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#FunFindFriday: Cupcake Vibrator

With sex toys coming in the shape of rubber duckies, red apples, lint rollers (yes, I did say lint rollers), Japanese Kokeshi Dancers, neon pink popsicles, and retro rockets, it was only a matter of time before our growing fascination with cupcakes crossed into the market, infiltrating with a dose of super cute sweetness that’s hard to resist.

Yes, I’m sure there will be many that balk at the concept, it’s a cupcake vibrator for crying out loud! …but as a girl who absolutely adores jamming anything out of the ordinary against her bits (my reviews being perfect evidence of that), these are right up my alley. Pun intended.

Regarding the finer details; it’s crafted out of smooth and supple silicone that’s latex and phthalate free, is push button activated via a small button located on the bottom, boasts of two speeds and three pulsation patterns for those that like variety, and is manufactured by Shiri Zinn, a designer who’s collection of limited edition sexy goodies leaves me almost speechless.

As for the bad, it’s not rechargeable, though the inclusion of 2 AAA batteries helps a bit, and since I haven’t tried it yet, I have no idea about the power of the vibrations… if they’re strong I can see this being much more than a novelty, otherwise it may up being relegated to something you buy simply for the discretion and aesthetics it offers. Also, I’d assume with the way its made there will be drag on the skin.

All things considered, including every random thing I’ve crammed inside me in the name of ‘science’ of course, I can’t help but think my collection is deserving of one of these, even if it’s just so I can say I have one. Yes, my cooch is just that superficial.

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#FunFindFriday: Fun Factory Stronic Eins

I’ve been a fan of Fun Factory ever since I laid eyes on them 8 years ago, with the bright and bold color choices drawing me in like moth to flame. Yes, I’m just that easily distracted superficial.

For those not in the know, Fun Factory was one of the first pleasure object manufacturers to branch into the mainstream market offering quality goods in discreet packaging, with an exceptional amount of attention paid to advanced technology and creating toys that were not only playful, but also somewhat questionable… especially considering they were meant to stuffed in your vag or butt (anal beads in the shape of a caterpillar and a dolphin vibrator for the win?).

Suffice to say, they’ve gone and done it again, minus the quirky choice in designs I’ve come to love; set for release Janurary 2013 Fun Factory designed 3 sleek and sophisticated new additions with the ability to ‘pulse’, creating a sensation similar to the thrusting felt during intercourse. According to the company the products are “unlike the ‘Sex and the City’ rotating and vibrating rabbits everyone knows, Pulsators silently rock back and forth using a complex weighted device instead of a motor.

Dirk Bauer, founder and managing director in Germany, had this to say about their newest inventions;

Experience has shown that strong and firm impulses — similar to thrusts — allow people to enjoy sex in a more intense way than just vibration” adding “After 18 months spent developing this product, we are ready to bring to the market a sensational new kind of toy, a Pulsator, which simulates the natural movements of lovemaking

Well that certainly sounds interesting to say the least!

As for specifics you’re looking at 9″ inches in total length, with 5″ of that being insertable. As with many other dual vibes there is an extension added for clitoral stimulation. Regarding the colors shoppers can look forward to hot pink and deep violet. Added to the current features are 10 stimulation rhythms, a fully waterproof body, key lock for silence during traveling, and a 100% medical grade silicone shaft that’s totally body safe.

Now whether or not this new trend will take off as expected remains to be seen, but as someone who uses sex toys on a near daily basis, feasting on new additions like a chocolate addict to cake, I honestly cannot wait to see these bad boys in action.

For more info feel free to check out the Stronic Eins page on my website.

So I guess the question now is, whos ass do I have to kiss to get one of my own?

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#FunFindFriday: Glow in the Dark Fleshlight Freaks


Around this time last year Fleshlight came out with the Freaks collection of male masturbators, included in the mix was a Zombie, Drac, Frankenstein, Alien, and a Cyborg… because ya know, we all have our freaky deeky kinks and stuff.

This time around they’ve taken it one step further, creating glow in the dark versions of everything but the Alien, sad Alien is sad. While I can’t quite get my head around why they would create them to begin with, there must be some hidden market of folks just dying for a clawed up Zombie puss that I just don’t know about, I have to admit they do look pretty effen interesting.  My only complaint; the pictures make them look like they have some kind of matte sheathy cocoon cover and absolutely no hole. Weird. Meh, whateve’s. It’s Fleshlight, I’m sure they know what they’re doing…

All things considered I guess the real question is, would I do one? You bet yer sweet ass I would! But then again I’ve also stuck a nuns head in my vag, had sex with a rainbow of sorts, stuffed a giant dino dink in my hole, and had my way with fun puff balls. So yeah, this wouldn’t be to far off the mark for me… let’s just say that if I had a cock, things might really get out of control. I’m counting my blessings as I type.

Having said all that, for as cool as they kinda are, I would’ve been much more impressed if they spent their money making a video of fully costumed ladies designed to be used in conjunction w/the vStroker. Just picture all that skin peeling, stitch faced, fangy, electronic goodness bopping around in front of you while banging your freaky lil Fleshlight vag. I know, it’s so hot. I can’t even imagine. Maybe we’ll get lucky next year? *shrugs*

Anyhoo, you can check them out yourselves below, or head on over to the Fleshlight Freaks Glow In The Dark webpage to get more info. Personally I prefer the original Freak versions, but that’s just me.

Oh and by the way, they’re only available for a week so stock the fuck up while you can!

For those of you that don’t know what a Fleshlight is, here ya go…

As for the glow versions…


cyborg fleshlight glowing


drac fleshlight glow glowing drac fleshlight



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#FunFindFriday: Crystal Sex Toys

When I first saw these stunning rose quartz dildos online I was taken aback by their beauty, functionality, ergonomic design, and most importantly, the fact that they’re crafted from real crystal, a material that’s not only body safe, but also very near and dear to my spiritual heart.

Before launching into the world of sex toys I made a living as a part-time tarot card reader. Yes, you read that correctly. I worked the phone lines. Did private sessions. I used my ‘gift’ to help raise funds at charities, worked Halloween parties, bars, and salons, I even held parties (sort of like the Tupperware/Sex Toy/Scentsy parties you hear about) where readings were offered rather than a physical object, and for the most part, I made a good living at it. I had a list of regulars with whom I became friends, with many of them referring my services as they came to trust what was said.

Whether or not you believe in that type of thing really doesn’t matter to me. I just know it was something I was good at, liked, and felt good doing.  It grounded me in a way many previous things hadn’t, and more importantly, it allowed me to ‘connect’ to both myself and the world around me in quite a remarkable way.

The point of this babbling… through those readings came a snowball effect, one that lead to studying the meaning of crystals, numerology, runes, astrology, chakras, and the like. In short, these products carry a bit more meaning in my world than they would for someone who’s not so well versed.

For me, they go beyond the realm of ‘sex toy’; they’re works of art carved from one of the most beautiful materials our planet can produce, with the ability to carry energy, shift emotions, heal, and restore in a way others can’t. I know, I know, I probably sound like I’m spewing a bunch of bullshit hocus-pocus-mumbo-jumbo you’d expect from the likes of our friend Miss Cleo… of course that’s not my intention (nor the way I made a living, don’t get it twisted).

Well, you can imagine my excitement when I came to see that there was an ENTIRE LINE of sexy crystal sex toys available!

Magical or not, you have to admit they are rather gorgeous, and that’s more than enough to leave me lusting for the day I can call one mine.

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Review: The Italian Stallion a.k.a The Sylvester Stallone Porno


#FunFindFriday: Sylvester Porn - The Italian Stallion ReviewSylvester Stallone fans rejoice, The Italian Stallion (also known as Party at Kitty and Stud’s) is once again available online for your viewing pleasure.

Yep, you heard right. That 1970’s porno, the one that he got paid $200 to make and was shushed and hidden away for many a year thanks to Hollywood big wigs trying to protect the image of our muscle bound, gun toting, camouflaged, “Adriannn!!!” screaming friend, is now available through my online store… but here’s the thing, it’s not what you think. It’s um…. weird.

Really weird.

Like a bad art film with sex that doesn’t make any sense, and yet, it’s so intriguing you can’t help but watch.

From Sly frolicking in snow covered parks, splaying in an “I’m the king of the world” pose while atop a metal jungle gym (I wonder if James Cameron watched this just before making Titanic), to a bathing scene between Kitty and Stud that’s beyond awkward, it’s damn near mind boggling.

Add to that…

  • a shit tonne of pot smoking.
  • a naked pile up in front of a wonky fun house mirror.
  • “Stud” continually flexing while two girls fondle each other in front of him.
  • naked and fully clothed disco dancing for no apparent reason.
  • more pot smoking.
  • some of THE BEST booty clapping I’ve ever seen.
  • a random naked street flashing by a chick in a trench coat.
  • a guy getting a bj while eating a banana and talking about horse cock (I kid you not!).
  • two chicks standing with a Bull Mastiff then *poof* disappearing as quickly as they showed up (wtf!).
  • lots of hairy 70’s bush (not that I’m complaining).
  • even more pot smoking.
  • “Stud” violently beating Kitty with a belt for what feels like an eternity while voice over moans and squeals repeat in the background (for as much of a steroid induced rage fit it seems to be, it’s all fake).
  • naked ring-around-the-rosy.
  • a bunch of naked people sprawled out on a furry carpet passed out in what appears to be a cult suicide pact.
  • and an ending that is beyond *face palm* worthy.

…yes my friends, this movie has it all.

*Coles Notes version: Kitty loves Stud. Stud is a stud. Stud beats Kitty. Kitty and Stud throw a party. Sex, pot smoking, dancing, and mirrors happen. There’s a dog. Everyone passes out from all the ‘excitement’. Kitty and Stud wake up. Stud beats Kitty again. The End. *blank stare*

The Italian Stallion

Of course it’s not very sexy, but shit, I don’t know of any others that are able to cram that much random tomfoolery into an hour and 6 minutes in a way that’s so wonderfully cringe worthy. I mean, captivating.

Sylvester Stallone Porno The Italian Stallion Party at Kitty and StudsAs for Rocky’s man bits, you do get to see them, quite often actually, however it’s never hard or raging, instead remaining in it’s flaccid state for every damn scene. Not cool Rocky, so not cool.

Oh, and regarding the sex: IT’S ALL SOFTCORE. There’s no sweat, no real ‘O’ faces, no money shots, no chemistry, no close ups of privates while bumping uglies… just the writhing around of naked bodies sprawled about on beds, couches, and plush 70’s fur carpeting. Booooorrrrinnnngggg.

And then there’s some of my choice quotes (the majority of which come from the mouth of our highly intelligent Kitty):

Kitty: *staring longingly out a window while wearing a pink fluffy negligee* “Ahh, I wish Stud would hurry up and get home, he’s so animalistic. I love getting him mad, it gets me so horny”.

Kitty: “Go ahead Stud, give me all your juice!” And yet, there was no money shot. WTF?!

some of the best twerking I’ve ever seen

Kitty: *awkward shower scene with soap, soap and more soap* “dropping the soap makes me get closer to my favourite parts of his body”. I wonder how many inmates have thought the same thing while incarcerated.

Kitty: *again staring longingly out a window while wearing a pink fluffy negligee* “Stud says you need to find peace within yourself, but he doesn’t know how much I like it when he gets rough with me“.  Um, what?

Kitty: *while sitting cross legged on the floor attempting to meditate* “Funny, I get so horny when I’m sitting in the Full Lotus. Where’s your true nature? I’m beginning to think mines between my legs!“. Yes Kitty, your “true nature” is between your legs. Didn’t you know, that’s where trees come from? Silly Kitty.

Kitty: *while rolling a joint* “Stud say’s a girl hasn’t completed her education until she knows how to really lick a good joint“.  And here I thought you rolled joints. Clearly I haven’t completed my education.

Stud: *just before getting a bj* “Be careful you bit me last time
Kitty: *on her knees in front of him* “I’ll be velvet mouthed on your shank of love!” *then erupts into an unscripted fit of giggles*.  I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. Amazing.

Whoops, wrong movie.

Even with all that to work with I have to admit, my favourite dialogue between the two includes some brilliant scripting, mostly because it’s almost as if the person writing it was psychic:

Stud: *staring forlorn into a mirror* “When are they gonna recognize me?
Kitty:Soon everyone will know who you are.
Stud:Screw it! I’m gonna get an ulcer over it…
Kitty:Someday you’ll be known as the ‘Italian Stallion!!!
Stud:Let’s get high.

Ah yes, escapism at it’s very best. Brilliant! Fucking brilliant!

If you’re up for a roller coaster ride of a flick filled with wtf’s, nakedness, 70’s disco music, and Sly, without the heavily accented voice or facelifts he’s come to be known for, you can find the whole movie on my online store…  you probably won’t get off while watching it, but being able to say you’ve seen Sly Stallone’s man bits just might be worth it.

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