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#FunFindFriday – Period Panties

 

Period Panties by HarebrainedForgive me for being late to the party, but this post just NEEDED to be included in #FunFindFriday before the Kickstarter campaign ends a mere 2 days from now.

Never heard of Period Panties? Not to worry, neither had I. Then I found this twitter thread started by Property Of Potter and I all but lost my shit.

JUST LOOK AT THEM. THEY ARE GLORIOUS.

Okay, okay, this isn’t something that’ll interest everyone. A bunch of you might even get a little pissy, what with him using the word “CUNT”, calling a bleeding vadge an “EVIL BEAVER“, poking fun at the menstrual cycle, and talking about periods as if “period sex” isn’t an option when Aunt Flow comes to town…  it’s admittedly a little lowbrow, pandering to an audience that isn’t the most informed or aware when it comes to menstruation.

evil beaver : rainbo first blood

evil beaver : rainbo first blood

And yes, it seems part of the apparent marketing was to tap into the “periods are gross” jargon we’ve been fed for decades… but here’s where I think it’s different from all the other bullshit:

Talking to my partner about my period (in explicitly graphic detail) has never made me cringe. I probably share way more than I should, and I have no problem with it. Neither does he, for the most part anyways. He only gets a little wide eyed and white in the face when I use the word “globs”. I’m not a fan of the word either, so I really don’t blame him… however this isn’t the case for everyone.

I know a lot of people with vadges who are totally put off discussing their bits (generally), let alone what time of the month it is. And when they finally open up, some do get grossed out, others feel it’s tmi, some instantly turn red with embarrassment, others think it’s totally inappropriate no matter the time or place.  Looking at all the adverts telling us we’re ‘unsanitary’, ‘not so fresh’, and ‘unhygienic’, it’s clear to see we’ve been brainwashed to believe that periods = bad, and talking about it = worse.

Everything considered, maybe it takes is a middle finger giving kitty or a gun toting unicorn to open the doors of communication. And in the end, isn’t that what we want… people talking about their bodies in a way that makes them feel empowered?

It might just be me, but I think it’s one little step in the right direction.

bleeder of the pack : bloody hell

bleeder of the pack : bloody hell

And let’s be real, the graphics are amazeballs. Blood or no blood.

Though I will admit, I think some of them would be better without the ‘name’ written on the front. There is no time, even when on my period, that I want anyone calling my vadge a “sour puss”. That shit’s just not cool.

As it stands, Anthony Hall (the graphic genius behind the panties) has raised over $350,000 to bring them to market. Pretty impressive considering he was only looking for $10,000.

What does that tell me?

THAT THERE ARE ENOUGH PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR AND A LOVE OF STELLAR UNDIES TROLLING THE INTERNETS TO GET THESE MADE. Period.

If you want a pair of your own, or simply want to help someone do something they love (even if it is making period underwear), head over to his Period Panties: Kickstarter page.

For other fun stuff check out my growing collection of #FunFindFriday posts. I also have a #WTFWednesday section, though that just might freak you out.

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period panties collection

period panties collection

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Crystal Delights Sex Toy Haul


crystal-delights

After the fun I had creating my Tantus Haul video I figured I’d do more of the same. So, in a fit of inspiration I tore through my toy bin(s) searching for anything else I had an abundance of; from Fleshlights, to Lelo’s, to Divine Interventions, to Fun Factory toys, there was a plethora of goodies to work with.

Torn by where I should start, I decided my first haul video of 2014 would showcase products by a company I’ve adored for last 4 years, one that is very near and dear to my heart, Crystal Delights.

Why the love for Crystal Delights you ask?… each piece is hand made in the USA with an emphasis on quality and craftsmanship, the glass they use is Borosilicate making them much stronger than typical glass products, they’re hypoallergenic, hygienic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, easy to care for an clean, warm to body temperature nicely, don’t require a lot of lube, don’t absorb bodily fluids, lube, or bacteria, are great for sensory temperature play, and will last a lifetime if you treat them well. Which you will, because you’re a respectable person like that.

Sadly, my pictures do not do them justice. They are far prettier in person.

crystal-delights-close-up

Products within the video (in order of appearance):

Read the reviews: Star Delight Frosted Dildo, Frosted Plug, Small Clear Plug, Large Clear Plug. *The rest of the products featured in the video to be reviewed throughout 2014.

crystal-delights-crystalNote To Readers: If you’re a little freaked out by the thought of putting glass sex toys in your bits, not to fret. Each Crystal Delight is made of Borosilicate glass, a medical/pharma grade glass often selected for its durability and ability to withstand high temperatures/pressures. I know there’s many of you still dead set on avoiding glass toys, so as my final plea let me just share two little facts with you… one, it takes more than 1,500 lbs of pressure to bend (snap) a 1″ bar of Borosilicate glass, and two, the crush weight is somewhere in the range of 8 tonnes! So unless you chip them, which you wont… because you’re not a horrible person that likes to throw glass sex toys at brick walls, they are TOTALLY SAFE FOR USE.

Not in the video, but other goodies you’ll definitely want to check out: (NEW) Hello Kitty Plugs, Tasha’s Reignbow Pony Plugs, Crystal Minx Bunny Tail Plug, Crystal Minx Faux Tail Plug, Colors Against Cancer collection, Jada Stevens Spade Plug.

hellokitty buttplugs

LOOK AT ALL THOSE HELLO KITTIES! photo credit: Crystal Delights

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crystaldelights.com

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Review: Tantus Neo, Juice, & Twist

Tantus PlugsAfter my recent success with the Tantus Meteorite I figured it was time I pushed the boundaries even further. So, ready to embark on a challenge far greater than the last, I pulled the Tantus Juice, Twist and Neo out of their packaging and laid them before me. As I contemplated exactly what it was I was about to do, three words chanted like a mantra in my head: Git. ‘Er. Done.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t dream of doing something like this; three plugs, larger than most I’ve tried, all in one sitting. But considering they’re made by Tantus, and were sent to me by one of my absolute favorite retailers, SheVibe, I decided it was worth pushing past my comfort zone for.  You’d think I’d have learned after the Tantus T-Rex. Nope. I’m clearly a glutton for punishment.

The Good

Before I break down my experiences, here’s all the good stuff they have in common:

  • Unlike the wide top of the the Tantus Ryder, the tips of Juice and Neo are gently pointed, making the initial insertion far easier and much more comfortable. Twist on the other hand is more of a gently rounded corkscrew.
  • They aren’t as flexible as the Meteorite. Sounds like a con, I know. However it is not.  The firmness was what made them doable. Being bendy isn’t always a good thing.
  • The base is probably the best I’ve ever found on an anal toy. It’s not rectangular or round, but instead an interesting anchor shape that fit in my butt crack nicely. For the most part I hardly felt it. On a couple instances I actually stopped to check and see if it was still there. More of this please.
  • Tantus LogoThey’re totally body safe. We’re talking hypoallergenic, hygienic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, odourless, tasteless, bleachable, boilable and for the most part virtually non-porous. If you want quality, you want Tantus.
  • Even though they’re thick, there’s still a fair bit of squish and give. Cushioning makes my ass happy.
  • Unlike other silicones the texture is satiny smooth, supple, and matte, limiting the amount of drag on the skin.
  • The bulbous shaft is tapered, gently graduating in girth from around 3.25“ inches to 4.25“ inches in the middle, back down to around 4“ inches, and finally settling in at just under 2″ inches for the bottom quarter. In my experience, that last portion was what kept them in place and made them comfortable. Without it they probably would have been too overwhelming to use for a decent period of time.
  • Each of the plugs measures 4″ inches in length, that’s a 1/2″ inch shorter than the Meteorite, but 1/4″ inch longer than the Little Flirt. Let’s just say it’s a happy medium.
  • They don’t attract lint like other, glossier, silicones. If you follow my reviews, you’ll know this matters to me.
  • This last bit is of no significant importance but I’m including it because I can; the colors are true colors. As in, the purple is really purple, not some pink-trying-be-purple-but-not-really-purple-cause-there’s-too-much-pink like you’ll find with other companies. I appreciate this.

Tantus Plugs

Comparison

An easy challenge this was not. While the differences are apparent from just looking at them, experiencing them first hand was something else. For starters, each of the plugs are significantly girthier than my previous challenger, the Meteorite. We’re talking a whole inch difference. For some of you this will seem measly, but for me it was enough to require patience, perseverance, dedication, breathing techniques, and lube… an obnoxious amount of lube. Note to self: buy more Sliquid Sea a.s.a.p.

FYI: In an attempt to have a well rounded experience I usually ‘test’ toys a handful of times, choosing then to write my reviews based on those most memorable or similar (and therefore a ‘generality’).  In this case I was able to use Neo and Juice on multiple occasions. Twist however, I struggled with continuously and was only able to get it fully in once. The rest of the time my ass just fought with it mercilessly until I gave up. Bare that in mind when you make your purchasing decisions.

Tantus Neo Butt Plug Tantus Neo

Judging by appearances I went for Neo first.  It seemed the least intimidating of the three, and with no textures, the one most likely to enter without a struggle.  Sadly, I was wrong.  It wasn’t all bad though; the tip found its way almost instantly and with some pressure, the first 1/4 slowly slid into place. From there on it was a bit of an undertaking.

At first I couldn’t relax. The impending girth had me fearing for my sphincter, causing me to tense and clench. Not what you want to have happen when you’re trying to shove something in your butt.  Then came a considerable amount of start, stop, remove, add lube, start, stop, remove, add lube (you get the picture), until I finally had it half way in. At that point I had to pause, leave it alone, and allow my body to get used to the sensation as shoving it in would likely prove futile. Then in one fell swoop, I reached back and pushed, landing in place with a slight popping sensation. Almost instantly my body breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

The size was fulfilling without being too much, and the portion holding it there was surprisingly comfortable. Not at all what I expected considering the amount of effort it took to get it in. As I moved I could feel it inside me, but there was no jabbing, ‘stretching’, or discomfort. Instead, it was satisfying. With everything I had been through, I think this was a well earned result.

Also not surprising was the way the base fit in place, on three separate occasions I had to stop what I was doing and wiggle around to see if it was still there. This was a new experience for me as many butt toys (with thicker bases) often leave me feeling as if my butt’s being spread far and wide.

When it came time for removal the process was fairly simple; I gently slipped two fingers underneath the anchored base and pulled steadily. Unlike its entrance, Neo slid out with a minimal amount of hesitation. In retrospect I can honestly say this was one of the more intense experiences I’ve had in my reviewing career. Bravo, Tantus. Bravo.

Who Will Like It

People who have worked up from something thinner and are looking to explore, those that like a full feeling with little to no texture, anyone that’s tried the Tantus Ryder, loved it, but found the head continually hard to insert (being that it’s fully rounded and not ‘pointed’), or those that prefer medium sized plugs over probes.

Tantus Juice Butt PlugTantus Juice

Next up was the Tantus Juice, a plug akin to Neo. The main difference? Rather than a smooth untextured surface, Juice has a ribbed body similar to that of a deflated punch balloon, making my venture slightly more interesting.

While I’ll admit that having Neo to ready myself beforehand probably helped, it seemed as though the ribbing itself offered a bit more squish, give, and room for my ass to maneuver.  Quite surprisingly it glided into place within a minimum amount of force or effort.  The entire time I could feel the textures adding a new level of stimulation and pleasure.  Sadly though, once inserted it was as if the ribs didn’t exist. I could feel them if I focused, but for the most part internally it felt just like Neo. Very weird.

As for the rest of my experience with Juice, everything was almost identical to Neo; it was comfortable to wear, at no point did I feel ‘stretched out’, the base fit perfectly, and removal was stress free. With how smooth things went, I wish there was more to report. Though I’ll admit, if I had to choose between Neo and Juice, I’d definitely opt for the latter.

Who Will Like It

People that enjoy slight texturing, a feeling of fullness, and everything Neo has to offer.

 Tantus Twist Butt PlugTantus Twist

How do I say this nicely… I am not fond of the Tantus Twist.

In fact, it’s probably my least favorite of any butt toy I’ve reviewed thus far; the coiled body made getting it in place fairly difficult, and as each bump slid into place, my body offered more and more resistance until it became nearly unbearable. Good thing I like a challenge.

On that note, don’t try twirling it like you would the Crystal Delights twist, the base on Tantus’s version makes it almost impossible. Rather than a quick spin and insertion, you’ll likely find the base continually jabbing you with each go round. And while this does make the plugs body slightly easier to work in, eventually you’ll end up at a point where the base is stuck between your ass cheeks and just won’t turn anymore. Having a toy jammed in my crack before the rest of it is entirely inserted, no thank you.

Also, if you don’t use enough lube and try to twist it, you’ll likely feel like something is pulling at your hole. Ouch. Eventually I had to remove it entirely (we’ll get to the removal in a minute) and start from scratch. You cannot imagine my disdain. Let’s just say I wasn’t overly impressed with myself, my ass, or Twist by this point.

After much deliberation I finally managed to get it in, however once inserted, the ripples felt kind of odd. I mean, I could feel them, but every time I moved I couldn’t help but think I had crammed corrugated cardboard in my ass. Not pleasurable, and certainly not what I was hoping for.

Unfortunately my misfortune didn’t stop there, when it came time to take Twist out I struggled almost as much as I did putting it in; each bump felt as bad, if not worse, as it did during insertion. AND I DID THIS TWICE. The things I do for you people. The only saving grace was the fact that I knew once it was out, it was over. Sweet relief, why must you come in the form of a removed butt plug?

Who Will Like It

Those that are really experienced with anal play and really love textures, anyone that wants to ‘try something new’, persons who aren’t afraid of a challenge, those that like the sensations anal beads provide.

The Bad

Despite what most websites selling these three say I don’t think they’d be good for ‘beginners’. Someone who’s explored with fingers, yes. Someone that’s experienced with smaller, thinner butt plugs and wants something a larger than a finger but smaller than a breadbox, yup. Someone that’s had anal sex, enjoyed it, and wants a plug to play with, most def. But a person that’s new to the scene, hasn’t had many opportunities to put things in their butt, be it a finger, plug, penis, or otherwise, likely not.

As someone that knows her body, has spent the past 7 years putting things in her ass for ‘science’, I can honestly say these were a tad too large my first few goes round. If they were too large for me, I can only imagine what they’d feel like to someone that has no idea what they’re doing. If you’re not sure where to start my ‘Beginners Guide To Butt Play‘ might come in handy.

Other than that I don’t have much to complain about. They’re luxurious as far as anal plugs go, they just weren’t my ideal. I’m working on it.

Care & Cleaning

Tantus Butt Plug Close UpBecause they’re all crafted out of medical grade silicone, and therefore wont retain bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, they don’t require heavy duty cleaning many lesser products would. Simply give them a good wash with mild soap and water and let them sit to air dry.

Or, if you’re a clean freak and can’t stand the thought of something that’s been in your ass coming into contact with anything else, you can boil them in water for 3 minutes, toss ’em in your dishwasher, or wash them with a 10% bleach solution. Though honestly, it’s pretty unnecessary.

Also, because Juice and Twist are quite textured there’s a lot of opportunity for bodily fluids, lube, bacteria, and ‘stuff’ to collect. They won’t absorb into silicone and don’t pose any real risks, but it does mean you’ll need to pay a bit more consideration when cleaning.

Final Verdict

Tantus Neo, Juice, Twist Butt PlugsAt the end of the day, and knowing Tantus like I do, I don’t think these are bad plugs. On the contrary.  Even with my personal struggles I think they’re shining examples of what high quality butt plugs should be; they’re crafted out of medical grade silicone making them totally body safe, are silky smooth to the touch,  don’t drag on the skin, have a base that makes them exceptionally comfortable to wear, don’t attract lint, bare pointy tips to help make insertion easier than most, and will last a lifetime with a minimal amount of care. Unfortunately, they’re just too for me, right now. Like I said, I’m working on it.

Considering all that, I’d certainly suggest them. I’d just make sure to point out all the differences so anyone interested would know what to buy… if you like a medium plug that’s fairly basic, grab a Neo.

If you want something the same size, with a slight amount of texturing adding some fun sensations, pick up a Juice.

For those brave souls that don’t back down when the going gets tough, Twist will be your new favorite.

Otherwise, when it comes to butt plugs, you’ve certainly got a lot of other options to choose from over at SheVibe.

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Best & Worst Sex Toys ~ 2013

best-sex-toys-of-2013It’s that time of year again, when all the sex toy reviewers round up their fave products and list them in a ‘best of ’ post for all of you. I’ve done a few of these myself, offering up things I loved in 2010, and 2012 (2011 I was a lazy little bitch so that year didn’t get one), but this year I’m going to do things a little differently…

Rather than including just the things I reviewed in 2013, I’m going to list the products that continually served me well throughout the year, regardless of the year they were made, when I obtained them, or when they were first reviewed.

So here it is, for my last post of the year, on the last day of the year…

The Best & Worst Sex Toys of 2013!

FYI, the list isn’t in any order, just a compilation of my faves and not so faves as they came to me. Don’t pun that.

magic wand original1.) First up, the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, or as it’s now been stupidly renamed, the Magic Wand Original. This baby has served me well since the day it arrived on my doorstep back in 2011. The deep and rumbly vibrations are strong enough to get me off in just under 3 minutes. The cushioned head is beyond comfortable. Even when drunk it does what it’s supposed to. Sure, after a few libations it might take a tad longer than normal, but its never failed me and that’s what matters. As Epiphora said, “BRUTE STRENGTH”.  Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without it. It’s my end all, be all. If you grab something in 2014, make it the Magic Wand.  It might be a little strong at first, but that’s nothing a layer of clothing can’t fix.

Watch my video review of the Hitachi Magic Wand.

doc johnson pocket rocket2.) One of the very first vibes I used and abused until it finally died after 3 years of mistreatment was the Pocket Rocket.  Convinced buying another would be a waste of money (struggling student, you know the drill), I opted to rely on old faithful… a set of fingers lubed with spit. A heavy masturbation session later, one that left my fingers cramped and clit rubbed raw, I realized just how useful my Pocket Rocket was. That was 8 years ago. If those were dog years it would be 45. Unreal.  It still travels with me every place I go (most recently Paris & London) and has a permanent spot in my nightstand. If I could go back in time I’d cunt punch myself for holding out on the $20 it cost to replace it. When it comes to cheap but reliable clit vibes, look no further than the Pocket Rocket.

Watch my video review of the Pocket Rocket.

WeVibe Touch3.) The We-Vibe Touch was another I loved until it died, though its sad death went the same as my Lelo Ina, at the murderous jaws of a teething puppy (rather than due to my overuse and carelessness). Like my Pocket Rocket, I debated buying a replacement, trying to find reasons I should hold off on spending the big bucks on such a thing… then I remembered how it felt in my hand, so comfortable, so sleek, with little to no cramping of the wrist and a silicone coating that was easy to grasp. And the vibrations, those lovely deep vibrations. If good orgasms were going to be a thing of my future, I needed another Touch. And so it was, my Touch was replaced and I haven’t looked back since.  2013 was a better year because of it.

Read my review of the We-Vibe Touch.

As far as insertable vibes go there were really only two I kept tucked in the bedside dresser the entire year round; the Lelo Gigi, and the Je Joue G-Ki, both for similar and different reasons.

lelo gigi4.) The Gigi is shaped like the Lelo Ella, targets the g-spot like few others, has decent enough vibrations to satisfy, is easy to operate, fully rechargeable, and is made of velvety smooth silicone. I use it most days when I want the Ella but need vibrations to get off. In 2014, I’m looking forward to the Gigi 2.

G-Ki5.) On the flip side, there’s the G-Ki. I’ve loved this thing since the day I first used it. The vibrations are a tad stronger than Gigi, it’s fully rechargeable, has a lovely seamless silicone coating, is easy to maneuver and operate, is ergonomic, and best of all – has 5 different positions that allow it to fit my bodies needs with the bend of a locking shaft. I’m sure something will eventually replace these two, but as far as 2013 goes, they were perfect.

Read my mini-eview of the Lelo Gigi.  Watch my review of the Je Joue G-Ki.

lelo ella6.) Nothing compares to the Lelo Ella when it comes to targeted g-spot stimulation (likely why I still love the Gigi so much). The curved but flattened head makes it perfect for direct pressure, and when gently rocked or thrust, hooks behind the g-spot adding another level of sensation. It’s even more perfect when I’ve got a vibe pressed on my clit. With the exception of my Bent Graduate, Ella is the only other toy I could count on to make me squirt. Also, the handle can be turned around and used as a basic dildo. Genius.

Read my mini-review of the Lelo Ella.

7. – 10.) Speaking of basic, for days I want something inserted but cant be bothered to make much of an effort, it doesn’t get better than the Fun Factory Amor, Babes ‘n Horny Kusama, Tantus Medium Silk, or Vixen Creations Tex. Yes that’s four, but to choose one over the others is nearly impossible. I love them all for very similar reasons; they’re crafted out of body safe silicone, are neither too big nor too small, insert effortlessly, have rounded bases so mounting is easy, are ridiculously comfortable once inserted, and best of all have little to no ridges or bumps so clean up is easy. If you want bare bones basic, each of these dildos has it in spades.

Fun Factory Amor Dildo Babes n Horny Kusama Tantus Medium Silk Vixen Creations Silicone Tex Dildo

Read my review of the Fun Factory Amor, Kusama, Medium Silk (coming 2014), and Vixskin Tex.

divine interventions virgin mary11.) There are other days when I want something a bit more fulfilling, something challenging and full of texture, something with weight behind it, taking orgasms to another level, leaving me worked over. For those days I grabbed the Divine Interventions Virgin Mary.  Crafted out of body safe silicone, Mary’s shape and design stimulates internally with every thrust, and the girth and length provide fullness without jabbing my bits. The base is a set of leg? balls? meh, so holding on, flipping around, and/or maneuvering is simple.  Sure, it’s a bit out of the ordinary and fairly sacrilegious, but I’m willing to withstand eternal damnation for something this good.

Review of the Divine Interventions Virgin Mary coming 2014. Read my review of the Diving Nun, it’s slightly larger, and almost as good as Mary.

Crystal Delights12.) There are many times throughout the year when decadence is necessary and only the best will do… as in the Crystal Delights Small Frosted or Clear Glass Plugs.  Both are handmade of Borosilicate glass, feel otherworldly once inside, are easy to care for, will last a lifetime, and with genuine Swarovski crystals embedded in the base, offer luxury most other butt plugs can’t.  Considering I failed at cramming things in my butt like hoped this year, these made my ass feel like it had done something very special, every time.

Watch my video review of the Crystal Delights Clear Glass Plugs.  Read my review of the Crystal Delights Frosted Glass Plug.

liberator fascinator shag throe

13.) If you read about it in my 2012 list (it was #8), I don’t know what else there is I can say about the Liberator Fascinator Throe that I haven’t said already. It’s still holding up like new, hasn’t leaked once, still travels with me most places, and is something everyone should have. Like literally EVERYONE. Okay, so this isn’t a ‘sex toy‘ per se, but over the last 2 years I’ve used it almost every time I’ve diddled or had sex. That’s a big deal. Like I said, EVERYONE. SHOULD. HAVE. ONE.

Read my review of the Liberator Fascintaor Throe.

Honorable Mention

There were a few other products I used, though not with the same amount of loyalty or frequency as the others, leading them to end the year with an honorable mention rather than a spot in my Top 13.

Tantus MeteoriteI kept telling myself 2013 was going to be the year of full out assault, however it took me until December to try a few new things. Even then I wasn’t overly impressed with myself. Five toys in yer butt (separately of course) does not an epic year make. When I did finally get around to it I was lucky enough to have the Tantus Meteorite. It’s like a finger but thinner, significantly more bendy, not at all overwhelming, easy to insert, has a better base than you’ll find on most, and looks like what would happen if Fruit Loops and Original Life Savers birthed a sex toy.  Awesome! If there was one new find I’m grateful for this past year, it’s the Meteorite.

Read my review of the Tantus Meteorite.

tantus neoThe Tantus Neo is another plug that appeared at the end of the year, though in reality it arrived much sooner… the box it was in got tucked away with a bunch of Christmas decorations, only to be found as the season rolled around. Yes, I suck. And yes, I misplace sex toys ALL. THE. TIME. Even though it’s a little larger than I’m used to, it’s totally doable, and with the right amount of prepping is surprisingly comfortable. I’ve only used it a handful of times so far, but if 2014 is the year my ass gets a good work out, I think it might just end up one of my favorite butt toys.

Review of the Tantus Neo coming 2014.

Things That Left Me Disappointed

rockbox-orgasm-machine-e1354145962447I hated this piece of junk in 2012, and I still hate it now. It’s a serious space hog, and although it is powerful, it’s also fucking awkward and useless. If I had my way the Rock Box would be pitched off a balcony from the highest floor and smashed to bits.  Stupid Rock Box IS STILL STUPID. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

*to be honest, I’ve only held onto it so I could make two videos; one of me bashing it in a review, the other of me taking a bat to it. Seriously. I’m gonna go all Office Space on this bitch. It will be EPIC.

Read my review of the stupid piece of shit Rock Box.

Tantus TRexThe Tantus T-Rex is the only dildo I’ve held onto in the hopes my vag will accept it willing (rather than while sauced on decent Tequila). I’m not sure what got the idea in my head, but I was certain 2013 would be the year I’d finally own this beast… sadly it just didn’t happen. So yes, I’m still disappointed. Though that’s more with myself then what Tantus has offered up. For all intense and purposes, it’s a work of art that most size queens would drool over. A size queen I am not. Vagina, you disappoint me.

Read my review of the Tantus T-Rex.

lelo IdaI often wonder what the fuck Lelo was thinking when they created Ida.  A twirling internal vibrator I understand. Couples vibes I understand. Remote controls I understand. Most of what Lelo does I understand. But this weird combination of all of the above, I don’t.  It’s not that comfortable, tears condoms to pieces, is not easy to get the hang of without a manual, isn’t very powerful, and it’s not shaped right for clitoral stimulation. All I have to say is, Lelo, please go back to the drawing board and make this pain in the ass better. Thanks.

Read my review of the Lelo Ida.

we-vibe thrillWith the love I have for We-Vibe, Thrill was a product I had really high hopes for. Yes, it got me off. Yes, it was relatively easy to use. And yes, a company I respect created it. But the vibrations leave much to be desired, and the design just wasn’t up to par. Lets just say that after a few more goes with it I was unimpressed.

Read my review of the We-Vibe Thrill.

So there you have it, my best and worst sex toys of 2013! Hopefully between this and my other yearly lists you’ll be able to find something worth your hard earned cash, and if you’re left wondering, remember you can always use my contact form to ask any questions you might have.

Also, now’s a really good time to start looking for sex toy deals and discounts, especially since many retailers are looking to unload back stocked items. Need help with where to start, check my sex toy sale page.

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Review: Tantus Meteorite Butt Plug

Tantus Meteorite Butt PlugFor as willing as I am, my foray into butt play hasn’t been easy; instead of accepting toys readily some part of me seems to reject them.

It’s not that I don’t like the sensation, or that I’m grossed out. It’s not that I have a mental hang up when it comes to anal play. It’s not even that I’m afraid it’ll hurt, nine and a half times out of ten it doesn’t. In all honesty, I really don’t know what the deal is. I just know that initially there’s an invisible wall between my butt and toys that I struggle to get past.  I do ‘get there’ eventually, but it’s usually a lengthy process.

Not surprisingly, where plugs and probes are concerned, I tend to err on the side of small and silicone. I don’t attempt to cram things in my body before I’m ready. I don’t expose myself to unreasonable challenges hoping for a miracle. And although I enjoy the full feeling I get from small Crystal Delights glass plugs, I tend to reserve them for special occasions used only after I’ve worked myself up from something else.

This time, I went straight to the Meteorite. No prepping. No long and drawn out relaxation techniques. No pre-inserted toys just for good measure. No fingers. No foreplay. Just me and the Meteorite, ass to plug in a game of win, lose, or draw. Like they say, go big or go home.

The Good

Armed with a half empty bottle of Sliquid H2O, a big glass of Cab Merlot, a steady hand, some new found determination, and the Meteorite, I settled in ready for a challenge.

From the start everything was far better than I expected; the lube flowed, my butt agreed, and the Meteorite entered. It wasn’t scary or overwhelming. My body didn’t tense like usual. Finding the hole was quick and easy (yep, I’m going there). Getting it in was a breeze. And once in place, felt extremely comfortable.  This was by no means a ‘typical’ experience for me, quite the opposite actually.

Of course I can’t take all the credit, the benefits and features the Meteorite has to offer had a lot to do with my success.

First and foremost, the size was perfect for my body. Measuring 5″ in total length, with 4.5″ of that being fully insertable, it’s neither too big, nor too small.  And while it’s the second longest I’ve tried to date (I know, I’m a puss), it felt considerably smaller.  If you’ve ever stuffed something a little too long in your butt, only to be met with a feeling of being internally prodded, you’ll likely know what I’m talking about. Not the case with the Meteorite. I felt it, but it wasn’t overwhelming, painful, or obtrusive.

Regarding girth, the shaft starts with a gently rounded tapered tip that’s 1.25″ around, gradually progresses just below the middle to 3.25″, then decreases to 2.75″. Like the length, the body isn’t overly large or intimidating, and even at its thickest was still narrow enough to fit nicely without feeling like I was being ‘stretched out’.  I found it similar to a middle finger, just not a dainty one.

Tantus Meteorite Butt PlugAdding to the experience was a very flexible, smooth, squishy and supple silicone body. For most this wont seem like something that would make much of a difference, but anytime I gyrated it moved with me. This is a good thing. No matter what position or how I shifted weight, using it remained exceptionally comfortable

Of the things I dislike about many butt toys, the typical round base is the one that irks me most.  Sure, they makes them wearable in harnesses and work well at keeping them in my butt, but other than that I find them annoying. For the most part, they make my ass cheeks feel like they’re being spread far and wide. Not only is this uncomfortable, it leaves me feeling a tad exposed. Thankfully the base on the Meteorite is rectangular and not too wide so it fits nicely in my crack without being awkward, a vast improvement from others. It’s even thinner than the Lil flirt. #winning

As far as appearances go, with the exception of the glittery Vixen Creations Buddy, the shading options you’ll find at Babes ‘n Horny, the capsule pill like plugs BS is Nice creates, the stunning Swarovski beauties Crystal Delights designs, or the ones Ceramix makes, Meteorite is probably one of the most attractive around.  Each of the 3 opaque colors stands out beautifully on its own, then gently blends a light lime green, neonish orange and pretty florescent purply pink in a cool subtly ombre effect. Also, the opaque sheen makes it look like it has a layer of crushed sparkles covering it. I tried to take a picture to show you all (above right), but sadly my camera does not do it justice. Tantus, more of this please.

Finally, it’s crafted out of some of the best silicone on the market. None of that some-part-of-it-is-silicone-so-we’re-gonna-call-it-silicone-even-though-it’s-really-just-jelly bullshit. What you have here is hypoallergenic, hygienic, non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, odorless, tasteless, and totally safe for the body. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there are many reasons I love Tantus, their quality is a big one.

Alternatively, if you’re not very experienced with vaginal insertion and want a product that could potentially help you get used to the feeling, I think the Meteorite would be perfect.  I didn’t get too much of a kick out of using it this way, but I’m sure there are some of you that will.

Tantus Meteorite Butt Plug base

rectangle base

tantus meteorite size comparison

size comparison

tantus lil flirt vs meteorite

lil flirt vs meteorite

tantus packaging

packaging

 

The Bad

Having said all that, aside from the gorgeous appearance it’s pretty simple. There’s no texturing for added sensations like the Zing, Juice, Twist, or Small Ripple, and rather than having a heavily bulged body to create a full feeling, it’s fairly thin. If they were hoping to create a toy perfect for anyone wanting something longer than the Lil Flirt, without being intimidating, I personally think they nailed it. But I also wouldn’t be surprised many find this plug a tad on the bland side.

Because the shaft is relatively thin there isn’t much to grab hold of, and instead of staying put, I found it constantly wanted to slip out… though I’ll admit that’s a common occurrence for me. On one occasion it actually felt like it ‘popped’ out (not pooped, that’s different).  In trying to find a solution I tested a bunch of ideas, none of which helped; clenching my butt together just made me feel like I was trying to hold in a poop, jamming it as close to my body as possible felt like I had underwear riding up my crack, and holding it in place was awkward and distracting. With everything said and done the only thing that made a difference was sitting on it. Not an ideal solution for use while having sex, but if you’re creative you can find a way to make it work.

Although the flexible shaft made things comfortable once it was in, there were a few instances when getting past the first quarter was a challenge; because it wasn’t firm (which would allow me to push against it without it moving), anytime I shifted my weight it bent awkwardly so that I had to stop and reposition.  Not a huge deal, but having to continually start and stop just to get it fully inserted was slightly annoying.

You’re also going to need a lot of lube. If you don’t, there will be drag on the skin. Not necessarily a ‘con’ that’s specific to the Meteorite, you’ll get it with most silicone toys, but something you’ll need to keep in mind.

Also, it attracts lint.

IMG_8948

bendy tip

IMG_8942

flexible body

IMG_8947

full bend

 

Care & Cleaning

Because it’s crafted out of medical grade silicone, and therefore wont retain bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, it doesn’t require heavy duty cleaning many lesser products would. Simply give it a good wash with mild soap and water and let it sit to air dry. Or, if you’re a clean freak and can’t stand the thought of something that’s been in your ass coming into contact with anything else, you can boil it in water for 3 minutes, toss it in your dishwasher, or wash it with a 10% bleach solution. Though honestly, it’s pretty unnecessary.

Tantus Meteorite Butt PlugFinal Verdict

If you’re like me and still feel a little wary when it comes to butt toys, but are brave enough to explore, do your self a favor and invest in the Tantus Meteorite, it’s got a lot going for it; the body safe silicone is supple with a nice amount of squish providing a lovely cushioned feeling, the shaft is surprisingly flexible and once fully inserted moves with the body comfortably, the thin tip is gently rounded so getting it in place is quick and easy, and the tapered body helps it to slip inside effortlessly.  It also comes in black.

All things considered, it’s one of the better designed products I’ve come across, even if it does seem a little basic.

If on the other hand you want something that provides different means of stimulation (size and textures to boot!), snag yourself a small or large Ripple, Zing, or Juice. They’re all made by Tantus and have the same level of quality the company has become known for, with an added bit of consideration paid to sensations.

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Tantus body safe sex toys

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