Review: Lovehoney Sqweel Oral Sex Simulator

lovehoney sqweel

While hunting online for new and unusual sex toys I happened upon the Sqweel; a new device eerily similar to a mini water wheel generator… and of course the first thought that sprang to mind was ‘I must try that!’.

When will I learn?

Let’s just say I likely never will and leave it at that.

Sqweel – The Gist

Sqweel consists of 10 small “tongues” that sit in a compact and easy to hold silky feeling black case, something I found myself curiously stroking over and over without even realizing.  The tongues are crafted from high grade silicone making them hygienic, hypo allergenic, non porous (they don’t absorb bacteria) and are latex/phthalate free.

If there is one thing I want to make clear about the Sqweel it’s that it is not a vibrator as it doesn’t actually vibrate.  Nor does it thrust… or do anything you’ve most likely grown accustomed to when it comes to sex toys.

Instead, the product has an internal motor that causes the 10 little tongues to spin, mimicking the feeling of your partners tongue as it laps over your bits.  At least that’s what it’s supposed to feel like. For me, it was more like a having my clit softly flicked by some random silicone flaps.  In truth, it was terrible. But it wasn’t great either.

Operating the Sqweel is extremely easy; located on the handle  is a switch with four settings – off, low, mid (medium) and hi (high). To turn it on just switch it into any of the desired settings and it begins to spin. To turn it off just switch it to the off position and it quickly stops. Again I have to say how big a fan I am of products that allow you to turn them off in a split second, not only can they be great for saving one from an embarrassing moment, but they are also much easier on batteries.

As for the actual speeds, the low is just that – a very low spin. It’s great for foreplay or to start getting you used to the feeling and in the mood. The mid (medium) is quite fast and actually surprised me with how fast it was. The hi (high) well…lets just say I was scared it would lap my clit off!  Seriously, it’s pretty damn fast, especially when you insert new batteries. That said, I highly suggest you start on the lower speeds and work your way up, otherwise you might be in for a bit of a shock.

 Packaging

With the exception of the words “a revolution in orgasms” written on the front, I’d say it’s pretty respectfully packaged. There’s no nudity, derogatory terms, swearing, or anything else that may be considered sexual or “rude” in nature.

Once removed from the cardboard slider you’ll find a metal tin that houses everything it comes with including the owners guide, a trial sized packet of Sliquid glycerine and paraben free lubricant (which is perfectly safe for use) and of course the Sqweel.

For those that are always complaining or asking about places to “hide” your toys, the interior velvet finished insert can be removed to make more room for other goodies like condoms, lube or any other fun things you own should you want to make it your personal sexy storage box.

Suggestions & Tips

When it comes to using the Sqweel I have a few suggestions to help make it an enjoyable experience;

  • Because it’s made of matte type silicone it can create a bit of drag on the skin as it spins. This isn’t painful, at least I didn’t think it was, but it’s most likely not going to be pleasurable either.  To keep this from happening I suggest pouring lube on your hands and allowing the ‘tongues’ to run over them on the lowest setting.  That way you’ll be able to easily coat each one with lube which eliminates the drag on your skin during use. I also suggest putting some lube on your clit to help to reduce the drag. Yes I know, it sounds like you’ll need a lot of lube… truth is, you will. Unless you’re into draggy silicone, then by all means ignore this advice.
  • Don’t jam it against yourself or your partner as that’ll either slow it down or cause it to stop.  Pay careful attention to maintaining contact with just the tip of the tongues as that will offer the best form of stimulation.
  • Although it was created for oral sex (more specifically, stimulation of the clitoris), don’t let that stop you from experimenting in other ways – it’s great for performing a rim job or teasing and taunting other areas of the body that you or your partner find arousing.
  • On that note I just want to say that I think the Sqweel is a great product for those that don’t like performing oral on their partner.  Before you get mad, let me finish… while I wish it wasn’t the case, there are people who just don’t like doing it, and that’s okay. We all have our likes and dislikes, boundaries, and things we don’t like doing. For some it’s a rim job, for others it’s spankings, for others still there’s a distaste of performing cunnilingus. It’s just the way it goes. If you’re someone who loves the feeling of a tongue on your clit, but you have a partner that’s just not into it, I suggest getting a product like this and having them use it on you. I know it’s not the same thing, but it’s about as close as you’re probably going to get while respecting their boundaries.
  • That said, I know there are many of you who don’t like the idea of receiving oral sex for various reasons. Whether it’s because you’re not comfortable with your body, up to and including your vulva, are afraid you might ‘smell bad’ (don’t worry, you probably don’t), and/or don’t want your partners face “down there”. Maybe you think it’s gross, or you’re afraid of sexually transmitted infections. If any of those are the case, this is a great product as it eliminates all of those issues while still offering a comparable form of stimulation –  it’s also great product for those that haven’t had someone perform oral sex and are curious about the way it feels.

lovehoney sqweel2Care & Cleaning

Cleaning the Sqweel is ridiculously easy; first remove the end cap by squeezing gently on the two sides (which will release it) and giving a little pull, then gently twist the side cap in a clockwise direction which will release it so you can remove it, then just pop the tongues out and you’re done.

As for actually cleaning it I would suggest washing the tongues with warm soapy water and rinsing well or using an anti bacterial toy cleaner. Keep in mind that the tongues are made of high grade silicone so they won’t absorb bacteria and don’t need a heavy duty cleaning. To clean the case just simply give the inside a wipe with a damp cloth, since this is the mechanical part I don’t suggest you allow it to come into contact with running water as you might ruin it. Then once everything is dry simply pop the tongues back into place, slide the side cap back into place using a counter clockwise direction and replace the end cap. That’s it.

Inserting the batteries is easy as well, just slide the cover off, pop in 3 AAA batteries and slide the cover back on.

The Bad

While I’m not the biggest fan of the Sqweel (personally speaking), that actually wasn’t much that I hated about it…

  • The tongues stop or slow down when too much pressure is added which can take you out of your state of arousal rather quickly. As I suggested above, this is something that can be easily remedied, but in the moment (and until you get used to using it a certain way) it can be rather annoying.
  • It feels weird at first… which can make achieving an orgasm a pretty difficult. Now that’s not necessarily the fault of the product, but instead due to the fact that we’re often used to things that vibrate. That said, once you allow yourself to relax and just go with it, it does feel pretty damn good. For those impatient types, if you find it’s taking too long to orgasm just use it for foreplay then switch to your fave toy or partner when you’re ready.
  •  On that note, it’s awkward as fuck to hold and position properly so it hits the clit nicely. Granted this won’t be a problem for some of you, but if you’ve got a long torso or short arms, have a bit of weight on you, have a hard time finding your clit (some clitoral hoods make it difficult), or don’t like crumpling up like an accordion, this will likely be a pain in the ass.
  • The silicone attracts lint, fluff, and pet hair like you wouldn’t believe. Again, this might not be an issue for many of you but it drives me bonkers.
  • If you’re looking for discreet toys this probably won’t fit the bill. I’m pretty sure anyone that saw it would ask what it was, because let’s be honest – it looks bizarre.
  • For those that like having simultaneous clitoral/vaginal stimultion – it doesn’t make being penetrated whether by fingers, a vibe/dildo, or otherwise easy. You can flip it sideways if you want, but it’s still an awkward position. You’ll have better luck if you’ve got a partner that likes playing with sex toys and doesn’t mind lending two helping hands.
  • It’s not waterproof.  For some this won’t be a big deal, but if you masturbate in the tub a lot (because, privacy) you’re shit outta luck.

Final Verdict

The Sqweel is one of those toys that has an almost perfect balance of hit and miss; on the one hand it’s very easy to use, cleaning and operating it is a breeze, removing the parts and  putting them back together is a piece of cake, it has multiple settings, does a decent job of simulating oral sex (at least that I’ve seen so far), and is made from body safe materials.

On the other hand ALL. OF. THE. BAD. (read above if you missed it)

When everything is said and done I can’t say I hate the Sqweel… I just, don’t think it’s as revolutionary as the company behind it hoped it would be. Maybe later versions will be different, but for now I’m not just 100% satisfied.

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