Archive | September, 2011

Review: Rainbow Amor Dildo

Rainbow Dildo Review

UPDATE: The Rainbow Amor is no longer being made, however there are now a whole bunch of other Rainbow Sex Toys available! Simply click this link to read all about them. 

When I first saw this stunning rainbow dildo online I was seriously floored.  Whether that was because it was the very first rainbow colored intimate accessory I’d ever seen (that actually looked good and was a legit rainbow), or because it was an exact replica of my fave Fun Factory dildo is anyone’s guess. All I know is the moment I saw it, I had to have it. Like, in my toy box as of yesterday had to have it.

Thanks to the wonderful folks at Babeland  this pretty little dildo was in my hands in less than a week, shipped discreetly no less, and was definitely something worth waiting for.

*The reason it looks exactly like my fave dildo is because it was made by the same manufacturer, Fun Factory, with the rainbow version being specifically made for Babeland (in limited numbers) – which is why it’s the only place you can currently get it.


This amazing and beautifully colored dildo comes packaged in the ‘standard’ Fun Factory easily recycled box, with nothing on it that’s rude offensive, inappropriate or tacky. A see-through window allows you to view the product, while the outer external box is silver and red, displays a basic diagram of the product with it’s benefits and features on one side and a written description listed in 4 languages on the opposite. It’s simple, easy to understand and with the exception of the words ‘dildo’ and ‘g-spot’ has nothing sexually explicit on it.

Rainbow Dildo

No bleeding of colours

The Goods

While there are many reasons to love it – it’s crafted from 100% medical grade silicone, shaped to be comfortable, and has a flared base for various uses – the main one is obviously the rainbow coloring. Fortunately in person it’s just as fantastic as the pictures online show, being bright, bold, impressive and exceptionally well delivered; each color is clearly defined with no ‘bleeding’ or gradient flow into the next (as pictured left).

As for the texture, the high quality silicone is very smooth, has a matte finish, is somewhat squishy and offers a bit of give while also maintaining a firmness that’s flexible and exceptionally comfortable. The base is likewise flexible but firm, allowing it to be compatible with most strap-on harnesses or used anally without the possibility of being lost inside you. While it does have a slight bit of drag on the skin it’s not something a little bit of good water based lube wouldn’t fix.

*even though I was afraid of being disappointed I inflicted the ‘flame test’, to which it thankfully passed. High quality silicone for the win!

Design wise it’s semi realistic and resembles a smoothed-out erect penis (think of the posterize effect in photoshop). The rounded and slightly pointed tip makes insertion easy and the short shaft with a gentle curve provides a small amount of g-spot stimulation during thrusting. While the curve isn’t much to write home about, it’s far better than a straight design that offers little to no contact with the g-spot. Regarding the stats you’re looking a length of 5 1/2 inches and a girth of around 5 inches (by my own measurements) and a width of 1 1/2 inches, that in mind, I think anyone could use it and not be intimidated or overwhelmed. If g-spot stimulation or thrusting isn’t quite your thing, instead preferring the ‘fullness’ dildo’s provide, this fit the bill nicely.

*Just keep in mind that although extremely amazing, you may need something else – be it a clitoral vibe, fingers or the tongue of a partner to help you reach a climax, especially when you take into consideration that over 70% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. If that sounds like you, don’t worry, you’re clearly not alone.

Care And Cleaning

Because the Rainbow Amor Dildo is made of a high quality silicone it can be easily cleaned using soap, water and a good rinsing.  As for lubes I’d only suggest a good water based lube, and if you have issues with reoccurring yeast infections, one that’s sugar and/or glycerin free would be a good idea.

*Since it’s made of medical grade silicone it won’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria and therefore doesn’t require the heavy cleaning other product my need.

Marbled Amor (my original love) vs Rainbow Amor (my new love)

The Bad

Fortunately there really isn’t much for me to complain about, sure the drag on the skin is a little annoying (lube fixes the problem nicely) and it kind of attracts lint (not nearly as bad as many others), but that’s really the only issues I found. Both of which really aren’t that big of a deal.

Final Verdict

I don’t really know what I can write here that I haven’t already said. From the moment I got it I loved it and having now ‘sampled the goods’ I find myself loving it even more,  especially since it has everything – and I do mean everything – I look for: it’s made of high quality silicone, is easy to insert (with the help of a little lube), is the perfect length and girth for my body, is seamless, can be used with a harness, has a bit of give making it exceptionally comfortable, is easy to care for and clean, and best of all…comes in a rainbow!!

If you’re looking for a fantastic, body safe dildo that’s quite possibly one of the only rainbow versions on the market, look no further, you’ve hit the motherload! If you’d prefer the same high quality product, minus the rainbow (that’s just crazy talk!!), the dildo also comes in a pink, orange or black version, or the larger Magnum with a total length of 7 inches. No matter what you decide I’m pretty sure you’ll be just as impressed as I am with mine.


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Homemade Sex Toys: What You Need To Know

I hate to say it, but I don’t make a habit of offering up household items you can masturbate with.  Don’t get me wrong, I know there are a lot of people who have limited options making things they find around the house seem rather appealing, but if someone isn’t sure of what they’re doing there’s a chance they could unintentionally harm themselves, or worse, do some serious physical damage.

That in mind, when I took on the responsibility of educating the masses about sex it included keeping them safe. In an attempt to help you avoid doing any harm while still learning about your body, here are some tips and ideas that might prove helpful, including a list of things I think would be okay for personal use whether you’re playing alone or with a partner.

Household Items You Can Masturbate With - banner image

 Approved Household Items You Can Masturbate With

For those with vulvas/vaginas

Household Items You Can Masturbate With - Cucumber

Fruits and vegetable are a great free option; only use vegetables that are ripe (no rotten, mushy, or soft spots, ), pliable, and have a smooth surface like a Cucumber, Zucchini, Banana, or Carrot  – again, make sure the ends aren’t sharp or pokey, wash them beforehand to remove any pesticides or other harmful chemicals, and use a condom.

If you don’t want to use fruits or vegetables but like that they’re discreet, there are vibrating corn and cucumbers as well as a product called the ‘emojibater‘ (its the eggplant emoji) that could be fun to play with.  If you want something a little more chill, why not go for a Popsicle dildo.  There’s also a bunch of fun food inspired sex toys by Hole Punch Toys; from radish butt plugs to an ‘ass cream cone‘.  Of course these aren’t items you’ll find lying around your house, but if you’re looking for totally discreet body safe options, they’re some of the best.

Note: don’t stick stuff fruits and veg in your butt, they don’t have a flared base to stop them from going so deep you can’t get them out. Yes, I’m serious. Just don’t.

Dilator Sets

Long tapered candles can be fun to explore with, especially if you find ones that have differing thickness. I’d also suggest opting for something with a higher melting point; soy based products tend to soften quickly which might make the difficult to insert, use, and remove. I’d also suggest staying away from anything scented or containing oils since there is no way to tell if the ingredients could be potentially harmful and the oils will break down a condom. Finally, definitely use a condom with candles; if it melts it could leave residual wax inside you that will be hard to remove.

Brush handle, rounded ones work best, try to avoid any with seams as they could cut or scrape you internally. You could also opt for a make up brush handle – usually you can find them in kits offering different sizes to play with (good for a vaginal dilator option). Try snagging something with a rounded base, rather than square or pointed, as it would make insertion easy and far more comfortable. Thick handles are best as you’re less likely to accidentally hurt yourself (thinner brushes have more potential for internal poking). Also, opt for one that doesn’t have any writing on the handle as it could rub off inside you.


DIY Vibrators

Household Items You Can Masturbate With - Personal Massager VibratorPersonal Massager for clitoral or vulva stimulation.  Very often users don’t know what type of vibrations they like, be it deep and rumbly or surface level and buzzy,  opting to start with something familiar gives you the chance to explore without breaking the bank.

Electric Toothbrushs; the handle for insertion, the gentle or soft bristles for clitoral stimulation. Just keep in mind most of the newer versions have detachable brush heads. Not a good idea to insert the brush end as it could fall off while inserted. You’ll be able to get it out, but it won’t be fun.

household items you can masturbate withThat said, when thinking about this type of stimulation I highly suggest going small and cheap to start; a ‘Facial Massage Tool‘ (really, it’s a Pocket Rocket) or a bullet vibe  are perfect options. Not only are they discreet and affordable, they provide a high level of vibration for a decent price. If you try them and find them too surface level, maybe it would be worth it to spend more on a Whal Deep Tissue Massager or a Magic Wand (a.k.a. Hitachi Magic Wand, the one that started it all).  You can usually find cheap ones at local dollar stores. If you’re struggling to find anything Amazon usually has quite a few options available.

The vibration of a cell phone or gaming controller (external; vulva, clitoris, labia etc). In most cases the vibrations won’t be as strong as a typical vibrator, but if your sensitive (or just learning about your body) they could be enough.

Shower Play

Household items you can masturbate with - shower headMassaging Shower Head while bathing. Snag one that has a long cord and a variety of settings to offer different types of stimulation. Looking for something a little more fun, you could opt for a light up version.

Running water from the bathtub faucet; just lie on your back and let the water run over the vulva and clitoris. Choose times where temperatures won’t unexpectedly fluctuate (scalding your bits isn’t fun).  Also, it’s free which is definitely a good thing.

The washing machine while it’s on the “spin” cycle. You can sit on it or press your clitoris up against the corner for stimulation. It’s not the best in terms of vibration, but it might work for some.

Vibrating shower sponges can be a great option if you’re looking for something that’s discreet. The vibrations usually aren’t that powerful, but they can do the job when necessary.  If you’d prefer something with stronger vibrations, making a DIY version is pretty simple if you follow these steps: purchase any sized soft foam sponge you prefer (stay away from anything rough like natural loofahs, they’ll hurt), using an exacto knife cut a small but deep slit into the side of the sponge, insert your favorite waterproof bullet vibe (I prefer the WeVibe Tango as it has very strong vibrations), and go.  Feel free to experiment with various sized sponges and styles of sponge until you find one that works best for you.

Although you can use coconut oil, almond oil, and various other oils for masturbation purposes (opt for virgin, unrefined versions), soaps, shampoos, and body washes are not meant to be used internally. Jerking off (penis only) with them is fine, but even that might cause irritation. More on acceptable lubes below.


For Those Withe Penises

Fruit & Veggies

Household items you can masturbate withCarved out fruit or vegetables are a great way to explore different sensations and textures.  Avoid highly acidic fruits like oranges, lemons, and limes, as they could irritate the urethral opening at the tip of the penis. I’d also avoid anything that has seeds as they can sometimes be sharp, leading to painful small scrathes and abrasions; scooping out the seeds first is a good idea.  Everything considered, you’d be good to go with any of the following;

  • Due to their maneuverability and shape, melons are a top choice; honeydew, cantaloupe, and small watermelons will work once the seeds are scooped out. If you have weak arms or have a had time holding things a melon could be easily placed on a surface (bed, table, counter, couch) while penetrated (if you cut one side flat it’ll sit in place easier and won’t roll).
  • Grapefruits, oranges, and other thick fruits can easily be made into a stroker; simply cut the fruit into thick rings, remove the center (you’re basically creating a donut) and slide it up and down your shaft.  Side note, if you cut the fruit too thin it will last for a few strokes before falling apart. Also, remove all seeds before use as they can cut and scrape. Finally, avoid the tip of your penis as the acidity could be irritating.

Pillows etc

Couch cushions, mattress folds, and pillows can be manipulated to create different types of pressure.  Simply put a condom on, sandwich you penis between the objects, and go to it. I’ve heard that this works best if you’re either on your knees (between the mattress and box spring) or lying on your stomach (which adds to the pressure). Use things that can easily be washed, don’t use couch cushions if the cover can’t be removed.

You can make a pocket pussy out of various objects (simple instructions here, you can find more via Google).

Playing With Textures

Bubble wrap, considering all the different types available the options are almost endless. You can either cut a long strip and roll it up in a tube shape (so that there are layers) to create a stroker of sorts.  If that doens’t work try cutting a section, placing in your hand, and rubbing it up and down your shaft.  Just keep in mind that you’ll likely need a good lube to avoid uncomfortable friction or pulling of the skin on your penis.

Bubble Wrap - household items you can masturbate withLarge plastic cup filled with pudding, jello, etc. A few things to note, both of these options are rather messy, and if left to dry without cleaning will get sticky. Also, depending on the type of jello you use it could stain fabrics. If you’re prone to yeast infections, opt for sugar free.

Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges add some lube and you’re good to go. Just remember to use the soft non-scratch side of the sponge… otherwise, ouch.

Gloves are an option too, though depending on the type you get there could be some pulling or chaffing. I’d suggest dish gloves or silicone oven mitts, and LOTS of lube (try playing with different textures). On that note, any type of fabric will likely absorb lube so you’ll need plenty. Also, colored gloves might temporarily stain body parts. Keep that in mind when stroking.

Socks or leg warmers (experiment with different textures, thicknesses, and lengths).


For Couples

Although this section doesn’t specifically cover household items you can masturbate with, it will offer up a whole bunch of ways you and your partner(s) can play with things you find around the house.

For those with limited mobility, back issues, or needing a little extra support, try opting for a large body pillow, firm pillows, a rolled up comforter or sleeping bag. They all work great when it comes to propping you up and exploring different positions.  More than that, they’re much cheaper than Liberator Sex Furniture.  If you expect to be kneeling all these options will work, as do knee pads designed for gardening and foam kneeling pads (added bonus: depending on the size, the latter are also fun to try and spank with).

Different sensations on erogenous zones can go a long way for heightening arousal and getting the juices flowing; ice cubes, feathers, electrostatic and micro fiber dusters, Wartenberg Pinwheels, fake flowers, and soy candles (they tend to have a lower melting point so there’s less of a chance you’ll get burned) can be fun to explore with.


If you’re into spankings you’re in luck, simple things from around the house are often readily available or easy to find at very affordable prices; from spatulas (opt for silicone or wood) to paddle shaped cutting boards, wooden spoons, to leather belts (never hit anyone with the buckle, if possible see if you can remove it), stationary rulers (again, opt for plastic or wood over metal and make sure the edges aren’t sharp), flip flops and shoes of various sizes (make sure they’re clean), to books of different shapes and sizes (paperback feels different than a hardcover), and of course gloved hands, there are tonnes of options if you think outside the box.

* Check in regularly to ensure consent and that your partner is okay with the products you’re using.

Neck ties, belts with double-d rings, skipping rope, and scarves can all be used to restrain your partner. Again, make sure this is something they are okay with and have scissors handy just in case you’re unable to easily release them. On that note, don’t use any special knots or tie them too tightly; rope burn and the inability to untie a partner can be a painful and stressful situation if not properly prepared.



Personally I highly suggest investing in a good, affordable, body safe lubricant like Sliquid H20 (here’s my comparison review of 5 different Sliquid lubes), however being that this post is dedicated to household items you can masturbate with I figure I’d better cover lubes as well.

The Don’ts

If you’re planning on masturbating in the shower I don’t advise using soap, shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, conditioner, or bubble bath for internal use.  Not only can the chemicals cause irritation, strip away the naturally occuring bacteria, and/or dry out your skin, they could also cause infection.  On that note, if you’re using them for external stimulation (penis only) you might be able to get away with it, but even then there might be irritation and drying. Instead I’d opt for natural unrefined virgin oils since they’ll work in water (we’ll get to that in a bit).

I’ve heard of people using margarine/butter/lard for jerking off (penis only), and although they could be used if nothing else is available, I wouldn’t. Margaine is composed of chemicals that probably shouldn’t come into contact with your genitals. Separately, no one knows if it’s safe. With regard to butter, casein proteins from the milk can become rancid pretty quickly. Rotting animal proteins and genitals really aren’t a good mix. On top of that, it’ll stain your sheets and clothing, not to mention be messy and difficult to clean up. Again, if there’s nothing else available you could probably get away with it, however I absolutely would not suggest either for internal usage (vaginal/anal).

Absolutly Not…

For some reason people think it’s okay to use ointments like Rub-A535, Bengay, Vicks Vapo Rub, and Tiger Balm as lubricants. This is a bad on idea on so many levels. First and foremost, these products clearly state on the care sheet “For External Use Only”; the ingredients shouldn’t come into contact with mucuous membranes, can sting and cause severe irritation, aren’t easily washed off, can break down condoms, and will stain clothes and sheets.

I know some of you might be thinking that means externally stimulating with them is okay. Sorry but no. They’ll cause irritation and burning and could damage the delicate tissue of your penis or vulva. More than that, they might even cause an infection. I personally know someone that jerked off with BenGay, it burned so bad he needed a hospital visit. Within a week the top layer of skin on his penis changed color (not permanently) and began peeling off. Again, just don’t. It’s not worth the pain and suffering.

Vaseline (petroleum jelly) and Baby Oil (mineral oil) are hard no’s. Sure, they might get the job done, but the possible negative side effects aren’t worth it. Researchers at UCLA conducted a study on vaginal health (2013), the study determined that those who used petroleum jelly vaginally were 2.2 times more likely to experience vaginosis, unusual vaginal discharge, bacterial overgrowth in the vagina, burning sensations, and irritation. Those that used mineral oil were much more likely to have an overgrowth of Candida (a fungus that can lead to yeast infections) in their vagina.

Health risks aside, due to its composition Vaseline acts as a water repelent barrier that clogs pores and doesn’t desolve in water; when it comes time to clean up you’ll have a hard time washing it off.  This is definitely a problem if you use it internally. Also, it”ll stain clothes and sheets. Like I said, hard no’s.

The Do’s

A neutral hand lotion is a cheap and easy option for those with penises. Opt for unscented versions that are free of parabens, dye, and alcohol. Also, don’t expect lotion to last long; most lotions are formulated to absorb quickly. For those with vaginas you’ll want to go another route as internal use will likely throw off your vaginal chemistry, cause irritation or an infection.

*If you’re not sure if you’ll have a bad reaction test a small amount on the inside of your wrist; if you don’t break out in a rash it should be fine.

Pure Aloe Vera Gel is a great option for those looking for something natural. The thick consistency is great for keeping things slick and slippery, it’s non-toxic, will absorb nicely, has healing properties, and is affordable. Just make sure you’re purchasing 100% Aloe Vera with no dyes, added chemicals, fragrances, or alcohol like this one. If you’d prefer to make your own you can usually buy Aloe Vera plants at home and garden stores. As an added bonus because Aloe isn’t oil based it’s safe for use with latex and polyurethane condoms.

Natural Oil Lubricants

Natural unrefined virgin oils, like fractioned coconut oil, sweet almond oil, and grapeseed oil are good for clitoral stimulation, massaging the vulva, intercourse, and jerking off.

When shopping look for pure oils that are natural/virgin, unscented, fragrance free, dye free, and preservative-free. Partially hydrogenated/refined oils contain additives that might cause irritation or leave the skin dryer than before.

Some tips For Using Natural Oils As Lube

  • Do a patch test on the inside of your wrist to make sure you wont have an allergic reaction (some are allergic to nuts like coconut and amonds).
  • Use natural oils sparingly, an excess buildup of oil in the vagina can be a breeding ground for yeast and/or unwanted bacteria (this often isn’t an issue, but it’s best to be on the safe side).
  • If you’re prone to yeast infections steer clear; coconut oil is naturaly antifungal and antibacterial, as such it could disrupt vaginal pH balance and cause a yeast infection.
  • On that note, any kind of natural oil left for long periods of time within your vagina or vulva (labial folds and clitoral hood) can possibly go rancid causing foul smelling odours, vaginal and urinary tract infections, and bacterial overgrowth. Simply wash with a gentle soap and water and you should be fine (external only).
  • Natural oils will break down latex condoms, gloves, dental dams, diaphragms, and other latex products reducing their effectiveness. Polyurethane and lambskin condoms are ok.
  • Oils can be messier, harder to remove, and there’s the possibility of staining clothing and sheets. A simple patch test on fabrics can determine if they’ll stain.
  • Oils aren’t compatible with all sex toys. Do a patch test first to make sure yours will be okay.



 Tips & Suggestions

  • Always make sure the product you’re using is clean and in proper working order; i.e. no deep scratches, broken parts, jagged edges, wobbly pieces, has no smell or caked on dirt, missing parts etc.
  • DO NOT use things like pens, pencils, or markers as they could leak the ink/dye into your vagina. Or worse, stab you with the sharp writing end.
  • DO NOT use anything made of glass unless it is specifically designed for that type of use. Yes, they can break and that is EXTREMELY dangerous!  (don’t believe me, just look up “One Man One Jar”, it’s horrifying.)
  • DO NOT use anything that accidentally pinch, poke, jab, cut, or scrape you.
  • Always use a condom to help minimize the transfer of bacteria.
  • I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m going to anyways – PETS ARE NOT SEX TOYS, AND NEITHER IS MEAT FROM THE GROCERY STORE! Don’t, just don’t.

That’s pretty much all I can suggest for now, hopefully it helped in some way. If you have any questions feel free to get in touch via my contact page, or if you happen to have a suggestion that worked for you, I’d love if you shared in the comment section below.

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Beginners Guide: Dental Dams



What Are Dental Dams?

dentaldamDental Dams are thin, square, or rectangular pieces of latex designed to be placed over the vulva/vagina during oral-vaginal play (cunnilingus), or the anus during 0ral-anal play (rimming), and act as a barrier to vaginal and anal secretions that may contain bacteria and viruses.  For the most part they’re reliable, somewhat stretchy, and surprisingly strong, allowing the receiver to experience stimulation while also remaining protected from the possible transmission of sexually transmitted diseases/infections.

The majority of the options found in stores are made of latex. If you have an allergy to latex, you can find other versions made of silicone.


If you’re unable to find dental dams in your area and/or don’t feel safe shopping online keep in mind that there are other options available:  plastic saran wrap from your kitchen can serve as an effective dental dam, condoms work well too – simply cut off the tip, cut down the side, and spread the condom using your hands over the exposed area (you’ll also have quite a few more flavor options if you use flavored condoms).

The Bad

When it comes to the down side of using dental dams there are a few things to consider:

  • Due to the thickness and type of material you choose, they may limit sensation and feel foreign. The best way for me to put it is to think of sex without a condom verses sex with a condom. Granted, condoms have come a long way and are now being manufactured to feel as close to the real thing as possible, but still. It just doesn’t feel the same as skin on skin contact.
  •  Because dental dams require being held in place they may move around as you offer stimulation to your partner.  If  this is an issue, investing in a Dental Dam Harness is a good idea.
  • Depending on your body they might not be long/wide enough for the exposed area. Using two could be a bit awkward when it comes to keeping them in place. In this case I’d suggest saran wrap.

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Sex Ed 102 Q&A: Is My Boyfriend Gay?


First I just want to say that I love your  YouTube videos, they are so informational.

I would appreciate if you could help me with a dilemma. I recently saw a picture of my boyfriend on a website that I would consider to be a gay site. It’s primarily for people who are attracted to transsexual people. Most of the people on the site are pre-op which means they still have dicks, which makes me even more concerned. I have absolutely no idea if he has ever been with someone like this or if this is just a fantasy but even if it is just a fantasy, I’m concerned.

I don’t know how to bring this to his attention but I know I need to because I’m worried and he could be putting me in danger of getting something. How do I let him know or ask him if he is living a double life or is on the downlow? We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years and it would hurt my heart to know that he is like this. He has never shown signs of being interested in men in any way. As a matter of fact he always talks and acts as if he’s damn near homophobic. I appreciate your help!


First off thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

As for the question…I too have been there.

When I was in high school I was in a relationship with someone that I loved very much. We were very close, not only lovers but best friends, we were together all the time and thought one day we would get married…typical high school sweethearts.

One day I found his journal and read it (which I know was wrong of me) and in doing so found a phone number and beneath it a males name and a code. Out of curiousity and trusting my instincts, I called it. The number was for a chat line called “Manline“, where males can talk with other males (I’m sure you know what I’m getting at). I was shocked, sad, angry, hurt and disappointed. You name it, I felt it.

So after a few days of tormenting myself I confronted him. He denied it. I asked him again and told him that I already knew what was going on so he better be honest. He still denied it, not only that but got very angry with me for invading his personal space and privacy. Looking back, and knowing him as well as I did, I can completely understand why he’d be upset. And in truth, it wasn’t so much that he was interested in men that hurt, it was that he had lied to my face without a thought towards my feelings.

I made a decision based on the information I had to end the relationship. I didn’t want to chance “catching” something nor did I want to be lied to. I also wasn’t sure if I could trust him again, if he was able to lie once, what was to say that he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it again. It broke my heart, but I felt it was in my own best interest.

Of course my situation isn’t your situation, so what I have to offer is this; before you make up your mind make certain it is him and not someone that looks like him, sounds like him or writes like him. How you do that is your choice, but I do think it’s important. If you’ve done your research and are sure it’s him, bring it up with him in a gentle and respectful way (I find asking rather than confronting can make a big difference in how people react). Let him know that you are not judging, but that you need to know for your own safety and security.  I’d also suggest taking some time to figure out if he’s someone that you want to continue having in your life if it is true – just because he may be attracted to men or transexuals doesn’t men he’s a  bad person or that he’s not the same person you once loved.

Be prepared for him to deny it, to lie, to try to cover it up to get mad at you, at himself, to yell, or cry, or start a fight. If it is infact him, you may be putting him in a situation that he is personally not yet ready to face or deal with. He might not even know himself “what” he is or “who” he is, and this might be part of his experimentation or exploration to find out. Please also keep in mind that as this may be his way of experimenting…it might also be something that will pass in time. However, this was never meant for your eyes. Only his.

In my situation there was a long period of time afterward where we did not talk. We were always aware of how each other was, either through friends or the ‘scene’ we both frequented, but for the most part there was no face to face contact.  After about a year of absence from each others lives we talked on the phone, it was an emotional, eye opening and healing conversation where he admitted everything and told me that he was gay, that he had been all along but didn’t want to come out for fear of how people would react. He was a sensitive person and the thought of people rejecting or abandoning him terrified him, rather than coming out he just kept quiet.  Up until his passing over a year ago we were still in each others lives, often having short periods of distance followed by intense periods of catching up and being inseparable. Regardless of our past, until the day he died there was love. Lots of love…and also lots of forgiveness.

Unfortunately I cannot say that you will have your own “happy ending”, that the pain, frustration and confusion you’re experiencing will all be for nothing. I don’t know you and I don’t know him, so my opinion is just that – an opinion. I can however suggest that maybe this isn’t something personal about or against you…but instead, a part of who he is and needs to learn about so that he can within himself become “whole”.

Be gentle with your approach, loving with your words and try to remember that we all, on every level, deserve to be treated with respect and decency no matter what our sexual “choice” in life is. That being said, I have lived my life by one very true motto that spoke volumes to me when I was younger and questioning the “wrongness” or “rightness” of my own sexuality:

A hand is a hand,
A touch is a touch,
Love is Love.
And Love cannot be denied.

I wish you the best of luck and truly hope that whatever happens you’ll be able to remain respectful and understanding regarding each others feelings. I wish there was a clear cut answer to this kind of situation, unfortunately there isn’t and we just have to make up the road as we go.


p.s I would also like to state that in my opinion, when it comes to being homosexual, transexual etc…there is no right or wrong.  The statement that it is a persons “choice” has no relevance to me.  You are who you are and that can’t be ignored or denied.  Nor should it be.

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Sex Ed 102: The Female Condom

As you all know I’m a big supporter of safe sex, you know, the kind that leaves you free of worries about an unplanned pregnancy or possible transmission of an STD. That said I hope this post will give you further insight to the options available and help you possibly find a method of protection thats right for you.

female condomWhat are Female Condoms or Internal Condoms?

Female Condoms are condoms designed to be worn by those with vaginas and are a valuable option for those who want to prevent sexually transmitted infection or unintended pregnancy.

The Female Condom (also known as ‘internal condom’) is a soft, loose-fitting plastic pouch that lines the vagina and has a soft ring at each end. The ring at the closed end is used to put the device inside the vagina and holds it in place, while the other ring stays outside the vagina and partly covers the vulva. They’ll often come lubricated and are made from polyurethane or nitrile, making them 40% stronger than latex condoms. As an added bonus, polyurethane transfers heat readily which will allow the user to feel their partner on a new level if all they’ve previously used are latex condoms.

Unlike the traditional condom, the female condom gives users the control they need when it comes to applying and removing the product, they also have the advantage of not requiring a partner to maintain an erection during use to keep it in place.

Alternative Uses

Although you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant when it comes to anal sex, there is still the possibility of contracting an STD/STI. This in mind, the internal condom can be a valuable asset. Insertion is the same as vaginal use, although I would highly suggest using a good lubricant before inserting it (the anus doesn’t self lubricate) to help make it more comfortable and further prevent possible tearing of the condom.

The Bad

Unfortunately the female condom does have its drawbacks; for starters it’s rather large and bulky, can often be heard during intercourse (a ‘crinkling’ noise that can be distracting), has a tendency to shift around during use (which may require re-positioning it), is higher in price compared to traditional condoms and isn’t the easiest product to apply/insert or remove.

Aside from that, because the outer ring sits outside the vaginal opening, some users may feel self-conscious about the appearance. Just keep in mind that traditional condoms can also be seen externally and with the various types available, be it ribbed, colored or otherwise, they certainly can make a penis look pretty funny – balances out the score a bit if you ask me.

Because of the above issues, I highly suggest practicing inserting and removing the product before attempting to use it with a partner. Not only will this hopefully make the process quicker and easier with time, but it will also allow you to feel confident and prepared when the moment arises.


Length= 6.69 in.
Width= 3.15 in.
Thickness=.048mm .002 in.)
Outer ring dia.= 2.56 in.
Inner ring dia.= 1.97in.
Width: 3.70 inches
Length: 6.69 inches

Failure rate

The typical use of female condoms, which is the average way most people use them, has a failure rate of 21%. This means that 21 people out of every 100 will become pregnant during the first year of use.

Issues often found with ‘typical’ use:

  • Incorrect insertion or removal
  • Use of a non-compatible lubricant which can weaken the condom and cause it to break
  • Not checking that the product remained in place during intercourse
  • Re-using the condom (which is not suggested)
  • Using an expired condom (always check the expiration date)

With perfect use, which is what should be the aim, the percent drops dramatically to 5%. So 5 out of 100 will become pregnant with perfect use

Steps for perfect use can be found through this link.

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