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The Big Bin of #SexToyFails: Part 1

Over the last 7 years of reviewing sex toys a lot of craptastic things have come my way. Some bored me, others gave me migraine inducing headaches, one had me ‘flailing like a maniac having a carpal tunnel fit‘, another was complete and utter torture. I’ve even gone so far as to liken a vibrator to a rabid bunny bashing at my bits. Ok, so that wasn’t the exact quote, but it’s close enough.

And that’s just the sex toy fails I’ve written about.

Not surprisingly there are more, many more. Most of which found themselves dumped in an over sized storage bin and tucked in the furthest corner of my closet never to be seen again…. until the desperate need to purge rolled around. Which leads us to this post.

Big Bin Of Sex Toy Fails

the big bin of fails in all its glory

Rather than spouting off my opinion based on appearances alone, which is what I tend to do with the horrors found in my #WTFWednesday posts, I’ve tested each of these (or had someone try, as was the case with the masturbators) and either thought they were so ridiculous that I couldn’t bring myself to write a full review, or had one session with them and said ‘nope, not doing this again’, banishing them to the bin forevermore.

Even with my displeasure, I’ll admit they’re not all horrible, heck some of you might even own a few and like them. But for me, these were deal breakers; sex toy fails I’ll never use again and couldn’t bare to dump on unsuspecting friends. That shit would just be cruel.

The Big Bin Of Sex Toy Fails

bounding bunny dual vibeRhythm O Bounding Bunny

Once upon a time I was a huge fan of rabbit vibes. There was something so alluring about slipping one inside, pushing a button or two, and laying back like a lazy little b while it did all the work. It was around this period that I acquired the Rhythm O Bounding Bunny, a dual vibe I thought to be promising.  However, after one use I realized it would be better off as roadkill…

Rather than your typical metal balls or pearls, the ‘rotations’ are carried out via what appears to be a half cob of corn covered by a heavy layer of saran wrap. And the spinning action, let’s just say the kernels undulate rather than turn… so not only are you having sex with thickly wrapped dinner left overs, now they’ve apparently been eaten by a transparent snake that’s writhing around inside your vadge. Get the visual, yeah not very hot is it?

Aside from that it’s heavy, big and bulky, isn’t very ergonomic, has far too many buttons controlling different things (making it difficult to manage when it’s stuffed inside you), is made of TPE (so although phthalate free, it’s still porous and can’t be fully sterilized), attracts lint and fluff like you wouldn’t believe, and requires 4 AAA batteries. Oh, and as an added bonus, any time you clench your PC muscles, it stops. Maybe I just don’t know my own strength. *smirk*

Everything considered, the vibe isn’t terrible, but it’s not great either. I’d say it lands somewhere between meh and blah. Not exactly the place you want to find your product sitting with a well versed sex toy reviewer. Sadly, the only thing it has going for it is the decently powerful clitoral stimulator, but you can find something similar without all the bulk or hefty price tag in a standard vibrating egg.

If you’re dead set on a dual vibe, one that’s body safe, rechargeable, and doesn’t look like a cob of corn, take a gander at a few other luxury options like the Lelo Ina 2, Je Joue Fifi, OhMiBod Freestyle W Rabbit, Vanity Vr6, or Envy Seven. For those of you looking for something cheaper, there’s the Fun Factory Tango, Joya Tulip, the unconventional Rock Chick, or maybe something within the Entice collection of dual vibes. Trust me, any of them are better than that damn bounding bunny


Fleshlight Blade & Fleshjack Sword

fleshlight blade swordI’ve been a fan of Fleshlight ever since I finger fucked one in the poorly lit corner of a sex shop nine years ago. The realistic appearance, soft and plush texture, and ergonomic design instantly gave birth to a penis envy I still can’t shake.

Having said that, of the over 15 different things I’ve received from Fleshlight, there were bound to be a few that left my testers unimpressed… for example, the Fleshlight Blade and Fleshjack Sword.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it, people want the option to control how tight something is and giving them a masturbator with a squishy body probably seemed like a really great idea, but here’s the problem; it just doesn’t work that well.

Before I go on let me say that the experience, i.e. what the sleeves deliver, is true to form and exactly what it should be with any Fleshlight. But that’s where the fun stops. There’s no other way to say it than these versions feel cheap, flimsy, and just don’t live up to the standard I’ve grown accustom to.

Judging by exterior appearances they don’t look too bad; they’re highly detailed, original in design, and come in bright blue or gold casings. However, for as attractive as they are, I wouldn’t say they’re discreet. Rather than blending into the background these bad boys stick out like a sore thumb. I won’t lie, if I saw something made of bright blue plastic that looked like the end of a sword, I’d sure as hell ask what it was, if not reach out and open it myself. Then again I’m nosy like that.

fleshlight blade sleeve compared to original fleshlightAs for the sleeves, they have smaller openings, are shorter in length, and sport thinner bodies than the original designs. If you bought a Fleshlight and found it to be too large, you might like them, but if you’re someone with a larger than average sized penis, you’ll probably have issues with insertion and use.

Also, I’ve been told they make a distracting ‘pffft’ sound with each thrust; unlike the original Fleshlight whose suction can be adjusted via a screw cap on the bottom, Blade and Sword have four little holes where the air gets pushed through during use. Not only is your experience slightly limited because of this, but as an added bonus you’ve now got four ways for the lube to dribble to the floor. Yay! #sarcasm.

On top of all that, the original versions are much easier to reassemble, just give them a good wash, cornstarch them up, and slide into place for safe keeping. Not the case with Blade or Sword. One of my testers went into graphic detail about how he used the end of his toothbrush to ‘angrily jam it into place’ while muttering profanities at it. Certainly not how a fake pussy should be treated.

fleshlight case compared to fleshlight swordOh, and once you finally do get the sleeve back in the cover, the cap refuses to stay put.  Push with all your might, force it if you have to, just know that no matter what you do, all your Sword/Blade wants to do is go commando. One knock to the floor and it’s game over, I’m not even referring to the lint they’ll pick up. If you ask me, Fleshlight did it right the first time around. #ScrewCapForTheWin.

Lastly, they kinda look like you’re fucking a pussy or ass that’s a pear. Literally. Probably not a big deal for many of you, but if you’re into banging edibles, may I instead suggest a hollowed pumpkin? One can only assume it’d be a lot more accommodating, cheaper too!

With everything I disliked about these two I think you’d be better off snagging an original Fleshlight or a Fleshlight Vibro. Looking for something a little smaller? the three different Sex In a Can versions are much better options. Want a good deal? Check my Fleshlight sale page, I’ve collected the best sales and even listed a few combo packs and products you won’t easily find on the website.


  baconlubeBacon Flavored Lube

When it comes to bacon flavored foods there’s a lot that I ‘get’. Take smokey bacon Lays potato chips for example, it’s a no-brainer. Bacon flavored pancakes, delish. Beggin strips, probably the only thing my dog would leave me for. Baconnaise, that shit’s just necessary (it’s vegan too!). Bloody Caesar’s rimmed with bacon salt and spiked with Bakon Vodka, now you’re speaking my language.

However, when you start getting into the realm of bacon flavored gumballs, bacon sunscreen, bacon chocolate bars, bacon lollipops, bacon lip balm, or bacon soda, among other things, it’s time to take a step back and reassess the situation.

Then there’s Bacon Flavored Lube… and almost instantly everything in me screams no, JUST. NO.

I’m going to be blatantly honest and say there is no point in time when I want to go down on a partner whose junk smells like it was just flipped out of a frying pan and served up with all day breakfast. And in the off chance that I absolutely had to, I’d hope to be pleasantly surprised. Instead what you’re greeted with is much closer to licking a pan where bacon grease was left cooling to a white coating, than what you’d get from eating actual bacon. It’s salty, musty, thick and pungent, slightly sweet, and wrong on every level. I think my partner summed it up best when he said “it’s bacony, but it’s disgusting!”

baconlubeforbreakfastMaking matters worse, the scent lingers long after you’ve attempted to lick/wash it off. My word of advice, don’t go to the dog park after. It’s creepy, and depending on who’s in the park that day, could potentially land you in the hospital. Or jail. #guardyourprivates

Also, it’s billed as a ‘personal lubricant and massage oil’. Considering I have a hard enough time stomaching the lube idea, the massage oil takes it to a whole other level. Why anyone would want to be slicked down with simulated bacon grease just so they could be massaged into a stinking mess is beyond me. Shit, I might understand if it was actually good, but it’s not. I say again, ‘it’s bacony, but it’s disgusting!”

Being a lover of flavored lubes I have no problem admitting there’s a certain charm to ones that smell like desert, fruits, or other goodness, but there is nothing charming about the smell of cooked meat on someone’s privates. Period.

Rather than assaulting your taste buds with the horrific concoction that is bacon lube, I’d suggest any of the Sliquid flavored lubes, System Jo Tangerine Dream, Raspberry Sorbet, or Chocolate DreamIntimate Organics Macadamia Nut, or Cinnamon Vanilla by Good Clean Love. None of them taste like the crap J&D’s make, and they’re better lubes because of it.

End Rant.

So there you have it, the first edition of my big bin of sex toy fails.

Like what you read? Make sure to sign up for my mailing list below and be the first to know when I add another 4 next month… here’s a few hints as to what they might be; one’s a ‘collectors dildo’ created by a designer, another would be much better as a kids stuffed tooth to prep for dentist visits, one tastes like a medicine I was given when I was 12 and had tonsillitis, the last had me terrified while bathing in murky bathwater. Trust me, you don’t want to miss out!

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Review: Intimate Organics Flavored Lube

Intimate Organics OilsFor those of you not familiar with the company, Intimate Organics was created in 2008 with a goal to provide a personal care collection that was free of the harsh chemicals and synthetic ingredients found in many other mass produced products. The entire collection only uses certified organic extracts and offers a healthier option for those that value the environment and care not only about what they’re putting on their body, but also in it.

The newest collection is a line of high quality flavored lubricants that warm on contact and offer unique flavors not found with other leading brands. Sticking with their mission, the company only uses certified organic extracts that are aspartame, paraben and DEA free, while also being sugar free, pure vegan and never tested on animals. Each decadently flavored water based lube is condom/dental dam compatible and highly concentrated.

Packaging

Like all of the products within the Intimate Organics collection each 120 ml bottle is professional and respectful, with nothing on it that’s tacky, inappropriate, potentially embarrassing or rude. The clear plastic is durable, with some weight behind it, feeling neither flimsy nor cheap. Because the sticker is placed in the back (facing the front) it allows a full view the liquid inside. The back provides information on the ingredients, usage instructions and company info, with nothing being overdone or distasteful.

The coinciding pictures used for each flavor are enticing, and while the description does contain the word ‘lubricant’ it’s likely that anyone who found the bottle would be so intrigued by the delicious images that they wouldn’t take notice to the fact that it’s a sexual wellness product, and instead opt to sample it for themselves.

When it came to issues with the packaging the only real complaint I had was the use of a screw cap that required depressing for access to the lube; had they used a pump top (like Pink lubricant) or a tube there would be less of a chance it could be potentially spilled (this from the girl that accidentally knocked the bottle over and spilled 1/4 of the stuff on the floor – thank God it’s water based and easy to clean up).

The Good

Regardless of the Intimate Organics flavour you choose, the lube glides on smooth and spreads easily, has a thin fluid consistency (compared to a thicker gel), doesn’t leave you feeling sticky or coated in product and warms when gently rubbed into the skin or blown on. On that note, they feel very silky and leave the skin soft and supple, allowing body parts to glide nicely without any friction.

Fortunately there’s no horrible aftertaste and while each is heavily scented, the taste (for the most part) isn’t completely overpowering or sickly sweet. Having said that, for those that like concentrated flavours and/or scents that require little to no reapplication this will be a perfect addition to your bedroom play.

*Note: Because the flavors are so concentrated you only need a little, and it’s best if you take the time to spread it out before licking it. Tasting it straight from the bottle or using too much will likely be too sweet or strong for most people. On the up side, if you’re using it in conjunction with a dental dam or condom the flavor and scent will overpower the stink of latex and make the situation far more enjoyable.

Ingredients: Vegetable derived Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Flavour, Water, Alcohol, Lycium Barbarum Fruit Extract, Cymbopogon Schoenantus Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract.

Savory & Sweet Flavours:

Intimate Organics Toasted Macadamia Lubricant

Although it’s called Toasted Macadamia I found the scent to be a mixture of caramel, rice crispy squares, burnt by the campfire toasted marshmallows and salty but sweet candied nuts (don’t pun that), making it a far cry from the traditional fruit flavors you’ll likely find with other brands.

The taste is sweet but savory, slightly nutty and leaves a lingering taste of toasted marshmallows on the tongue. It’s by no means overpowering or obnoxious, which was a nice surprise considering how strongly it was scented.  On that note, straight out of the bottle it’s exceptionally sweet and sugary, almost syrupy. Taking the time to thin it out over the skin before sampling works wonders for diluting the strong taste, making it far more palatable.

Intimate Organics Chocolate Mint Lubricant

For those that love Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream, you’re in for treat as the Chocolate Mint lubricant smells and tastes exactly as expected. The first whiff is rather heavy and strong, being a tad overpowering, syrupy sweet and intense. If you tend to prefer flavored lubes that are delicate and light, this may not be the one for you – instead I’d highly suggest the chocolate lube offered by System Jo as both the flavor and scent aren’t far more subtle.

As for the scent, it starts off cool and minty then shifts to a divine chocolate that smells like a rich box of dark chocolates.  The flavor however is the quite the opposite, beginning with a warm chocolate and quickly shifting to a light and airy mint that lingers lightly on the tongue.  Like the Toasted Macadamia nut, sampling it from the bottle will likely be very syrupy and too pungent for most, even as someone with a serious sweet tooth I found it to be a bit much.

Unlike all of the others which are totally clear, this one has a slightly darker yellowish tinge that’s almost amber in color.  

Intimate Organics Vanilla Caramel Lubricant

No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get the smell of vanilla, the caramel was definitely there, possibly even a hint of custard, creamy butterscotch ripple ice cream or maple syrup, but no vanilla. That’s not to say it didn’t smell good, quite the opposite actually; the moment I caught a whiff my mouth instantly watered.

To me this smelled like my favourite dessert, Creme Brulee, with a creamy and thick decadent smooth custard sitting perfectly below a golden brown layer of crispy caramelized sugar. As for the taste, it’s nowhere near as rich or heavy as the Toasted Macadamia or Chocolate Mint, offering a sweet and decadent sugar flavor that’s very yummy and delectable.

Again, spreading it out over the skin before sampling will make it far more appealing, as tasting it straight from the bottle will likely be a little too sweet and syrupy.

Intimate Organics Pralines ‘n Cream Lubricant

Unlike the others I found this version a little too rich and sickly sweet making it my least favourite in the collection. While there is a slight hint of nuttiness, the thick syrup flavor was far too overpowering and took away from anything else it might have to offer – that’s even after I took the time to spread it out and slightly sink in. Even a finger tabs worth from the bottle almost made me sick… which is saying a lot being that I have a serious sweet tooth (Nesquick straight/no milk? YES PLEASE!)

On that note, if you really like sweets you’ll probably love this version, I’m just personally not a fan.

Fruit Flavours

Intimate Organics Wild Cherry Lubricant

Why do companies always feel the need to use words like “wild” in their flavoring descriptions? Maybe it’s just me but I rarely find that anything ‘flavored’ tastes like it would if found in the ‘wild’, and by ‘wild’ I mean ‘farm’, because lets get real, that’s where most fruit and veggies come from nowadays.

Even with my apparent cynicism I have to admit I love the way this lube smells. Not only is it light, fruity and juicy, it’s also deliciously sweet with a scent that reminds me of cherry Jell-O.  The flavor on the other hand is surprisingly heavy straight from the bottle (like Jell-O before it’s had a chance to set). Fortunately taking the time to thin it out over the skin makes it light and fruity, almost candy like.

*Like I said when I first started, this is nothing like what I’d expect a “wild cherry” to taste like. Personally I’d suggest the Cherry Vanilla lube created by Sliquid, but that’s just me.

Intimate Organics Citrus Burst Lubricant

Coming in somewhere between lemony Sunlight dish detergent and flat pop, this was my least favourite out of the fruit version when it came to the scent. Of course that’s just me, but it just didn’t have any redeeming qualities to leave me enticed or wanting to sample it. To be honest, I was actually kinda afraid it would make me sick.

Fortunately the flavor was much better than I expected, especially considering I thought it would likely taste like soap. It was surprisingly light and sweet, with subtle citrus flavours that tasted a like flat Sprite or a lime Popsicle. It’s by no means overpowering or syrupy, instead being something you’d likely keep sampling in an attempt to find the flavor.

For those that like light lime flavors or flat Sprite/7Up, I’d suggest this version. If on the other hand you prefer the flavors of a strong lemon candy you might want to try the System Jo Lemon flavored lube, it’s far more tasty.

Intimate Organics Wild Strawberry Lubricant

Like the Wild Cherry version, Wild Strawberry tastes nothing like what I’d expect a wild strawberry to taste or smell like, and while it’s not as overpowering or syrupy as many other strawberry flavored lubes on the market, it’s also not the greatest. For one thing it’s sweet, very sweet, and although the flavor is delicate and subtle like a real strawberry, the warming sensation detracts from the greatness that it could be by altering the sensation and distracting from the flavor.

Don’t get me wrong, out of the fruit flavored versions this is by far the best one, it’s just unfortunately very similar to everything else that’s supposed to taste like a strawberry. I guess the fact that it’s organic and free of chemicals makes it a far better option, but going on taste alone you’d never know the difference.

The Bad

When it came to things I didn’t like about the flavored lubes offered by Intimate Organics there were quite a few, which is rather unfortunate considering I really wanted to love them.

  • The flavors and scents are heavy and overpowering, with some of them being almost nasautingly sweet. Fortunately spreading them out makes a big difference, but even then some are a tad too much.
  • For as nice as the warming effect is on the skin, it’s not necessarily enjoyable when it comes to the edible side of the product. Sure thinning them out makes it not as effective, but it still creates a weird warming sensation on the tongue that detracts from the flavor.
  • This may be a bonus for some people; because they’re so heavily scented once they’ve been licked off the smell still remains on anything it came in contact with be it sheets, body parts or otherwise.  Admittedly, it’s kind of interesting to play while there’s a scent of chocolate mint or crème brulee in the air, and it’s a rather nice cover up for those that can’t stand the smell of latex.
  • Finally, the lube doesn’t fully absorb which is both a good and bad thing; on the one hand it maintains a consistency that’s slick and slippery without getting sticky or tacky, on the other hand you’ll need to wipe off any that’s left behind to fully get rid of it.

Final Verdict

I usually use this part of my reviews to go over the great things I loved about the product but for the first time in a long time I find myself at a loss for words. On the one hand the products are all certified organic, maintain their consistency, aren’t tested on animals, spread easily over the skin leaving you feeling silky smooth, and some of them even taste pretty damn good.  On the other hand the majority of them are very strong when it comes to the flavor/scent which may unfortunately put people off.  Thankfully they don’t smell highly chemical or obnoxiously fake, but that may not be enough of a reason for some people to love them.

For me it’s a toss up, but you might have a completely different result. I guess the only way to find out is to try them. You never know, you just may be pleasantly surprised.

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Review: Lelo Personal Moisturizer

Until a couple of years ago I had one brand of lubricant that I swore by. No matter how much someone tried to convince otherwise, it was the only thing I would use. Maybe it was because it lasted longer than many others. Maybe it was because it came in wide variety of types, making the options seem endless. Maybe it was because it came in fantastic, non chemical tasting flavors. Maybe it was because it came professionally and respectfully packaged. Or maybe it was simply because I was tired of using lesser quality brands, all of which were pumped full of glycerin and chemicals that left me with either a yeast infection or feeling dry and sore after use (TMI?). Whatever the reason, it set the standard for every lube to follow and I’ve rarely, if ever, questioned my loyalty and stubbornness.

Times have certainly changed and people have become increasingly aware of what they’re not only putting on their bodies, but also in them. It’s partly this customer awareness that has brought a rise in standards and forced companies to either increase the quality of current products, or create brand new lines in order to meet the demand. As such, there are quite a few companies that have begun to offer quality lubricants that are either on par or, dare I say, better than my most trusted brand.

For today’s review I’m going to be covering one such lube by a company I absolutely love – the paraben and glycerin free Personal Moisturizer made by the folks at Lelo. While it may not be better than my fave brand, it’s definitely on par with it, especially when it comes to longevity, affordability and quality.

Packaging

As with all of the products Lelo makes the packaging is sleek, sophisticated, respectful and very high end. The black rectangular box has nothing on it that’s rude, tacky or inappropriate, instead using carefully chosen wording like “comfort of intimate activities”, “sensual experience” and “your intimate areas”. If only more companies would follow suit and adopt such a discreet and non embarrassing choice of wording*.

One side of the packaging features an image of the lubricant container and a small paragraph beneath it that outlines the benefits and features, with the other side showing nothing but the company’s website written in metallic silver print. The back of the box has the directions, ingredients and warnings all written in 5 different languages (English, French, Dutch, Spanish and Italian).

Regardless of the care taken in creating the box, keep in mind that it’s just something you’ll likely toss into the recycling container.

*having said that I don’t mean to imply that sex, sexuality or the use of intimate accessories is something to be embarrassed about. Instead, that the use of tacky, silly, sexist or rude choices in wording, images and slogans is a large part of what has caused this environment of shame, guilt and embarrassment. Maybe if more companies were mature in their approach and treated sexuality like it isn’t some silly joke in the same way that Lelo, Sliquid, System Jo, Tantus and We-Vibe (to name a handful) do, it’s likely there wouldn’t be such an issue with sexual wellness products to begin with.  (talk about a ranting pet peeve moment!)

The Goods

Each shiny black tube contains 75 ml of the clear water based liquid that glides on smooth, mixing with the bodies natural lubrication very well. Because it’s glycerine free it lasts for quite some time and maintains it’s slippery feel,  becoming neither sticky nor tacky with extended use.  On that note, the consistency is gel like and somewhat thick so a little goes a very long way. While it is very slick it’s not greasy, oily, slimy or goopy (like many other lesser quality lubes), it doesn’t burn, sting or itch and absorbs into the skin leaving you feeling soft and supple, rather than coated in product.

*that last bit is for all of you that have sex and pass out, not bothering to clean up after the fun is over, only to wake up and feel a mess. Don’t blush, we’ve all been there.

For the most part it’s unscented, though it does have a slight dish soap smell that’s a mixture of white Elmer’s glue and lemons. Maybe my nose is busted, but that’s the scent I get. By no means is it highly chemical, sour, obnoxious or over powering. It’s just a light whiff, that’s it.

Whether it’s metal, glass, wood, a high quality silicone or any other type of material this lube is compatible with all types of intimate accessories, so feel free to use it with your favorite products.

Benefits: glycerine free, paraben free, hypoallergenic, non-staining, non-greasy

Ingredients: water, propelene glycol, hydroxyethylcellulose, aloe barbadenis leaf juice, sodium benzoate, potassium sorbate, tetrasodium edta, guarana extract, ginsing extract, avena sativa extract, polysorbate-20, aspartame, polyquaternium-5, PEG-45 M, citric acid.

The Bad

With the exception of one issue there really wasn’t anything I disliked about the product. As for the issue – there is no way to say this nicely so I’m just going to say it – it tastes horrible!! If you’re thinking of having oral sex or using dental dams I highly suggest you invest in a small bottle or packet size of a good flavored lube. Trust me on this one. It’s bad, really bad.

Final Verdict

If you’ve been on the hunt for a good water based lube, one that maintains its consistency, mixes well with the bodies natural fluids, is latex compatible, doesn’t get sticky or tacky and feels slippery smooth, all while being free of both glycerin and parabens, Lelo’s Personal Moisturizer (a.k.a Lube) is definitely a decent option worth trying.

Whether you’re looking for a fantastic lube, high end luxury vibrator, affordable intimate accessory to help you learn about your body, something to share with a partner or a kinky gift, make sure to check out my official online shop where prices are competitive and your privacy is of utmost importance!


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Review: Babeland Natural BabeLube

Having recently tried 5 of the lubes made by the folks at Sliquid (and liking the majority of them – read the review), along with 2 of the 4 flavored Babelicious lubes and 1 of the 8 all natural Body Massage Candles made by Babeland, I just couldn’t say no when Babeland asked if I’d like to try the ‘Natural BabeLube’ they had Sliquid craft for them. Fortunately the product lived up to my expectations for both companies, leaving me thoroughly impressed.

Packaging

Just like all of the products made by/for Babeland the packaging is respectful, professional and gender neutral with nothing on it that’s rude, inappropriate or possibly tacky, nor is there anything that could cause embarrassment (not that you should be anyways). All you’ll find is a list of ingredients and the benefits and features the product has to offer.

As for the container, it’s a 4.2oz simple dark blue recyclable plastic bottle with a black cap and light blue wrap around label that sports the same + (plus) and – (minus) design you’ll find on most other Bableland products. It’s sweet and simple, something more products should aim to be.

The Goods

When it comes to things I look for in a quality lube my expectations aren’t that high. In fact, I think I look for the exact same things anyone would if they knew what sets the good apart from the bad. Of course the main challenge is knowing what to look for.

In my opinion a good lube must do the following; stay slippery during use without getting sticky, tacky, goopey or grainy, require little to no reapplication, have a limited amount of harsh chemicals as ingredients, have little to no taste or smell (unless it’s flavored or scented of course), either have a low consistency of glycerin or none at all, leave my skin feeling clean after bathing (rather than still coated in product), and be affordable for the amount I’m getting.

While many of you may think those are reasonably easy things to find, with all the shady companies you’d be rather surprised how challenging it can be.  Fortunately this job gives me the opportunity to be in contact with some of the best manufacturers and retailers around, ones that often offer me the best of the best when it comes to lubes and many other intimate accessories. Fortunately for you, I like to write about them! 😉

Having said all of that, the Natural Babelube had everything I was looking for and then some: it’s all natural and contains mostly certified organic botanicals, vegan and cruelty free, water based and water soluble, along with being glycerin, paraben and petroleum free. Wanna use it with condoms, dental dams or intimate accessories? No problem – it’s latex, rubber and plastic friendly too.

As for the lube, it’s a clear thick gel like consistency that spreads nicely while also mixing with a woman’s natural lubricant very well. Like the other Sliquid lubes I previously tried I found it maintained its consistency but required reapplying once, not something I blame the lube for but instead an incompatibility with the lubricant on the condoms we were using (Kimono  to be exact – I’ve had the same issues with them and other lubes in the past).

On that note, the lube didn’t burn, sting or make me itch during or after use, nor did it irritate my skin or cause an infection – something I’ve had issues with when it came to lesser quality lubes that were filled with glycerin. What can I say, I’m a girl that tends to learn the hard way.

There’s fortunately also no harsh taste or aftertaste and what you can taste is just a tad salty, being neither too heavy nor offensive.  As for the smell, it’s light and has a slight dish soap scent that’s not at all overwhelming.

*Since we had some condom compatibility issues I applied it to the back of my hand and spread it around, quickly finding it thicken up, turn a thin white pasty color and disappear as if nothing was there to begin with. Surprisingly my skin wasn’t left feeling sticky or tacky, instead it was softer and smoother than before. (keep in mind there was no natural bodily fluids to mix with it and help it maintain – hands don’t self lubricate after all).

Ingredients:  purified water, plant cellulose (from cotton), aloe barbadensis, natural tocopherols (vitamin E), carrageenan, extracts of hibiscux, flax, green tea and sunflower seed, citric acid (citrus fruits), potassium sorbate. *all certified organic

The Bad

When it came to things I didn’t like about the product I didn’t really have anything to complain about, even when trying to nit pick. Sure it didn’t last on my hand very long without reapplying (which might make hand jobs a little tough), and I wouldn’t really suggest it for butt play, but for the most part it was a great lube that I’d definitely use on a regular basis.

Final Verdict

If you’re looking for a lube that’s all natural, glycerin free and has no harsh chemicals, while also leaving you feeling soft, supple and moisturized, that also doesn’t have a heavy taste or smell and comes respectfully packaged – not to mention being totally affordable for both the amount you’re getting and level of quality offered, I’d highly suggest trying Babelands Natural Babelube, it’s definitely worth the under priced $12.00.

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Review: Sliquid Lube Comparison… The Good, The Bad, and The Slippery

I’m sure I’ve made it known (through my many videos and written reviews) that System Jo has been my all time fave brand of lube for quite a while now. Not only do the products maintain their consistency, becoming neither sticky nor tacky during use, but they’re also affordable, latex safe, and have a low consistency of glycerin so I never have to worry about a possible yeast infection when I’m done.

After more than 5 years of being a devoted and loyal System Jo supporter I figured it was time I gave another brand a chance. To my pleasure and surprise I was sent 5 different bottles of the highly recommended Sliquid so I could create a sliquid lube comparison.

The products I was sent included Sliquid Sea, Sliquid Swirl in Cherry/Vanilla flavor, Sliquid Silk a silicone and water based hybrid mixture, Sliquid Silver a fantastic silicone lube, and Sliquid H2O, a basic water based formula.

Rather than doing a full blown review on each of the products I’m going to write a series of mini-reviews that highlight the fantastic (and possibly not so fantastic) qualities of each of these products.

The Basics

Before I go into the sliquid comparison I just want to inform you of all the basic similarities, as they’d be rather repetitive if I continually stated them in each mini review;

  •  All of the products are DEA (Diethanolamine), gluten, glycerine, glycerol, paraben, PEG (polyethylene glycol), propylene glycol, sorbitol and sulphate free, so you don’t really have to worry about harsh chemicals or bodily reactions (though I still suggest a patch test just to make sure you’re not allergic).
  • They’re 100% vegan friendly, latex safe, hypoallergenic, non-toxic and the Sea, H2O, Swirl versions state that they are non staining.
  • The products are all 4.2 oz in size
  • Each of the water based lubes (SEA, H2O, Swirl, Silk) can be reactivated by adding a little bit of water (or spit). Silver can be reactivated by reapplying since it’s silicone.
  • They’re all professionally, respectfully and beautifully packaged, with nothing on them that’s rude, possibly embarrassing or offensive. They even went the extra little mile and had “please recycle this bottle” included on the labels, a very nice touch.
  • All of the water based lubes (SEA, H2O, Swirl) can be used with any kind of intimate accessory. The two lubes that contain silicone (Silk and Silver) I’d only suggest for use with hard plastic, metalglass or wood products as they’d likely ruin any silicone product.

Sliquid Lube Comparison

Sliquid H20 – Water Based Lube

Screen Shot 2016-05-06 at 2.30.10 PMSliquid H2O is a translucent, scentless, tasteless, water based lube with a nice beginning consistency that’s rather thick, slippery and silky. With a slight amount of rubbing/friction it becomes a tad gummy and takes on a  pasty white color that quickly sinks into the skin/oxidizes.

Fortunately it does a rather good job of mimicking the natural lubrication the female body produces (well, mine at least) and will maintain that consistency so long as the female using it remains “wet”. It didn’t leave any visible residue on me or my partner and was exceptionally easy to clean up.

On the down side, if you happen to no longer be aroused, or have a hard time self lubricating, it might not last very long leading you to reapply often and go through the bottle rather quickly. Considering the bottle is only $12.99 (versus some higher priced, yet lower quality lubes) I think it’s a good value for the money.

Final Verdict: I easily give this lube 4 out of 5 stars with a deduction due to the fact that it didn’t last as long as I was hoping.

Ingredients: Purified water, Plant Cellulose (from cotton), Cyamopsis (Guar conditioners), Potassium Sorbate and Citric Acid.


Sliquid Swirl – Cherry/Vanilla Flavored Lube

Sliquid Lube Comparison: Cherry VanillaNext up is Sliquid Swirl in a surprisingly tasty Cherry/Vanilla flavor.  I’ll be honest, when I first got the translucent lube I expected it to taste highly artificial, sickeningly sweet, syrupy and leave a lingering burn on my tongue like many other flavored lubes.

Instead the taste was light, fruity but sweet (to me it tasted like a day old cherry cupcake with vanilla frosting), had no after taste, didn’t burn, sting or make me feel nauseous, and to top it off left a lovely lingering scent anywhere I put it on my partner.

The consistency was very much like a gel lubricant, being thick and rather gluey, while taking slightly longer to absorb and become sticky then the basic H2O version.

Although I’d highly suggest it for oral play, I wouldn’t really suggest it for intercourse as we had to  reapply quite a few times (eventually adding some System Jo H2O to the mix).

Final Verdict: Without a doubt I’d give it 5 out of 5 stars for use during oral sex and 3.5  for use during intercourse, though I wouldn’t suggest it for any kind of anal play as you’d likely have to stop and reapply rather often (which can spoil the mood).

Ingredients: Purified water, Plant Cellulose (from cotton), Cyamopsis (Guar conditioners), Cherry and Vanilla flavoring, Aspartame, Potassium Sorbate and Citric Acid.


Sliquid Silk – H2O/Silicone Hybrid Lube

Sliquid SilkAfter our previous experiences with the water based products we thought we’d try something different with their hybrid mix of silicone and H2O, Sliquid Silk.

Unlike the other versions this lube was a pasty white color (think Elmers School Glue) with a slightly chemical scent (not too horrible) and an acidic, sour and pungent taste  that was exceptionally horrible.

It went on smooth, mixing with my bodies natural fluids rather well, and maintained its consistency for a slightly longer period than the others. Having said that, we found that it needed to be reapplied more when used with our two favorite brands of condoms (Trojan Naked Sensations, Lifestyles Ultra Lubricated). We also found that it thinned out and felt slightly watery (less like a silicone lube) when reactivated with a tiny amount of water (which for some reason didn’t happen when reactivating the other two lubes).

Like the others there was no residue left on the skin and clean up was a breeze; on one occasion we used body safe moist towelettes and the other, simple soap and water.

Final Verdict: I’m still on the fence with this lube; on the one hand I liked the feeling, enjoyed that it didn’t need to be reapplied/reactivated as often as the previous lubes and felt it mimicked my bodies natural lubrication rather well. On the flip side it tasted horrible, made orally pleasing each other rather gross and didn’t work well with our fave condoms. Overall I’d give it 3.75 out of 5 stars.

Ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from cotton), Isopropyl Palmitate, Polysorbate 20, Dimethicone, Emollient Ester, Potassium Sorbate.


Sliquid Silver – Silicone Lube

Sliquid Lube Comparison: Sliquid SilverIf there is one type of lube I’m a big fan of it’s a really great silicone. Not only does it maintain its consistency, getting neither sticky nor tacky with use, but it’s also exceptionally slippery, fantastic for use during shower or bath play (since it’s waterproof), goes an exceptionally long way for the little that’s used (which saves you money in the long run) and is pretty amazing  for use during anal play/penetration (since you don’t have to keep stopping and reapplying).

Fortunately Sliquid Silver is no exception to the rule; it glided on smooth, made my skin feel velvety and super slippery, had no scent or taste, interacted nicely with my body’s natural lubrication and helped to make the condoms we were using feel like nothing at all.

The only down side was it didn’t last as long as I’m used to when in the shower as I had to reapply twice (I guess System Jo has me spoiled). Having said that, it was still pretty awesome and did everything I hoped it would. On the plus side, it washed off rather easily and didn’t require a heavy or concentrated soap to do so. (my one and only complaint when using silicone lube is that cleaning it off the skin can be a pain in the ass).

Final Verdict: Without question I’ll give this silicone a 5 out of 5 stars for affordability, ease of use, feeling and overall amazingness!

Ingredients: Dimethicone, Dimentheconol, Cyclopentasiloxane.


Sliquid Sea – H2O/Seaweed Infused Lube

Sliquid Lube Comparison: Sliquid SeaLast, but definitely not least, was Sliquid Sea – a fantastic lube that was slippery, smelled a little salty and soapy, had no taste, was slightly thicker than the others, mimicked my own natural lubrication very well and is infused with the following seaweed extracts: Carrageenan, Wakame and Nori.

According to the Sliquid website:  “Together, these natural extracts of the sea blend with our Naturals H2O lubricant, to provide a slippery, sensual lubricant with the natural healing properties of the sea.” (to read more click this link)

While I can’t speak for the products health benefits (I haven’t used it often enough, or on a regular basis for that), I can say that it’s a pretty damn fantastic lubricant no matter what you’re using it for. Unfortunately it didn’t last very long in the shower and needed to be reapplied twice. On the upside it left no residue on me or my partner and was very easy to wash off.

Final Verdict: 4.5 out of 5 stars with a half point deduction for the salty and somewhat soapy smell.


Overall Final Verdict

When it came to comparing System Jo to Sliquid I had a really hard time deciding which was better, especially considering they have very different ingredients. Having said that, Sliquid comes in second with a photo finish.

Whether you’re new to the idea of lubes, use them on a regular basis, have a favorite brand that you’re getting tired of or are simply looking to try something new,  I highly suggest the Sliquid brand of lubes. Not only do they work exceptionally well, but they’re beautifully and respectfully packaged, definitely affordable ($11.99 – $17.59) and free of all the harsh chemicals/fillers you’d find in a lesser brand.

If you’d like more info or to purchase the product head on over to ShopSexEd102.com where shopping for the very best lubricants, or anything else that strikes your fancy is easy, affordable and your confidentially is always respected.

Check out all of the Sliquid products my store carries by clicking the banner below!

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