Archive | September, 2011

Review: The Female Condom (a.k.a Internal Condom)


As you all know I’m a big supporter of safe sex, you know, the kind that leaves you free of worries about an unplanned pregnancy or possible transmission of an STD. That said I hope this post will give you further insight to the options available and help you possibly find a method of protection thats right for you.

female condomWhat are Female Condoms or Internal Condoms?

Female Condoms are condoms designed to be worn by those with vaginas and are a valuable option for those who want to prevent sexually transmitted infection or unintended pregnancy.

The Female Condom (also known as ‘internal condom’) is a soft, loose-fitting plastic pouch that lines the vagina and has a soft ring at each end. The ring at the closed end is used to put the device inside the vagina and holds it in place, while the other ring stays outside the vagina and partly covers the vulva. They’ll often come lubricated and are made from polyurethane or nitrile, making them 40% stronger than latex condoms. As an added bonus, polyurethane transfers heat readily which will allow the user to feel their partner on a new level if all they’ve previously used are latex condoms.

Unlike the traditional condom, the female condom gives users the control they need when it comes to applying and removing the product, they also have the advantage of not requiring a partner to maintain an erection during use to keep it in place.

Alternative Uses

Although you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant when it comes to anal sex, there is still the possibility of contracting an STD/STI. This in mind, the internal condom can be a valuable asset. Insertion is the same as vaginal use, although I would highly suggest using a good lubricant before inserting it (the anus doesn’t self lubricate) to help make it more comfortable and further prevent possible tearing of the condom.

The Bad

Unfortunately the female condom does have its drawbacks; for starters it’s rather large and bulky, can often be heard during intercourse (a ‘crinkling’ noise that can be distracting), has a tendency to shift around during use (which may require re-positioning it), is higher in price compared to traditional condoms and isn’t the easiest product to apply/insert or remove.

Aside from that, because the outer ring sits outside the vaginal opening, some users may feel self-conscious about the appearance. Just keep in mind that traditional condoms can also be seen externally and with the various types available, be it ribbed, colored or otherwise, they certainly can make a penis look pretty funny – balances out the score a bit if you ask me.

Because of the above issues, I highly suggest practicing inserting and removing the product before attempting to use it with a partner. Not only will this hopefully make the process quicker and easier with time, but it will also allow you to feel confident and prepared when the moment arises.

Specs:

Length= 6.69 in.
Width= 3.15 in.
Thickness=.048mm .002 in.)
Outer ring dia.= 2.56 in.
Inner ring dia.= 1.97in.
Width: 3.70 inches
Length: 6.69 inches

Failure rate

The typical use of female condoms, which is the average way most people use them, has a failure rate of 21%. This means that 21 people out of every 100 will become pregnant during the first year of use.

Issues often found with ‘typical’ use:

  • Incorrect insertion or removal
  • Use of a non-compatible lubricant which can weaken the condom and cause it to break
  • Not checking that the product remained in place during intercourse
  • Re-using the condom (which is not suggested)
  • Using an expired condom (always check the expiration date)

With perfect use, which is what should be the aim, the percent drops dramatically to 5%. So 5 out of 100 will become pregnant with perfect use

Steps for perfect use can be found through this link.

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Condom Sizing Guide

Condom Sizing GuideYou’ve found yourself standing in front of a wall of condoms, and staring back at you are over 30 different brands all suggesting that theirs is “the best“… and yet, you don’t know which one to choose.

What I just described is something I’m asked about on a daily basis. So, in an attempt to make things easier I’ve created this condom sizing guide to help you discover the different brands available, offer some suggestions, and hopefully help you find the perfect size condom for you.

Average Condom

Average condoms are the condoms you’ll find in pretty much every drug store, online sexual wellness shop, gas station, dispenser or pharmacy. Many of them will be referred to as “original” by the manufacturer and have limited added features like ribbing, special lubricants or otherwise.

Unless specified on the box you can pretty much count that the vast majority of condoms are “average condoms” and therefore fall within 7 – 7.9 inches in length.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

condom sizing guide: snugger fitAverage Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2″
Shaft width: 2″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 7  – 7.9″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: None unless you purchase those with specific features like ribbing, textures, warming/cooling lubricant etc.

Snugger Fit

For those of you that aren’t very big in the girth department  “Snugger”, or tighter fitting condoms, might be exactly what you’re looking for. As you’d likely assume, they’re slightly smaller in circumference and tend to be great if you find ‘average’ condoms slip off due to being too large or overly bulky.

If you’ve hesitated trying this type of condom due to the fact that you don’t like your penis to feel ‘suffocated’ not to worry, the head of these condoms is usually the same as ‘average’ condoms, with the body being thinner to fit more comfortably.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

condom sizing guide: snugger fitSnugger Fit Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2″
Shaft Width: 1.75″
Base Width: 1.75″
Length: 7″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Thinner body

Extra Head Room/ More Room At The Top

For those that complain about the average condom being “suffocating” or “too tight” others offering more ‘head room’ are a great choice. Not only do they allow the person wearing them a bit more room to maneuver (without the worry of possibly breaking the condom), they also offer added stimulation for their partner as they often rub against the g-spot, walls of the vagina, or prostate.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Extra Head Room Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2.75″
Shaft Width: 2″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 7.25″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Larger/ wider tip to allow more room for the head of the penis.

Extra Large/Magnum Condoms

Although the average penis size is between 4″ – 5.5″ inches in length, there are people who require a larger condom. As such, the condoms in this category are larger sized in both girth and length. If average condoms leave you feeling constricted, these large condoms are what you’re looking for.

If you find that ‘larger’ sized condoms don’t seem to be big enough, as a last resort I suggest trying some of the extra large condoms like Trojan Magnum,  Durex XXL or LifeStyles Kyng. Just keep in mind that if you’re not really in need of larger condoms it’s best that you don’t use them as they’ll probably fall off or possibly shift during use.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Extra Large/Magnum Condom Sizes

Head width 2.5″
Shaft width 2.25″
Base width 2″
Length 8 – 9.5″
Thickness 0.0025″
Lubricant: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Larger over all body with a tapered base to allow the condom to stay put.

Custom Sized Condom Options

For those of you still having a hard time finding a condom that fits when shopping through big name condom retailers, you might want to look into companies specializing in custom sized condoms. Currently, there are only 3 companies doing this (technically two), but it’s worth a shot if you’re looking for something a bit more specific to your needs.

threepackBigMy Size Condoms

MySize offers 7 different options, covering everything from 47mm to 69mm width. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your personal needs, the main selling point of these condoms is the focus on girth over length; according to their measuring page the only measurement you take is circumference “the length of the penis doesn’t matter for the condom size“.  I’m not sure if that means all the condoms are a generic length, or if they’re rounded out against the girth, but if length is what matters to you, I suggest trying one of the other options.

 

They Fit Condomstheyfit-condoms

For those of you in need of something more specific, TheyFit condoms has over 95 different sizes to choose from. Rather than just focusing on girth, TheyFit has an easy 5 step penis measuring system that covers all the bases. Whether you need something big, small, thick or thin, they’ve got you covered. The only down side, I heard that the line came off the market in 2007 due to complexities of making them and issues with the manufacturer, however the site is still up and running and I’ve been told they’re currently available in the UK/Europe. That’s something, right?

coripa_sixpk_5Coripa Condoms

Ranging from 3 inches to almost 10 inches with varying proportional widths, Coripa condoms has 55 options to choose from.  Like TheyFit, Coripas predecessor, there’s a downloadable and printable measuring guide that easily allows you to measure width and girth. Again, they’re only available in the EU however you can get them at Condomania.

FYI: The reason the condoms are not currently available outside the EU market is due to the fact that the FDA hasn’t yet approved ‘fitted’ condoms for sale in the US. Your best bet is to go through a third party online sex toy retailer that ships to your location.

Final Verdict

So there you have it, hopefully this condom sizing guide will help make your next trip to the store far less stressful! Don’t forget, if you ever have any questions you can send them in via the handy form on my contact page.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: I like talking dirty, am I normal?

Question:

I got into a relationship almost a year ago (I’m now 18) and I just realized that I have a really big naughty side to me and am starting to show it. I don’t know why but just texting can sometimes get me excited and arouse me. He likes it and so do I, but people are making me feel like I’m a slut because of the way I am starting to act towards him which is making me feel bad about myself.

Is what I’m feeling normal? Am I really just a “slut”? I like talking dirty, am I normal?

Please help, I’m so confused!

Just Another Confused Teen

Answer

Dear JACT ,

Simply put – you’re normal! What you’re going through is very common and to be expected at your age. There is nothing wrong with you and it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

What you’re experiencing is a natural part of puberty and something most teens experience between the ages of *10-17 for girls and *12-18 for boys (I use those numbers because they are what is commonly defined as a “teen”). This change in sexual awareness and arousal is due to changes in hormones that shift the body from childhood to being capable of reproduction.

This is a time that should be embraced as an opportunity for you to learn about your body, what you’re feeling sexually, and why, rather than worrying what other people think. That said, in regard to those who are calling you a “slut” or making you “feel like one”, I suggest you ignore them and learn to be gentler, kinder, and more accepting of yourself and your new found breach into womanhood.

In an effort to avoid further name calling I suggest that you keep your private life separate from those who feel the need to pass judgment. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing or saying to him. That’s between you and he. If it is something that you would like to share, only do so with those that you feel comfortable with, trust, and know wont have any negative feedback.

Also keep in mind that if they haven’t yet, those who have been making you “feel like a slut” will soon discover that they too are experiencing sexual feelings towards others and like you, may not know whats going on or how to deal with it.

Hope that helped,
Kara_Sutra

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Non-Latex Condoms

Question:

Hi Kara, I just wanted to say that I love your videos and the new website! I have a question of my own that I don’t see anywhere so I figured I’d just send it in a message. My boyfriend and I have had sex before, we always use condoms but sometimes I get a rash or sore after. We’ve ruled most things out, however we were wondering if there were such things as non latex condoms and where we could get them?

I’d really appreciate an answer, even a video! Thanx in advance

Wondering in Wisconsin

Answer

Dear Wondering in Wisconsin,

Thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

There are condoms made out of materials other than latex but they tend to be pretty pricey. Having said that, if you’re on a budget and aren’t allergic to latex (as ruled out by a doctor), I’m going to suggest that you opt for less expensive latex condoms that come in larger quantities so you always have some on hand when the mood strikes. On that note, I suggest having your doctor test you for a latex allergy, just to be sure.

I’m also going to suggest seeing your doctor if after every time you have sex you break out in a rash. It might not be an allergy, but instead an STD. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or worried about, many healthy, happy, smart and loving individuals get STD’s.

As for the different types of condoms, should you decide to try them;

Lamb skin:

Trojan’s Naturalamb is one of the last remaining brands widely available. Some people who use them rave about their comfort, while others complain that there is a distinct farm-like smell to them. The most important thing to know about natural membrane condoms is that they do not provide protection from STDs — they are only effective as a barrier for contraception. Other than that they also tend to be far more expensive then the other non-latex condoms on the market.

While I don’t think I need to say this I’m going to – if you’re a vegan or vegetarian you probably won’t want to try them for obvious reasons.

 

Polyisoprene:

For people with latex allergies, SKYN condoms are an amazing breakthrough and, thankfully, a much more affordable option when it comes to offering protection against an unplanned pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. The feel of SKYN is noticeably different and much thinner than latex condoms. SKYN is made from a synthetic material called polyisoprene which is stretchy and form fitting unlike polyurethane condoms.

SKYN condoms are not as thin as polyurethane condoms, but in most cases they will fit better.

 

Trojan Supra CondomsPolyurethane:

Polyurethane condoms are made of the same material the female condom is made from and are thought to provide protection against both pregnancy and STDs. Trojan Supra condoms are much thinner than standard latex condoms, and they are also made a bit larger (unlike latex, polyurethane doesn’t stretch, so the larger size is in part to prevent breakage). Another stated benefit of polyurethane is that it transmits heat better than latex, thus enhancing sensitivity.

Hope that helped and provided you with some of the options available, while also offering some info on each so you can find one that best suits your needs.

 

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Review: Zazel – The Scent Of Love


Screen shot 2014-01-20 at 11.43.11 PMAfter reviewing This Ain’t Avatar XXX I was pretty sure porn couldn’t get that much worse, especially considering it had everything bad porn should; poorly painted blue people (who’s genitalia weren’t painted might I add), tacky music, horrible cut-to scenes, cheesy dialogue, a lack of sexual chemistry between performers, a plot that made little sense and a terrible 3D option that was migraine inducing. Basically put – it was bad, real bad.

When I saw Zazel: The Scent Of Love, a 2008 movie that had previously won 7 AVN awards, being offered for review on Eden Fantasys I quickly scooped it up. Unfortunately to my shock, horror and surprise it was just as bad as This Ain’t Avatar, dare I say on some levels – possibly even worse.

Side Note: They fail to mention the awards were won back in 1998 when the movie was originally released, not in 2008 when it was re-released. What can I say, it’s false advertising at its best! It did win a 2009 AVN award for “Best Classic Release” though.

Plot

When it came to the plot there really wasn’t much, if anything, to go on: a woman (“Zazel”, played by Sasha Vinni) receives a call from a nameless man informing her that the proposal to create “the most arousing perfume ever” has gotten the go ahead. Zazel then sets out to find the perfect ingredients which include “Lust” (Hell), “Sensuality” (Heaven), “Pleasure” (Desire) and “Enchantment” (Mystic). From there the film bounces around from scene to scene with her having sordid love affairs with exotic flowers, randomly wandering around in a garden, painting, airbrushing, drawing and daydreaming about various sexual explorations. Pretty run of the mill for porn these days.

Scene Breakdown

*random excerpts from our conversation while watching have been included

zazelcoyThe film begins with Zazel feverishly drawing a Coy fish by a pond, which eventually turns into a “” resembling one of those damn Avatars who swims, plays and dances in the water (make shift pool is more like it) in front of a yellow tarp (wtf that was about I have no clue) and  eventually leads to a cunnilingus scene with a “Water Nymph” (played by Grace Harlow), who might I add wears some seriously fun white zipper crotched panties.

For the record, it was a far better paint job then the one we found in Avatar.
Jamie:”You promised me this would be nothing like that stupid Avatar movie! WHY IS THAT LADY PAINTED BLUE??!!”

Jamie: *at the sight of the fun white zipper panties* “It’s like she over stayed her welcome from the cock rock era”
Me: “Imagine getting one of your labia caught in that mess ~ ouch!”

medium_2008_9_17_zaz2The painting of a beautiful flower behind a white frame that begins to contract and move, quickly making it apparent that the artwork has been done on a woman’s genitals and lower portion of her body (inner thigh etc).

Trust me, CLICK THE PICTURE –>

Me: “wow, that’s some amazing artwork…hey, wait a minute, is that a…oh my God, that’s a coochie!”
Jamie: “why the hell does she keep poking at it? Even I know better than to do that!”

Then, out of nowhere Sasha Vinni is shaving a woman’s (Lene Hefner) pubic hair with an old style gold razor so that an artist (Devin Deray) can tattoo a flower on her vulva…which obviously leads to the three of them having sex.

Me: “yeah, because after I’ve had someone inflict 1000 needle jabs to my vag the first thing I want to do is get laid”
Jamie: “aren’t you supposed to put a bandage on a tattoo after you get one?  How are they going to bandage that?’
Me: “I don’t know, a diaper maybe?”
Jamie: “Jesus honey, she didn’t shit herself!”
*I proceed to burst out laughing so hard he has to stop the film

zazel_the_scent_of_love___zazel_aromat_ljubvi_1996___43_gb_720pblu_rayrip_555173Next up is Sasha Vinni (again…) painted like a tiger with her hair in cornrows, writhing and crawling around a random jungle. This entire scene goes back and forth between her being a “tiger” – complete with ‘rawring’ – and a faceless woman’s ass painted like a tiger having sex with a man. Totally random, not at all hot, very cool body paint work. For the most part, it just looked like a big tiger was eating a hot dog. Also, get your sweet tiger poster here. Not into Tigers, what about some Zoobooks?

Zazel has more random sex with flowers. *Booooooring!

220px-Zazel_Three_MusketeersThree women (Sasha Vinni, Brooke Lane and Anna Romero) dressed in garb even Lady Gaga wouldn’t touch (17th-century-style period costume, not very tastefully done either) strip, make-out and perform cunnilingus on one another. Eventually the scene leads to 2 of the women pulling out dick shaped rubber/latex spurs and attaching them to the back of their boots. As expected, they have sex with the fun dick spurs. *Quite possibly one of the more interesting ‘wtf’ moments of the film.

Jamie: “Why is there minstrel music playing?”
Me: *in all seriousness while referring to the cat from Shrek* “Why do they all look like puss in boots?”
Jamie: “did you really just say that?”
Me: “I want a fun feather in a hat like that!”
Jamie: “no, no you don’t”
Me: “those are not rubber dicks! they can’t be! wait…I…what the f*ck?! Okay that’s actually rather genius, though they really shouldn’t be using rubber, that’s just cheap and icky”

More diddling by Zazel with flowers…

zazelFade from black to 3 female angels (Sasha Vinni, Brooke Lane and Helena) and one male angel (Antonio Valentino) with huge wings he can’t seem to maneuver, all painted with sparkly glitter, hair in knots piled on their heads and the most boring looks on their faces.  The ladies participate in various sexual acts (lots of making out, nipple play, touching and cunnilingus) while the male angel only mildly participates (caresses breasts, licks nipples etc).  Eventually it leads to sex, with the same bored expressions and lack luster body glitter stealing the scene.

Random cut to a black and white scene from what looks like the inside of a barn, with a woman (Gina LaMarca) on a bed wearing white pasties and panties, dancing erotically (basically stripping) for a male observer (Jon Severini). Before long the clothes are off and the two of them are going at it on the bed. In an epic unexpected moment Jon blows his load – way past her body – and the two of them somehow end up frolicking in a pool. Because sex in a barn should always lead to playing in a pool. Duh.

As if the last scene wasn’t random or pointless enough we now find Zazel dressed in a costume of half man/half woman and tangoing back and forth in front of the camera while a woman with a shaved head and fun, sparkly clothes pins on her nipples gives oral sex to a perfume bottle. During the whole scene Zazel explains the opposites and balance of male/female.

Me: “Oh My God, are those really bedazzled clothes pegs on her nipples”
Jamie: “No…wait…yes, yes they are fun sparkly clothes pegs on her nipples. Wow, didn’t see that one coming”

Random mermaid lesbian sex with Zazel and another female (Nikki St. Gilles) on an iceberg that rocks back and forth on top of the water, and may or may not lead to a possible case of motion sickness of the viewer(s). Unless you’re into that kind of thing you may want to fast forward this one.

In the second to last scene Zazel is doodling or drawing in a book (I honestly lost interest by this point) and has visions of a “She-Devil” ( Anna Romeo) dressed in a fire engine red latex costume (think The Cell meets Legend), complete with latex horns, boots, open-assed shorts and a long pointed devil’s tail crammed in her butt (not kidding). After Zazel nods off to sleep (while drawing) the “She-Devil” sneaks behind and cuts her head off with a scythe, she then drops the head on the table and proceeds to climb on the table, making the decapitated head perform oral sex on her (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried).

7986974During the entire scene (and the rest of the “Hell” scenes to follow) the bottom half of the screen is filled with digitally superimposed flames. And here I thought the 3D effects from This Ain’t Avatar XXX were migraine inducing, I’ve never wanted to scream “JUST MAKE IT STOP!!” so badly.

zazel_scene_8_fh.mp4Zazel awakens from the dream holding her throat and we find the “She-Devil” strutting and dancing in front of a fire place, she then walks over to one side of the mantle and a “stone” structure turns into a gargoyle (Kevin James) who she peels paint off of. The scene continues with the She-Devil having sex with the  gargoyle and a “Demon Man” (Drew Rees), which ends in a dp scene.

The film ends with a monologue by Zazel, wrapped in a robe, once again randomly wandering in a garden and babbling about beauty, pussy, sexuality or some other mouthful of poorly scripted garbage. As many of you can probably tell by the time the movie was over I had enough.

Dialogue

Being that there wasn’t any scripted dialogue between the actors there really isn’t much to cover. Having said that I wish they had used a professional voice actress for the internal monologue/thought process of Zazel. Not only did she come off as a totally fake and forced version of what someone might consider a ‘timid female’, but her attempt at being sexy caused the exact opposite effect, sounding amateurish, monotone, cheesy and the least compelling I’ve ever heard.

It probably wouldn’t have been so bad had her narration been few and far between, instead it was present every scene and between scenes while she wad diddling flowers or painting vaginas – basically put, it got old fast, real fast!

The Bad

Aside from the fact that it was outdated there were other aspects of this film that made it rather hard to watch;

  • All the sex scenes were void of passion or feeling. No one looked interested, aroused, excited or like they were really enjoying it. Maybe it was a lack of chemistry. Maybe it was a lack of talent. Maybe it was the director wanting it to be ‘artistic’. Or maybe it was all of the above. Either way we fast forwarded through every sex scene and ended up far less turned on then when we began.
  • On that note, the sex scenes go on far too long which makes it even harder to watch (pun not intended). With a 126 minute run time, this movie could have easily been cut down to 70 – 90 minutes, which may have made it a bit more enticing.
  • Although there is no scripted dialogue you often see the actors talking dirty to each other yet can’t hear what they’re saying, something both of us found rather disappointing.

e164f4b5ee08The Good

Don’t get me wrong, Zazel has a lot going for it; the cinematography is visually stunning with lush back drops that stir the imagination, the costumes – though outdated – are for the most part creative, extravagant, awe inspiring and interesting, the artwork, including body painting, drawings and vaginal ‘tattoos’ is beautifully done, some of the scenes are compelling, shocking and cross lines I’ve never seen in a porn before (the decapitated head/oral sex scene for one), and the lack of dialogue between performers allowed me to watch without the constant snickering or giggles many other adult movies beget.

It’s also a movie I could see some viewers really appreciating, especially those that are off put by the visuals and intensity ‘hard core’ gonzo movies provide.

Cast

Sasha Vinni – Zazel/Blue Siren/Tiger/Brunette Musketeer/Female Angel/Mermaid * Grace Harlow – Water Nymph * Lene Hefner – Tattooed Girl * Devin Deray – Tattoo Artist * Anna Romero – Redhead Musketeer/Body Double for Female Angel/She-Devil * Brooke Lane – Blonde Musketeer/Female Angel * Antonio Valentino – Winged Male Angel * Helena – Female Angel * Gina LaMarca – Seductress * Jon Severini – Man * Nikie St. Gilles – Blonde Beauty/Mermaid * Kevin James – Gargoyle/Body Double for Winged Male Angel * Drew Reese – Demon Man

Credits

Director – Philip Mond * Producer – Marco * Music – Dino and Earl Ninn * Cinematographer – Philip Mond * Editor– James Avalon * Distributor – Metro Interactive * Budget– $237,000

Screen shot 2014-01-20 at 11.43.32 PMAwards

Listed as “26th” in “The 101 Greatest Adult Tapes Of All Time” by AVN Magazine * AVN Awards (1998) – Best All-Sex Film/Best Group Scene/Best Cinematography/Best Art Direction/Best Editing/Best Overall Marketing Campaign/Best Selling Tape of the Year * AVN Award (2009) – Best Classic Release 

Final Verdict

If you’re looking for a movie full of sex scenes that are visually compelling rather than sexually exciting, contains little to no dialogue, sex scenes that border on soft-core, elaborate costumes and ventures far from the ‘standard’ adult film formula the market seems to be flooded with, you might just want to check out Zazel: The Scent Of Love.

On the other hand, if you prefer a movie that has all of the above and chemistry, dialogue, witty banter and no migraine inducing graphics, I suggest opting for a movie like Pirates instead.

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