Archive | February, 2014

#WTF Wednesday: Sex Doll Replacement Parts & Accessories

history-of-sex-dolls infographicContrary to being included in #WTFWednesday, I’m actually a huge fan of sex dolls.

Seriously. I’m not joking.

Having said that, I don’t get sexually aroused by them. Which I guess probably seems even weirder. For me it’s not a *sex* thing… I’m just, fascinated.

It’s so bad that my computer has an ENTIRE BOOKMARKED FOLDER of links dedicated to them; from quirky sports gear and horror stories, to photography projects, more photography, and sex doll comparisons (if you’ve ever been curious, start there), artistic takes, short films, mainstream movies, interviews with doll connoisseurs, tours of a top notch sex doll factory, and shoes, I kid you not, THERE ARE BLOW UP DOLL SHOES (I promise, it’s not at all what you expect).

Everything considered, I think I’ve got all the bases covered.

Before I make things really awkward, let’s clear something up… I’m not referring to the blow up sex dolls easily found on the interwebs. No, no. Not those.

In truth, I find them cheap, tacky, and useless. Sure, it’s totally plausible they’ll get you off, but if I had a dick, I don’t think the pixelated face, new shower curtain smell, and plastic vaginal slit would cut it. Especially since there are some pretty decent masturbators available for around the same price… without the sound of balloons rubbing together or the worry they’ll pop the second you lay on them.

What I’m talking about is the real sex dolls, the ones so freakishly human in appearance they’re unnerving. Having said that, it’s not the dolls I’m baffled by (shit, if I had a dick you can bet your sweet ass I’d try one on for size. #truth), it’s the “accessories” and “add-ons”, basically the sex doll parts, that leave me staring perplexedly.

For example…


This video which makes everything exceptionally real

Now let’s take that one step further…

Doll Eyes

Aside from wanting a different color, I have no idea why a person would need to replace an eyeball… has it lost its glossy sheen? Did the smooth texture get permanently ruined by a haphazard shot of jizz? Did one just happen to *pop* out mid bang and go rolling across the floor, forever lost to the air vent? Skull fuck gone wrong? Did it dent? chip? break? crack? fade?… I could go on but I’m totally lost for words.

Imagine the scene should some poor unsuspecting roommate or elderly family member open a discreetly marked delivery box, only to find a set of eyes (God forbid it be just one) looking back at them. It’s the thing heart attacks and 911 calls are made of. Having recently found a box with a hand in it (don’t ask, it’s not what you think), I know all too well the potential trauma that could ensue.

Considering they start at $45 a pop, these babies aren’t cheap. Want veins? No problem, that’ll cost you an extra $25.

Living a fantasy is one thing, but jamming an eye in a dolls head just so you can get off to a different colored iris is a whole other. God forbid you put it in backwards, how the fuck would you get it out? Ain’t nobody got time for that.


Oral Inserts

I gotta tell ya, I can’t help looking at these things without cringing. They just look scary… although I will admit, the ones with the little peg coming out of the lower jaw kinda look like a squirt gun of sorts. Which makes them a bit more fun. Albeit fucked up, but still.

Is it just me or do you also hear the voice of a backwoods hick ringing horrifically in you ears… “he got a real purty mouth ain’t he“. Deliverance, I blame you for this. *shudders*

Think $45 for an eye ball is outrageous? You can get a set of teeth for $50, or upgrade to a full mouth piece for $200. I’m actually surprised they don’t offer the option of a blinged out grill. Now that would be hardcore.


Labia Repair Kit

labia-repair-kit-If there’s an add-on that makes total sense to me, it’s the labia repair kit; between the friction of sex and possible lack of attention to detail while cleaning, I can see how a labia might get a little lackluster over time. My problem with it: considering all the Pinterest fails floating around, one can only assume repairing a labia with no previous experience could only turn out terribly.

It’s like arts ‘n crafts meets labiaplasty. But not.

The difference: when you make a mess in arts and crafts you can throw some glitter on that shit and call it a day. Screw this up and you’re pretty much done for. Although a sparkly labia does have a certain appeal.

Don’t want to spend time arts and crafting a labia, just buy a labia insert. Done and done.


Then there’s this video…


Extra Faces

Kaori_Face_13Although having a room full of interchangeable heads would work wonders at keeping the dream alive, I just don’t know if I can get down with this.

The description says it all…

“Now its easier then ever to order additional faces for your RealDoll2. Simply select the options you want below and then click the purchase button.

*The RealDoll Classic faces adhere to the Classic skulls with Velcro. The RealDoll2 faces adhere to the RealDoll2 skulls with magnets. The Wicked RealDoll faces and the RealDoll2 J, L, & M faces are full head faces and go on a full head skull. The faces match to the skulls they are sold with as mentioned above, they are not interchangeable with the other skulls.”

They lost me at velcro, magnets, and head skull. For a mere $800 this too could be yours.


Replacement Tongue

tongue_sex_dollForgive my ignorance, but I have so many questions about these…

Is it for when you’d rather not have a conversation with a gaping hole in a head?

Does it do anything other than sit in a mouth?

Is it compatible with the different oral inserts?

Is it firm? Or squishy? Or velvety? Or…?

Is it the type of silicone that attracts lint?

How do you keep it in place?

When you kiss the doll (which I’d assume most would do) does it move around or just sit there?

And most importantly, considering most high quality silicone sex toys will last a lifetime with a minimum amount of care, what the fuck did you do that you need to replace it???

Seriously, this is the one that really and truly leaves my mind boggled. I just, I can’t.


And this video… which is by far probably my favorite.


And finally, the pièce de résistance…

balloon_knot bumholeBum Hole Insert

It’s common knowledge humans generally don’t have a problem with gaping assholes, however this doesn’t look to be the case with sex dolls.  I guess the company realized this wasn’t very attractive and created something to remedy the situation. That or there were far too many requests for such a thing.

One part chewed up gum. One part balloon knot. Enter the bum hole insert. I can only imagine what people were using before these fun little guys came around.

At the very least it’ll keep your doll from becoming a home for misguided ants or rodents.

Side note: They’d probably also make for a pretty great cat toy, just give them a rub down with some potent catnip first.

End rant.

Truth be told, I don’t have a problem with all the random parts and pieces. I don’t even find them that weird. It’s just that most of the fun comes with the illusion; an effect that would disappear rather quickly should I find myself spending an hour haphazardly screwing in a new jaw, only to realize that like most IKEA furniture, I did it wrong… and trying to fix it would only make matters worse. #FuckYouIkea

With my apparent obsession I’ve often wondered if the life of a traveling sex doll repair person could be a lucrative career change. You know, kinda like a Geek Squad for worn out cooches or missing eyes (might get me to use my melon baller).

If you’re thinking the same thing don’t bother, that jobs already taken.

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vibevalentineWith my birthday falling the day after Valentines I usually forgo the festivities, instead choosing to celebrate with a night of partying rather than a romantic dinner, box of chocolates, and fist full of flowers.

That isn’t to say we never do anything for “the most romantic day of the year”, just that what we do tends to be gets overshadowed by my birthday, not that I’m complaining…. but it would be nice to get pampered on the 14th AND the 15th. I know, I’m a spoiled brat.

Whether in a relationship or single, birthday or not, I’m sure I’m not the only one that gets ripped off on Valentines Day. Maybe your partner forgot the big day or had to work late. Perhaps what was supposed to be a day they said “yes” turned into a break up. Maybe the reservation at the restaurant got cancelled or they stood you up. Perchance the flight got overbooked. Or maybe you don’t believe Valentines and spent the day bitching about how the holidays become a cash grab put on by the evil corporations trying to make singles feel like shit…

Regardless of the situation, as my birthday gift to all of you I’ve partnered with Durex Canada to help you redo your Valentines day in the #DurexSavesTheDate contest! It’s my way of saying thanks for being so great over the years.

So, what’s up for grabs?

A $250 gift pack, that’s what!

durex balloon animalFirst, the lucky winner will receive $100 in Durex Goodies including: Durex Allure Vibe, Durex Play Vibrations: Connect Ring, Durex Real Feel Non-Latex Condoms, Durex Performax Mutual Climax Condoms, Durex Real Feel Non-Latex Condoms, and Durex Lovers Embrace Pleasure Gels.

AND$150 to spend however you want!

That’s right, $150 to treat your partner, spouse, booty call, secret crush, friend, special someone, you, or anyone else to a fantastic time. The options are almost endless, you could book a spa and get a massage, treat yourselves to a dinner in a nice restaurant,  hit up a special event like a wine tasting or art installation, see some live music, plan something totally original like a hot air balloon ride, or reserve a hotel for the night and sample all your Durex goodies. It’s totally up to you. All you have to do is decide… don’t worry, we’ll take care of the finer details.

Earning entries is easy, just choose any or all of the options in the Rafflecopter widget below, and remember… you can earn extra points every day by sharing the giveaway on twitter and/or facebook using the handle @DurexCanada and hashtag #SavesTheDate… just make sure to come back and let me know you’ve done it.

Good Luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

 *Terms & Conditions: No purchase necessary. Open to residents of Canada Only. Must be aged 18+. Cannot be redeemed for cash. Overall odds depend on number of entries received. The winner will be contacted via provided e-mail.


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Crystal Delights Sex Toy Haul


After the fun I had creating my Tantus Haul video I figured I’d do more of the same. So, in a fit of inspiration I tore through my toy bin(s) searching for anything else I had an abundance of; from Fleshlights, to Lelo’s, to Divine Interventions, to Fun Factory toys, there was a plethora of goodies to work with.

Torn by where I should start, I decided my first haul video of 2014 would showcase products by a company I’ve adored for last 4 years, one that is very near and dear to my heart, Crystal Delights.

Why the love for Crystal Delights you ask?… each piece is hand made in the USA with an emphasis on quality and craftsmanship, the glass they use is Borosilicate making them much stronger than typical glass products, they’re hypoallergenic, hygienic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, easy to care for an clean, warm to body temperature nicely, don’t require a lot of lube, don’t absorb bodily fluids, lube, or bacteria, are great for sensory temperature play, and will last a lifetime if you treat them well. Which you will, because you’re a respectable person like that.

Sadly, my pictures do not do them justice. They are far prettier in person.


Products within the video (in order of appearance):

Read the reviews: Star Delight Frosted Dildo, Frosted Plug, Small Clear Plug, Large Clear Plug. *The rest of the products featured in the video to be reviewed throughout 2014.

crystal-delights-crystalNote To Readers: If you’re a little freaked out by the thought of putting glass sex toys in your bits, not to fret. Each Crystal Delight is made of Borosilicate glass, a medical/pharma grade glass often selected for its durability and ability to withstand high temperatures/pressures. I know there’s many of you still dead set on avoiding glass toys, so as my final plea let me just share two little facts with you… one, it takes more than 1,500 lbs of pressure to bend (snap) a 1″ bar of Borosilicate glass, and two, the crush weight is somewhere in the range of 8 tonnes! So unless you chip them, which you wont… because you’re not a horrible person that likes to throw glass sex toys at brick walls, they are TOTALLY SAFE FOR USE.

Not in the video, but other goodies you’ll definitely want to check out: (NEW) Hello Kitty Plugs, Tasha’s Reignbow Pony Plugs, Crystal Minx Bunny Tail Plug, Crystal Minx Faux Tail Plug, Colors Against Cancer collection, Jada Stevens Spade Plug.

hellokitty buttplugs

LOOK AT ALL THOSE HELLO KITTIES! photo credit: Crystal Delights

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Review: Tantus Neo, Juice, & Twist

Tantus PlugsAfter my recent success with the Tantus Meteorite I figured it was time I pushed the boundaries even further. So, ready to embark on a challenge far greater than the last, I pulled the Tantus Juice, Twist and Neo out of their packaging and laid them before me. As I contemplated exactly what it was I was about to do, three words chanted like a mantra in my head: Git. ‘Er. Done.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t dream of doing something like this; three plugs, larger than most I’ve tried, all in one sitting. But considering they’re made by Tantus, and were sent to me by one of my absolute favorite retailers, SheVibe, I decided it was worth pushing past my comfort zone for.  You’d think I’d have learned after the Tantus T-Rex. Nope. I’m clearly a glutton for punishment.

The Good

Before I break down my experiences, here’s all the good stuff they have in common:

  • Unlike the wide top of the the Tantus Ryder, the tips of Juice and Neo are gently pointed, making the initial insertion far easier and much more comfortable. Twist on the other hand is more of a gently rounded corkscrew.
  • They aren’t as flexible as the Meteorite. Sounds like a con, I know. However it is not.  The firmness was what made them doable. Being bendy isn’t always a good thing.
  • The base is probably the best I’ve ever found on an anal toy. It’s not rectangular or round, but instead an interesting anchor shape that fit in my butt crack nicely. For the most part I hardly felt it. On a couple instances I actually stopped to check and see if it was still there. More of this please.
  • Tantus LogoThey’re totally body safe. We’re talking hypoallergenic, hygienic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, odourless, tasteless, bleachable, boilable and for the most part virtually non-porous. If you want quality, you want Tantus.
  • Even though they’re thick, there’s still a fair bit of squish and give. Cushioning makes my ass happy.
  • Unlike other silicones the texture is satiny smooth, supple, and matte, limiting the amount of drag on the skin.
  • The bulbous shaft is tapered, gently graduating in girth from around 3.25“ inches to 4.25“ inches in the middle, back down to around 4“ inches, and finally settling in at just under 2″ inches for the bottom quarter. In my experience, that last portion was what kept them in place and made them comfortable. Without it they probably would have been too overwhelming to use for a decent period of time.
  • Each of the plugs measures 4″ inches in length, that’s a 1/2″ inch shorter than the Meteorite, but 1/4″ inch longer than the Little Flirt. Let’s just say it’s a happy medium.
  • They don’t attract lint like other, glossier, silicones. If you follow my reviews, you’ll know this matters to me.
  • This last bit is of no significant importance but I’m including it because I can; the colors are true colors. As in, the purple is really purple, not some pink-trying-be-purple-but-not-really-purple-cause-there’s-too-much-pink like you’ll find with other companies. I appreciate this.

Tantus Plugs


An easy challenge this was not. While the differences are apparent from just looking at them, experiencing them first hand was something else. For starters, each of the plugs are significantly girthier than my previous challenger, the Meteorite. We’re talking a whole inch difference. For some of you this will seem measly, but for me it was enough to require patience, perseverance, dedication, breathing techniques, and lube… an obnoxious amount of lube. Note to self: buy more Sliquid Sea a.s.a.p.

FYI: In an attempt to have a well rounded experience I usually ‘test’ toys a handful of times, choosing then to write my reviews based on those most memorable or similar (and therefore a ‘generality’).  In this case I was able to use Neo and Juice on multiple occasions. Twist however, I struggled with continuously and was only able to get it fully in once. The rest of the time my ass just fought with it mercilessly until I gave up. Bare that in mind when you make your purchasing decisions.

Tantus Neo Butt Plug Tantus Neo

Judging by appearances I went for Neo first.  It seemed the least intimidating of the three, and with no textures, the one most likely to enter without a struggle.  Sadly, I was wrong.  It wasn’t all bad though; the tip found its way almost instantly and with some pressure, the first 1/4 slowly slid into place. From there on it was a bit of an undertaking.

At first I couldn’t relax. The impending girth had me fearing for my sphincter, causing me to tense and clench. Not what you want to have happen when you’re trying to shove something in your butt.  Then came a considerable amount of start, stop, remove, add lube, start, stop, remove, add lube (you get the picture), until I finally had it half way in. At that point I had to pause, leave it alone, and allow my body to get used to the sensation as shoving it in would likely prove futile. Then in one fell swoop, I reached back and pushed, landing in place with a slight popping sensation. Almost instantly my body breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

The size was fulfilling without being too much, and the portion holding it there was surprisingly comfortable. Not at all what I expected considering the amount of effort it took to get it in. As I moved I could feel it inside me, but there was no jabbing, ‘stretching’, or discomfort. Instead, it was satisfying. With everything I had been through, I think this was a well earned result.

Also not surprising was the way the base fit in place, on three separate occasions I had to stop what I was doing and wiggle around to see if it was still there. This was a new experience for me as many butt toys (with thicker bases) often leave me feeling as if my butt’s being spread far and wide.

When it came time for removal the process was fairly simple; I gently slipped two fingers underneath the anchored base and pulled steadily. Unlike its entrance, Neo slid out with a minimal amount of hesitation. In retrospect I can honestly say this was one of the more intense experiences I’ve had in my reviewing career. Bravo, Tantus. Bravo.

Who Will Like It

People who have worked up from something thinner and are looking to explore, those that like a full feeling with little to no texture, anyone that’s tried the Tantus Ryder, loved it, but found the head continually hard to insert (being that it’s fully rounded and not ‘pointed’), or those that prefer medium sized plugs over probes.

Tantus Juice Butt PlugTantus Juice

Next up was the Tantus Juice, a plug akin to Neo. The main difference? Rather than a smooth untextured surface, Juice has a ribbed body similar to that of a deflated punch balloon, making my venture slightly more interesting.

While I’ll admit that having Neo to ready myself beforehand probably helped, it seemed as though the ribbing itself offered a bit more squish, give, and room for my ass to maneuver.  Quite surprisingly it glided into place within a minimum amount of force or effort.  The entire time I could feel the textures adding a new level of stimulation and pleasure.  Sadly though, once inserted it was as if the ribs didn’t exist. I could feel them if I focused, but for the most part internally it felt just like Neo. Very weird.

As for the rest of my experience with Juice, everything was almost identical to Neo; it was comfortable to wear, at no point did I feel ‘stretched out’, the base fit perfectly, and removal was stress free. With how smooth things went, I wish there was more to report. Though I’ll admit, if I had to choose between Neo and Juice, I’d definitely opt for the latter.

Who Will Like It

People that enjoy slight texturing, a feeling of fullness, and everything Neo has to offer.

 Tantus Twist Butt PlugTantus Twist

How do I say this nicely… I am not fond of the Tantus Twist.

In fact, it’s probably my least favorite of any butt toy I’ve reviewed thus far; the coiled body made getting it in place fairly difficult, and as each bump slid into place, my body offered more and more resistance until it became nearly unbearable. Good thing I like a challenge.

On that note, don’t try twirling it like you would the Crystal Delights twist, the base on Tantus’s version makes it almost impossible. Rather than a quick spin and insertion, you’ll likely find the base continually jabbing you with each go round. And while this does make the plugs body slightly easier to work in, eventually you’ll end up at a point where the base is stuck between your ass cheeks and just won’t turn anymore. Having a toy jammed in my crack before the rest of it is entirely inserted, no thank you.

Also, if you don’t use enough lube and try to twist it, you’ll likely feel like something is pulling at your hole. Ouch. Eventually I had to remove it entirely (we’ll get to the removal in a minute) and start from scratch. You cannot imagine my disdain. Let’s just say I wasn’t overly impressed with myself, my ass, or Twist by this point.

After much deliberation I finally managed to get it in, however once inserted, the ripples felt kind of odd. I mean, I could feel them, but every time I moved I couldn’t help but think I had crammed corrugated cardboard in my ass. Not pleasurable, and certainly not what I was hoping for.

Unfortunately my misfortune didn’t stop there, when it came time to take Twist out I struggled almost as much as I did putting it in; each bump felt as bad, if not worse, as it did during insertion. AND I DID THIS TWICE. The things I do for you people. The only saving grace was the fact that I knew once it was out, it was over. Sweet relief, why must you come in the form of a removed butt plug?

Who Will Like It

Those that are really experienced with anal play and really love textures, anyone that wants to ‘try something new’, persons who aren’t afraid of a challenge, those that like the sensations anal beads provide.

The Bad

Despite what most websites selling these three say I don’t think they’d be good for ‘beginners’. Someone who’s explored with fingers, yes. Someone that’s experienced with smaller, thinner butt plugs and wants something a larger than a finger but smaller than a breadbox, yup. Someone that’s had anal sex, enjoyed it, and wants a plug to play with, most def. But a person that’s new to the scene, hasn’t had many opportunities to put things in their butt, be it a finger, plug, penis, or otherwise, likely not.

As someone that knows her body, has spent the past 7 years putting things in her ass for ‘science’, I can honestly say these were a tad too large my first few goes round. If they were too large for me, I can only imagine what they’d feel like to someone that has no idea what they’re doing. If you’re not sure where to start my ‘Beginners Guide To Butt Play‘ might come in handy.

Other than that I don’t have much to complain about. They’re luxurious as far as anal plugs go, they just weren’t my ideal. I’m working on it.

Care & Cleaning

Tantus Butt Plug Close UpBecause they’re all crafted out of medical grade silicone, and therefore wont retain bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, they don’t require heavy duty cleaning many lesser products would. Simply give them a good wash with mild soap and water and let them sit to air dry.

Or, if you’re a clean freak and can’t stand the thought of something that’s been in your ass coming into contact with anything else, you can boil them in water for 3 minutes, toss ’em in your dishwasher, or wash them with a 10% bleach solution. Though honestly, it’s pretty unnecessary.

Also, because Juice and Twist are quite textured there’s a lot of opportunity for bodily fluids, lube, bacteria, and ‘stuff’ to collect. They won’t absorb into silicone and don’t pose any real risks, but it does mean you’ll need to pay a bit more consideration when cleaning.

Final Verdict

Tantus Neo, Juice, Twist Butt PlugsAt the end of the day, and knowing Tantus like I do, I don’t think these are bad plugs. On the contrary.  Even with my personal struggles I think they’re shining examples of what high quality butt plugs should be; they’re crafted out of medical grade silicone making them totally body safe, are silky smooth to the touch,  don’t drag on the skin, have a base that makes them exceptionally comfortable to wear, don’t attract lint, bare pointy tips to help make insertion easier than most, and will last a lifetime with a minimal amount of care. Unfortunately, they’re just too for me, right now. Like I said, I’m working on it.

Considering all that, I’d certainly suggest them. I’d just make sure to point out all the differences so anyone interested would know what to buy… if you like a medium plug that’s fairly basic, grab a Neo.

If you want something the same size, with a slight amount of texturing adding some fun sensations, pick up a Juice.

For those brave souls that don’t back down when the going gets tough, Twist will be your new favorite.

Otherwise, when it comes to butt plugs, you’ve certainly got a lot of other options to choose from over at SheVibe.

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