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Beginners Guide To Cock Rings

Not sure what I cock ring is? Not to worry. This beginners guide to cock rings will help explain everything you need to know.

What Is A Cock Ring?

Cock rings are accessories worn around the base of the penis to extend intercourse by keeping blood trapped inside the shaft of the penis (they also seem to work wonders at making the penis look bigger – I said look, they don’t actually make it longer or bigger). In some cases, they can also be used to help hold a condom in place.

Erections occur when the penis is filled with blood after arousal (click the link to learn more about the ‘Male’ Sexual Response Cycle). Muscle spasms occurring at the base of the penis cause blood to be trapped and the penis to become hard. When there is a problem with the muscle spasms, the blood flows out and the penis remains soft. Fortunately for many people a cock ring worn at the base of an erect penis will help prevent the blood from leaving the shaft, thus maintaining a firmer erection.

Whether made of nitrile, leather, metal, silicone, or otherwise, there are many options available. The challenge is finding one that works with you and your body.

Finding the Right Size

Considering that one of the most asked questions I get regarding cock rings is in regard to size, I want to assure you that most silicone and/or rubber rings will stretch to fit even the largest of penises, it’s just a matter of finding one that will accommodate comfortably.

As for metal rings; take a strip of paper, fabric, or something flexible that will comfortably fit around the shaft, wrap it around the base of the penis and mark where the ends meet. Measure the length, divide by 3, and you’ve got your size. For most people, a 1.75-2 inch ring will be sufficient to wear comfortably. I personally suggest avoiding metal rings unless you are experienced as they are harder to apply, remove, and there is the potential for it to get stuck should you be unable to lose the erection (which will very likely lead to a hospital visit).

Note: you could use a flexible tape measure, though you’ll want one made of a soft material that won’t accidentally cut you – which is why I don’t suggest traditional tape measures that could accidentally snap back.

How To Wear

While the most effective way to wear a cock ring is behind the balls and around the top of the shaft, many people opt to wear them around the shaft only as it may be a bit more comfortable. Unfortunately there are a few things that may go wrong with this, like it slipping off during sex when things get wet and slippery.

On that note, I suggest applying a good water based lube before putting on the ring, as there is a likely chance it may otherwise tug and pull on pubic hair (if you have any) during use or removal. No matter which way you choose to wear a cock ring it should fit comfortably and cause no pain. One thing to remember is that cock rings should be first applied to a soft, flaccid penis and stay on until the penis is hard and erect.

Application

Applying cock rings is easy, especially those that are stretchy (like silicone and rubber): simply stretch the ring with two fingers (index and ring fingers) of both hands and bring the ring underneath and behind the balls, then back toward your lower abdomen, slowly allowing the tension to bind the base of the penis securely.

Unfortunately using metal rings is a little trickier: start by lubing up your balls, then gently maneuver one testicle through the ring (doesn’t matter which one), then gently ease in the other, from there you’re going to gently fold the penis and point it so it’s head down and push it through the ring, then carefully pull the ring back against your body so it sits above the shaft. As I said, this is a little trickier and can also be a tad more uncomfortable.

The Bad

Because the penis is made up of millions of blood vessels (that allow the flow of blood to enter and exit the area), constricting the flow of blood into (or out of) the penis is just not something it’s meant to do naturally. As such, some of the problems you may face include numbness, discoloration, the inability to ejaculate, unnatural swelling and pain – often due to using one that’s too small, thin, or an improper application.

**If you notice any of the above I advise that you take the cock ring off immediately.

It is also not advised to leave a ring on for too long – a hard on that lasts several hours can cause blood to coagulate in the shaft which may make it very hard to lose the erection. If this happens, I suggest you seek medical attention as soon as possible.

Tips & Suggestions

Learning to apply c-rings before using them with a partner may be one of the best suggestions I have to offer. Not only will it cut down the time it takes to put on when in the moment, but it will also give you a feeling of confidence and preparedness, rather then being caught off guard leaving you fumbling in the dark.

Using a little bit of lube to apply the c-ring will help it slide over the shaft and limit the amount of pubic hair (if you have any) that may get caught during use or removal. I’ve heard horror stories, trust me on this one.

Unless you are well versed with the use of c-rings I highly suggest sticking to rubber (not jelly), silicone, cyberskin or other somewhat flexible material rather then investing in metal. That way if you happen to ‘lock off’ (meaning you can’t return to your flaccid state, rendering you unable to remove the product) you can always cut the product off rather than having to go to the hospital to have it removed.

If you’re going to be using protection (and I hope you are) I suggest applying the condom first, then placing the cock ring over top which will help secure the condom and keep it from rolling up. Again, I’m going to suggest the use of lube to make it both easier, more comfortable, and prevent the condom from possibly tearing.

It’s advised to wear them for no longer than 20 minutes at a time, and definitely not something you’ll want to fall asleep still wearing.

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Q&A w/ Kara Sutra: Is Masturbation Bad?

For The Beginner, Health & Wellness, Q & A, Sex Ed 102

Hi Kara Sutra

I’m a long time fan of yours and I’ve watched all of your videos. I was hoping you could answer some questions I had about masturbation because I have no clue what to think or if there are health ramifications. Plus I’ve always been told that its bad so I’ve never done it and I want to but I’m scared that it will make me a pervert. Is masturbation bad? Is it normal? Am I going to go to hell? If I do it does it mean that there is something wrong with me?

I hope you can answer my questions.

Thanks.

Answer

Thank you so much for watching and supporting what I do!!

As for the message, in a perfect world masturbation wouldn’t cause feelings of fear, shame, or guilt. It’s a very natural thing that most species do, and almost every person has done, sometimes without even knowing it. Even as babies and young children one of the first things we do is experience our body. We touch, squeeze, tickle, our hands venture to places that can cause enjoyment we don’t yet understand.

Unfortunately, most of the guilt or shame we feel from this touching comes from early childhood experiences brought on by another persons reaction to what we were doing. And that isn’t fair or healthy.

When children touch their genitals it’s usually not in a sexual way, but instead an attempt to explore out of sheer curiosity and wonder. Very often they are immediately told to stop, that it’s ‘bad’, ‘dirty’, ‘wrong’, ‘gross’, ‘naughty’, and are shot scornful looks from whomever caught them. Sometimes their hands are slapped away or they’re punished for it. All of these experiences shape what they think of their bodies, sexuality, and how they feel about themselves.

That being said, I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with masturbating. There is nothing wrong with exploring your body and figuring out what you like. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable and confident in your sexuality. And there is nothing wrong with giving yourself an orgasm.

Benefits of Masturbation

Contrary to any statements about masturbating being bad for you, there are quite a few positive benefits, including (but not limited to);

releasing tension
lowering stress levels
increasing the ability to have orgasms
helping to release endorphins that relieve pain
burning calories
it’s a natural sleep sedative
helping to keep the pelvic floor strong/healthy (potentially preventing urinary incontinence)

In ‘men’ it has be found to improve the immune system’s functioning, build resistance to prostate gland infection, and possibly even reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer. Not to mention the fact that it can help guys increase ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation (basically put, through masturbation you can teach yourself to last longer).

In ‘women’, it’s great for combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with the menstrual cycle like cramps and backache. It can help prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections as well as generally help to gain confidence in our sexuality.

Aside from all those wonderful benefits, masturbating is a great way to learn about what you like and dislike when it comes to arousing yourself and achieving an orgasm.

You can fault me for this if you’d like, but you can’t blame your partner for not helping you achieve an orgasm if you don’t even know what it takes to get you there. No matter your gender, learning about your body and how to bring excitement is your responsibility, so is telling your partner so that they can provide what you require – the only way to learn is to do it yourself.

How Much Is Too Much?

Regarding the two most asked questions, “how much is too much?” and “whats wrong with me? I don’t know how to stop!”

So long as it’s not interfering with your daily activities, i.e. keeping you from hanging out with friends, making you late for work, is the only thing on your mind and the only thing you want to do day in and day out, you don’t really need to worry. The frequency of masturbation isn’t a problem unless it is linked with an obsessive compulsive disorder, where the same activity must be repeated over and over.

As for what’s considered “normal”: ‘normal’ ranges from several times per day, week or month, to never masturbating at all. Since everyone is different what’s ‘normal’ for you may be very different from what’s ‘normal’ for someone else.

Finally, will you go to hell? That’s a whole other can of worms I’d rather not open. But as someone that doesn’t believe in a ‘punishing God’, I’d say no. If you’re religious, maybe reading the book Conversations With God would give you another perspective on things.

That’s pretty much it, hopefully it helped in some way.

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How To Put On A Condom

For The Beginner, How To's

Sex Ed 102: How To Put On A Condom

Since the #1 complaint I hear regarding condoms is that they ‘spoil the mood’ I think it’s very important to practice putting them on properly (and taking them off properly) as it’ll help to make the moment move a lot smoother and quicker.

When it comes to practicing I think the best advice is to go with the flow; if you masturbate use that time to practice putting on a condom, masturbate with it on (which will get you used to the sensation) and then take it off following the directions on the box.

While it might be a bit of a pain in the ass, and maybe a mood kill, when it comes to the actual moment of intercourse all the planning and prepping will go a long way for saving you from embarrassment or potentially doing it wrong.
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First Time Sex Tips: For The Guys

For The Beginner, For The Guys, How To's, Tips, Tricks and Suggestions

Since most of the questions I’m commonly asked tend to be from those not yet sexually active, coming in the form of messages stating personal fears, worries, anxieties and misconceptions regarding the subject, I thought I’d write a series of articles to help guide my readers and viewers through their “first time”.

In the first article of this series I touched on the basics, including the decision about what type of contraception you’ll be using, getting products like a good lubes to help make the experience more pleasurable, the motivation behind the choice to be sexually active and making sure to have a person you can speak with, both before and after, who might be able to help and offer guidance should you need it.

For those of you jumping into the series, I highly suggest you go back and read the first article as it will possibly give you the insight you need to decide if having sex is something you’re really ready for.

As for this article, I’m going to be covering tips and suggestions I think every male should know before engaging in sexual activity, hopefully making the experience the best it can be for both of the parties involved.

*I’ll be covering first time suggestions for females next.

Getting Ready

No matter if you’re male, female or transgendered, I highly suggest masturbation before sexual activity. While this may seem like an attempt to keep you from having sex, nothing could be farther from the truth. To me, the act of masturbation can play an vital role in preparing you for your first sexual experience; helping you to learn about your likes and dislikes, giving you insight to how long you can “last” before ejaculating or having an orgasm (since they’re not the same thing), teach you about the type of stimulation you need to become aroused and maintain and erection (firm, soft, gentle, rough etc) and get you in touch with your body so that you can clearly relay everything you’ve learned to your partner. That said, if there is one thing I can’t stress enough it’s that communication is key to a good sexual experience – especially for the first time, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

No Glove, No Love!

While I brought up the issue of contraception and STD/STI protection in the first article, I want to touch on it again just to make sure you’ve got the bases covered and are well prepared to avoid any costly mistakes you may live to regret.

For Sex With Females: there are quite a few options when it comes to hetero sex; condoms, the female condom, birth control pill, diaphragm, IUD, the patch, contraceptive foam/spermicide and the sponge to name a few. Unfortunately when it comes to products females have to take/apply you don’t have much control over the proper application, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to ask about them. After all, you need to take your safety and well being into consideration too.

On that note, the best advice I can give is to make sure you’re personally prepared by carrying a condom at all times, learn to apply it properly, find a size that fits comfortably by a brand you trust and never second guess your best judgment. If you’re about to engage in a sexual activity and don’t have a method of protection available, just don’t do it. Trust me, this is advice you might be thanking me for later.

For Sex with Males: unfortunately the number of available products for male on male sex is limited with the condom and spermicide (not recommended) being the only options. While you may not have to worry about a possible pregnancy, you should always assume the person your with has an STD/STI until you know otherwise. Better safe than sorry.

tip: if you’re unsure about what size condom you should be buying, I created a condom size chart which might help.

Tips & Suggestions

Some of the most common worries I hear from males are that they won’t last long enough, aren’t “big enough”, that they’ll do it “wrong” and finally that they’ll somehow accidentally hurt their partner(s) while in the process of trying to bring pleasure. If you can relate to any of the above, don’t worry, what you’re experiencing is normal, natural and definitely to be expected.

In an attempt to help I’ve listed some tips and suggestions that I hope will build your level of confidence as well, give you some insight regarding what to expect your first time around.

Relax

For as simple as it may sound, being relaxed is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give. When you’re relaxed your heart rate is lower, stress levels decrease, the mind becomes still, you have a better chance of becoming aroused and any anxiety you may be feeling will usually drift away. Sure, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but maintaining a sense of calm will go a long way for helping you achieve an erection, as well as maintaining one.

My suggestion: When trying to stay relaxed you may think of the old standby techniques like breathing, maintaining a sense of calm and going with the flow will have the best effect, and to a certain extent, you’re right. However, I personally think being prepared in every aspect will make the biggest difference when it comes to the big day/night or otherwise. If you know how to put on a condom, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of stimulation you and your partner prefer, what type of lube you’ll be using and have talked about all your fears or anxieties with someone you trust, that will go a long way for helping you stay calm in the heat of the moment as you’ll already know what to expect and not be so caught off guard.

Communicate

As I said early in this article, communication is key. Not only can it make a big difference when it comes to easing tension, calming nerves, learning about each others preferences and erasing fears, but it also gives you the chance to talk about everything before it happens so that you know, each step of the way, whether what you’re doing is okay or if it’s going too far too fast.

My Suggestion: The suggestion here is actually very simple – talk to your partner about what your feeling/thinking and listen to their fears, concerns, questions and suggestions. While that part is very straight forward, being a good communicator also requires the ability to listen and hear what your partner is saying. If they tell you (in the moment) that what you’re doing hurts, is too fast, slow, deep, hard, soft, shallow, or otherwise – stop, listen to what they’re saying and ask what you could do differently. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but listening to your partner can be the difference between pleasure and pain.

tip: if you’re partner says that they don’t want to do it anymore – even if it’s right in the middle – listen to them and stop. It’s the respectful thing to do. More than that, if you don’t it will more than likely classify as rape and place you in a situation you’ll likely live to regret.

Be Gentle

Rough, passionate sex is great, but pushing too far too fast is a whole other thing. In fact, most people would probably be surprised by the amount of messages I get from viewers saying they don’t like sex with their partner because “he just shoves it in”, or that their partner won’t have sex with them because they accidentally hurt them once. It’s a common mistake, one that can very easily be avoided.

My suggestion: I don’t know how else to say this other than – don’t just ram it in there! Yes, I do know how funny that may sound but it sadly happens far more often than I care to admit. To help make insertion easier I suggest helping to get your partner ready by using lots of lube, making sure there is enough foreplay for them to be aroused, and inserting something small first (with their permission) like a little dildo, vibrator, finger or other object that’s safe for use (if it’s for anal use make sure it has a base so it doesn’t get “lost”).

Once inserted don’t start thrusting it about, don’t poke or prod at them, and don’t act like your a doctor giving your partner an examination ~~unless your role playing~~. Instead, just let the item your using sit in place so that your partner can get used to the feeling of having something inside, while also allowing the muscles to relax and possibly “stretch out” a bit. When your partner is ready you can remove the device and slowly try to insert yourself. If it doesn’t happen the first time you try don’t worry, it’s common, normal and happens to even the most sexually experienced folks. Time and patience are your friends here, not a forceful jamming. It’s like the old saying goes – “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”.

tip: for those of you engaging in first time anal sex I wrote an article and created a video specifically covering the topic which you might find helpful.

Go Slow

Contrary to what most people think going fast and hard isn’t a requirement for “great sex”. In fact, it’s usually the exact opposite, especially if the person on the receiving end is a virgin as well. By going slow you give the person you’re having sex with the chance to get used to the feeling, without tensing up because they feel like their having sex with a jack rabbit on speed. While it may not seem like a very big deal, going slow can cause their muscles to relax and make penetration easier for both of you. not to mention possibly even bringing them to a heightened level of arousal in the process.

My suggestion: If you can, do your best to keep a steady rhythm going, one that is comfortable for both of you and feels good. If it’s too slow and not offering any stimulation slowly speed up, remembering to ask your partner every so often if it’s okay for them. Keep going until you find a speed that you both like and stick with it. Lastly, try to remember that you’re having sex with someone, not running a race. No one is going to clock you for the fastest time and it’s probably better if you don’t come first.

Expect the Worst

While this might not seem that helpful I can guarantee that it is, especially considering that the worst thing you can think of may very well occur – what’s more, it’s normal, natural, common and for the most part happens to everyone. To help make my point let me just state that for every great “first time” story I’ve ever heard, there were at least anther 20 that were horrible, embarrassing or ended in a way that left one or both parties feeling like they “failed”. I know, it sucks.

My Suggestion: Be gentle with yourself, don’t take it too seriously and remember it’s your first time, not you’re hundredth. Just like riding a bike, learning to roller blade or playing a sport, being “good in bed” is something that comes with time, experience, learning, being open to change and willing to explore your opportunities. No matter how “perfect” you try to make it, I can almost guarantee something will go wrong. The more you expect that, the more able you’ll be in the moment to let it go, laugh it off, move on and not let it affect the moment.

Final Thoughts

No matter who you are your first time will most likely be scary, overwhelming, nerve wracking, exciting, intense and memorable. It’s supposed to be that way, it always has been.

Will you’re first time be what you expected? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time.

Will it be fantastic? Hopefully, though it seems first times rarely are.

Will it be something you always remember? I’d think so, which is why I suggest doing everything in your power to make it good, rather than something that left you wondering where you went wrong.

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Q & A ~ First Times

For The Beginner, Q & A

Since some of the more commonly asked questions I get have always been from those that are new to sexuality, sex and exploring their sexual selves, I figured it was time I answered in video format. For those of you looking for more detailed information I’ve also created a 3 part series based around “First Time Tips” that you can find in through the following links: Part 1 (general info), Part 2 (tips for guys), Part 3 (tips for girls). If you’re interested in other issues regarding ‘virginity’ I suggest you check this link.

I truly hope that between this video and all the other ‘beginner’ posts I’ve created you’ll be better equipped to deal with anything that comes your way.