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Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

 

When it comes to sexual acts, tit jobs are often one of the things I’m asked about on a regular basis. In practice it’s a relatively easy thing to pull off, though it can admittedly be a little uncomfortable, awkward, distracting, oddly funny, and weird at first… especially if you’ve never done it before or aren’t that comfortable with trying new things.

If it’s something you’d like to try, or if you’d simply like to be better at it, feel free to check out the video above and read the content below. Both have valuable insight and techniques that will have you mastering and enjoying it in no time!

What is a tit job?

Basically, it’s when someone with a dick (or strap-on) has sex with a set of tits.

The act itself is a low risk, non-penetrative form of outercourse (rather than intercourse), that involves thrusting between breasts to create friction and visual stimulation for sexual gratification. It can be used as a form of foreplay leading up to sex, combined with oral sex for greater stimulation, or used in place of sex itself.  If done safely, tit jobs allow both partners to enjoy themselves sexually without the worry of an unintended pregnancy or risk of contracting an STI/STD.

Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

Beginners Guide: How To Give A Tit Job

Although it can be fun, jumping straight to it often doesn’t feel like the most natural thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be easy or effortless.

I suggest starting with some foreplay and taking the time to both get aroused.  When you feel ready slowly maneuver yourself into a position where your breasts are level with your partners penis. You can do this by kissing down their torso, moving down to give them a blow job, or lowering yourself to your knees while you undo their pants/belt/skirt etc.

Once you’ve got yourself into position you can rub their penis over your breasts and nipples. Next, add some of the lube to their penis (a teasing handjob works great), then simply place the penis between your breasts and press them together, sandwiching it in the process.  From there you should be good to go.

If it feels awkward at first don’t worry, it will get easier as you figure out what positions work best for you and your body type.

You’ll also probably find that the penis slips out easily. Again, this is totally normal and nothing to be embarrassed by. Just slide it back in and keep going.

Tips & Suggestions

While a fairly standard practice, there are tips and suggestions to help make the experience much more enjoyable for everyone involved…

Don’t Be Scared

  • The main problem I hear from my viewers is having the courage to do it, being nervous about trying it, and not feeling comfortable naked in front their partner.  All of these experiences are totally normal, natural, and should be expected, especially if it’s your first time or if you’re experimenting with a new partner. Anytime we’re naked and exposed, trying something we’ve never done before, there’s bound to be some sense of nervousness or vulnerability. The best advice I can give is to relax, have fun with it, and know that no matter what you think of your body, your partner likely thinks you’re sexy as hell and can’t wait to be naked with you.

Don’t Forget About Your Needs

  • On that note, this can be one of the least stimulating experiences for the person offering up the tits. If this is a problem for you, I have the following suggestions:
    • get your partner to reach behind and stimulate you (by hand/with a toy – works best if they’re on top straddling you)
    • if you’re kneeling with them sitting in front of you and you don’t have any hands free (because you’re using them to hold your breasts together), you can try to mount a dildo from above as if you’re riding it.
    • for better clitoral stimulation, try using a product that’s designed for hands free use like the Eva by Dame or a floor based model like The Cone.
    • if you’re still wearing undies, you could easily place a vibrator like a We-Vibe Touch inside to help hold it in place.
    • for those with an ample bosom, use your upper arms to push your boobs together. Depending on how you’re positioned you can possibly reach down and play with yourself without much issue.
    • have your partner take over holding your tits so you can stimulate yourself.
    • try incorporating a boob job with a 69 position.

Lube Is Your Friend

  • sliquid lube for tit jobsJust like having sex without proper lubrication can be uncomfortable, painful even, so can giving an unlubed boob job. There can be chaffing. Pulling of skin on skin. Friction burn. An inability to thrust completely. The dick getting stuck somewhere in the cleavage. Granted these things don’t always happen, but they can, which is why I always suggest having a good bottle of water based or silicone lube on hand. You can easily change things up by using a lubricant that cools/warms, comes in flavors (for bj’s), or otherwise.

Size Doesn’t Matter (Boob Size That Is!)

  • Contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to have huge tits to pull this off; for those that aren’t big in the boob department, I’d suggest leaning forward over your partner while they lay on their back – gravity will likely offer a bit more to work with. It probably won’t be as easy as  someone with a larger set, but it is still possible.

Explore & Experiment

  • If you want to have a bit more fun try incorporating oral sex. It might be a little awkward or uncomfortable for those lying on their backs, and you likely wont be able to deep throat very well. But it’s still something worth experimenting with.  Just remember to use a dental dam or condom to help reduce the risks of transmitting an STI.
  • Rather than using a simple in and out thrusting motion, try grabbing the breasts and jiggling them while the penis is sandwiched between.

Things To Avoid – Tips For Those With The Penis

  • Unless your partner says they like it, don’t just grab their tits, jam ’em together and go to town. Not only can you rub yourself raw, you can also hurt your partner with the force of pushing the breasts together, and/or the friction that’s created while you thrust. Again, I highly suggest the use of a good lube to help make the experience comfortable.
  • If your partner is going to be giving you a blow job, when your penis comes out from the top of their cleavage – go slow. I’ve heard many instances where the someone has accidentally rammed their penis in the back of their partners throat, jabbed them in the face, or poked them in the eye (seriously!) etc. Remember, this is meant to be fun… if you hurt your partner there is a very likely chance they won’t be up for doing it again.
  • realistic breast masturbatorsBe careful how you position yourself or move when kneeling over your partner (with them on their back). Often the breasts will slide and drop to the side of the body, especially for those with large breasts; if you’re not careful you could accidentally pinch or jam them between your leg and your partners body.
  • If you’ve talked to your partner and they just aren’t comfortable with the idea or don’t like giving a tit job, you can purchase  realistic breast masturbators online (pictured right). Although they’re not the real thing, they could go a long way for helping you explore and experiment without having to bother/pressure your partner.
  • When it comes to ejaculating, I highly suggest talking beforehand about what’s okay and what’s off limits. I’ve received more than enough messages from viewers who have been unexpectedly shot in the face, eye, mouth, or hair by their partner who thought it was part of the plan. Remember, communication is key.

 

Regarding Positions

A variation in positions can not only help with visual or physical stimulation, it can also help with putting either person in a place of control, while also making the experience a bit more comfortable.

*Note: Unlike the content within the video, I’m opting out of using ‘male’ and ‘female’ pronouns when suggesting positions below. Instead, I’m going to use ‘Partner A’ to represent the person with breasts, and ‘Partner B’ to represent the person with the penis/strap-on etc.

Cowboy: Partner A lays on their back while Partner B straddles their torso (kneeling), and places the penis/strap-on between the breasts of Partner A. Once in this position either partner can grab the breasts and wrap them around the penis. Because this position limits the amount of movement the Partner A has, this places Partner B in control of the rhythm, speed, and timing as to which the ejaculation and/or orgasm occurs. Also, it’s a good idea for the person on top to remember not to lean all their weight as it could accidentally make breathing difficult (for their partner).

Reverse Cowboy:  This position is like cowboy only instead of Partner B facing the partner, they’re turned to face their feet. While in this position the person on the bottom can provide oral or manual stimulation to the anus, balls, taint, or other erogenous zones, while the person on top can reach forward and manually stimulate their partner. Again, this position limits the actions of the person beneath, giving Partner B the opportunity to reach down and control the rhythm, speed, and timing when it comes to ejaculation and/or orgasm. One thing to keep in mind when it comes to the oral sex aspect is that it increases the risk of contracting an STD. As such, I suggest using a dental dam to create a barrier and limit the risks.

Standing: Pretty much what it sounds like; Parner B stands while Partner A either kneels or sits in front of them. Although this does usually lend to a more typically thought ‘submissive’ role, it actually gives Partner A a bit more control when it comes to thrusting. Depending on the heights of the people involved, as well as the way the penis curves, this position can be rather difficult or annoying for both parties. Also, depending on the size of breasts involved the act of lifting, pushing together, and holding in place can be tiring. It can also be tough on the knees and joints (use a pillow for adding padding).

Edge of The Seat: When it comes to placing Partner A in control, I’ve been told that this position is preferred.  Partner B sits while Partner A kneels in between their legs, using the legs of Partner B for support. Then, leaning forward, Partner A can place the penis between the breasts and control the speed, depth, and rhythm of thrusts. An alternative to this has Partner A sitting, with Partner B standing in front. I suggest experimenting with both positions and seeing which works best for you.

Hopefully this helped in some way and answered any questions you might have, but most of all, I hope this provided you with a new and fun way of exploring and experimenting with your partner without also having to worry about an unintended pregnancy or contracting an STD.

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Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!

Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!
credit: getty images/maxim/kara_sutra reviews

If you follow the sex positive community on twitter, you probably saw a thread of angry tweets recently pop up in your feed with the hashtag #tweetyourlube, created by in support of Rachel Kramer BusselsSalon article, where she refuted some terrible sex advice UFC Bantamweight Champion, Ronda Rousey, had to give a male reader.

In the Maxim​ Magazine piece, Ronda Rousey​ was asked, “What should a guy ALWAYS do in bed? What should a guy NEVER do in bed?”, to which she answered…

What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than you’re being lazy…and you’re not taking your time.

While I can appreciate what she’s trying to suggest – that great sex comes when you’re present in the moment, not rushing, and enjoying your partner – her answer was ignorant, disappointing, and very unacceptable.

It’s this kind of uninformed advice that further purports the misguided beliefs that a.) if a person can’t get wet it’s because their partner is doing something wrong and failing them, b.) their partner is responsible for their sexual arousal, and/or c.) lube generally isn’t necessary.

I’m sorry Ronda, but no. Just no. This is just not okay.

Arousal and Desire: Knowing The Difference

According to Ms. Rousey’s answer, all it takes for a person to get wet is time, more time, and a bunch of foreplay.

Unfortunately this isn’t exactly how things work.

What she failed to understand is that there is a difference between the processes of arousal and desire.  Arousal (the cause of lubrication, we’ll get to that below), is an involuntary physiological bodily response to a type of stimulus.  Whereas the desire to have sex is often based a psychological need or want for sexual intimacy. While the two are often deemed as being one in the same, they are two separate experiences.

Furthermore, although arousal and desire often work together, they can also operate independently, for instance; your partner may want to have sex but their body may not respond the way they need/want (i.e. lack of wetness), or in the opposite case, they may not want to have sex but their body could be responding (as is the case with some rape victims who experience orgasm during the attack).

Sure, a lack of foreplay could play a big role in lowered sexual arousal (and subsequent wetness) but there are a variety of other factors that could have an impact as well. Simply suggesting that it comes down to foreplay, time, and more time, is highly ignorant.

But I digress.

You Are Responsible For Your Orgasm, Not Your Partner

come as you are bookSince 2007 I’ve received countless emails from my cis male readers/viewers asking for help when it came to stimulating their cis female partner. In almost every situation the reader felt like he was doing something wrong because his partner couldn’t get wet, wasn’t fully aroused, or couldn’t orgasm no matter how hard he tried.

Unlike Ms. Rouseys advice that he spend more time on stimulation, my first suggestion was often to open the lines of communication; find out what type of touch she preferred, where she liked to be touched, the amount of pressure she needed, and where she was most sensitive to sexual stimulation. Without this information, no amount of help I had to offer would be of any use.

Yes, a person should take their time, but if you’re not doing what your partner likes or needs, it’s pointless. And spending more time doing it certainly isn’t going to help.

Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 1.21.54 PMIn all honesty, this is the kind of thing that makes me ridiculously angry. Unfortunately societal standards have often dictated that it takes a strong, steadfast, virile man to get a female off. That her orgasm is his responsibility. That she is dependent on him and his skills to ‘get her ready’. That if she doesn’t orgasm it’s his fault because he finished too quickly, or didn’t take his time, or wasn’t focused, or wasn’t a good lover, or didn’t know what he was doing, or didn’t anticipate her needs, or couldn’t read her body language, or was ‘lazy‘, or…

I could go on, but the point I’m trying to make is that if you can’t orgasm or become aroused with your partner it’s your responsibility to learn about your body and communicate what you need.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that speaking about sex, or during sex for that matter, is an easy or comfortable thing to do. With all the shame surrounding the subject, our bodies, and sexuality in general, I know how hard and complicated it can be. But if you don’t take ownership of your pleasure and share your needs, you can’t fault your partner when they do try to please you but miss the mark.

A Bit About Vaginal Lubrication, Or Lack Thereof

Before I go on, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to give a quick run down on vaginal lubrication. That way we’ll all be completely clear on how what Ms. Rousey is suggesting isn’t exactly the best advice…

Vaginal Lubrication: The Coles Notes

During sexual arousal the ‘female’ body experiences a variety of physical changes, the vulva and clitoris swell, the nipples become erect, muscular tension pulls the uterus upwards causing the vaginal canal to extend (both in length and width – called ‘tenting‘), and the vaginal walls fill with blood in a process called vasocongestion (also how erections occur). This vasocongestion causes increased pressure which, in turn, causes the fluid within the blood serum to be pushed through the tissues of the vaginal wall… thus, the vagina becomes lubricated.

Vaginal fluid has other functions besides making it easier for a penis, finger, or sex toy to enter; it decreases pressure and reduces the amount of friction that occurs (potentially saving the vaginal walls from tearing), limits any pain that may be associated with intercourse (allowing for a more comfortable experience), while also changing the chemical nature of the vagina, causing it to become more alkaline and less acidic (making it more hospitable to sperm).

The amount of lubrication created varies from person to person, may be different one day from the next, and changes based on any number of factors.

On that note, the addition of a good lube, whether because a person needs or wants to, certainly isn’t anything to feel bad or embarrassed about. When everything is said and done, it’s a fantastic way of helping things along, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Causes of Vaginal Dryness

Contrary to what Ms. Rousey implied, vaginal dryness is not always caused by a partners lack of time spent engaging in foreplay. Instead, there are many other reasons lack of lubrication could be occurring, including but not limited to;

  • menopause/perimenopause (lowered estrogen levels are often experienced during this time which affect lubrication)
  • health issues (diabetes, hypertension, polycystic ovarian syndrome, heart and kidney disorders, among others)
  • skin irritations/allergic reactions (soaps, dyes, laundry detergents and dryer sheets, body washes, perfumes, etc. can have an irritating and drying effect on the skin/genitals which could affect natural lubrication)
  • Summers Eve Douchepregnancy, having recently given birth, breastfeeding (shifts in estrogen/progesterone levels, possible lack of genital sensitivity requiring, tenderness due to childbirth, lowered estrogen during to lactation/breastfeeding can all have a negative impact on vaginal lubrication)
  • douching (disturbs the normal chemical balance of the vagina, often leading to irritation and vaginal dryness)
  • alcohol abuse/alcohol use (alcohol has a dehydrating affect on the body which could lead to vaginal dryness, it also acts as a depressant on the nervous system affecting sexual arousal and orgasm)
  • smoking cigarettes (cigarettes can affect circulation and destroy estrogen which can affect arousal and vaginal lubrication)
As you can clearly see, there are many reasons a person may not become lubricated enough for comfortable intercourse. To imply that it simply comes down to a lack of foreplay, without acknowledging other causes, is an uninformed thing to suggest. To then take it one level further and also state that a person should “never need lube in their life” is just ignorant, rude, and insensitive. Ronda, you can do better.

Dear Ronda Rousey, Just Say Yes To Lube!

prod-naturalsLook, I get it, when a person reaches the point of popularity that Ronda Rousey has, the general public starts thinking that because they are experts on one thing (in her case, fighting), they must be experts on a variety of topics… and when they’re then made into sex symbols by the media, that usually comes with the added bonus that they’re assumed to be highly educated on all things sex. Before long they’re touting sex advice on widely read publications, and praised for it, even when the advice they’re offering could be detrimental to someones health, sense of self, or relationship.

Everything considered, I can’t help but sympathize with the readers who will take her words at face value, apply the suggestions she made, find they’ve had no difference (because she didn’t properly educate them), and feel bad about themselves, their partners, and the sex they’re having. Especially when all it might have taken is a bottle of good lube to help things along.

Like I said in the start of this post, I appreciate what she was trying to do with her answer, but I think she needs to take a step back, get some insight on how the body works and until she’s learned better, leave sex ed to those who know what they’re actually talking about.

Investing a bottle of good lube probably wouldn’t hurt her either. #dontknockittilyouvetriedit

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Promescent Review

promescentNo matter how many times I cover premature ejaculation (or other erection issues), the main response I recieve from my viewers/readers is the same. Whether it’s asking about pills, creams and/or topical ointments, intimate accessories, or natural ways of obtaining results, every letter eventually leads to the question,

“…is there anything I can use or take to help me last longer and please my partner?…”

Often followed by,

“…you know, one that really works.”

It’s this continual inquiry that’s led me to sample more dick products than I care to admit. And while I may not have a penis of my own, I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s willingly obliged to being a guinea pig for me time and time again. So when the folks at Promescent reached out and asked if I’d review their ejaculation delay spray, I couldn’t really say no. Hopefully this review will help those of you struggling with PE to find a product that might work for you.

If you don’t care about the product details, jump to our personal experience here.

What is Promescent and how does it work?

Promescent is a spray designed to delay ejaculation and orgasm by reducing sensitivity of the penis. Basically put, it numbs your dick so you can stay hard and have sex for a longer period of time.

According to the website, unlike other products that can’t be fully absorbed and therefore only affect the outer layers of skin (limiting the effectiveness and possibly transferring to the partner), Promescent uses a patented Lidocaine based formula that penetrates below the skins surface where the nerves reside. By blocking the signal of pain within the body (or any sensation, as the case may be), it offers a potential temporary solution for those suffering with premature ejaculation, without also diminishing the enjoyment of sex.

If you’re curious about the technical aspects of how it works, feel free to watch the embedded video from the Promescent website (above left).

The Good

  • promescent reivew: bottlesIt’s easy to apply and reliably sprays the same dosage amount each time (limits the chance of using too much and can be easily adjusted to suit your needs).
  • Takes effect within 10 minutes, no need to sit around waiting; you can actively engage in foreplay with your partner while waiting for the effects to kick in.
  • Because it’s absorbed by the skin it doesn’t transfer to your partner and/or reduce their pleasure, this also means you don’t need to worry about accidentally numbing their throat or mouth during oral sex. Just make sure to wash any residual spray off with a damp cloth beforehand.
  • Does not require a prescription, can be used by anyone in need of a little assistance, and is only needed when you have sex (unlike continually taking medications).
  • If you’ve ever had a hard-on that uncomfortably lasted for hours, which was my partners experience when we stupidly experimented with Viagara, you don’t need to worry as the effects should wear off between 45 mins to an hour after first application (doesn’t mean you’ll last that long, just the effects of the spray). Granted, Viagra is designed to cause and maintain an erection, but I thought it was worth noting for those that might refrain from using the spray for that reason.
  • It’s non-toxic and is the first and only spray that’s been passed by the FDA as safe for use.
  • Can be easily washed off with water and shouldn’t stain clothing or sheets.
  • For those that are engaging in safe sex practices, it’s safe for use with condoms.
  • Most importantly, it does work. Sometimes a little too well, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Promescent Review: Personal Experience

Although there was a short period years ago where my partner had issues achieving and maintaining an erection, premature ejaculation was never an issue. Generally, for us sex lasts around 15 minutes, except in the event of being under the influence of alcohol (where it lasts longer), or really horny (intentionally, it’s over pretty quick).  Everything considered, I’d think we’re not the specific target market Promescent is hoping to reach, however it doesn’t mean we didn’t notice a difference.

Note: Before testing the product we checked online and found instances where users had gone overboard and unwittingly left themselves totally numb and unable to maintain or achieve an erection. As such, we decided it best to err on the side of caution and casually experiment with increased doses over a three week period.

Test 1:

promescent review: bottle, packaging, directionsThe first time he only used 2 sprays (instead of the suggested 3-5) directly on the underside of his penis where the head meets the shaft. Not long after rubbing it in he started to feel a slight tingling sensation, then a bit of warmth, followed by “gentle” numbness. Wanting to abide by the instructions perfectly we waited the suggested 10 minutes (the time it takes to be fully effective) before going at it. When the alarm on his phone went off signalling time was up, we headed to the bedroom to make out. Before long he had a raging hard-on and we were soaked in sweat… as expected the sex lasted longer than normal, with him finally finishing around the half hour mark.

His experience: My partner said he didn’t notice the numbness until he touched the area, and that the numbness itself was very localized.  There was no burning, tingling, or uncomfortable feeling, and the numbing allowed him to go longer without completely dulling the stimulation he received. We’re not sure if it’s something that comes with numbing one area (head) and not another (shaft), but he said the shaft was more sensitive than usual.

My experience: Because sex for us is usually unplanned and totally spontaneous, the only real difference came from knowing I was going to get laid but had to wait for it. Let’s just say I’m not the most patient person when it comes to getting dick. The sex itself was great, I didn’t feel any transference of the spray, and it appeared he had a great time too. Granted I did feel a little tender after, but thanks to some good lube I wasn’t raw or sore.

Test 2:

The second time he was a little braver and used 5 sprays. He also rubbed it into the entire length of the shaft (under the head of the penis and down the base), rather than just the underside of the head.  As with the previous experience a tingling sensation and warmth started after 2 minutes, followed by numbness. Because we were using condoms we weren’t too worried about it transferring to me so we went at it before the 10 minutes was up. Again, the sex lasted longer than normal (around 25 minutes), however we  had to stop a few times because the numbness made the condom feel weird for him (like it had slipped off or ripped). Thankfully, it hadn’t.

promescent review bottle close upHis experience: Initially he was totally aroused, but he said the lack of sensation while wearing a condom was a little alarming. Had he put the condom on after it had set, he would have known what to expect and wouldn’t have felt the need to repeatedly stop (to check the condom). He also said that ejaculating felt weird, like he could feel it, but it was ‘diluted’. Other than that, he said he liked that he could still feel me and wasn’t totally numb.

My experience: Like the first time I didn’t notice any real difference (regarding sensation) from when we normally have sex. The starting and stopping (to check the condom) was a little annoying, but something that comes with using condoms anyways. Admittedly, it was nice to go longer than usual.

Test 3:

With his curiosity peaked, my partner used 7 sprays for our third test. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best idea. Like our second time he applied it under the head of the penis and down the shaft. Almost instantly the sensation was warmer and more tingly than before, then the localized numbness kicked in. After 15 minutes of foreplay his penis went from a full hard on to semi-erect. I asked if everything was okay, to which he replied that it felt weird, like he was disconnected from his dick and couldn’t get it to do what he wanted. He said he was still into it mentally, but his body just didn’t want to co-operate. We gave it another 10 minutes before he washed off as best he could and called it a day. Unfortunately when it comes to products like Promescent, more does not often = better. From our experience it proved to be just the opposite.

His experience: Contrary to our previous experiences he said he was caught off guard with how much it numbed, and while there was no actual discomfort (pain etc), it was a foreign sensation that left him a little worried (read: paranoid). He said it took a good hour before his dick felt ‘normal’, which was a relief. He agreed that he probably shouldn’t have used as much, but said his curiosity got the best of him and he couldn’t resist seeing what would happen.

My experience: He’s a pretty confident guy, so watching him struggle to achieve and maintain an erection was tough. We’ve been down this road before (so I knew how to handle it and didn’t take it personally), but it didn’t necessarily make things easier either.  Knowing he was disappointed, both in the product and himself, made it harder for me to stay in the mood.

IMG_5552Test 4:

This time he balls-to-the-wall and used 10 sprays (rubbing it all over his dick). Knowing what our previous experience was like, I still don’t understand why he did it. Almost instantly his dick was tingling, followed by a slight ‘hot’ sensation (not burning), then complete numbness. At this point he wasn’t into it, but he wanted to see if we could somehow cajole an erection (so he’d know what it felt like).

No matter how hard we tried his dick remained soft. Stroking did nothing. Same for oral. No amount of titillation got so much as a muscle flex out of it. Granted he wasn’t turned on by this point, and instead treated the situation like some ill advised science experiment/challenge.

Whether the lack of erection was due to his disinterest, the product, or a combination of both, is anyone’s guess. After 15 minutes he started to get paranoid again so we gave up, he washed off, and we watched missed episodes of Parks and Rec on Netflix while waiting for him to regain feeling in his dick (took about an hour and a half for the numbness to totally dissipate).

His experience: In full acknowledgement of the ridiculous amount he used, he said he was surprised it didn’t ‘hurt’ and that there was no ‘burning’ sensation (which he expected). He said he was shocked that he couldn’t get a reaction from his dick, at all, and that the lack of responsiveness really worried him.  He also noted that peeing felt weird, and that the last 45 minutes of his dick being numb was really annoying.  After this experience he promised that if we ever used it again he’d stick with only 2 sprays.

Promescent review: back of bottle

My experience:  As someone that doesn’t have a dick, and therefore had no idea what he was going through, this was rather traumatizing for me. Sure, I’ve seen guys struggle with achieving erections before, but to get absolutely nothing was completely unexpected and very unnerving. Thankfully there was no lasting side effects, and his dick worked perfectly fine when we had sex the next day.

Test 5:

After our last run with the spray we were admittedly a little nervous to try it again. I told him it was up to him, that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to, but being the considerate person he is, he wanted to make sure I didn’t give a thumbs up to something that wasn’t reliable. So, off he went bottle in hand and applied it exactly as he had the during our initial test: 2 sprays directly on the underside of the head, avoiding the shaft, allowing 10 minutes to fully absorb. Even though we both were nervous the sex was great and lasted longer than usual, clocking in at around 20-25 minutes.

His experience: With the exception of being wary, his experience was similar to the first time; his sensitivity was reduced but he could still feel me enough to have a great orgasm. He also said that ejaculating felt like it usually does (instead of being weird or disconnected), and there wasn’t any discomfort.

My experience: For the most part results were the same for me, however because I felt the need to continually check in and see if he was okay, the sex wasn’t quite as intense or fulfilling (for me). Admittedly, that was my own issue and didn’t have anything to do with the product itself; the spray definitely worked, I was just over considerate. Had he not gone so far with tests 3 and 4, I think I would have had a kick-ass time.

 The Bad

  • For me, the biggest drawback is the $79.95 retail price. Having said that, most users will likely find they only need 1 or 2 sprays, in which case the cost isn’t bad (you get around 60 sprays per bottle). But if effectiveness requires needing 3 or 4 sprays (each time), overall it could end up being rather costly.
  • promescent review: full packagingThe delaying effect is temporary, and therefore isn’t a permanent solution.
  • As with many products, there is a faint smell to the spray. It’s not overwhelming, but it is there. It reminded us of the minty but medicinal Original Listerine (the yellow one). Thankfully the scent doesn’t remain for very long, and it’s not something you’ll smell unless your up close (consider this before asking your partner for a blow job).
  • If too much is used it may cause loss of erection and numbness, as well as irritation. On that note, it’s always better to use the amount specified on the directions – using more doesn’t always mean you’re going to get better results (as we proved with our tests above).
  • Because Lidocaine has not been proven to be safe for use during pregnancy, it’s not recommended for couples who are or may become pregnant.

Aside from all that, because Promescent works by numbing the area, it’s advised that you pay close attention to what you’re doing at all times. Any time you can’t feel yourself, or your partner, there is a risk of unintentionally hurting yourself or them.  While I’d advise products like this for external use, I would NOT suggest them for use internally, whether it’s vaginal, oral, or anal. If you want to use something for those purposes you’re better off getting a product that either relaxes the area or enhances sensation.  Lastly, if you’ve decided to use a condom as your form of protection, it’s a good idea to stop every so often and make sure the condom is still intact/on… if you’re numb you may not be able to tell if it’s ripped or has come off.

IMG_5561Final Thoughts

For some people the causes of premature ejaculation are more physical than chemical/mental, in which case delay products like Promescent can help tremendously. During our tests we found the spray extended the lasting time during intercourse by around 10 minutes on average (allowing for a half hour session at its most effective).  Suffice it to say we were both impressed with the results.  With that in mind, as far as temporary solutions to premature ejaculation go, this one gets a big thumbs up.

Having said that, I assume pairing it with other methods would likely offer even better results. Just keep in mind, since every body is different, some products will work and some won’t. The key is to not judge them all by the same measuring stick and instead experiment with the various options available until you get the desired results. Or in our case, experiment until you learn your lessons the hard way and end up with a dick that won’t do anything you want. From now on, we’ll be sticking with 2 sprays.

If you’d like more information I’d suggest hitting up the Promescent website, Googling other online reviews, and/or contacting them if you have questions. For those looking to try the product, you can purchase it here (I’d suggest snagging the trial size, it’s currently 50% off = $14.90 including shipping) or via the Promescent account on Amazon.

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*Disclaimer: I received 1 standard sized bottle at no cost to me in exchange for this review. I also received financial compensation from the sponsor for my time and effort.  Although this post is sponsored, all opinions are my own based on my personal experiences.

 

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First Time Sex Tips: For The Ladies

In the first post I touched on the basics including the decision about what type of contraception you’ll be using, getting products like lubricant to help make the experience more pleasurable, the motivation behind the choice to be sexually active, and making sure to have a person you can speak with, both before and after, who might be able to help and offer guidance should you need it.

The second post focused on all the tips, suggestions and information I thought most ‘males’ would need to know, or at least want to know, to help make the experience an enjoyable one for both them and their partner(s).

For those of you jumping into the series, I highly suggest you go back and read the first article as it will set the tone and possibly give you the insight you need to decide if having sex is something you’re really ready for.

tip: even if you identify as being ‘female’ I suggest you read the post directed at ‘males’ as it can help give you some valuable insight to what most go through and possibly even help you relay information to others.

As for this article, I’m going to be covering tips, suggestions and insights I think everyone with a vagina should know before engaging in sexual activity, hopefully making the experience the best it can be for everyone.

Safety First

As someone with a vagina, there are two types of protection you need to worry about; contraception (or protecting against an unplanned pregnancy) and STD/STI protection. While most think that anything you use offers the dual protection needed, it sadly isn’t the case. With this in mind, I’m going to offer some tips and suggestions to help you find and choose a method that works for you, while also offering some tips to help ensure its effectiveness.

Screen shot 2013-09-09 at 3.35.31 PMContraception

Choosing a method of contraception can be a rather daunting one, especially with all the options on the market. Now add that to the fact that some products like the diaphragm require a “fitting”, others like the pill require a prescription and others still require insertion/placement by a doctor (IUD) and you’ve got a handful of issues to deal with. Unfortunately the situation can often be overwhelming and scary, I know, I’ve been there.

The best suggestion I can give is to talk to someone you trust or do an online search (Scarleteen, Sexualityandu.ca and Sexetc have some great info) to find a method that you think would work for you. Once you’ve learned all that you can about the product(s), schedule a visit with your doctor or local hassle free clinic to speak about your options.

In most cases your doctor will go over all the dangers, possible side effects (if there are any) and benefits that you need to know before making a decision. While you can always change your mind and switch products should you decide to later, make sure to take the opportunity to ask any questions you may have before deciding as it’s the best way to avoid any delays in intimacy with your partner, something that’s often suggested when switching.

tip: if you’re switching from a product like the diaphragm to the pill it’s suggested that use another method of protection (like the condom or female condom) to allow the product to fully take effect. You’re doctor will be able to tell you how long you should expect to wait.

Ensure Effectiveness

Whether it’s the pill, diaphragm, female condom, IUD, shot (depovera), patch, sponge or male condom, putting the method into practice is of utmost importance. I say this because most don’t take the necessary steps to ensure proper application, an issue that plays a large role in the effectiveness and guarantee of positive results.

If you’re going to be using a product that’s meant to be inserted like the female condom, diaphragm or sponge (others listed here) I suggest taking the time to practice getting it into place before you use it for intercourse. Doing so will likely help make the situation faster, easier, less confusing and definitely more comfortable. Let’s be real, there’s nothing worse then hearing your partner knock on the bathroom door and anxiously ask “are you okay in there?” while you’re fumbling to learn how to put in your diaphragm. #true story

If condoms are more your thing, it would be a good idea to practice applying them on a brush handle, banana, cucumber, or other phallic shaped object so that you’ll know how to do it right, and more importantly, know enough to notice if your partner is doing it wrong.  If your partner is unsure about what condoms are best, I created a condom size chart which might prove helpful.

If you’re going to be using products like the pill or patch, which work by affecting your hormones, I suggest finding out how long it takes for them to be active and giving them the necessary time to set in. I also suggest you get in the habit of taking them everyday at the same time (in the case of the pill), a practice that will go a long way for ensuring effectiveness.

tip: because some antibiotics and medications can cancel out the pill, I suggest you talk to your doctor and ask any questions you may have to ensure that this doesn’t happen while you’re engaging in intercourse.

gytSTD/STI Protection

Unfortunately condoms, the female condom and dental dam (the latter being something used for oral intimacy rather than intercourse) are the only products currently on the market offering dual protection against STD/STI’s and unplanned pregnancies. If you are going to be using a method of protection that is strictly for contraception (listed above) I highly suggest you also get in the practice of STD/STI protection, as it’s something that could very likely save your life, if not save you the headache of an unwanted STD/STI.

On that note, I don’t agree that males should be responsible for the condoms and females responsible for the contraception. In fact, I think it’s a very good idea for everyone to get into the habit of carrying condoms at all times, especially considering that you never know when the heat of the moment may strike. Better safe then sorry right?

Tips & Suggestions

Some of the most common worries I hear from females are that they’ll be “too loose”, “too tight”, that they might bleed, they don’t know what to do (“am I just supposed to lay there?”), that they’ll do it “wrong” and finally that it will hurt.  If you can relate to any of the above, don’t worry, you’re not alone.

In an attempt to help, I’ve listed some tips/suggestions that I hope will build your level of confidence and give you some insight regarding what to expect your first time around.

Getting Ready

No matter if you’re female, male or transgendered, I highly suggest learning to masturbate before sexual activity. While this may seem like an attempt to keep you from having sex, nothing could be farther from the truth. To me, the act can play a vital role in preparing you for your first sexual experience; it’ll help you to learn about your likes and dislikes, get you in touch with your body, help you discover parts you didn’t know existed, and give you the upper hand when it comes to relaying everything you’ve learned to your partner.  If there is one thing I can’t stress enough it’s that communication and preparation is key to a good sexual experience – especially for the first time, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

keep-calm-and-have-sex-444

Relax

I put this on the top of the list for the boys, though I think it’s probably one of the most important for everyone – as simple as it may sound, being relaxed is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give. When you’re relaxed your heart rate is lower, stress levels decrease, your mind becomes still, you have a better chance of becoming aroused and any anxiety you may be feeling will drift away. Sure, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but maintaining a sense of calm will go a long way for helping to relax the vaginal muscles and make the experience a tad less painful.

My suggestion: When trying to stay relaxed you may think of the old standby techniques like breathing, maintaining a sense of calm and going with the flow will have the best effect, and to a certain extent, you’re right. However, I personally think being prepared in every aspect will make the biggest difference when it comes to the big day/night or otherwise. If you know how to use your chosen method of protection, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of stimulation both you and your partner prefer, what type of lube you’ll be using and have talked about all your fears or anxieties with someone you trust, that will go a long way for helping you stay calm in the heat of the moment as you’ll already know what to expect and not be caught off guard.

squeezing-is-pleasingLoosen/Tighten Up

One of the most commonly asked questions (and biggest worries) I get from females is that they’ll be “too tight” or “too loose” for their first time. While it is an issue that’s often blown out of proportion and something most myths are made of, you can have a small degree of control over the way your vagina functions when it comes to being “loose” or “tight”.

The vagina is a pretty amazing thing; when aroused it has the ability to “tent” where the vaginal canal, usually only 3-4 inches deep, swells and pulls back, expanding to 5-7 inches, allowing a larger object to enter. It’s this “tenting” that will often create a “looser” feeling. For those of you that think it’s a bad thing, keep in mind that it usually only happens when a female is aroused, pointing to the fact that you’re likely doing something right. In regard to “tightening”, since the walls are lined with muscle, the vaginal canal has the ability to tense and contract (something you can learn to do) making it feel tighter around your partner’s member. If you’d like more information on myths and misconceptions associated with being “loose” or “tight”, I suggest you read this article on the subject.

My Suggestion: If your concern is that you’ll be “too tight”, I suggest purchasing a small dildo or vibrator (it doesn’t have to be expensive) to help you “loosen” up. While the process isn’t one that will leave lasting permanent results (meaning you won’t have a gaping hole after putting something in your vag) it will go a long way for helping you get used to the feeling of having something inside, as well as deriving pleasure from a foreign object. If your concern is that you’ll be “too loose”, I suggest learning to flex and contract your PC muscles, as that is what you’ll be using to “tighten” around your partner during intercourse.

tip: learning to tighten your PC muscles is actually very easy: the next time you urinate break the flow of your pee for intervals of 3 seconds at a time (i.e pee for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds etc). Pay attention to the way it feels and mimic that sensation any time you can. You can do it when in line at the bank, grocery shopping, watching t.v. or writing in your journal. The best thing about it, no one knows you’re doing it.

Painless Pleasure

Unfortunately there is no hard or fast rule, suggestion or advice to guarantee that the experience will be painless. Sure there are lots of things you can do to help, but the amount of pain you experience will depend on many factors; your level of relaxation, arousal, personal lubrication (or use of purchased lube), body compatibility (his penis is very large, your vagina is very “small”) and open communication being some of them.

My Suggestion: The advice I have to offer here is twofold;

1.) As I stated earlier, do your best to relax. Just like every other muscle in your body, when you’re tense, scared or afraid in the moment your vaginal muscles will likewise tense, possibly making insertion a little harder then previously thought. While relaxing is much easier said then done, little things like lighting candles, playing music, spending lots of time on foreplay and learning to trust your partner can go a long way to creating an environment where you feel safe, secure, able to let go and relax.

2.) One of the main issues I find people tend to overlook is the role being “wet” plays in great sex; if you’re not aroused enough your body most likely wont naturally provide the amount of personal lubricant needed to make insertion of the penis “easy”, if not easier. This is where the application of a good lube comes in. That said, I highly suggest you invest in a body safe lube that’s low in glycerin. It doesn’t have to be expensive and it doesn’t have to be silicone. In fact, a good water based lube like the ones System Jo (from $6.75) or Sliquid (from $8.48) make, will usually do. Apply a little to both you and your partner before intercourse to ensure there is less friction, i.e. pain.

embarrassed-jessicaBleeding

There’s no other way I can put this then to say, some people will bleed and some wont. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and it doesn’t happen all the time. For some the blood may be a little heavy like a light period, for others it might be just a drop. Either way it’s “normal”, natural and nothing to be ashamed of. While we’re on the subject, for those that don’t know much about the hymen, I suggest you watch this video to give you a better understanding of why some people might bleed.

My Suggestion: Although I can’t offer any suggestions to stop you from bleeding, I can offer some that might help make the experience a little less mortifying. First, place a dark colored towel beneath you, not only will it possibly soak up the blood but it will also keep it from staining your sheets and mattress. Unless you’re in it, having sex in a bed you’ve just bled in can be slightly frightening for some first timers. Second, go slow. While this might not play a huge role in how much (or even if you do) bleed, it can go a long way for decreasing friction and/or tearing of the hymen, something that is most definitely a contributing factor. Finally, if it hurts don’t be afraid to tell your partner, you’re more than allowed. The same thing goes if it’s too fast, slow, deep, hard, soft, shallow, or otherwise – speak your mind and don’t shy away. This is something you will most likely remember for the rest of your life, take every step you can to make it a great one.

tumblr_lj7l0veppg1qakh43o1_400Being A Great Lover

Very often I’m sent messages from scared and nervous viewers, just about to embark on their first time, asking what it is they are supposed to do. Like the majority of advice I’ve given in this post, there’s no specific answer – the best I can give is to do whatever you need to do to make sure you enjoy it. In short, be selfish! Sure it may sound bad, but very often someone is left disappointed and orgasmless, wondering “is that what it’s all about?”.

My Suggestion: Whether it’s grinding your clit against your partners pubic bone (not penis), riding hard and rough or soft and gentle, playing with your clitoris while their inside you, using a toy to help speed along the orgasm, or simply trying different positions until you find one you like, do everything and anything you want. I mean that. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed by your actions. Your orgasm and enjoyment are your responsibility, not theirs.

Last but not least, be gentle with yourself. Don’t take it too seriously and remember it’s your first time, not you’re hundredth. Just like riding a bike, learning to roller blade or playing a sport, being “good in bed” is something that comes with time, experience, learning, being open to change and willing to explore your opportunities. It’s also something that’s going to change with each different partner, when it comes to sex, nothing is a surefire guarantee.

Final Thoughts

It’s safe to say that your first time will most likely be scary, overwhelming, nerve wracking, exciting, intense, thrilling, and memorable. And although I’d like to tell you otherwise,  no matter how “perfect” you try to make it, I can almost guarantee something will go wrong. The more you expect that, the more able you’ll be in the moment to let it go, move on, and not let it effect things.

Will you’re first time be what you expected? not entirely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time.

Will it be fantastic? Hopefully, though it seems first times rarely are.

Will it be something you always remember? I’d think so, which is why I suggest doing everything in your power to make it a good one.

 

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Sex Ed 102: Implants/Transcervical Sterilization

 

What are Implants / Transcervical Sterilization?

When the word “transcervical” (meaning “through the cervix“) sterilization is used, it’s meant to encompass any method of Permanent Contraception where a health care provider reaches the fallopian tubes through the cervical opening of the uterus to block the tubes, preventing an unintended pregnancy.

In 2002 the U.S. Food and Drug Admisitration (FDA) approved a small metallic implant called Essure as safe form of Permanent Contraception. The implant itself is a small, soft, flexible metal and fiber coil that is placed into the fallopian tubes to prevent pregnancy.

How does a the Essure Implant work?

Once the Essure Implants are in place it works by making scar tissue form over the implant, blocking the fallopian tube and preventing fertilization of the egg by the sperm.

Essure Benefits 2How is a Transcervical Sterilization performed?

The procedure does not require cutting into the body or the use of radio frequency energy to burn the fallopian tubes. Instead, a health care professional inserts the soft, flexible implants through the body’s natural pathways (vagina, cervix, and uterus) and places one into the opening of each of the 2 fallopian tubes. The very tip of the device remains outside the fallopian tube, which provides immediate visual confirmation that it is in place.

What can a patient expect after the procedure?

During the 3 months following the procedure, the patients body forms scar tissue over the inserts to form a natural barrier that prevents sperm from reaching the egg. During this period, the patient must continue using another form of birth control like a condom.

After three months, it’s time to get a confirmation test to verify that the patient is protected from the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. The test uses a dye and special type of x-ray to ensure both that the inserts are in place and that the fallopian tubes are completely blocked.

What are the advantages?

  • No surgery, burning or anesthesia
  • No hormones
  • No slowing down to recover
  • Can be performed in less than 30 minutes
  • Allows sexual spontaneity and requires no daily attention.
  • It is a permanent form of birth control.
  • There are no changes in sexual desire, menstrual cycle, or ability to breastfeed
  • May be covered by Heath Insurance

What are the disadvantages?

  • May not be reversible.
  • It is meant to be a permanent form of birth control, and some women may regret the decision later.
  • The two most common factors associated with regret are young age and unpredictable life events, such as change in marital status or death of a child.
  • It can be expensive, usually around $2,000 with insurance covering a portion
  • Allergic reaction to the materials
  • Perforation, expulsion, or other unsatisfactory location of the micro-insert
  • Symptoms during or immediately after the procedure may include mild to moderate cramping, nausea/vomiting, dizziness/light-headedness, and bleeding/spotting
  • Not all women will achieve successful placement of both inserts

How effective is the Essure Implant/Transcervical Sterilization?

During clinical trials the Essure procedure was found to be 99.74% effective.

 

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