I’m doing this video to answer some of the most asked questions I’ve received since I started making videos back in 2007. Hopefully it will help you understand the importance of knowing your body, get rid of any concerns you may have, and teach you to love the skin you’re in.
First and foremost, it’s important to note that from vulvas to nipples, eyes to teeth, every body is different and worthy of appreciation and respect. On that note, I want to stress how important it is that you learn to regularly touch yourself (it doesn’t have to be sexually) and look at yourself in the mirror. If you’re not familiar with your body there’s a likely chance you wont notice if anything is different, which could be a sign that something might be wrong health wise.
Also, during your explorations take note of anything that may feel good or bad to the touch. One of the key elements of intimacy and being sexually gratified is communication. If you don’t know what you like, how do you expect to help someone else please you?
Sex in the City tackles every aspect of dating and relating you can imagine – and many that you’d never have thought of. Covering everything from how to meet a partner – and identify the losers – to dating and sexual etiquette, down-to-earth advice on birth control and STDs, saucy tips for between-the-sheets bliss, satisfaction-guaranteed positions, wild sex, sex with your ex and how to cope with being a born-again virgin.
Hip, fun and funky in terms of design and approach, with over 50 specially commissioned colour illustrations, Sex in the City is a highly entertaining read, as well as an informative one. Better than a Cosmopolitan-fuelled evening out with the girls, this is the ultimate sex book for twenty-first century women.
Sexuality (no longer available) – A highly informative book covering all aspects of sexual development including the male and female reproductive systems with highly in depth, full color diagrams and illustrations.
The bestselling guide to a rewarding sex life and a deeper relationship.
Looking for the straight facts on sex? In this friendly, authoritative guide, renowned sex therapist Dr. Ruth gives you the latest on everything from oral sex and popular positions to new methods of birth control. She also debunks sex myths and covers new therapies to manage low libido, overcome sexual dysfunction, and enhance pleasure.
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Despite its importance, the clitoris has long been misunderstood or ignored. In recent years, however, there has been a growing movement to raise awareness about its structure and function, emphasizing the importance of clitoral stimulation in sexual pleasure.
Knowing how to properly stimulate the clitoris – whether through gentle touch, oral sex, or the use of sex toys – can empower individuals to take control of their sexual health and enjoy more fulfilling intimate experiences.
Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris helps in exploring various ways to experience sexual satisfaction, either through solo play or with a partner. As such, I also suggest reading my beginners guide to the clitoris, in order to help learn as much as possible before engaging in any stimulation techniques.
Facts About The Clitoris
The clitoris serves no other purpose than providing sexual pleasure. In fact it is the only organ in the human body that exists solely for pleasure.
There are around eight thousand nerve endings within the clitoris, which is part of what makes it so sensitive.
Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is much larger then people assume. Like a miniature penis, the clitoris consists of a rounded tip (the glans, think of the head of the penis), attached to a longer part (the shaft). The shaft has two “arms” that stretch backwards into the woman’s body, under the skin on either side above the vaginal opening. This picture shows the similarities between the clitoris and penis quite well.
Nerves controlling clitoral muscle contractions travel alongside the walls of the vagina, the bladder and urethra, passing along the sensations produced from orgasm or stimulation. Which is why when a female experiences an orgasm during sex, the guy having sex with her will feel a throbbing or pulsing sensation inside her vagina.
During the one of the stages of the sexual response cycle her clitoris might become more sensitive then when you first started to play with it and may retract under the hood to shield it from direct stimulation. Check this diagram of a clitoris going through the stages or arousal.
When a person becomes sexually aroused, the clitoris fills with blood and increases in size just like a penis. After orgasm, the clitoris will return to its normal size. If the person doesn’t have an orgasm, the blood may remain there for a few hours and cause discomfort. This is pretty much the equivalent of “blue balls”.
Learning What You Like
Though every person’s sensitivity and preferences can vary, for many, direct clitoral stimulation is key to achieving orgasm. Some may prefer light, gentle touches, while others enjoy more intense or rhythmic stimulation. Exploring your body so you know what you like and don’t is crucial when it comes to communicating with a partner, and helps to ensure a fulfilling sexual experience for everyone.
External stimulation through oral sex, or even indirect stimulation through positions that apply pressure to the clitoral region, can also lead to heightened sexual arousal and orgasm. Finding what works best requires a combination of exploration, patience, and openness to discovering new sensations.
Different techniques can elicit different types of pleasure, and how you go about stimulating yourself is completely up to you.
Getting Started
Before you get started, make sure to always prioritize consent, comfort, and communication when engaging in sexual activities. Each person’s preferences are unique, so be open to exploration and discovery to find what works best for you.
Set the Mood: Create a comfortable and private environment where you feel relaxed and safe. Dim the lights, play soft music, or use aromatherapy to enhance the atmosphere. This can help you focus on the experience and reduce any distractions.
Begin with Foreplay: Start by engaging in foreplay to increase arousal, whether individually or with a partner. For individual foreplay, explore your body by caressing your own skin, focusing on erogenous zones such as the breasts, inner thighs, or the vulva. Using your hands or a vibrator can enhance sensations and help you understand your preferences. When engaging in partnered foreplay, consider kissing, touching, or orally stimulating each other to create intimacy. Taking your time during this phase helps build anticipation and increases sensitivity, allowing both you and your partner to become fully aroused before moving on to clitoral stimulation.
Lubricate: Use a water or silicone-based lubricant to enhance comfort and reduce friction. Applying lubricant to the clitoris and surrounding areas can heighten sensations and make stimulation more pleasurable.
Locate the Clitoris: Identify the clitoral glans, which is located at the top of the vulva, just above the urethral opening. It’s a small, sensitive pea sized nub that may be partially covered by the clitoral hood. Familiarize yourself with the surrounding anatomy, including the labia and the vestibular bulbs.
Start Gently: Begin by gently touching the clitoral glans with your fingertips or the palm of your hand. Use light pressure to explore different areas around the clitoris and gradually increase the intensity as you gauge your comfort level. Pay attention to your body’s responses.
Experiment with Techniques: Try various techniques to discover what feels best for you. You can use:
Circular Motions: Move your fingers in small circles around the clitoral glans.
Up and Down Strokes: Gently slide your fingers vertically over the glans.
Side-to-Side Movements: Move your fingers horizontally across the clitoris.
Pressure Variation: Alternate between light and firmer pressure to find the most pleasurable sensations.
Incorporate Different Types of Stimulation: You may also try using a vibrator designed for clitoral stimulation, which can provide a different sensation. Experiment with different speeds and patterns to see what you enjoy. You can also combine manual stimulation with a vibrator for enhanced pleasure.
Focus on the Whole Area: Remember that the entire vulva is sensitive. Explore touching the surrounding labia, the vaginal opening, and the vestibular bulbs to create a more holistic experience. Varying your focus can lead to deeper arousal.
Communicate with Your Partner: If you are exploring clitoral stimulation with a partner, communicate your desires and preferences openly. Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. This can enhance intimacy and ensure a pleasurable experience for both of you.
Allow for Exploration: Take your time and allow yourself to explore your body without pressure to reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation can vary in intensity, and enjoying the journey is just as important as any destination. Focus on the sensations and embrace your pleasure.
Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your body’s responses throughout the experience. If something feels uncomfortable, adjust your technique or pressure. If you feel close to orgasm, you can continue the same stimulation or vary it to prolong the sensation.
Aftercare: Once you finish, take a moment to relax and enjoy the afterglow. This can include cuddling, talking, or simply reflecting on the experience. Aftercare is an essential part of intimacy, helping you connect with yourself and/or your partner.
Clitoral Stimulation Techniques
Now that you’ve got a bit of information about the clitoris and getting started, here are a few different clitoral stimulation techniques you might try:
Use your hand, fingers, or a sex toy to slide up and down or back and forth across your clitoris and clitoral hood. Using lubrication or spit will help with avoiding friction that may cause you to be tender or sore after.
A gentle tapping on your clit can help to slowly build to orgasm. Speed it up or slow it down as necessary to suit your comfort level.
Being that the crura, or two “legs” of the clitoris, can be stimulated inside the vaginal canal, penetrating your vagina with your fingers or a sex toy can be extra enjoyable. Combining this with other external stimulating techniques can create an even more intense experience (pictured above left).
No hands or nudity required, straddle a pillow, corner of a couch/chair, or other object and grind onto it until you reach orgasm (pictured lower right).
For partnered play, during penetrative sex, suggest having your partner focus less on thrusting and more on rubbing or grinding their body on your clitoris while inserted.
Next time you’re in the bath or shower, try using the sensation of running water to stimulate your clitoris. It isn’t the most comfortable experience when in the bath, but can still be quite enjoyable (pictured left). A removable shower head with multiple settings gives you the opportunity to play with different types of stimulation.
Use your fingers to softly pinch your clitoral hood. Because of the amount of nerve endings in the clitoris, I suggest starting gently and playing around until you see what feels good and what doesn’t. This technique isn’t for everyone, so if you find it isn’t enjoyable that’s totally okay.
Use your fingers or a sex toy to trace circles around your clit, touching your labia in the process. Begin slowly and increase speed as desired.
Because of the unique shape of the clitoris, you may become aroused and even orgasm by massaging other erogenous zones on their own or along with the clitoris. Try touching your labia, vaginal opening, inner thigh, perineum, or anus.
Final Thoughts
Clitoral stimulation is an essential aspect of sexual pleasure for many individuals. Understanding the anatomy of the clitoris and experimenting with various techniques can help enhance sexual experiences, whether solo or with a partner. The key is to take your time, explore different forms of touch, and discover what feels most pleasurable. Clitoral stimulation can be approached in a variety of ways, from gentle caresses and circular motions to the use of vibrators and other toys. By paying attention to your body’s responses and using lubrication, you can ensure a more comfortable and satisfying experience.
Ultimately, clitoral stimulation is about connecting with your body and embracing what brings you pleasure. Open communication with a partner, as well as personal exploration, allows for deeper intimacy and a better understanding of sexual desires. The clitoris plays a central role in sexual arousal and orgasm, and learning to stimulate it effectively can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual encounters. Remember, the journey of discovering pleasure is personal, so take the time to experiment, relax, and enjoy the experience at your own pace.
If you’d like to purchase products designed specifically for clitoral stimulation be sure to check out any of my favourite online sex toy stores be it Pinkcherry, SheVibe, or Babeland. Make sure to shop around so you can get the best prices available.
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Many of you have sent questions and concerns about either your body or your partners body, especially in regard to the foreskin. Unfortunately, specific concerns aren’t going to be answered in the video above. A separate video will be created at a later date that addresses issues you’ve messaged about.
That said, the primary part of this page will be focused on the foreskin and explore the key distinctions between being cut vs uncut while the video and lower portion of this page will be focused on helping my male viewers understand, from a cis female perspective, whether or not being circumcised makes a difference when it comes to intercourse. For the record, I’m basing the info on the messages I’ve received from female viewers – not just my own opinion and experiences.
Understanding the Foreskin: Cut vs. Uncut
The foreskin is a fold of skin that covers the head (glans) of the penis, providing protection and lubrication. While all cis males are born with foreskin, some individuals undergo circumcision, a procedure in which the foreskin is surgically removed, typically for cultural, religious, or medical reasons.
The debate around circumcision, and the differences between being “cut” (circumcised) and “uncut” (uncircumcised), has led to much discussion regarding health, hygiene, sexual function, and personal preference. This article explores the key distinctions between cut and uncut penises, addressing both the physical and functional differences.
Anatomy and Function of the Foreskin
The foreskin serves several purposes, particularly in its natural state. It protects the sensitive glans from external irritation, maintains lubrication by trapping moisture, and contributes to sexual sensation due to its high concentration of nerve endings. The foreskin is retractable, meaning it can be pulled back to expose the glans during sexual activity or cleaning. The inner lining of the foreskin also contains glands that secrete a substance known as smegma, which helps to keep the area moist but requires proper hygiene to avoid buildup.
Circumcised (Cut) vs. Uncircumcised (Uncut)
Circumcised (Cut): Circumcision is the surgical removal of the foreskin, commonly performed in infancy or early childhood, but it can be done at any age. The primary reasons for circumcision include religious or cultural traditions, or for perceived health benefits. Some medical professionals advocate circumcision for its potential to reduce the risk of certain infections, such as urinary tract infections (UTIs) and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Without the foreskin, the glans is fully exposed, which can result in the skin becoming less sensitive over time due to constant exposure to friction and environmental factors. Some report reduced sensitivity during sexual activity after circumcision, though others report no significant difference in pleasure. Because circumcised penises do not have a foreskin, they require less maintenance regarding hygiene, as there is no risk of smegma buildup.
Uncircumcised (Uncut): Those with an intact foreskin are considered “uncut” or uncircumcised. The foreskin remains over the glans and can be retracted for cleaning or during sexual activity. The foreskin’s presence is believed to contribute to heightened sexual pleasure for some, as it retains moisture and can enhance sensitivity due to the large number of nerve endings. During intercourse or masturbation, the foreskin glides over the glans, potentially providing additional stimulation.
Proper hygiene is essential for those uncircumcised to avoid issues such as infections or inflammation, known as balanitis. Regular cleaning under the foreskin is necessary to maintain health and prevent discomfort. Some uncircumcised individuals may experience tightness of the foreskin, a condition known as phimosis, which can be managed with medical intervention if needed.
Sexual Sensation and Function
Sexual sensation is one of the most debated aspects of circumcision versus being uncircumcised. The foreskin contains numerous nerve endings, which can enhance sensitivity during sexual activity for uncircumcised men. The gliding action of the foreskin during intercourse or masturbation may provide a different type of stimulation that circumcised men do not experience.
On the other hand, some studies suggest that those who are circumcised may experience less sensitivity over time due to the constant exposure of the glans, though many that are circumcised report no difference in sexual satisfaction. Ultimately, sexual pleasure and function vary significantly between individuals, and both circumcised and uncircumcised individuals can enjoy healthy and fulfilling sex lives.
Cut vs Uncut, What Females Say
To answer the question as simply as possible (I’m basing this on the number of emails I received from female viewers I polled about the topic)… some women love circumcised penises, others don’t prefer them, some don’t give a rats ass either way.
More specifically, some found that circumcised men provided a different sexual experience due to the exposed glans, which offered to a firmer sensation during intercourse. Some appreciated the ease of hygiene with circumcised partners, as the lack of a foreskin meant less concern about cleanliness in that area. While for others, the visual appearance of a circumcised penis aligned with what they were more familiar with, which influenced comfort levels during intimacy.
On the other hand, women who had been with uncircumcised partners appreciated the presence of the foreskin, which created a more dynamic, gliding sensation during intercourse. The natural lubrication and mobility of the foreskin contributed to a different kind of stimulation, which some found more pleasurable.
Additionally, some women were less focused on whether their partner was circumcised or uncircumcised and instead valued the sexual connection, open communication, and safety they felt with their partner. All of that said, preferences for cut versus uncut partners were subjective and depended on individual comfort, body awareness, and what each person found pleasurable during sexual encounters.
Again, whether you’re circumcised or not, great sex has less to do with the penis and more to do with how you use it, how well you stimulate your partner (in the way that they need), how open you are to feedback, openly communicating with each other, creating a space of safety and comfort in the moment, and a willingness to make adjustments so that everyone has a great time. Keep in mind that 70% of cis women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. A penis, as wonderful as it may be, cannot provide the necessary stimulation to the clitoris to get off.
As always, if you are like me and understand the importance of inclusive sex education and want to help support what I am doing, please link, forward, or embed my videos to anyone that you think might benefit from them.
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While I’m not the biggest fan of California Exotics, there are times when I think they did something right. The Couture Collection Utopia (one of many from the Couture Collection) is one of them. It’s made of silicone (passed the flame test), has a somewhat soft and supple texture, is fairly powerful, has an automatic off button, offers separate stimulation to both the clitoris and vagina (g-spot), and is very easy to use.
The down side, it requires batteries and may be too long for some people.
•Multi-function stimulator with tantalizing bunny
•Soft, flexible, and pliable
•7 function clitoral stimulation
•3 speeds of shaft rotation
•Waterproof
•Automatic on/off button
•Medical grade Japanese Silicone
•7 x 1.5 / 18 cm x 4 cm
•3 AA batteries
I’m a sex-positive advocate, reviewer, vlogger, branding, media and publicity creation consultant. In 2007 I created a series on YouTube called Sex Ed 102 to educate on sex positivity, pleasure products, sex tips, tricks, & techniques, contraception options, and STI info. To date Sex Ed 102 has gained over 17 million views on YouTube alone! Keep reading...
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Sex In the City by Lisa Sussman
Sex for Dummies by Sabine Walter
Next time you’re in the bath or shower, try using the sensation of running water to stimulate your clitoris. It isn’t the most comfortable experience when in the bath, but can still be quite enjoyable (pictured left). A 
