Archive | July, 2009

Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Do We Need Condoms For First Time Sex?

Question:

I’m dating this guy and we’ve been talking about having sex. It’s going to be my first time but he told me that he doesn’t like to use a condom. He just pulls out before he cums, which makes me nervous. He also said that I shouldn’t need a condom since it’s my first time. I don’t know what to do :/ any suggestions?

Answer:

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this from my readers and viewers. Even with all of the slight variations, my answer will likely always be the same: DO NOT have sex with him unless he uses a condom. It’s your body and you have every right to put your foot down and tell him no glove no love!

You said this is your first time… I think it might help if I share a story with you;

One of my best friends decided to have sex with a guy she had a crush on for years. She had always promised herself that she would either wait until she was in a relationship with someone she loved for a year, or until the “right” guy came along. Well, the guy that she had a crush on finally started to pay her attention, they dated for a month or so and she decided that she didn’t want to wait, that she would lose her virginity to him since he was “special” to her and she “didn’t want to lose him”. He told her (when they were about to have sex) that he didn’t like condoms and never used them. That he would rather pull out since it was “pretty much the same thing”. She didn’t want to tell him no, nor did she want to “chicken out” at the last second. So she went along with it, he did pull out as he said he would and they carried on like normal.

A week after they had sex she noticed some discharge that wasn’t there before as well a foul odour. Not only that but a pain or raw feeling in/around her vagina. She went to the doctor and it turned out that her crush of 6 years had given her, the very first time she had sex, and STI. I’m sure you can only imagine her shock, horror, embarrassment and frustration with the situation. Needless to say they broke up a week later.

The moral of the story is this: it doesn’t matter who they are or how long you know them, how good of a person they are, or what they tell you, ANYONE can get an STD/STI. I’m not saying this to scare you, just to make sure you’re aware of the potential consequences of your actions and choices.

Tell him to wear a condom not just for you, but for his own safety. If he refuses then obviously he wasn’t worth your time or your virginity.

I’m sure reading that was one thing, but to actually stand up for your point of view can be a lot harder and I do understand that.

My suggestion is this; when the topic of sex comes up take the opportunity to let him know that your not comfortable with the chances of getting pregnant or an STD/STI.

If he says he doesn’t have any STD/STI’s, ask him when he was tested last and that there is no way of knowing for sure without being tested. He may get mad or insulted, but in reality if that’s the way he is going to choose to react, rather then understand your wanting your first time to be a good and safe one, he doesn’t deserve to share that experience with you.

He may also tell you that pulling out is safe and that you wont get pregnant, the chances are very low. All I have to say to that is that it takes ONE sperm to reach an egg, and I also suggest you ask him if hes ready to be a father should that happen?

Don’t be afraid to stand up for your own experiences in life and trust that you are the only one will be looking out for your own best interest. This is your body, and your life. Take care of it.

Also, on a side note never underestimate the load of bullshit a person will say when turned on and wanting to get laid. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable take that to heart and trust that you feel that way for a reaon.

If this is your first time, why would you want to chance it being your worst time?

hope that helped

Kara_Sutra

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Review: Purring Thrusting Panther Vibrator

Dual "Rabbit Style" Vibes, Product Reviews, Vibes

I’m unfortunately no longer working with Fascinations, so for those of you that would like to purchase the Purring Thrusting Panther Vibrator and help a sister out, please buy through my link posted below!

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Redefining Virginity

For The Beginner, Health & Wellness, Sexuality

Over the course of the last 2 years I have spent much time debating whether or not to make this video. The reason for the debate was that ones “virginity” and the term itself, are hard to define in today’s society. As such, I thought that I would instead make a video that opened the doors of communication to help you define for yourself what being a Virgin, and Virginity are.

The word/term “Virgin” as defined by;

The Free Dictionary

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

Random House Dictionary

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.

Online Etymology Dictionary

c.1200, “unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church,” from O.Fr. virgine, from L. virginem (nom. virgo) “maiden, unwedded girl or woman,” also an adj., “fresh, unused,” probably related to virga “young shoot.” For sense evolution, cf. Gk. talis “a marriageable girl,” cognate with L. talea “rod, stick, bar.” Meaning “young woman in a state of inviolate chastity” is recorded from c.1310. Also applied since c.1330 to a chaste man. Meaning “naive or inexperienced person” is attested from 1953. The adj. is recorded from 1560 in the lit. sense; fig. sense of “pure, untainted” is attested from c.1300.

Wikipedia

Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.

The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts.^[1]^[2]^[3]^[4] Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration,^[1]^[3]^[4] while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity.^[3]^[5]^[6] Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.^[2]

Feel free to comment on what you believe the terms mean, and how they apply to you or society. Please also feel free to throw in any information that I did not mention in regard to the term or words presented and how they may have changed over time.

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Review: Hitachi Magic Wand

Hand Held Wands, Product Reviews

For over 25 years the powerful Hitachi Magic Wand Personal Massager is the standard by which all other personal massagers are measured this is perhaps the worlds most popular vibrating toy.

Like other personal massagers, the Wand can be used as a muscle massager for soothing and relaxing sore muscles and nerves, relieving tension, rehabilitation after some injuries of muscles and bones, etc.

Hitachi Magic Wand Personal Massager
• Two powerful speeds: high-6000 rpm low-5000 rpm
• Approximately 12in. long
• Head 2 1/2in. in diameteres
• Maximum Operation: 25 Minutes
• Power Source Voltage: 110 ~ 120 Volts
• Power Source Frequency: 60 Hz,
• Power Consumption: 20 Watts

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Queefing a.k.a Pussy Fart

For The Ladies, Health & Wellness, Sexuality

If you’ve ever had sex, you’ve likely found yourself in the following situation: you’re in the moment and loving it, when all of a sudden there’s a noise that sounds like a fart… one that came out of you or your partners vagina. It’s the kind of situation that can leave you humiliated and feeling exposed, but it doesn’t have to. Here’s everything you need to know about ‘queefing’.

What Is a Queef?

First and foremost, vaginal farts are a totally normal and natural bodily function that anyone with a vagina will experience at one point or another. While many think they’re just like a fart, they’re actually not; gas from the rectum happens because of bacterial activity in the gut, whereas queefing is the result of a pocket of air getting pushed out of the vagina. This explains why farts often have a smell, and queefing doesn’t.

Although it can happen at anytime (it’s a common occurrence while exercising), a pussy fart a.k.a queefing, very often occurs during sex, when a penis or sex toy is inserted and removed from the vagina (i.e during thrusting) which can not only push the air inside, but also displace it.

Unfortunately there’s no way to stop queefs from happening, however there are ways to lessen the chance; try positions other than doggy, use lots of lubricant, and try to limit the amount of times an object (penis or toy) fully exits then re-enters the vagina.

How to Deal with Queefing?

No matter how embarrassing it might be, it’s best not to be ashamed. It’s a natural bodily function, after all. If you’ve both got a sense of humor you can always joke about it. Basically, do your best to not let something so inconsequential affect the great time your having.

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