STD/STI protection in the first article, I want to touch on it again just to make sure you’ve got the bases covered and are well prepared to avoid any costly mistakes you may live to regret.

For Sex With Females: there are quite a few options when it comes to hetero sex; condoms, the female condom, birth control pill, diaphragm, IUD, the patch, contraceptive foam/spermicide and the sponge to name a few. Unfortunately when it comes to products females have to take/apply you don’t have much control over the proper application, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to ask about them. After all, you need to take your safety and well being into consideration too.

On that note, the best advice I can give is to make sure you’re personally prepared by carrying a condom at all times, learn to apply it properly, find a size that fits comfortably by a brand you trust and never second guess your best judgment. If you’re about to engage in a sexual activity and don’t have a method of protection available, just don’t do it. Trust me, this is advice you might be thanking me for later.

For Sex with Males: unfortunately the number of available products for male on male sex is limited with the condom and spermicide (not recommended) being the only options. While you may not have to worry about a possible pregnancy, you should always assume the person your with has an STD/STI until you know otherwise. Better safe than sorry.

tip: if you’re unsure about what size condom you should be buying, I created a condom size chart which might help.

Tips & Suggestions

Some of the most common worries I hear from males are that they won’t last long enough, aren’t “big enough”, that they’ll do it “wrong” and finally that they’ll somehow accidentally hurt their partner(s) while in the process of trying to bring pleasure. If you can relate to any of the above, don’t worry, what you’re experiencing is normal, natural and definitely to be expected.

In an attempt to help I’ve listed some tips and suggestions that I hope will build your level of confidence as well, give you some insight regarding what to expect your first time around.

Relax

For as simple as it may sound, being relaxed is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give. When you’re relaxed your heart rate is lower, stress levels decrease, the mind becomes still, you have a better chance of becoming aroused and any anxiety you may be feeling will usually drift away. Sure, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but maintaining a sense of calm will go a long way for helping you achieve an erection, as well as maintaining one.

My suggestion: When trying to stay relaxed you may think of the old standby techniques like breathing, maintaining a sense of calm and going with the flow will have the best effect, and to a certain extent, you’re right. However, I personally think being prepared in every aspect will make the biggest difference when it comes to the big day/night or otherwise. If you know how to put on a condom, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of stimulation you and your partner prefer, what type of lube you’ll be using and have talked about all your fears or anxieties with someone you trust, that will go a long way for helping you stay calm in the heat of the moment as you’ll already know what to expect and not be so caught off guard.

Communicate

As I said early in this article, communication is key. Not only can it make a big difference when it comes to easing tension, calming nerves, learning about each others preferences and erasing fears, but it also gives you the chance to talk about everything before it happens so that you know, each step of the way, whether what you’re doing is okay or if it’s going too far too fast.

My Suggestion: The suggestion here is actually very simple – talk to your partner about what your feeling/thinking and listen to their fears, concerns, questions and suggestions. While that part is very straight forward, being a good communicator also requires the ability to listen and hear what your partner is saying. If they tell you (in the moment) that what you’re doing hurts, is too fast, slow, deep, hard, soft, shallow, or otherwise – stop, listen to what they’re saying and ask what you could do differently. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but listening to your partner can be the difference between pleasure and pain.

tip: if you’re partner says that they don’t want to do it anymore – even if it’s right in the middle – listen to them and stop. It’s the respectful thing to do. More than that, if you don’t it will more than likely classify as rape and place you in a situation you’ll likely live to regret.

Be Gentle

Rough, passionate sex is great, but pushing too far too fast is a whole other thing. In fact, most people would probably be surprised by the amount of messages I get from viewers saying they don’t like sex with their partner because “he just shoves it in”, or that their partner won’t have sex with them because they accidentally hurt them once. It’s a common mistake, one that can very easily be avoided.

My suggestion: I don’t know how else to say this other than – don’t just ram it in there! Yes, I do know how funny that may sound but it sadly happens far more often than I care to admit. To help make insertion easier I suggest helping to get your partner ready by using lots of lube, making sure there is enough foreplay for them to be aroused, and inserting something small first (with their permission) like a little dildo, vibrator, finger or other object that’s safe for use (if it’s for anal use make sure it has a base so it doesn’t get “lost”).

Once inserted don’t start thrusting it about, don’t poke or prod at them, and don’t act like your a doctor giving your partner an examination ~~unless your role playing~~. Instead, just let the item your using sit in place so that your partner can get used to the feeling of having something inside, while also allowing the muscles to relax and possibly “stretch out” a bit. When your partner is ready you can remove the device and slowly try to insert yourself. If it doesn’t happen the first time you try don’t worry, it’s common, normal and happens to even the most sexually experienced folks. Time and patience are your friends here, not a forceful jamming. It’s like the old saying goes – “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”.

tip: for those of you engaging in first time anal sex I wrote an article and created a video specifically covering the topic which you might find helpful.

Go Slow

Contrary to what most people think going fast and hard isn’t a requirement for “great sex”. In fact, it’s usually the exact opposite, especially if the person on the receiving end is a virgin as well. By going slow you give the person you’re having sex with the chance to get used to the feeling, without tensing up because they feel like their having sex with a jack rabbit on speed. While it may not seem like a very big deal, going slow can cause their muscles to relax and make penetration easier for both of you. not to mention possibly even bringing them to a heightened level of arousal in the process.

My suggestion: If you can, do your best to keep a steady rhythm going, one that is comfortable for both of you and feels good. If it’s too slow and not offering any stimulation slowly speed up, remembering to ask your partner every so often if it’s okay for them. Keep going until you find a speed that you both like and stick with it. Lastly, try to remember that you’re having sex with someone, not running a race. No one is going to clock you for the fastest time and it’s probably better if you don’t come first.

Expect the Worst

While this might not seem that helpful I can guarantee that it is, especially considering that the worst thing you can think of may very well occur – what’s more, it’s normal, natural, common and for the most part happens to everyone. To help make my point let me just state that for every great “first time” story I’ve ever heard, there were at least anther 20 that were horrible, embarrassing or ended in a way that left one or both parties feeling like they “failed”. I know, it sucks.

My Suggestion: Be gentle with yourself, don’t take it too seriously and remember it’s your first time, not you’re hundredth. Just like riding a bike, learning to roller blade or playing a sport, being “good in bed” is something that comes with time, experience, learning, being open to change and willing to explore your opportunities. No matter how “perfect” you try to make it, I can almost guarantee something will go wrong. The more you expect that, the more able you’ll be in the moment to let it go, laugh it off, move on and not let it affect the moment.

Final Thoughts

No matter who you are your first time will most likely be scary, overwhelming, nerve wracking, exciting, intense and memorable. It’s supposed to be that way, it always has been.

Will you’re first time be what you expected? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time.

Will it be fantastic? Hopefully, though it seems first times rarely are.

Will it be something you always remember? I’d think so, which is why I suggest doing everything in your power to make it good, rather than something that left you wondering where you went wrong.

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